A/N: Welcome to another update! Currently, all of my stories are exclusively published here. I've thought about dual posting, but I imagine someday I will go back and revamp these stories, and maybe when that day comes I will post them elsewhere, too. Mostly, I write just because I enjoy it, and I share it so you all can enjoy reading it. You are an amazing audience, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't give you what you're all waiting for just yet, but I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the one. I haven't written it yet, but I've got the ideas together so I can get it started and we'll see how it goes from there.
Enjoy!
I guess I want you more than I thought I did
Now that I know that part of you's at home with him
I guess I want you more than I thought I did
Now that I know that part of you's not part of this
-Helium, Glass Animals
Once Halloween passed with the end of October, the rest of the term seemed to fly by. Everyone was growing more excited for Christmas, and it seemed to be approaching fast, infecting the students of Hogwarts with a sense of cheer. The first Quidditch match had the Slytherins in especially high spirits, having won against Hufflepuff 400-250. Riding high on their victory, they had celebrated in their Common Room, going so far as to break out firewhiskey once the younger students had gone to bed.
Hermione was no stranger to the drink, having consumed it plenty of times with Harry and Ron, after Quidditch matches, sometimes to celebrate the holidays, and when they had won the war and were reeling from the devastation. She had missed enjoying it for happy reasons, but she was careful not to have too much. She noticed Bellatrix also seemed to be familiar with the drink, even going so far as to engage in a friendly competition. Her housemates had tried to get her to join, but she had declined and they let it be.
She watched in amusement as Bellatrix tried to outdrink a seventh year nearly twice her size. The witch was clearly struggling to keep up as he effortlessly downed drink after drink, and Hermione wasn't sure how far her housemates would let it go. She was about to step in when Bellatrix declined the next drink, yielding to the older wizard. Cheers erupted from their peers, and Hermione smiled at Bellatrix as she made her way over, trying very hard not to look as drunk as she felt.
"Hey, you," she slurred, leaning heavily against the wall next to her.
"How's the firewhiskey treating you?" Hermione asked, smiling at her attempt to seem less drunk than she was.
Bellatrix stifled a laugh, not entirely sure what was funny. "Like a lover it has missed dearly."
"You have a lot of experience with that?" Hermione teased, scooting closer so she could catch Bellatrix if she fell.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she responded with a smirk, her face inches from Hermione's.
Hermione, feeling brave, moved so that Bellatrix was between herself and the wall, maintaining some distance between them. Bellatrix looked up at her, blinking several times as if she wasn't sure if what she was looking at was real. Her mind stopped as she tried to process the wall behind her, Hermione in front of her, and the fact that she very much wanted Hermione to push her against the wall and kiss her. Hermione smirked down at Bellatrix, though she would never actually do anything more than tease her, especially when she was drunk.
"Maybe I do," Hermione whispered, surprising even herself.
Bellatrix almost let a groan slip from her lips, but quickly swallowed it. She started to feel dizzy from imagining Hermione whispering things to her, touching her. Merlin, she wanted it more than she had ever wanted anything, but she would never risk their friendship just to make a move. Hermione was the only friend she had, and even though she had been (slowly) coming to terms that what she felt for Hermione was, in fact, more than friendship, she wouldn't do something as selfish as admitting it to the brunette.
Hermione noticed Bellatrix on the verge of falling over, the alcohol clearly still setting in, so she slid her arm around the witch's waist. Bellatrix threw her arm over Hermione's shoulder, leaning heavily on her.
"Where are you taking me?" she slurred, frowning at her feet.
"To bed, Bells. You look like you can barely stand," Hermione explained gently, shifting her hold as they reached the stairs.
"Mkay," Bellatrix said, giggling as she tried to lift her feet to go up the stairs, "I can't do it."
"Can I just pick you up?" Hermione asked, feeling the need to have her permission.
Bellatrix didn't say anything, but she wrapped both her arms around Hermione's shoulders, nearly bringing them both to the ground.
"Oops," she giggled, smiling brightly at Hermione as she lifted her off her feet, "You're so gentle."
