"Check."

"Gosh, already? That's, like, the fourth time this game…"

Sukapon and Tiki were unwinding in the lounge after lunchtime. And what better way to relax than with a fine game of chess? So far, Tiki was pressing the advantage at every turn.

"What can I say?" responded Tiki with a sly shrug. "All that time playing chess with Robin has really worn off on me."

"Yeah, I can tell," said Sukapon, carefully moving his king out of the range of a rook. "From what I hear, they're pretty good at tactical… stuff. Ah, your move."

"Yes, they're quite a force on the battlefield," agreed Tiki. She moved her rook five squares to her left. "That's checkmate, by the way."

"W-what?!" Sukapon blinked in surprise as he stared at the chessboard. "Well, how do you like that? And with a rook, huh? Gosh…" He scratched the side of his oblong head. "I guess that was kind of a rookie mistake, eh? Eh?"

Tiki laughed politely. "I suppose it was." She began to clear the board of any leftover pieces. "Care for another game?"

"You bet I am!" Sukapon collected the black pieces to put back on his side of the board. "This time, my old strategy 'Ivan Walnut's Gambit' will work like a dream!"

A smirk played on the manakete's lips. "Oh, really? I don't think it'll stand a chance against the legendary 'Tiki's Seesaw'!"

"Ha ha! We'll see about that!" The pieces were reset, and Sukapon had the first move. So the robot sat, staring at the board, pondering his opening.

…

"…You know," he began, "a little birdie told me that chess is really, ah… good for your brain. It's nice."

"I heard the same thing," replied Tiki, not taking her eyes off the board. "Chrom says it was a good way to strategize when dealing with Plegian brigands."

"Yep. Heard regular play keeps your brain loose and limber." Sukapon moved a pawn two spaces forward.

"Mmm." Tiki responded by moving her own pawn forward one space.

"Actually," continued Sukapon, "I did end up playing chess with that birdie. I said to 'em, 'Toucan play at that game!'"

Tiki did not laugh, or even respond.

"T-toucan. 'Two can'. It's a… play on words…"

Still nothing. She was sitting upright now, her eyes wide.

"Oh, no. Don't tell me you've heard that one already?"

"Don't move." Tiki's words came out in a low whisper.

Sukapon suddenly felt very nervous. "What? Why?"

Slowly, Tiki began to get up from her seat. "Sukapon, I don't mean to alarm you, but there's a spider right behind you."

Sukapon blinked. "Huh?" He laughed lightly. "Oh, nice try, Tiki, but I wasn't born yesterday!" He turned around to take a look. "I mean, honestly, that's like, the oldest trick in the book! Do you really expect me to believe that right when we're starting our game, there's suddenly a spider right behind—"

As it happened, Tiki was telling the truth. There was indeed a quite large spider, about as long as Tiki's middle finger, and the color of bark on an old withered tree. It dangled from a strand of silver webbing, two inches from Sukapon's face.

"Egyaaaaah!" cried Sukapon, stumbling out of his chair and scrambling away. "Sp-sp-spider!"

The spider dropped down and crawled on the table, knocking over some of the chess pieces in the process. A bit of a shame, too, for Tiki was setting up an excellent French Defense.

"Okay, calm down," said Tiki. "It's on the chessboard. I'm just going to clear the board and take it outside."

"What, and ruin our game?!" protested Sukapon.

"It's been two moves! We can start over!"

"But it won't be the same—" Sukapon stopped. "It's gone," he whispered.

"What?!"

Sure enough, the spider had left the chessboard, leaving both their kings knocked down. It was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, gods," muttered Tiki as she began to look around the room. "It could be anywhere now."

Sukapon grabbed the first thing within reach, an umbrella left by the entrance. "Did you see the size of that thing?! It must've been the size of, like, a rat, or something!"

"Calm down, calm down," said Tiki. She reached over to shut the door. "All we need to do is find it and… dispose of it."

So the two searched the lounge, peering under tables and chairs and combing behind bookshelves. They searched high and low, but no sign of the spider remained.

"Any luck?" asked Sukapon, gently pushing in a chair.

Tiki shook her head. "It has to be in this room. Where could it have gone off to?"

The duo was silent for a moment. A thought suddenly occurred to Sukapon. "What if… what if it's one of those venomous spiders? The kind whose bite is inescapably deadly?"

"Don't… don't be ridiculous," answered Tiki, though her voice did not sound as confident as she would have liked. "I don't think it's that kind of spider."

Sukapon shivered, still unconvinced. "Aw, jeez Louise… I watched this spider documentary last night. First they find a nice spot to put down roots, build a nice web and all that. Then another spider comes along, one thing leads to another, and bada-bing bada-boom, they've built up a nice and heavy egg sac. Everything's going well, the spiders are safe, the parents are starting to save for college, then all of a sudden, some fella comes along and, like a dope, casually just trips over something… next thing you know, you're up to your shoulders in baby spiders, crawling all over everywhere—"

"Stop!" cried Tiki, slapping her hands over her ears. "I don't need that mental image!"

