New Surroundings.
It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies, and sex on TV, But where are those good old fashioned values. On which we used to rely. Lucky theirs a family guy. Lucky theirs a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us, Laugh and Cry. He's A Family Guy!
(How do I send these to Fox or Seth?)
(The Drunken Clam)
(Derrick, Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire are shown sitting drinking beer)
Peter: I call a toast for my new job at the newly resurrected Happy Go Lucky toy company! (Raises his glass)
(Then they all have a toast and start drinking)
Joe: so, Peter Mr. Weed just walked up to your door one day and said he was alive?
Peter: yeah, that's basically it.
Derrick: I never actually met Mr. Weed.
Peter: well, he was dead for awhile and now he's back.
Cleveland: that's kind of weird considering the fact that people don't just come back to life all the time.
Joe: yeah, Peter are you sure it really is Mr. Weed?
Peter: yes, I am sure, he only talks, walks, and acts just like the old Mr. Weed.
Joe: interesting…
Quagmire: so how's it like living with Lois Derrick?
Derrick: well… you know… fine… (Looking kind of into the moment as if he were thinking about Lois)
Peter: yeah, how has it been when I've been gone from the house?
Derrick: fine… just peachy. And sexual…
Peter: what?
Derrick: nothing.
Joe: well, Peter we should just continue with the celebration of the reconstruction of Happy Go Lucky, and that's wonderful for you Peter.
Peter: jeeze thanks guys! (They all hug like a group pf girls and make an "awww" sound)
(Home everyone watching TV)
(TV)
Old man: dag nabit Phil! I thought I told you to stay out of my rose bush!
Phil: but pa! This is my rosebush.
Old man: Phil, this is my rosebush.
Phil: but bro…
Old man: I'm going to tell my father on you.
Phil: Why do I have such a dumb nephew?
Old man: you take that back, sister!
Phil: but I'm your son!
(Couch time)
(Derrick is sitting with the family now)
Derrick: you know I'm surprised I was able to fit in here.
Lois: well, this couch fits everyone.
(A huge fat man with a newspaper comes walking in)
Fat man: (He then situates himself and sits o everyone) ok… yeah. (Falls asleep)
(Basement)
Derrick: (Is shown putting in his own laundry)
Lois: (Comes walking down stairs with his) oh… Derrick, you do your own laundry.
Derrick: well… yeah it's the least I can do… plus you clean like a slob.
Lois: what?
Derrick: huh?
Lois: oh, ok.
(They then both put in laundry together)
Derrick: here, ummm…. Lois I'll handle this (He starts helping Lois put in the Laundry)
Lois: why thank you Derrick.
Derrick: no problem…. Mind: oh, god I love doing her bidding.
(They continue to put in laundry)
Derrick: so… (While putting in clothes) how are you?
Lois: oh, well I'm fine Derrick how about you?
Derrick: you know… fine, fine, fine…. You know… just, just, peachy!
Lois: are you okay Derrick you look like your sweating.
Derrick: I'm fine… it's just the occasional hot flash…
Lois: hot flash?
Derrick: yeah… you get them in men now.
Lois: oh… I see.
Derrick: (Without Lois looking looks at Lois's behind) ahhhh…..
Lois: (Turns around) Derrick?
Derrick: yes! Yes!
Lois: are you sure you're okay?
Derrick: never better! (Sweating)
Lois: maybe I should do the rest.
Derrick: no! I can do this Lois!
Lois: oh, okay.
(They continue)
(Happy Go Lucky Toy factory)
(Everyone is now working again in the building)
Peter: (Comes walking out of an office with his Head of Manufacturing suit on) Wow! Holy freaking crap! I got promoted! Now I'm in control of the slaves… I mean workers.
Mr. Weed: (Comes walking over) how's the head doing?
Peter: hey, hey, hey! Weed my main man! What's shaking? (They both do some weird handshake)
Mr. Weed: so… Mr. Griffin how is the office treating you?
Peter: it's doing great! I've never been a boss before!
Mr. Weed: yes, Peter you have the power to fire and higher those people on the manufacturing line, even yourself.
Peter: wow! You mean I can have myself fired!
Mr. Weed: well, yes but let's hope you don't slack off on the job.
(They both then do a thing where they realized the joke "AAAAAAAh!")
Mr. Weed: well, Peter you better get back to work "Running" the line.
Peter: and you better get back to work "Running" the business!
(They both start laughing)
Mr. Weed: (Walks away)
Peter: (Sighs) oh, I crack myself up!
(At home)
(Meg and Chris are shown watching TV)
Chris: hey, Meg I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 2.
Meg: Chris… I really don't feel like playing any of your dumb games.
Chris: but Meg!
Meg: Chris!
Chris: come one! Are you chicken! Is my numbers too good for you?
Meg: (Sighs) 2.
