Critics suck!
(This one may not be as good as the other I got writers block when I made it and that is why I did not post back, I kept growing other ideas for this new Family Guy saga and I was just dying to end it, it is much shorter then the other one and like I said it will be your opinion on if you like it or not) (I can't wait to continue it)
Derrick: hey Peter… (Standing next to bathroom door)
Peter: what is it Derrick?
Derrick: you got any reading material in this here bathroom?
Peter: yes… but don't look at the magical ones. If you know what I mean, they make you fly through the roof! I love those magazines. (Walks away)
Derrick: umm… ok. (Walks in and sees a magazine sticking out and looks at it) 4 bad reviews for the Family Guy episode 51 project. I'm not surprised; of course most of these reviewers are crack heads.
(From outside the door you can here Derrick talking to himself)
Derrick: hmm… what's this…? (Is looking at something) oh, god! It's too much to handle! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Flies through the roof screaming the air)
Peter: (Goes into the bathroom looking through the hole) I told you it makes you fly through the roof, hehehehehehehehe!
Its seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies, and sex on TV, But where are those good old fashioned values. On which we used to rely. Lucky theirs a family guy. Lucky theirs a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us, Laugh and Cry. He's A Family Guy!
(Note to readers I took this from someplace else and am not responsible for making any corrections to it)
(The family sits in the TV room, watching some TV)
Commercial: now in theaters, Family Guy episode 51 project the stuff you didn't see from the lost series.
Peter: that's one of the worst shows I've ever seen, I mean why would they make a movie?
Brian: budgeting Peter, budgeting.
Commercial: terrible reviews galore! That's Family Guy episode 51 project, rated PG-13 for political garbage for 13 year olds.
Chris: ah, sweet dad, I want to see that movie!
Peter: but Chris you heard the weird sounding critic announcer it got terrible reviews.
Chris: but dad usually movies that get bad reviews are always good to little kids.
Peter: (Sighs) fine… fine I guess I'll go. (Gets up and walks over to a toy car and almost trips on it) oh whoops- (Thinks to himself and then a light bulb goes over his head) (He then purposely slips on the car and falls on his back) oh god… oh god… ahhhh! I "Accidentally" slipped on this toy car. Now I won't be able to go to the movie with you Chris.
Brian: (Walks over) your luckily I took nursing in college, or you would have to stay home for some time. (Looks at Peters foot) there done!
Peter: what the? How can you just do that!
Brian: Peter, I'm god.
Peter: huh?
Brian: I said I'm a dog.
Peter: ohhhh! I just heard you! Okay Chris let's go.
(They both leave and go to the movie theater)
Brian: (Pulls out his report card for nursing in college) (it reads F's in all category's) oh… I am so sorry Peter…
(In the car)
Peter: (Drives the car but does not look happy) I can't believe this… my one day off and this is how you treat me Chris.
Chris: but you always are on a day off.
Peter: well this one was special. Now I have to watch a Family Guy movie.
Derrick: (In the car) well, I've wanted to see this movie as well.
Peter: what? Where the hell did you come from?
Derrick: oh, I've been here and there.
Peter: well that's just crap, now I have to take both of you to the same place. That'll be great!
(They keep on driving)
(In the theater)
(From the movie)
Bartender: (Polishing cups as usual) you blanked out, you fat tub of lard.
Waffle: I did? Wait… where's Wakemire?
Wakemire: (Standing somewhere near a woman, he attaches a string to a filled cup, and pulls it to make it fall on her dress) check and mate! Oooow!
(In Audience)
Peter: this movie sucks! Of course it doesn't match up to what Gili did to me…
(Audience for Gili)
Peter: oh, my god! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (His eyes start burning and he screams) my eyes! My eyes! They're burning! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Damn you, Ben Afleck!
(Back to the audience for Chris's movie)
(The Movie ends with a bunch of people laughing)
(Credits roll)
Peter: what was the point?
Derrick: you know Peter I don't think it was really that bad a movie, I think it was a bit underrated.
Chris: yeah, that movie was cool! With all the BLAM! And the SLAM! And the BA-ROOM!
Peter: I think it was crap!
(They all drive home)
(In bed with Lois)
Lois: Peter what's wrong with you?
Peter: oh, it's that crappy movie I saw… do you think it has any hidden meaning to it?
Lois: Peter it's just a rated PG movie.
Peter: but with in its crappiness I felt a calling…
Lois: like what?
Peter: I get it now, honey! It's been so obvious all along, I just never noticed it! I have to become a film critic!
Ebert and Robert: nope, nope, we give that thumbs down! (Put their thumbs down)
Peter: you lousy good for nothings I'll teach about coming in my home! (Pulls out a bat and starts chasing them around the room)
Ebert: ah!
Robert: ah! Oh, god!
Peter: ah!
