Hidden Passions.
It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies, and sex on TV, but where are those good old fashioned values. On which we used to rely. Lucky theirs a family guy. Lucky theirs a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us, Laugh and Cry. He's A Family Guy!
(Pewtersmit mansion)
(Peter and the gang come walking in and Mr. Pewtersmit is standing)
Lois: say, hello to your grandpa.
Both: (Meg and Chris run up to Carter and hug him)
Carter: oh, hello there Megan, hello there Christopher.
Chris: who's Christopher?
Carter: oh, it doesn't matter.
Derrick: (To Peter) he hasn't changed much these past 20 years he still sounds the same it's just his hair changed color.
Peter: yeah, I know I'm surprised it isn't blue.
Derrick: what?
Carter: (Walks over to Lois and hugs her and then walks up to Peter) umm… so then is this Derrick Peter?
Peter: yes it's my brother Derrick.
Carter: well, then Derrick welcome to the family. (Shakes his hand)
Derrick: thanks Mr. Pewtersmit.
Carter: just call me Carter.
Peter: hey, you never told me I could just call you Carter.
Carter: I haven't oh… well there's no need to do it now then.
(On a balcony sitting)
Derrick: (Sits in a chair)
Carter: (Sits in another chair) so…
Derrick: yeah…
Carter: where have you been the past 20 years?
Derrick: oh, this place and that place, you know almost… almost allover the place, you know traveling to places outside of this country and in it, most likely I would… you know.
Carter: hmm… that sounds pretty good. You've grown since the last time I saw you.
Derrick: yeah… yeah… as little kids tend to do after about 20 years, you know… I'm only 32 now though…
Carter: then that makes you 10 years younger then Peter.
Derrick: yeah… yeah… you know that's right. I'm uhh… not against that assumption…
Carter: yes… (Takes a drink out of his glass)
Derrick: umm… Mr. Pewtersmit…
Carter: what is it Derrick?
Derrick: have you ever had inner feelings for someone but never told them about it?
Carter: umm… well who hasn't I had inner feelings for Barbara and we ended up married.
Derrick: no, I mean inner feelings as in like a fetish or something.
Carter: umm… no…
Derrick: oh…
Carter: with whom do you have it with?
Derrick: oh, someone you've probably met.
Carter: well, Derrick the only way to break out of a fetish Derrick is to conduct sexual relations with this person and you'll lose interest.
Derrick: so, your saying all I have to do is, umm… you know… and then I'll stop… umm… you knowing.
Carter: well, everyone should know that Derrick.
Derrick: oh, I see I see.
Carter: this isn't with someone who's really close to me, is it?
Derrick: no, no, no, it's some of the most far away of a relationship that you can get.
Carter: hmm…
(Sometime later)
(Lois and them are getting ready to leave)
Carter: nice to see you all again and you too Derrick.
Derrick: umm… thanks Carter.
Lois: see you daddy.
Peter: bye, Mr. Pewtersmit!
Carter: bye, fat ass.
Peter: ah, he's so nice to me. (He really thinks it to)
Meg: bye grandpa.
Chris: bye-bye Grandpa.
(In the car on their way home)
Derrick: (Looking at Lois in the passenger seat) Mind: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. She's so… freaking hot! This goes back to the 1st time I met Lois…
(Cut to the 70's before they were Lois and Peter were married)
Peter: (Come walking in) aaay! (Pointing his fingers out) hey, dad! Dad!
Francious: (Comes walking in) what is it Peter?
Peter: guess who I brought home?
Francious: you mean I finally get to meet her?
Peter: yep. Lois come on in!
Lois: (Comes walking in with her 70's young girl look)
Francious: (Slaps Peter) you told me she was ugly!
Peter: ah, dad sometimes we never know what you're talking about.
Derrick: (Young kid version comes walking in) hey, dad where's the- (Starts to look at Lois)
Lois: (Says hello to Francious)
Derrick: (his eyes are widen and he is very attracted toward her)
Lois: (Walks up to Derrick) oh, hello there, you must be Derrick. (Putting her hand out for a shake)
Derrick: ra-mu-bu-a-la-ua-wa-ea-ra-ta-ya.
Lois: well…
Derrick: Story: It was at that moment that it seemed like I had seen a goddess and that I never again would feel the same as I was before I met Lois.
(A little later at the dinner table they all sit at it talking)
Margaret: (Smoking and talking at the same time) so, Lois honey what family are you from?
Lois: oh, I'm from the Pewtersmit family, you may have heard of them before.
Francious: oh, I have…. I sure have. (Looking at Peter)
Peter: yeah, and I met her father who seems to be one rich son of a bitch.
Francious: Peter!
Peter: oh, sorry.
Derrick: are you really that hot? (He says really fast)
Lois: what?
Derrick: oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
(A little later sitting in the living room)
Lois: umm… Peter could I take a shower here, I never was able to this morning.