"Ah… sorry. Got a bit carried away. At any rate, on the off-chance this spider is dangerous, we gotta find it before it escapes and—"

Sukapon's train of thought was suddenly interrupted by a gentle brushing against the back of his head. He leapt up a foot in the air in surprise. "Gaaah!" Acting on instinct, Sukapon pointed his umbrella at his would-be attacker like a foil, in hopes that the spider would be caught on the end.

It was not, as Sukapon had hoped, the spider. In fact, it was Bomberman, who had his arms raised defensively and was slowly backing away. "…Is this a bad time?" he asked.

Sukapon let his umbrella drop to the floor. "J-jeez! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Why are you so jumpy?" asked Bomberman.

Tiki stepped forward. "There's a spider loose in this room, and we don't know where it is."

"It could be venomous!" added Sukapon.

"V-venomous?!" repeated Bomberman. "Well, if you're looking to get rid of a spider, I know a great way to get rid of them!"

"You do?" asked Tiki and Sukapon in unison.

Bomberman nodded excitedly. "Yep! Easy way to get rid of any pest, no matter what size!" He began to rummage around for something in his pocket. "They don't let me use this one, 'cause it's 'too overkill for a Smash match', but it's okay if I use it in here, right?"

"Oh, that's great! We need all the—" Tiki paused. "I'm sorry, did you say 'too overkill'?"

Bomberman's answer came in the form of a colossal bomb, easily four times his size, with a gleeful-looking skull printed on it. He held it up like it was nothing, casually tossing it up and down in his hand. "I think this should do the trick," he said, gazing at it like a young boy would gaze at a new toy train on Christmas morning.

"Bomberman, are you mad?!" cried Tiki. "What even is that?!"

"It's a Dangerous Bomb," replied the robot as flippantly as one would talk about the day's weather. "Back on Planet Bomber, it goes through shields."

"I—wh—guh—are you circuits fried?!" cried Sukapon. "You're gonna use that to get rid of the spider? That's gonna blow the whole room to smithereens!"

Bomberman stared at the bomb in his hand, then back at Tiki and Sukapon's horrified faces. "…Will it really?" he asked.

"We're not using that," said Tiki conclusively.

"Okay." Bomberman put away the bomb, looking quite disappointed.

With Bomberman's plan defused, the assistants were back at square one. Tiki began to pace in a circle, running her hand through her hair. "Okay, so we have a spider, that may or may not be venomous, in this room. But we don't know where it is. Does anyone here know how to lure out a spider?"

Sukapon and Bomberman remained silent. Neither of them had much experience with spiders at all, let alone luring them away from their hiding places. "I think," said Sukapon, "that Villager might be able to find it for us."

"Great!" But as she was about to rush out to find the boy, she suddenly remembered something. "Oh, wait, he's in a match right now…"

"Well, what about the other Villagers?" asked Bomberman.

Sukapon shook his head. "They're all busy doing some… some scavenger hunt thing. What about the Burrowing Snagret? It eats Pikmin, and spiders are close enough, right?"

Tiki pursed her lips. "It doesn't like coming indoors. Captain Olimar says it prefers to stay underground." She tapped her chin in thought. "…Greninja?" she suggested.

"Pretty sure he's weak to spiders," replied Bomberman.

"Mmm… We're back to the drawing board, it seems."

With no other ideas, the trio sat and began to ponder the situation. Bomberman in particular rubbed the side of his helmet in thought. How were they to find and get rid of a spider without the use of bombs, like a normal person would? If nothing else, bombs like the most obvious way to go about it. But since that would cause "major damage", apparently, he had no choice but to find another way!

Bomberman glanced over at Tiki and Sukapon. The former was resting her head in her palm, staring at the chessboard on the table, while the latter was hunched over in his seat, tapping his floating hands together. Somehow, by looking at them, Bomberman felt like an idea was right within his grasp. Yes, he could feel it now! An idea was right on the tip of his antenna!

…

…

…Actually, come to think of it, something really was on the tip of his antenna. What was that? He reached up to pluck it off.

There, sitting in his spherical hand, was the spider in question, about as big as someone's fist, staring at him with four eyes. It raised a single leg at him, as if in greeting.

…

"Aaaaauuugh!" shrieked the robot, flailing his hand in an attempt to get it off. "It's on me!"

Quick as a whip, Tiki and Sukapon leapt up upon hearing Bomberman's screaming. "Okay, okay, just hold still," said Tiki, creeping closer. "Sukapon, get the umbrella."

"Right!" The limbless robot plucked the item off the ground and brandished it like a longsword. "Okay, just hold still, buddy, and I'll get it offa you…"

Contrary to Tiki and Sukapon's helpful advice, Bomberman did not, in fact, hold still. Quite the opposite, actually, as he continued to thrash his arms about in a panic. The spider, unnerved by Bomberman's flailing, proceeded to crawl up his arm and onto the back of his head, which only made the poor robot thrash about even more.