Hermione felt her face heat up. She was carrying Bellatrix bridal style, and the intoxicated witch in her arms was nuzzling into her neck. She didn't picture drunk Bellatrix as being affectionate, and she tried not to read into it too much. She was glad she had decided not to drink more than she had, otherwise they would've had a hard time getting to their room. When she reached their door, Hermione realized she wouldn't be able to open it without setting Bellatrix down, but she wasn't sure she trusted the other witch to stand.
"For fuck's sake," she grumbled, muttering a spell under her breath and kicking the door open with a little more force than necessary.
Bellatrix giggled into Hermione's neck, her breaths tickling the brunette and she tried not to shiver. Hermione leaned over to set Bellatrix on her bed, nearly dragged to the ground when the dark-haired witch didn't let go. She ended up partially on the bed with Bellatrix still holding onto her, giggling.
"You can let go, Bells," she whispered, trying to gently pull away.
Bellatrix let out a small noise of complaint but complied, smiling drunkenly up at Hermione. She almost blurted out how beautiful she thought Hermione was, but the remaining rational part of her mind stopped her. She couldn't let it slip, just in case Hermione didn't chalk it up to her being drunk, but she also didn't want Hermione to think she only said it because she was drunk. A small frown formed on her face as she wondered if that had made sense.
"Will you let me get you into pajamas?" Hermione asked, not wanting to leave Bellatrix to sleep in her clothes even though they had both done it on multiple occasions.
She nodded, her mouth drying at the thought. She swallowed hard, mentally preparing herself for Hermione to undress her. She wasn't sure if she would be able to refrain from doing anything stupid while Hermione unbuttoned her shirt, and she definitely didn't want to do anything stupid when Hermione removed her skirt. Hermione's thoughts followed a similar path. She didn't want to get distracted by Bellatrix and do something to her without thinking about it. Bellatrix was in no state to consent to anything, and even though Hermione did want to undress her by hand, it was safer if she did it with magic. With a flick of her wand, Bellatrix's uniform turned into a slightly oversized shirt and fluffy pants.
Bellatrix felt a mixture of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because she had wanted to feel Hermione's hands undressing and dressing her, and relief because it meant she wouldn't make a fool of herself. She yawned, fumbling for the edge of the blanket. Hermione placed it in her hands with a gentle smile, and for a moment, Bellatrix just stared at her in wonder before she returned her attention, with difficulty, back to her task of crawling under the blanket.
"Goodnight, Hermione," Bellatrix mumbled, yawning again, "Thank you for getting me to bed."
"Sleep well, Bells," Hermione responded, fiddling with her wand to keep herself from caressing Bellatrix's face.
It wasn't long before Bellatrix was snoring, which brought a smile to Hermione's face. She was sure Bellatrix would have a hangover when she woke, so she decided to sneak into Slughorn's stores for a Hangover Potion. There was only a tiny chance she would get caught, seeing as the storeroom was right next to the Common Room. Slughorn always assigned a Slytherin Prefect to patrol it, one of whom was fast asleep, and the others who were either in bed or still celebrating. Even if one of them happened to notice that she slipped out, she doubted they would be even remotely tempted to punish her for it.
Her housemates were- unsurprisingly- in various states of drunkenness when she reemerged. Slipping out into the corridors was easy, with half the ones awake trying to get the very drunk ones up to bed, and the other half playing exploding snap and still drinking. Hermione pressed herself into the shadows of the alcove as she glanced both ways down the corridor, finding it clear of anyone. She kept herself close to the wall as she moved down to the storeroom. It wasn't her first time breaking curfew or even pilfering from the storeroom, and she had certainly faced scarier things than a Prefect or Professor, but she would rather not get caught. She eased open the door, opting to search without any light, just in case someone happened to be passing by.