Chris: (Gets wide eyed) what? How could you possibly get that? You're a witch! (Gets up from his couch) a witch I tell you! (Gets close to the stairs) (He runs up it and then on the top of it) Witch! (Runs to his room)
Meg: (Just ignores and watches the TV)
Derrick: (Walks by the bathroom door)
Lois: Derrick? Is that you?
Derrick: Lois?
Lois: I'm in the bathroom.
Derrick: (Starts to sweat) oh, okay…
Lois: I need some toilet paper, could you go into the basement and get the big case of it?
Derrick: yeah! Sure! Be back in a jiffy! (Runs down the stairs and then into the basement) (Sweating a lot) where is it? Where is it? This will be my only chance… where is it? God damn it where is it? Where the hell are you! (Yelling) Where are you? Oh, there you are. (Grabs the case and then runs upstairs to the bathroom) I'm… I'm back!
Lois: good! I was beginning to worry. You can open the door and toss it in.
Derrick: ah! Sweet lord yes! Mind: I can finally see Lois doing something that for some reason makes men feel very good about themselves. In other words perversion. (He opens up the door a little bit and then throws in the paper)
Lois: thank you Derrick. This bathtub could use a good wiping.
Derrick: huh?
Lois: thanks Derrick you can go now.
Derrick: (Is in shock) no… no… how can this be?
Stewie: (From his room) oh, get over it man.
Derrick: (Crying) it's not fair! It's just not fair!
Old man: has anybody seen my foot?
(Happy Go Lucky)
Peter: (The bell for lunch rings) sweet! (Gets up and leaves his office and goes near the workers room for eating but just as he was about to enter an executive grabs him)
Executive: no, no Mr. Griffin you don't eat with them. You eat with the superiors.
Peter: you mean…
Executive: yes, Mr. Griffin you eat in the executive lunch room.
Peter: ah! Sweet! Me and the guys always wondered what was in that lunch room.
(One time)
Guy: I say that have nuclear missiles they are making in there and are planning to go to war against Turkey!
Guy # 2: no, no! War against Hungary!
Peter: nah, you guys are dumb, they are obviously plotting to replace us with robots in there and are then planning to kill us and use our brains as a fuel source.
Guy: oh, my god! He's absolutely right! We must be prepared!
Guy # 2: all hail Peter! All hail Peter!
(Back to now time)
Peter: (Sitting in the lunch room near other executives)
(Some executive are trying to stay away from Peter as he eats)
Peter: I guess I'm still not welcomed into their community…
Mr. Weed: Peter! (Walks over and sits next to him) I can see your re eating alone.
Peter: nobody else seems to want to eat with me.
Mr. Weed: well, Peter you are the new executive in town, once you start to rough up the employees a bit I'm sure they will give you respect
Peter: maybe you're right….
Mr. Weed: I'm always right Peter! Cause if I weren't then you'd be out of a job.
Peter: (Chuckles and then stops) you know… I didn't really get that one….
(Home)
Lois: (Is shown sweeping the floors of the house)
Derrick: (Is shown sitting in a chair watching TV but he squints his eyes over to look at Lois) Mind: no, no, no… I can't let those urges come between me and my favorite show "I Love Lucy"!
(Show)
Ricky: (Opens up bedroom door) Lucy! You got some 'spalnin to do!
Lucy: (In the bed with 2 men beside here) Wahhhhhh! (Does her cry)
Man # 1: didn't you say there was weed?
(Derrick)
Derrick: just let me focus on this episode and not my sister in law… not her.
Lois: (Is cleaning up and then she gets near to Derrick and cleans the floor near his feet) oh, hi Derrick you think you could lift your feet?
Derrick: oh… umm…. Ahh… gurrrr….ppppp…… yeah sure! (Lifts up his feet and puts them in the air on the couch and she starts to clean the floor)
Lois: thank you Derrick.
Derrick: don't mention it hottie. I mean boobs, I mean hooker, I mean Stripper! No, no, no! Umm…
Lois: what?
Derrick: huh?
Lois: oh, okay. (Walks away)
Derrick: I am so lucky that is a Griffin says "Huh" then the person will completely forget about what they did a second ago. It was my great Grandpa John Griffin.
(One time)
John: (Looks just like Derrick)
(I will use the same formula that Peter uses when he has a flashback of someone in his family they look just like him and the same with Derrick)
John: (Walks in to his wife at the table) I slept with a hooker, ate 6 pounds of pork, shot a man to death, and drove home drunk.
Wife: how could you?
John: huh?
Wife: oh, okay.
(Happy Go Lucky)
Peter: (Sitting in his office) (He's looking around at the office and playing with his pencil) hmm… (Starts to sharpen the pencil even though it's already sharp enough) hehehehehehehehe… stupid sharpener doesn't even know that the pencil already sharpen… stupid pencil sharpener… hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Person: (Comes walking in) Mr. Griffin…
Peter: ah… yeah…
Person: can I come in?