"Bomberman, please hold still," implored Tiki, trying to find an opening. "We can't do anything with you flopping around like a fish!" Next to her, Sukapon was about to make his move, but the spider repositioned itself, moving from the back of Bomberman's head to directly under his chin, looking like the robot had an odd-looking, chitinous beard.

"That's it!" shouted Bomberman. "I've got no other option!" He pulled out two bombs, one in each hand and each marked with a large letter "P". His breathing was ragged, not once taking his eyes off the spider.

Right away, Sukapon and Tiki stopped in their tracks. "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa there, buddy," said Sukapon, "let's… let's not get too carried away now…"

But Bomberman would not listen to reason. Both fuses were lit and ready to go. "This," he said, his voice shaky, "is how we deal with pests on Planet Bomber."

"Bomberman, no," said Tiki. "Please be reasonable."

Too late. In one swift movement, Bomberman threw both bombs down.

There was a flash of red and orange, and then a blast of heat that nearly knocked Tiki and Sukapon off their feet. The room was filled with a thick black smoke, and the walls shuddered and shook.

Tiki coughed and tried to clear the smoke around her. "Bomberman, calm do—"

She was cut off by yet more deafening blasts that forced her to crouch low to the ground. Across the room, Sukapon yelped as his umbrella struggled to hold itself together.

After what felt like ages, the explosions finally stopped, and the smoke began to clear. Bomberman stood in the middle of the room, panting heavily and covered in soot. Sukapon, meanwhile, had been blown across the room, the canopy of his umbrella burned away and exposing the ribs underneath.

Bomberman shut his eyes, then opened them again. "…Whoa. Might've gone a little overboard there." He paused, avoiding the annoyed glares sent his way. "Ah ha ha… But hey, look on the bright side! At least the spider's gone now, right?"

As soon as he finished his sentence, the spider dropped down from the ceiling into the middle of the room. It scuttled away and under a pile of burnt debris that was once a chair.

"…Okay, this is going to be a problem."

After cleaning up the ash in the lounge and realizing the spider was still on the loose, Tiki, Sukapon, and Bomberman had to find another way to deal with it. Sukapon suggested that they look for a fourth party to help them, ideally someone who was good with creepy-crawlies. The first person that came to mind was Ashley, but to their exasperation, she had chosen that day of all days to shut herself up in her room, the fumes of her cauldron's contents seeping out from under the doorway. With Ashley busy, the trio rushed through the halls, knocking on the doors of the other Assist Trophies and filing them in regarding their emergency.

Unfortunately, once Sukapon tried to inform them that the "emergency" they had involved a spider, their fellow assistants were a bit less willing to assist.

"I'm a little busy right now, so I can't help you," said Lyn apologetically.

"Uhhh… I'm not so good with bugs…" stammered the Hammer Brother. "Hey, uh, don't go tellin' anyone I said that."

"A spider?!" said Dr. Wily, only opening his door a crack to peek out. "Don't waste my time!"

"Gar! It's just a wee spider!" said Kapp'n. "Take care of it yourselves!"

"No," said Marie, and promptly shut the door in their faces.

In desperation, Sukapon asked the Thwomp, a spiky stone face that hung in midair. It responded by attempting to crush him, narrowly missing by inches. Sukapon took that as a no.

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous," said Tiki at last. "We're going around, banging on doors to ask for help dealing with a spider."

Bomberman nodded in agreement. "Tiki's right. If we want this spider gone, we're gonna have to take care of it ourselves."

"I mean, we did," said Sukapon. "I mean, we tried to take care of it."

"Okay, that was mostly me," said Bomberman. He took out a bomb and rolled it along his arm. "Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, am I right?"

Neither Tiki nor Sukapon said anything. Their silence and unamused stares spoke volumes.

"…Or, y'know, maybe not." Bomberman awkwardly put away his bomb.

"At any rate," continued Tiki, "are we really going to just sit here and let this spider defeat us? We've overcome impossible odds and saved numerous worlds! A simple spider should be no trouble at all!"

"Yeah!" Sukapon leapt up, his face alight with ardor. "We can… we can do this!"

Tiki nodded. "Now then, we've got fire breath, various martial arts, and roughly fifteen different types of explosives on our side, against one somewhat large spider. Now then, who's afraid of a spider?"

"Not us!" said Sukapon and Bomberman.

"So what are we going to do?"

"Get rid of that spider!" they cheered.

"Or at least release it outside!" added Sukapon.

So the trio marched back towards the lounge, heads held high and filled with a new mettle. They weren't going to let a measly little spider take their lounge, no sir! As they approached the door, Tiki fingered her dragonstone, Sukapon cracked his knuckles, and Bomberman readied a bomb. Tiki was allowed the honor of opening the door, and so she did, bursting it open with a mighty kick.