It was difficult to find in the dark, but with careful examination, she made out where they were on the shelves. She reached toward the back, careful not to let it hit any of the other bottles as she extracted one. Hermione sighed with relief, holding it up her sleeve, grateful she was still in her robes. Sneaking back into the Common Room was even easier, as it was entirely empty by the time she got back. Hermione crept quietly up the stairs and back into her room, closing the door silently behind her. She set the potion on Bellatrix's nightstand before changing into her pajamas and crawling into her bed. Bellatrix's snores were surprisingly soothing, even though she was normally silent when she slept, and Hermione found herself drifting off to sleep much faster than she usually did.
Hermione woke at some point in the night, unable to get Bellatrix out of her head. She couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to the way Bellatrix had looked up at her when she was between Hermione and the wall. Her lips had been slightly parted, and the slight tilt of her head had made her collarbones more pronounced, and Hermione desperately wanted to know what it would be like to capture Bellatrix's bottom lip with hers, to trail kisses down her neck and across her shoulders. She groaned into her pillow, rubbing her thighs together as she imagined Bellatrix winding her hands in her hair, pulling her closer so they were pressed together, the soft gasps she might release as Hermione kissed down her neck.
She felt herself grow more aroused the longer she let her thoughts wander until she was imagining undressing the other witch slowly, teasing her, and all the sounds she could pull from Bellatrix. Hermione bit her lip, squeezing her thighs together and trying to force her thoughts to something else. There was no way she would be able to sleep if she continued thinking about all the things she wanted to do to Bellatrix, and all the things she wanted Bellatrix to do to her.
Hermione rolled onto her back, keeping her pillow pressed to her face. She counted the seconds of each breath she took in an attempt to keep her mind occupied. It didn't work as well as she wanted it to, and she pulled the pillow off her face with a sigh, her head turning to the window. She could see the beginnings of sunrise, and pulled the pillow back to her face, groaning into it. How had she stayed up thinking about the witch only a few beds away from her? She closed her eyes, trying to force herself back to sleep for a little while longer.
When she officially gave up trying to sleep, the sky had lightened considerably. She threw her legs over the edge of her bed, grumpily throwing her pillow onto her bed. For Bellatrix's sake, she pulled the drapes closed. They both tended to wake up around sunrise, so they normally never bothered since it was their replacement for an alarm. Bellatrix was still snoring softly as Hermione gathered her toothbrush and a change of clothes, barely refraining from slamming the door to their bathroom.
Turning the water as cold as she could stand, Hermione undressed for her shower, blushing when she realized the wetness that had pooled between her legs. She got in the shower as quickly as she could, hissing when the cold water hit her skin, but definitely serving its intended purpose. By the time she had finished bathing, she was clenching her teeth to keep from shivering, welcoming the warmth of her towel. She brushed her teeth before dressing, emerging quietly back into their room, feeling a little better than she had before her shower.
Bellatrix had yet to wake up, sprawled on her bed with the blanket threatening to fall onto the floor. Gently, Hermione repositioned it so it covered her, making sure the Hangover Potion was in Bellatrix's line of sight for when she woke up. Since it was the weekend, Hermione wasn't entirely sure what to do with herself. She had no homework, and no desire to spend the day cooped up in the library because she rather enjoyed the cold weather as of late, but she didn't really desire the company of other students.
The pounding in Bellatrix's head when she began to wake up felt like someone was playing drums in her head. She groaned, realizing a few seconds later that she might've disturbed Hermione. Slowly, Bellatrix lifted her head off her pillow, feeling a wave of dizziness wash over her. Her stomach churned, and she briefly wondered if she would be sick. She blinked at the potion bottle on her bedside table, realizing that Hermione must've put it there for her. Bellatrix reached for the bottle, pulling out the stopper and bringing it to her lips.
The taste nearly made her gag, but she forced herself to swallow the entire bottle, sighing as relief immediately set in. She let her head fall back onto the pillow, mentally going over everything that had happened. She was glad she didn't make a fool of herself in front of Hermione, but she did wonder where the witch had gone off to because she wasn't in their room, and hadn't been for a while it seemed.