Peter: you can do whatever you want my little sugar dumpling, covered in noodles and delicious sauce and number 3 on the menu.
Lois: (Walks away into the bathroom)
Derrick: (Is shown is his room) (He then gets up and walks to the bathroom door) (He knocks on the door) is anyone in there? I know I hear shower water.
(There is no answer)
Derrick: then I'm coming in! (He opens the door) I thought-
Lois: (Sees Derrick from shower) ahhhhhhhh! (Covers herself)
Derrick: oh, my beautiful lord.
Lois: close the door!
Derrick: (Closes the door and looks shocked) wow!
(Back to the car in the present)
Derrick: Mind: ever since that day Lois has been almost the only thing that I've thought about for the past 20 years and I'm glad she still looks just as attractive as ever.
(A few days later at the Griffin house)
Peter: Lois! Lois!
Lois: yes, Peter?
Peter: I'm going to be going on an extended fishing trip and I won't be back for the whole weekend.
Lois: what are the odds Meg and Chris are staying at friends houses.
Peter: so, that just leaves you, Derrick, Brian, and Stewie.
Lois: wow, at least I can start to bond with Derrick.
Derrick: (Appears up stairs in the room near Peter and Lois) when you say weakened Peter, do you mean Today, Saturday, and Sunday?
Peter: yep pretty much.
Derrick: oh….. Okay…
Peter: this is going to be great for you guys, you guys just getting know each other over the weakened that I'm gone, telling stories and telling of exploits once had, not having sex with each other just getting know each other more. It'll be great for you 2.
Lois: yeah, it should be.
Derrick: yeah…it should… (With a sexual tension to his voice)
Peter: well, I'm going… bye! I already have all my fishing equipment in the car! (Walks out)
Lois: bye Peter!
Derrick: see you Peter!
(He drives off)
(Derrick and Lois sit next to each other while watching a movie)
(The movie)
Man: Elisa I have had so much love for you since the day that we met! (Love music)
Elisa: what are you talking about I'm only 15 years old!
Man: I love you Elisa, I want to be with you, I want to have children with you and be sexual toward you!
Elisa: that's it I'm calling the police.
Man: I still have a profound love for you!
(Out of the movie)
Derrick: good movie…
Lois: yep… really good movie.
Derrick: Kevin Spacey can sure give a good performance.
Lois: yeah, he's a good actor, and so can that Dakota Fanning playing a 15 year old. (Chuckles a bit)
Derrick: yeah… (Watching the movie)
Lois: (Watching the movie)
Derrick: (Puts his arm on her left shoulder) umm… do you mind is I rest my arm?
Lois: umm… not at all I guess.
(The movie continues to play)
Derrick: you mind if I rest my head on your shoulder?
Lois: umm… sure…
Derrick: (Rests his head on her shoulder)
(The movie)
Handicap man: Elisa I know deep down inside that you love the man.
Elisa: what are you talking about I don't know you or that man! All I can say is that your all child molesters!
Handicap man: that's what you think.
(Out of movie)
Derrick: you mind if I touch your breast?
Lois: what?
Derrick: (Let's go of Lois completely and just sits normal) what? (Acting like he didn't say anything)
Lois: (Eyeballing Derrick) is there something you would like to say to me Derrick?
Derrick: oh, no! No, of course not there is nothing to tell, I'm fine, your fine, we are all fine.
Lois: well, okay… if you have nothing to say.
Derrick: trust me I don't.
Lois: okay…
(They continue to watch the movie till the end credits roll)
(That night)
Lois: Derrick I'm going to bed, make sure you turn out the lights.
Derrick: ok, Lois! Now to test my system I installed. (Takes out a camera and presses a button and has a view of Lois's room) oh, god yes… (He sees Lois in her night gown getting into bed) ahhhhhhhhhhh! So many urges so little time.
(The next morning)
(At the table Stewie, Brian and Derrick sit)
Lois: (Is cooking breakfast) (She gives them all plates if breakfast foods) here you go boys.
Stewie: I say this looks a whole lot like what we always have every single day. But you know what, I'm not going to let it get to me, you know I should really apply myself to things like poetry or writing in literature I think that would really you know… help my growth.
Brian: just shut up okay Stewie.
Stewie: I'm only delivering my hopes and dreams dog and your not apart of it!
Derrick: (Starts eating the food)
Lois: (Sits down right next to Derrick) (She starts eating food herself)
Derrick: (Is admiring her eating her food) Mind: oh, god that is so hot! No, no, I can't focus on her right now I need to eat I'm starving! (Starts eating) now what am I going to do today? I know I'll start by having rough sex with Lois. Wait no! That's not what I want! Damn it I'm obsessed.
Lois: Derrick, you better watch how much you eat one after another Derrick, you don't want to get indigestion.
Derrick: oh, I won't honey, I mean Lois.