"Alright, come out and get some!" said Sukapon, raising his fists. The faint smell of gunpowder still hung in the air.

Without warning, the spider dropped from the ceiling, roughly the size of a dinner plate. It stared up at the trio, its chelicerae gently moving.

"Oh, gods!" yelped Tiki. She tried to turn back the way she came in, but Bomberman, who had fallen backwards in surprise, lay prone in her path, and so she had to step quickly to avoid toppling over him. Sukapon, meanwhile, did not see the spider at first, and nearly bumped into the manakete as he walked into the lounge. When he noticed the spider, he too yelped and tried to scramble away. Of course, this escape maneuver was complicated by Bomberman falling on top of him. Once the trio had gotten untangled and were safely out of the room, Tiki slammed the door behind her.

"Dear heavens," she whispered. "What the hell was that?!"

"That… that was the spider, right?" asked Bomberman, clutching his chest. "Like, the same spider? 'Cause it looked a lot bigger this time…"

Sukapon, who had been on the ground trying to catch his breath, suddenly snapped his head up. "B-bigger? Bigger, you said? Oh, no. Oh, man. Oh, jeez…" He clutched at his oblong head. "Either the spider is growing, or there's two of 'em now!"

"No, no, it was definitely the same spider," said Tiki. "It had the same markings on its body."

"Is that so?" Sukapon scratched his head. "Well, I guess we've only got one spider on our hands instead of two… so in a way, this is better than what we thought."

"But how long is this spider going to keep growing?" wondered Tiki aloud. "If we let it be, who knows what could happen? If it doesn't stop…"

All three paused to ponder on her words. Images of a giant, car-sized spider, crawling around the halls of the mansion and wreaking havoc filled their heads. And worst of all, what if Master Hand or Dr. Wright were to find out? They all shuddered in unison.

"We need to get that spider before it gets out of hand," said Tiki. "Time is of the essence."

Bomberman and Sukapon nodded in agreement. "Y'know," said Sukapon, "I had to kill a spider once, crawling along with my shoe. I don't care how big they get… no one steals my shoes."

Nobody laughed.

"Now is not the time," scolded Tiki.

"Aw, come on!" replied Sukapon. "I have to lighten the mood with humor. It's literally what I was made for!"

"What are you three talking about?"

There stood (or floated, rather) Midna, staring at the group with a quizzical raise of her eyebrow. "Come on! What's the deal?" said the imp.

Sukapon stepped forward. "Oh, y'know, it's… it's nothing, nothing at all. It's just a little, uh… pest control."

"Pest control?" repeated Midna. "What're we dealing with? Mice?"

"Not… quite," equivocated Tiki. "It's a little different from that. There's a—"

But Midna interrupted the manakete with a wave of her hair. "Eh, no problem. I'll take care of it." She pushed open the door and walked inside.

"Wait, wait, wait, nonono—"

But it was too late. The door had closed behind the imp. The three remaining assistants stood there and waited.

…

…

Slowly, the door creaked open again. Midna floated out of the doorway, eyes wide as dinner plates.

"…What the hell is that thing?" she breathed.

"Oh, y'know, just a… a little spider," answered Sukapon.

"Little?!" sputtered Midna. She glanced furtively back into the doorway. "Where did that thing come from?! It was probably the size of a cat!"

Bomberman's eyes went wide. "A cat? A cat?!" A sudden coldness made itself known in his core. He turned to Tiki and Sukapon. "So it is getting bigger after all!?"

"I'm sorry, what? That thing's getting bigger?!" The normally calm, collected, and sarcastic imp had floated down to the ground in her shock. The smirk that usually played across her lips had faded, and her face had paled to an unhealthy gray. "How big was it before?!"

"It was a normal spider a few hours ago," said Tiki. "It's been growing ever since we found it!"

Midna sighed and massaged her temples. "Ughhhhhh," she groaned. "This is gonna be the Temple of Time thing all over again, isn't it? …Okay, here's the plan." She snapped her fingers. "I'm gonna go, er, borrow Dedede's hammer so I can, y'know, crush it."

Bomberman pulled a disgusted face, while Tiki just folded her arms. "And how do you intend to do that?" she asked. "Everyone knows Dedede never goes anywhere without his hammer."

Midna smirked in response. "Simple! I'm gonna have you—" She used her hair to point at Sukapon— "distract him so I can get it!"

Immediately, Sukapon blanched and shrunk back. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why me?"

"Eh. You've got floating limbs," shrugged the imp. "That works for me! Now let's get going!"

"Now, now hold on," began Sukapon. "Does it have to be Dedede's hammer? Can't we just get a regular hammer, or an Ore Club, or maybe one of those baseball bats?"

"You heard what happened with Spring Man," countered Midna, now seizing one of the robot's hands with her hair. "It'd take forever to get through that place, let alone find one of those. We're doing this my way! Now come on!"