Bellatrix forced herself out of bed, showering and brushing her teeth. She had no idea what time it was, but she hoped she hadn't missed breakfast. She emerged in the Common Room, seeing her sisters playing a game of Wizard's Chess. She could tell who enjoyed themselves too much because many of the older students were moving slowly, talking quietly, and avoiding light as much as possible. Once again, she felt incredibly thankful to Hermione for thinking to get her a Hangover potion.
"Have either of you seen Hermione?" Bellatrix asked, watching Andromeda's knight take Narcissa's pawn.
They both shook their heads, only muttering a brief, "You missed breakfast and lunch," before returning their attention to their game.
Bellatrix sighed, deciding to wander the corridors while she had the time. She knew Hogwarts as well as any other student, maybe a little more, but a castle as large and old as Hogwarts always had secrets to discover. She could use the time to think. As her feet carried her through the corridors, she allowed her mind to wander. Naturally, they went immediately to Hermione. Although last night was a little hazy, she did remember everything. Hermione had carried her up the stairs because she couldn't operate her own two legs, and got her into bed, and even set out a potion for her. Nevermind the way she had looked at her when she was against the wall. Almost like Hermione wanted to kiss her, but she played it off as wishful thinking.
She almost wished she had kissed Hermione, but she would hate herself for ever putting the brunette in that kind of situation. And she didn't want to deal with the aftermath of drunkenly kissing her best friend, because even if she was beyond drunk, there's no way she would ever forget kissing Hermione. Best friends took care of each other, that's why Hermione did all of that for her. Even as she thought it, Bellatrix was doubtful. It was hard to tell if she was seeing what she wanted to see in Hermione's looks or if it was really there. It was still scary to her because she was terrified of how her father would react if he ever discovered her feelings, so she told herself she was imagining Hermione's responses.
She sighed, turning a corner at random. Stairs greeted her when she rounded the corner, and as she looked up, she realized they were the stairs leading up the clocktower. Bellatrix smiled faintly, placing her foot on the bottom step and proceeding to ascend. When she reached the top, she was a little surprised to find someone there, and almost turned to leave until she recognized that it was Hermione. The brunette was looking out over the courtyard, one leg dangling over the edge and the other bent, supporting her head on her knee. She had yet to notice Bellatrix, which she thought was odd because she was sure she hadn't been that quiet. Bellatrix debated leaving the witch to her thoughts or offering her company.
Before she could decide, Hermione turned her head, catching sight of Bellatrix out of the corner of her eye. A small smile appeared on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes, which held a fogginess Bellatrix recognized as being lost in thought. Robotically, Hermione patted the spot next to her, inviting Bellatrix to join her if she wanted. Bellatrix hesitated, taking a step forward, and then another, until she stood beside Hermione.
Looking out over the courtyard, Bellatrix said, "Thank you for getting me to bed last night. And for the Hangover potion."
Hermione shrugged, looking distantly out over the grounds. "It was no problem."
"I still appreciate it, Hermione," Bellatrix answered, sitting down in front of Hermione's bent leg.
She wasn't sure if she should ask what Hermione was thinking about, if she would want to talk about it, or if she would rather be alone. Bellatrix realized that if Hermione would rather be alone, she wouldn't have invited her to sit down, and mentally facepalmed. While she thought of something to say to her, she studied her. Her posture made it look like she was trying to appear relaxed, but her eyebrows were drawn together, and her muscles were tense. Her eyes were fixed on a distant point on the horizon and the corners of her mouth were pulled slightly down. Hermione looked...sad.
"Do you miss them?" Bellatrix whispered, swinging her legs back and forth over the edge.
"Most of the time it's okay," Hermione mumbled, "But today, for some reason, I just really wish I could talk to them."
Hermione didn't mention the reason why she wanted to talk to them. She had yet to figure out what her feelings for Bellatrix meant, and she could really use their opinion. Even though they were both a little daft at times, she trusted them to give good advice when it came to something like this. She was completely lost. She had no idea what she should do, if she should do anything. Harry and Ron wouldn't be afraid of something so silly, but she was terrified of what it might mean, how Bellatrix might react.