Stewie: what the devil is this! Is this some kind of cardboard shaped like an egg? God, can't anyone in this house cook anything right?
(Later that day)
Lois: (Is talking on the phone to Peter) everything's fine Peter Brian has been fantastic and Stewie is just Stewie. Derrick? Oh I think he's been fine, although I think he's been acting kind of weird though, I'm sure he'll get over it.
Derrick: (Was on the wall listening in the next room) Mind: she's talking about me. The good thing is I don't think she knows I have a secret fetish with her.
Lois: okay… alright, I'll see you tomorrow, bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone) (She walks into the living room where Derrick is)
Derrick: hello, there Lois.
Lois: oh, hi… uh, Derrick.
Derrick: how have you been today?
Lois: oh, umm… just fine… fine and dandy.
Derrick: that's good to hear, say was that Peter you were talking to on the phone?
Lois: yes it was… It surely was.
Derrick: oh, I see you know, just checking up on the old family I guess. (Laughs a bit) well, that's good to hear again well, I'll be down in the basement masturbating to you.
Lois: what?
Derrick: nothing. Nothing at all! (Runs down the basement)
Lois: (Looks kind of wierded out)
(Later that night)
(In the basement)
Derrick: (Has his ear up close to the vent leading to Peter and Lois's room) yeah… that's right… snore baby… snore!
Brian: is that how you get out on life?
Derrick: ahhhh! (Turns around and looks at Brian) oh, it's just you Brian.
Brian: that's something new, amusement from hearing an attractive woman snore. That sure is highly original.
Derrick: what's it to ya?
Brian: I've been watching you the past 3 days almost and I have noticed that you have some kind of fixation here with Lois.
Derrick: how would you know?
Brian: like I said I have seen you the past few days making all these remarks that Lois for some reason can't hear, but I've heard them and I must tell you that she's married Derrick and you can't do that with your sister in law.
Derrick: she's not related to me by blood! So it isn't bad unless she were my real sister.
Brian: well, I have to tell you a secret of mine… (Walks close up to Derrick)
Derrick: and what is that?
Brian: (Slaps Derrick) she's mine bitch! (He runs up the stairs)
Derrick: hmm… ahhhh! Now I get it, Brian has a fetish with her too! It all make sense now.
Quagmire: (Appears at his window) so, do I.
Derrick: what the hell!
Quagmire: ah, pretend I wasn't here! (Runs away)
Derrick: hmm…
(The next morning at breakfast)
Derrick: (Looks at Brian)
Brian: (Looks at Derrick)
Lois: I cooked you all some nice scrambled eggs. (Gives them to Derrick and Brian and Stewie)
Derrick: (Looks at Lois) thank you Lois, I truly love your cooking.
Lois: why thank you Derrick.
Brian: no, no, no, I'll tell you what I think, I think it was more delicious then any other breakfast I've had in a sure long while.
Derrick: but I must tell you Lois that I think it is much better then Brian's thought on it, yes sire.
Lois: umm… okay… (Sits at table and starts to eat)
Brian: Lois you look nice today.
Lois: why thank you Brian.
Derrick: I think you look swell Lois.
Brian: I think you look brilliant Lois.
Lois: umm…
Derrick: no, I would have to say you look pretty.
Brian: no, I think she looks prettier then pretty Derrick.
Derrick: well, Brian some people have different opinions on other people and I would have to say she looks the best she's looked in 20 years here, in your face dog!
Lois: (Gets up) what the hell is going on here?
Stewie: looks like a gasket has finally broken in this household. (Laughs) oh, I suck at telling jokes.
Derrick: nothing is going on here, Lois.
Brian: right.
Lois: oh, I know something is going on here, and I don't like it one bit!
Derrick: oh, come on Lois so me and Brian had a little friendly competition about how good you looked today, there is no harm in that.
Brian: yeah, no harm.
Lois: if you 2 have something to say then say it now or I'll tell Peter!
Derrick: well… it starts out like this. (Walks up to Lois pull out a rag and puts sleeping medicine in his hand and puts it over Lois's mouth and puts her to sleep) Chloroform, always solves everything. (Puts her on the couch)
Brian: (Walks over)
Derrick: don't worry when she wakes up she won't remember us having that little competition at the table
Brian: well, that's a relief because if she were to have told Peter he would have broken are necks.
(One time)
Peter: you touched my wife! (He is shown holding onto a stick that is actually someone's neck and he breaks it in two) that'll teach you, you bastard!
(Back to now)
Derrick: well, Brian at least now we both have something in common and that's our voice and the fact that we both love Lois tremendously. Let's just vow not to tell anyone for sometime okay.
Brian: it's a deal.
(They both shake hands)
(Outside window)
Quagmire: well, there's still room for Quagmire! Giga-giga-giga-giga-goo! Oh, right!
(End credits)