"But! But-but-but…" Sukapon dug in his heels to resist Midna pulling him away. "I really don't wanna get on Dedede's bad side! I dunno about you, but I'd rather not meet the business end of that hammer! Speaking of which, what about you? Why can't you, like, smash it with your fist-hair or something?"

Midna gagged. "God, no. I'm not touching that thing. Now come on! If we hurry, we can still—"

"Waaah?"

"Oh, great."

Scowl as bitter as ever, Waluigi marched into the hallway where the four were having their discussion. He raised an eyebrow as he approached. "What're you losers talking about?"

"Hey, Wally," greeted Sukapon with no verve or vigor to his voice whatsoever. "We're trying to get rid of a spider."

"Waah? Is that it?" sneered the lanky man. "Heh. Can't even get rid of a measly little spider, eh?" He haughtily twirled his mustache. "Luckily for you losers, Waluigi is here, and he has deigned to help you—"

Midna rolled her eyes as she held up her hand-hair to interrupt. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. You wanna get that spider, be my guest." She opened the door and gestured for him to go inside.

Waluigi grinned unpleasantly. "Don't mind if I do!" He brandished his tennis racket and strode inside, head held high, and closed the door behind him.

…

"Fifty coins says it eats him," murmured Midna.

"Don't," groaned Tiki.

"Make it seventy-five," whispered Sukapon.

"Waaaaah!"

Waluigi came bursting out of the lounge, nearly tripping over himself as he did so. He scrambled into a sitting position and clung to the wall opposite the door. "Wha-wha-what was that?!"

"Just a 'measly spider', eh?" asked Bomberman.

"That beast jumped on me and tried to tear off my mustache!" gasped Waluigi. "Where did it come from?"

The other assistants could only shrug in response. "It just sorta showed up while me n' Tiki were playing chess," explained Sukapon. "It's been growing bigger ever since."

"Bigger?!" repeated Waluigi. He brusquely got up and dusted himself off. "Oh, no. As much as I'd love to help you losers and be the brave hero, even I know when to walk away. You guys can do whatever you want, but I want no part of this."

Nobody seemed terribly heartbroken to see Waluigi walk away. Midna, however, stared after him with a calculating expression on her face. At last, her eyes widened in realization and she tapped her fist into her open palm. "That's it!"she exclaimed as she stretched out her hair to seize the lanky man and drag him back towards the door.

"Wa-waaaaah?!" Waluigi flailed about and clawed at the floor in an attempt to escape. But Midna's hair proved to be stronger, and he was hauled up off the ground and shown off like a fisherman's prized catch.

"We're gonna use Waluigi as bait!" announced Midna, arms akimbo.

Waluigi's reaction was immediate. "You what?!" he screamed. He floundered and writhed in her grip in another escape attempt, which was very difficult considering he was hanging upside-down by his ankles.

"Midna…" began Tiki, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You… you can't use him as bait."

"Aw, come on, Tiki," said Midna, "it's not like he'd actually die! We're using him as bait to distract the spider while the rest of us get it! And besides, even if he did, would any of us really miss him?"

Tiki opened and shut her mouth several times for what felt like ten minutes. "…Master Hand would notice," she got out at last.

"But like, would he, though?" asked Sukapon.

"Okay, you know what, I'm vetoing this," declared Tiki. "Midna, your plan is far too convoluted."

Midna rolled her eyes and grouchily dropped Waluigi to the floor. "Seriously?!" he huffed. "That's what puts you off from the plan?!"

Tiki ignored him to address everyone else. "Okay, we now know that the spider grows bigger the longer it's left alone. What we don't know is if it has an upper limitation to how big it can get. If we're going to dispose of it without Dr. Wright knowing, we need to act swiftly and—"

"Without my knowing what, exactly?"

Everyone present froze in shock, even Waluigi, who had taken the opportunity to limp away from the scene. There was Dr. Wright, arms folded, standing in the middle of the hallway, staring at them all with a half-suspicious, half-concerned gaze that was characteristic of all parents.

"…Oh," said Tiki, who had turned quite pale.

"Uh… hey, Doctor!" greeted Sukapon with fake cheer.

Waluigi, who had stopped like a deer in the headlights upon Dr. Wright's arrival, suddenly found his legs and tried to back away again. Midna pinned him to the ground with her hair.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" asked the green-haired man, seeming to stare directly through them.

Sukapon swallowed hard and mopped at his brow, while Tiki's eyes nervously darted back and forth. Bomberman scratched the back of his head, and Midna whistled in what she hoped was an innocent, unassuming manner. It was not.

At last, Sukapon spoke up. "We have a, uh… minor… trivial… teeny-weeny… just a little inconvenience, really… a, uh, spider problem."

"A spider problem," repeated Dr. Wright, raising a single eyebrow.

Tiki nodded slowly. "Not exactly a minor problem, really…" She twiddled her fingers. "Out of curiosity, what would you do if we told you that it's been steadily growing bigger this whole time?"

Dr. Wright blinked. "I… what?" He walked up to the door and opened it to peek inside.