Peter: ah… yeah…
Person: do you know my name Mr. Griffin.
Peter: ah… yeah…
Person: what is it then?
Peter: how the hell am I supposed to know I just met you?
Person: (Sighs) my name is Jack T. Johnson, all the head of manufacturing people are required to have an assistant and I was hired to be said assistant.
Peter: so… I can tell you… to do anything for me and I won't have to do it myself?
Jack: yes… (Sounding very upset)
Peter: ah! Sweet! You think you can jump through that glass window.
Jack: (Goes head 1st thorough the glass window and runs back up to Peter looking all fine) what else do you desire?
Peter: wow! My very own slave… I never thought the day would come!
(One time)
Peter: (Is shown running in a forest with other slaves on the run from the masters, Peter trips and falls over a stream of water)
Slave Master: (On horse appears in front of Peter)
Peter: I will not fall to you!
Slave Master: give it up boooy! You lost!
Peter: I shall show no pity!
(Later)
Peter: (Is shown tied up on ropes and getting lashes)
Wipper: squeal boy! Squeal!
Peter: Pet… Pet… Peter J. Griffin.
Wipper: what?
Peter: Pet-Peter J... (Shouts aloud) Peter J. Griffin! Peter J. Griffin! Peter J. Griffin!
(Find out what I was spoofing)
(Home)
Derrick: (Is shown walking around the living room going back and forth) what am I to do with this god forsaken problem I have?
Lois: what problem?
Derrick: umm… nothing…
Lois: I got an A in Psychiatry maybe I can help you.
Derrick: well… this doesn't involve help from a physiatrist. Mind: well actually I am in desperate need for one… Out of Mind: I'm sure I can figure a way out of this.
Lois: are you sure?
Derrick: of course I'm sure god damn it!
Lois: well, jeeze I was just trying to help you, you bastard!
Derrick: huh?
Lois: oh, hi Derrick, I'm just going to fold the clothes. (Walks away)
Derrick: works everytime.
(Happy Go Lucky)
(Lunch room)
(Peter sits with Jack)
(Executives start sitting next to him)
Executive: wow Peter! You have an assistant!
Executive # 2: that is so cool!
Peter: and he does everything I tell him. Act like a monkey Jack.
Jack: okay. (Jumps on the table and puts his hands on his head and starts making monkey sounds jumping up and down and he trashes peoples food and screams like a monkey in their face he continues to do this)
Peter: isn't he great!
Jack: (Puts someone's bread on his head)
Executive # 3: you Peter, are going places. (Pointing toward Peter)
Peter: yes! I'm finally popular amongst the executives! Sweet!
Jack: (Is shown running around in the back running like a monkey)
Mr. Weed: (Comes in) good job Peter, everyone will know you more now, they love you!
Peter: that's freaking sweet!
Mr. Weed: now let's all go get drunk, my treat!
Peter: hell yeah!
(At a club)
(The song "Get down tonight is playing")
(Peter is shown with a bear tube down his mouth with beer coming out drinking it)
Executives: drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Peter: ah, my freaking god! This is… is… so perfect! (Drinks even more) all on me boys!
Narrator: and Peter lived happily ever after… (Takes a drink of beer) woooooooooooooow! Now that's the stuff!
(Home)
Lois: (Standing in her room)
Derrick: (Comes barging in)
Lois: ahhhhhhhhhhh! Jesus Derrick you scared the crap out of me!
Derrick: we need to talk!
Lois: (Turns and looks at Derrick) well, what is it?
Derrick: I haven't been completely honest with you since I got here…
Lois: what do you have to tell me?
Derrick: now this may not be easy… but… I… uh….
Lois: what is it?
Derrick: I uh….
Lois: I'm all ears.
Derrick: I need you to fix the hair dryer it didn't work this morning….
Lois: oh, that damn hair dryer, alright I'll get it fixed by tomorrow.
Derrick: okay… Mind: stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Lois: well, see you at dinner Derrick.
Derrick: okay…
Lois: (Walks out of the room)
Derrick: as much as I hate myself for loving Lois… I still feel pretty good inside that I had the heart to almost tell her my feelings… I am such a good person! I should be given a gold medal!
Dustin Hoffman: (Standing there all of the sudden)
Derrick: can I help you?
Dustin: (Hits Derrick on the head with a crowbar) (He then grabs him and drags him away)
(End Credits)
Note: hey, people tell me what you think of Derrick. I need people to tell me. The info I can tell you about him is that he is smarter and skinner then Peter and he understands Stewie. What do you like or dislike, aside the fact he's mean to Meg and loves Lois, or maybe you like that about it. Share what you think.