"I think I understand. They're like you're brothers, it would be like me losing Andy and Cissy," Bellatrix said, looking at her knees.
Hermione remained transfixed with the horizon for a moment before she turned her intense gaze to Bellatrix. "I guess we really are more similar than I thought."
Bellatrix felt her mouth go dry as Hermione stared at her, fumbling for her response. "I- erm- I guess."
The brunette leaned her head against the wall. "Did you know I would be here?"
She shook her head, bringing her legs up and crossing them. She had a hard time looking away from Hermione as she said, "I was just walking, letting my feet carry me wherever."
Hermione nodded, turning her head so she was looking at the horizon. "Do you want to sneak out to Hogsmeade?"
The question was so unprompted that Bellatrix was taken aback for a moment. "I'm a Prefect, I can't be sneaking off the grounds, Hermione."
"Should we swim in the lake?" she asked.
"We'd freeze," Bellatrix said, suggesting, "How about we go do something in the Room of Requirement?"
Hermione shrugged, and Bellatrix interpreted that as agreement. She stood, offering her hand to Hermione with a smile. She looked up at her, a strange expression on her face. Bellatrix began to grow nervous under Hermione's unreadable gaze and fought to keep herself from fidgeting, wondering what the other witch was thinking about. She let out a relieved sigh when Hermione finally took her hand, using it to pull herself to her feet.
Bellatrix pulled Hermione through the blessedly empty corridors to the seventh floor. She wouldn't ask Hermione what she was thinking about, even though she wanted to. Clearly, it wasn't something she was ready to talk about, and that was fine, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to cheer her up. She didn't want the weight of Hermione's thoughts to drag her down, and the ones plaguing her right now were heavy.
The room was spacious, with a grand piano sitting in one corner. An idea formed in her head. She wasn't sure if it would work, but that wouldn't stop her.
With a flick of her wand, the piano began playing and she held out her hand to Hermione, saying, "I don't know how to make you feel better, but I'd like to try, if you'll let me."
She held her breath as she waited for Hermione to take her hand, unsure if she would. Time seemed to stretch into infinity, her hand never moving. Hermione considered it. Her feelings for Bellatrix were the source of her conflict, but she didn't want to deny herself the joy of dancing with her. Hesitantly, she placed her hand in Bellatrix's, telling herself that they were just friends.
Bellatrix smiled at her as she closed her hand around hers, and Hermione felt her traitorous heart flutter. She placed her other hand on Bellatrix's shoulder, her eyes flicking to dark, comforting pools. Bellatrix pulled her closer, but Hermione didn't even notice, lost in the depths of Bellatrix's eyes. If she looked hard enough, she could see tiny flecks of gold, so small she had never noticed them before.
Her feet were moving of their own accord as Bellatrix led her through a gentle dance, similar to when they had danced after their duel. It felt just as amazing as it had then, maybe even more. Bellatrix felt Hermione relax as they danced, her eyes locked on Hermione's. She was glad the room was big because she was not looking where she was going, allowing the music to carry her.
"This is nice," Hermione admitted quietly, mostly to herself, but Bellatrix still heard.
"It is," she agreed, swallowing her feelings.
Hermione felt bravery flow through her, and she began, "Bells, I-"
"You what?" Bellatrix whispered when it seemed like she wouldn't continue, trying not to let her hope grow too much.
Hermione cursed herself for stopping, for starting, for not being able to tell Bellatrix how she felt. "I'm really glad I have you."
It wasn't what she was hoping for, but it was something. She smiled up at Hermione as she whispered, "I think you know how much you have and will change my life, Hermione. I am so lucky you came back for me."
They had stopped dancing, still holding onto each other as they stood in the middle of the Room of Requirement. Hermione stepped closer, tempted to press her lips to Bellatrix's. Bellatrix felt her breath catch, and she hoped it wasn't obvious to Hermione. If she noticed it, she didn't react to it. A strange look crossed Hermione's face, and the moment was broken as she stepped back. Their hands dropped, and they both stood there silently, feeling more than a little awkward.