The spider sat right in front of the doorway, now roughly the size of a barstool. It hissed softly as it crawled along the floor.

Slowly, Dr. Wright closed the door. His face was pale as a sheet. "What the hell is that?" he whispered.

"It's a giant spider, doofus," answered Midna. "We've been trying to get rid of it all day."

"We?" repeated Waluigi, reminding everyone of his presence. "What's this 'we' stuff? You wanna fight that monster, be my guest. Just leave Waluigi out of it."

"Which is a perfect segue into my strategy!" chirped the imp. "We're gonna use this guy here—" she shook Waluigi like a wet rag for emphasis— "as bait, so that the rest of us can sneak up on it and—"

"I told you we're not doing that," interrupted Tiki.

Sukapon shrugged. "I don't think he'd make good bait, anyways."

Midna pouted. "Technically, you're not the one in charge here. Dr. Wright was named the leader, so he's gonna be the one to back me up!" She crossed her arms in self-satisfied triumph.

"We're not sacrificing Waluigi," said Dr. Wright.

Midna's face fell. "Man, you guys are no fun at all," she muttered, dropping Waluigi to the ground.

"At any rate," began Dr. Wright, before anyone could press the matter further, "the important thing is that there is a—" he lowered his voice to avoid alerting any passersby— "giant spider on our hands. But, luckily for us, there is a simple and effective solution." He snapped his fingers. "We'll enlist the help of Flies and Hand!"

"…Flies and Hand?" repeated the group in front of him.

"Yes, Flies and Hand," confirmed Dr. Wright. "You know, the assistant that swats at both flies and fighters?"

"Ohhhhhh." Everyone nodded as they recalled the mysterious entity consisting of a small floating white glove that always seemed to be wielding a flyswatter. How could they have forgotten?

"I thought that thing was just, like… Master Hand Junior," admitted Sukapon.

Dr. Wright clapped his hands together. "Then it's settled! We haven't got a moment to lose! We have to find Flies and Hand!"

After some searching, they eventually located the glove in a broom closet on the third floor. It sat motionless on a shelf, seemingly waiting for someone to pick it up. As soon as the door was opened, it sprang to life, seizing its flyswatter and swinging at the first thing it could. In this case, its chosen target was Waluigi.

"Gahhh!" cried the lanky man. "What's the big idea?! Get off me!"

"Well, it does try to get rid of pests," murmured Midna.

Dr. Wright stepped forward. "Excuse me, Flies and Hand? There's a… minor pest problem in the lounge, and we could really use your assistance."

At the words "pest problem", the glove suddenly stopped swatting at Waluigi and snapped to attention. It twirled its flyswatter as if it were a sword, then raised it skyward, brandishing it with a tight grip. It zipped past the group and sped down the hallway.

Dr. Wright looked quite pleased with himself as he watched the hand go. "You see that?" he said. "It'll be in and out in minutes! We have nothing to worry about!"

They followed the glove back to the door of the lounge, where it paused and tapped on the doorknob with its flyswatter. Dr. Wright couldn't help but smile at how childishly impatient it looked. "Alright, alright, it's in there. Have at it!" he said, opening the door and letting the hand inside.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Tiki. "I mean, it's just so… small."

"Oh, come now," chuckled Dr. Wright with an impatient wave of his baton. "Haven't you heard of big things coming in small packages? Why, I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't been dealt with already!"

In response, the door to the lounge swung open with a loud bang, making everyone jump. For a moment, everything was still. Then, a small, purple flyswatter came flying out of the lounge and landed on the floor in front of the assistants, snapped in two at the handle, its plastic mesh torn, and covered in an unidentified slime.

Tiki's hand flew to her mouth. Sukapon leaned against the wall to steady himself, and Dr. Wright's tall green hair fell limp.

"Dear Nayru," breathed Midna. "It killed Flies & Hand."

Suddenly, the glove skidded out of the lounge, seemingly in one piece but covered in scratches and torn at the cuff. It picked up what remained of the flyswatter and took off down the hallway, running on two of its fingers.

From inside the lounge, the spider, now as big as a car, peered out at the horrified Assist Trophies. As it adjusted itself, one of its legs knocked over a couch, and its abdomen twitched faintly. Its inky black eyes continued to stare at them as it moved ever closer…

Dr. Wright rushed forward and slammed the door shut. "Dear Lord," he breathed. "We're in deep trouble now."

Midna, who had been floating in stunned silence, sighed in. "Well, it looks like we've got no other option. If we're gonna get rid of that spider, we're gonna have to deal with it ourselves." She pounded her fist into her palm to punctuate her point.

Tiki slowly nodded. "Midna's right. It's time for us to do what we should have done from the start."

Dr. Wright adjusted his bowtie and stood up a little straighter. "Well, if that is what needs to be done, then you have my support."

Sukapon also stepped forward. "Yeah! I'm not afraid of any spider!"

Bomberman nodded, putting his hands on his hips. "It's six against one! That thing doesn't stand a chance!"