(The next day at breakfast)
Peter: (Looking at the newspaper) ok… ok… alright… that sounds good…
Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I'm going to become a film critic, it says right here all I have to do is write a review and send it in and I'll be one.
Brian: Peter, do you even have a review in mind?
Peter: well… there is… no actually not. But there is that piece of crap movie I saw last night.
Brian: oh, yeah? Well, what made it so bad?
Peter: well… umm… you know I don't really know…but it… it was bad though.
Brian: really? It was bad?
Peter: yeah, it was bad… you know bad…
Brian: Peter you can't write a review if you can't explain to the reader why a movie was good or why it was bad you have to give it in full detail so the reader will agree with you. You can't just write, it was bad over and over again.
Peter: well… it was…
Brian: Peter, maybe you should look at other reviews for inspiration.
Peter: yeah well how the hell do I do that?
Brain: (Grabs Peter's paper and turns it to reviews section)
Peter: oh…
(Upstairs later)
(Meg sitting on her bed, doing nothing)
Derrick: (Walks up stairs to the door) so… Megan… when exactly were you put into this family?
Meg: (Looks at Derrick)
Derrick: ok… maybe you don't want to give me that information. Well at least tell me how old you are.
Meg: (Just sits there)
Derrick: bitch. (Walks away)
Stewie: (Appears at door) Change me! (Throws a diaper at her) and make sure it's in good taste!
(Submitting office)
Office head: Mr. Griffin, I can't take this review…
Peter: why, not? I did everything that it needs!
Office head: well, Mr. Griffin let me read some of it: "1st it was very fast paced and turned into a slow action flick but over all it was a great action film, I want lettuce on my sandwich Lois, no Lois not the kind that's melted but the kind that editable" and you continue on about this Lois person with more bits of the review.
Peter: so, my wife asked me if I wanted a sandwich and I said yes.
Office Head: but why did you write it down?
Peter: write what down?
Office Head: what you said to your wife!
Peter: because I was talking to her.
Office Head: okay…
Peter: so are you going to take my review or not?
Office Head: no.
Peter: you son of a bitch! (Jumps on the office head)
(Later at home)
Lois: Derrick, we haven't set up a place for you at the dinner table. (Sets one) here right next to me and Peter.
Derrick: (Sits down) why thank you Lois.
Lois: so, Peter did you get your review in?
Peter: tuh, no! That guy won't let me submit if the review isn't for say a review.
Brian: well, Peter most of the time a review is supposed to be a review.
Peter: well, I happened to think it was a fine review.
Derrick: Peter do you even have any skills in journalism?
Peter: I have plenty, like that time I was on the news filling in for Tom Tucker.
(News room when he was an anchor)
Peter: umm… in other news… (Looking at Diane) umm… In other news Diane has the sexiest body in the world, is it true? Yes! Find out more at 11:00.
(Back to now)
Derrick: well, Peter I won't get in your way… but do you even know the right amount of text you should have in a review?
Peter: well… a lot…
Derrick: well it has to explain every missed detail.
Meg: I agree with Uncle Derrick-
Derrick: shut up.
Peter: you guys aren't showing me enough confidence here! (Gets up and walks near the way out of the kitchen) I'm going to write a review so good that you won't even know it was me… he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he well, you'll see! (Walks away)
Derrick: hmm… ohh… Meatloaf! (Saying that it's good)
(Scene switch, the music plays as Derrick is shown settling in, in the basement)
Lois: (Comes walking down the stairs) Derrick I hope you don't mind it if I do a bit of laundry down here while you unpack.
Derrick: okay, I don't mind. (Putting his own sheets on his bed)
Lois: (Looks the other way toward the washer and dryer)
Derrick: (Is shown looking at her behind) wow… ever since the 70's…. (Quietly) (He looks at her as he puts his clothes out) hmm… I wonder… (Realizes) no, no, no! She's my sister in law, I mean I know I've always been attracted to her and had a secret fetish but now I have to face her as my sister in law, damn it!
Lois: (Looks at Derrick) what's wrong Derrick?
Derrick: oh, nothing… (Acts kind of sexual) nothing at all… (Winks toward us)
(The next day)
Peter: (Comes walking in the house) guess what?
Brian: what Peter?
Peter: I got a review submitted!
Lois: really? That's wonderful Peter!
Peter: yep, I know, and they said they would post it in the next thousand years, that goes to show you that I'm n my way!
Lois: umm… well… umm… that's good for you Peter!
Derrick: (Laughing to himself)
Brian: (Starts to laugh as well)
(Lois and Peter are hugging)
Brian: did, you have to deal with stupidity Derrick?
Derrick: yep, Peter's always been this stupid, but what can I say? If Peter weren't here we wouldn't be here! (Starts laughing)
Brian: what?
Derrick: oh, I have no idea…
(End credits)