"I think I'm gonna take a walk," Hermione whispered.
Bellatrix nodded, her throat feeling too tight to form words. She watched as Hermione fled from the room, her heart sinking into her stomach. She waved her wand, silencing the piano. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she felt the urge to turn her sorrow into anger, but she knew what the outcome would be if she let herself go down that path. She took several deep breaths, looking up at the ceiling and letting her tears fall.
To the silent, empty room, she whispered, "I think I love you, Hermione, and I'm terrified of what my father will do if he finds out."
She received no response, but she did feel a tiny bit better after admitting it, even if it was just to herself. Wiping her eyes, she composed herself before leaving the Room of Requirement. Deciding that a few games of Exploding Snap before dinner might make her feel better, she headed down to the Common Room. She walked slowly, feeling more down than usual, and she really wanted to ignore Rodolphus when he called her name, but she stopped, anyway.
"Bellatrix," he greeted, jogging over to her.
"Hi, Rod," she said, tilting her head to look up at him.
"My father sent me an owl this morning. He informed me that you and I would be attending the Christmas dance at school together, and I'm sure you'll have something from your father soon. I figured I'd at least ask if you wanted to go with me. I know we don't really have much choice, but," he shrugged, "But I'd like to be the kind of man you could maybe learn to love in time. If you don't want to go with me, you can go with someone else, so long as we show up and leave together. Or if you don't want to go at all, that's okay, too."
"Thanks, Rod," she said, giving him a small smile, "I'm not sure what I want, yet, but I'll let you know so we can get our story straight."
He nodded, returning her smile. "I'll see you later."
"Bye," she mumbled, continuing her walk to the Common Room.
She almost felt bad about lying to him. She knew what she wanted, she wanted to go to the dance with Hermione. She could never ask her, though, and she wasn't even sure if Hermione would want to go to the dance. It had never come up in any of their conversations, so she figured Hermione wasn't interested in it. If she had to go, and she suspected she would, she wouldn't mind going with Rodolphus. She could tolerate him, and he was nice enough if a little dim. It wouldn't be a compelling conversation, but it was expected of her, and they wouldn't even have to stay the whole time so long as they showed up. She would wait a little longer before giving him an answer, though.
Hermione's walk hadn't taken her very far before she bumped into Andromeda and Narcissa. She was so busy mentally berating herself for almost kissing Bellatrix to even notice them until they had nearly collided.
"Hermione, have you seen Bella?" Narcissa asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.
"Erm, yeah, we were just in the Room of Requirement," she mumbled, shaking her thoughts away for the moment, "I'm not sure if she's still there."
Andromeda narrowed her eyes at Hermione, the expression quickly mirrored by Narcissa. "What happened?"
"I-" Hermione sighed, looking around before whispering to them, "I almost kissed her."
Their mouths dropped open at the confession, and questions bubbled from their lips.
"Can we please not talk about this here?" Hermione hissed.
She almost regretted even telling them, but they knew Bellatrix better than anyone, and they both already noticed how she felt about their sister. They had been encouraging her to accept it, much like Harry and Ron would've. She needed to talk about it with someone, and she couldn't talk about it with Bellatrix, and the only other people she trusted were her sisters. Andromeda and Narcissa nodded, each grabbing one of Hermione's arms and pulling her outside. It looked like it was about to snow, and none of them had proper clothes on, so Hermione cast a warming charm over them, leaning against the railing of the covered bridge.
"So, why didn't you kiss her?" Andromeda asked, leaning against the railing next to her but facing the opposite direction.
"I can't just kiss her, Andy! It would be such a violation of her personal space," Hermione protested.
Narcissa leaned against the opposite railing, fixing Hermione with a level gaze. "Then tell her how you feel."
"It's not that simple. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, or put that kind of pressure on her because I know your father wouldn't like it and it's not fair of me to just tell her how I feel when it could cause so much trouble for her. Even if she does like me back- don't," she directed at Narcissa when she opened her mouth, "Even if she does like me back, I can't ask her to be in a relationship with me when she'll have to hide it from almost everybody."