"More like five against one," said Waluigi. "Leave me out of this."

"Oh, no," said Midna, picking him up and dropping him just in front of the door. "You're helping whether you like it or not!"

All six assistants stared at the door, gathering their courage. This time, it was Midna who was allowed to open the door, and so she did, ripping it off its hinges with her hair (Dr. Wright winced behind her). There stood the spider, right in the middle of the room, the hairs on its eight legs quivering as it adjusted itself. It clicked its chelicerae together, as though it was challenging them.

"Okay, here's the plan," began Midna. "Does anyone here have a bow and arrows, or some kind of long, thin projectile?"

Her eyes fell on Dr. Wright and his baton. The green-haired man followed her gaze and drew it closer to his chest. "I need this!" he protested. "If anything, I could summon skyscrapers to flip it over!"

"That's a good plan, actually," remarked Tiki. "If we flip it over, we could expose its weak point."

"Then it's settled!" declared Dr. Wright. "Tiki, Sukapon, you flank its left, while Waluigi and Midna take its right. Bomberman and I will—"

Before Dr. Wright could divulge the rest of his plan, the spider extended one of its legs to trip him. It let out a piercing, hissing roar as it began to climb up the wall and onto the ceiling.

Midna cursed under her breath, morphing her hair into a fist. "Okay, no time to lose!" she ordered. "Everybody go, go, go!"

The group went on the offensive, each of them moving to a strategic position. Sukapon used his Tondeker technique, creating copies of his own head and throwing them at the spider. On the opposite side of the room, Midna gathered small balls of energy into her hands and fired them at it. Both of these projectiles bounced harmlessly off its exoskeleton. Dr. Wright waved his baton, summoning skyscrapers to knock the spider off the ceiling, but it dodged the attack and scuttled off to a corner. Waluigi, meanwhile, leapt up and attempted to hit the spider with his tennis racket, but this, too, proved ineffective.

"I don't think we're doing this right!" asked Sukapon above the din. "Does this thing even have a weak point?"

"N-nonsense!" replied Dr. Wright, jerking out of the way as the spider suddenly dropped to the ground. Behind him, a framed picture fell to the floor and shattered. "These types of monsters, they always have a weak point!"

"Maybe if you had used bug spray or something to start with," said Waluigi, "we wouldn't be here right now!"

"Shut up, or I'm feeding you to that thing!" growled Midna. As she continued to hover around and fire balls of energy at the spider, she noticed Waluigi swinging his tennis racket while also using it to protect his face. She smirked as an idea formed in her brain. She whistled at the lanky man to get his attention. "Hey, Wally!"

Waluigi paused his attack. "Waah?"

With two hands, Midna charged up a ball of twilight magic and shot it at Waluigi. "Here, catch."

"Waaaah!" As the projectile flew at him, Waluigi instinctively swung his tennis racket, and…

"Screeeee!"

Waluigi opened his eyes. His swing had deflected Midna's shot and sent it towards the spider, who flinched and began to back away.

The purple-clad man glanced over at Midna, who was grinning at him in a 'you see where I'm going with this' gesture. Waluigi grinned back as he brandished his tennis racket. "Heh heh heh heh! I'm not a tennis champ for nothing! Bring it on!"

Midna obliged, sending another volley of energy balls at him to reflect, which he did, posing dramatically with each swing. "Wah! Hyah! Waluigi time!"

The spider recoiled and began to back away towards the wall. Sukapon took the opportunity to lunge at it, firing his head at its abdomen while advancing forward. The beast squealed as it began to tip over on its side, now fully backed into a corner.

"Excellent!" cried Dr. Wright. "Now's my chance!" He moved forward and waved his baton to conjure buildings directly under the spider, in hopes of fully knocking it off balance.

Too late. The spider crawled back up the wall and onto the ceiling, just as the buildings appeared, knocking over an end table and shattering the lamp that rested on it in the process.

The battle raged on, with everyone trying their hardest to get the spider down. But this time, it had learned its lesson from its time on the floor, and so it adamantly clung to the ceiling. Even Midna and Waluigi's new strategy of firing and reflecting magic was not quite as effective as it had been.

"This isn't working! We need more firepower!" called Midna. She gestured at the other two assistants. "Tiki! Bomberman! That means you!"

"Hold on!" said Dr. Wright. "If Tiki transforms in here, the lounge will be ruined!"

"Is that your biggest concern right now?!" shot back Midna. "There's a giant spider in the room!"

"Surely we can handle it without destroying the whole room?!" Behind him, Sukapon yelped as he was knocked away by a claw.

Midna opened her mouth to make a snappy retort, but was interrupted by light filling the room. There stood Tiki, in her dragon form, claws poised and jaws glowing as she prepared a blast of fire.

"This might get unpleasant!"

Everyone dove out of the way as the manakete unleashed her fire breath at their foe. It was a direct hit, making the spider screech loudly as it shrunk away from the flames.