Andromeda and Narcissa shared a look, rolling their eyes.
Andromeda turned to Hermione, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Hermione, look, we would not be telling you to tell Bellatrix if we thought it would ruin your friendship. We have never seen Bellatrix as happy as she is when she's with you, and we would never do anything to take that away from her. We know how much she does for us, how much shit she takes to keep us from having to take it. She's our sister and we want what's best for her."
"You've made us all better than we were before," Narcissa continued, "And we will do everything we can to help you and Bellatrix be together. But we can't do that if you continue to make excuses to not tell her. It's going to hurt her, Hermione, if you keep almost kissing her and then running away. Bellatrix is not going to break if she's with you, no matter what the world throws at her. Neither will you."
Hermione groaned, tipping her head back. "How do I even tell her?"
"You stop overthinking and say it. Are you sure you were a Gryffindor?" Andromeda teased.
"Excuse you! I absolutely was! This is different. The circumstances around Bellatrix and I are complicated. It spans timelines." Hermione had to stop herself from saying more, leaving it at that.
"How do you feel about liking her?" Narcissa asked, steering the conversation away from that topic.
Hermione chewed her lip. "I don't know, I've been so busy trying not to show my feelings for her that I haven't thought about it."
"Maybe try that for a while," Andromeda suggested.
She nodded, asking, "Why were you looking for her?"
"We weren't," Narcissa said.
"But she was wondering where you were earlier," Andromeda finished.
"Yeah, I, erm, I needed to get some air," she supplied lamely.
"Well I need to get some food," Narcissa said, ignoring the look on Hermione's face. She would rather not think about what it meant.
Andromeda nodded, tugging on Hermione's sleeve. "Let's go eat. I'm starting to get cold."
Hermione shoved her hands in her pockets, falling into step with the sisters. She didn't join in on their conversation, and they had let her be after she didn't respond the first few times. Hermione was thinking over her conversation with the two witches. Maybe they were right, she decided, sitting next to Narcissa when they reached the Great Hall. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Bellatrix was across from her until Narcissa elbowed her ribs.
"Ow," she muttered, turning to the blonde, "What?"
"You've been staring at your empty plate for, like, five minutes," she whispered.
"Oh," she whispered, reaching for some chicken.
She looked up, catching Bellatrix staring at her with a strange expression. Bellatrix looked away, and Hermione suddenly felt very awkward sitting there. They were both quiet and Narcissa and Andromeda weren't used to it. The two youngest Black sisters shared a look, silently agreeing to pull them into a conversation.
"So, are you guys excited about the dance?" Andromeda asked, looking pointedly at Hermione and Bellatrix.
Bellatrix shrugged and Hermione asked, "What dance?"
"The Christmas dance," Narcissa said, "Did you not have one every year?"
"No," Hermione said, shaking her head, "We had a ball one year. It was...I don't know."
Bellatrix immediately felt guilty. She had assumed Hermione knew about the ball and hadn't even thought to tell her about it. No wonder Hermione hadn't brought it up.
"Are you guys going with anyone?" Hermione asked.
"I'm going with Lucius," Narcissa answered, her cheeks turning slightly pink, "He asked me this morning."
"Rodolphus asked me not too long ago," Bellatrix said. A dark expression crossed Hermione's face, one she could've sworn was jealousy but it was gone so fast she was sure she imagined it.
"No one has asked me yet, but I heard from Alecto and Amycus that Augustus wants to ask me," Andromeda answered, looking to Narcissa.
Hermione hummed, nodding at her plate. Hearing that Rodolphus asked Bellatrix had made her lose her appetite. She poked at her food, wondering what excuse she could come up with to leave. She didn't want to think about Bellatrix at the dance with him.
"Hermione," Narcissa said, elbowing her.
She looked up, raising a brow at the three sisters.
"Are you gonna go to the dance?" Andromeda asked.
She glanced up at Bellatrix, quickly looking away. "No, probably not. I'll see you guys later."
"But you didn't even eat," Narcissa protested.
"Lost my appetite," she mumbled, rushing out of the Great Hall.
"Don't," Andromeda said to Bellatrix when she almost stood up, "The two of you are being so weird around each other."
Bellatrix opened her mouth to protest, but a sharp shake of Narcissa's head stopped her. They were right, of course. She hadn't made Hermione feel better for very long earlier, and if she went after her, she might make it worse. She wondered what exactly it was that made Hermione want to leave so abruptly.
Hermione didn't stop walking until she was in the library. It was empty, save for Madame Pince, who waved at her. It was the most she ever did to greet students, and Hermione sent her a small wave in return, taking refuge in the silent stacks. She wandered through the shelves, content to not think about anything but the wealth of knowledge contained within the Hogwarts library.
Some of the books were coated in a layer of dust, and she resisted the urge to pull anything off the shelves. This was her escape, had always been, and she had missed the feeling of comfort being in the library alone brought her. Hermione leaned her head against one of the shelves, inhaling the ancient parchment smell. She didn't want Bellatrix to go to the dance with Rodolphus. She would've liked to go with her and she wished she had known about it so she could've asked her, but part of her knew Bellatrix had a duty to go with him. It didn't make her feel any better about it though.
"Bells," she mumbled to herself and the shelves, "I wish we could go to the dance together."
Madame Pince appeared at the end of the aisle several minutes later, conveying that it was nearing curfew with a stern look. Hermione's shoulders hunched and she made her way out of the library and back to the Common Room, hoping she wouldn't run into Bellatrix on the way there. She wasn't anywhere in the corridors Hermione went through, nor was she in the Common Room. Hermione was a little disappointed that Bellatrix wasn't there, even though she was still trying to avoid her. Andromeda and Narcissa were sitting at a table working on something. They noticed her enter and made room for her to join them if she wanted, but she wasn't really feeling it.
"Hey, Granger!" Amycus called, "Come play a game!"
Hermione mentally shrugged to herself, deciding some fun might do her some good. She sat across from Alecto, sending her a challenging smile. Amycus was to her right, and Rabastan was to her left. Hermione drew her wand with a twirl, waiting for the cards to shuffle. They played a few games together before Hermione began to grow bored, but she did feel a little better. She felt eyes on her back, and she turned to locate the source, quickly turning back to the table when she saw it was Bellatrix.
"Thanks for the games, guys, but I think I'm done," she said, standing from the table.
"Maybe one of us will win next time," Amycus said, looking at his sister.
She looked back at him, rolling her eyes. "Granger, if you aren't going to the Christmas dance with anyone, you can join me and Amycus, we usually spike the punch and then enjoy the aftermath."
"Oh, erm, thanks," she muttered, catching Bellatrix leaving out of the corner of her eye, "But I'm actually not going."
"The offer stands if you change your mind," Amycus said as he shrugged.
She nodded, wondering if she should go after Bellatrix because she couldn't tell if she had been upset by something. In the end, she decided not to. Bellatrix was probably seeing to her duties as Prefect. Hermione made her way to the stairs, suddenly feeling exhausted from the events of the day. Perhaps she should just crawl into bed and put the day behind her. Surely tomorrow would be better.
Bellatrix returned to the Common Room late, having stretched her patrol for as long as she could. She had spent the entire time sulking over the fact that Hermione would be going with the Carrows, of all people. They put her on edge, and she didn't want Hermione getting mixed up in it, but she didn't feel like she could say anything about it. She trudged up the stairs, wondering if Hermione would still be awake when she got to their room.
As her eyes adjusted to the darkness of her shared room with Hermione, she could make out Hermione curled up in her bed, the covers pulled entirely over her. If she was awake, she was pretending not to be, and Bellatrix felt her heart drop. Suppressing her feelings for the witch was clearly causing some type of miscommunication and their friendship was suffering, which is what she had been trying to avoid by not telling Hermione how she felt.