"My turn!" Bomberman leapt up and started placing bombs around the spider as the other assistants, their morale bolstered, continued their onslaught. Once they were in position, Bomberman took out a remote and pressed the button, just as Tiki was preparing another stream of fire. This time, the combined force of Bomberman's bombs, Tiki's fire breath and everyone else's physical attacks was enough to knock the spider off the ceiling and send it tumbling to the floor on its back. Its legs flailed about as it rocked back and forth.

Sukapon gagged as he stared at it. "Eyecch! It's all gross and crawly…"

"Exactly what we're looking for!" declared Midna, gathering more magic in her hands. "That's its weak point! Everyone attack!"

All six assistants charged at the prone spider. Bomberman held a giant bomb in his hands, preparing to throw it down; Tiki charged up another stream of fire, and Dr. Wright wielded his baton like a sword, ready to plunge it into—

"Guys?"

Everyone stopped in their tracks, Waluigi in particular stumbling and falling flat on his face. Tiki shimmered and returned to her humanoid form. They all turned to the source of the voice.

There, standing in the doorway, were Ashley and Red, the latter's eyes as wide as dinner plates, while the former simply stared stoically at the room, and the bewildered assistants, and the ruined furniture, before her eyes finally fell on the giant spider.

"So the little flyswatting hand was right," murmured Ashley.

"You guys were playing with a giant spider?" shouted Red. "And you didn't tell us?!"

Sukapon was about to open his mouth to ask where the duo had been all day, but Dr. Wright spoke first. "We weren't playing with it, we were trying to get rid of it. Tiki said that it started out normal, but it's been growing bigger all day, and—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone," interrupted Red. "It's been growing bigger all day?"

Tiki nodded after a moment. "We've been trying to get rid of it all day."

Ashley and Red exchanged an odd glance. Slowly, they crept up to the spider, which was still writhing on the ground. The spider lifted its head and gazed up at them with its eight inky black eyes.

Ashley nodded. "This is the one." From her pocket, she produced a pipette filled with a peculiar-looking green liquid, which she proceeded to trickle on the spider's mouthparts.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly, the spider began to shrink down from the size of a car to that of a dinner table, then to that of a large dog, then a plate, smaller and smaller, until at last it was the size of a normal spider. Red carefully cupped it in his hands and placed it into a small jar. "There you go, little fella."

Everyone's jaw dropped.

"What was that?!" cried Waluigi. "Is that thing your pet, or something?!"

Red wiggled his hand in a 'not exactly' gesture. "Ehh… less of a pet and more of an experiment."

"An experiment?" repeated everyone in unison.

"We were making a potion," explained Ashley, "to make spiders bigger."

"The one we tested didn't have a cap on its growth," continued Red. "This little fella—" he tapped on the spider jar— "uh, Tegenaria domestica, I think—escaped pretty much right after, so we spent most of the day cookin' up an antidote."

"To make spiders…?" Dr. Wright's face was twisted in revulsion. "Why would you do that?!"

The imp shrugged. "What, you wouldn't?"

"No!"

"Eh. Your loss." Seeing that Ashley had already turned to go, Red also took his leave. "Well, this has been nice, but…" The imp left, floating backwards out of the room and down the hallway.

The assistants still present sighed in unison as they slumped down in relief. "Man, that girl is creepy," groaned Midna.

"Hear, hear," concurred Waluigi. "I dunno how Wario puts up with her."

"Obviously, he does," responded Midna. "I mean, he has to deal with you, so…"

"Hey!"

"Alright, alright, that's enough, you two," said Dr. Wright, regaining his bearings as leader. "At any rate, you all did a fine job dealing with that spider. Especially Midna and Waluigi. That strategy to reflect Midna's magic at it… it was quite impressive."

Waluigi puffed out his chest and twirled his mustache, while Midna half-shrugged and gave a little smirk. "Well, what can I say?" said the imp, reclining in midair. "From what I hear, it's a pretty common thing back in my world."

Dr. Wright nodded in return. "Although…" His gaze fell on the lounge, the walls of which now bore several burn marks from Bomberman's explosions and Tiki's fire breath. "It seems we've got quite a clean-up on our hands."

Everyone groaned at his words. "Aw, come on, Doc," protested Sukapon. "It's been a long enough day already. Can't we get a break?"

The green-haired man sighed as his mustache twitched in thought. "…Fine. You all get a half-hour break. As for me, I've got very important business to attend to." And with that, he turned on his heel and left the lounge.

The remaining five assistants lingered in the lounge. A contemplative silence hung in the air. "…So what do we do now?" asked Bomberman to no one in particular.

"Well, while we're on break…" Tiki stood up and readjusted the table that held the chessboard, which had miraculously gone untouched during their battle with the spider. She rearranged the pieces so that they were in the starting position.

"…Anyone up for chess?"

Author's Notes: Finally, a proper action sequence! Might be seeing more of those in the future...