Chapter One: The Mystery of Boys

Ha ha! I have no idea why I decided to write a Fan Fic on Georgia Nicolson, but I guess I just couldn't help myself… I also want to do one on the Pirates of the Caribbean, so that should be coming soon as well.

I know this story is kind of lame, but I just wanted to try my hand at the tricky art of tragic-teenager style diaries. I'm fourteen myself, but I'm no where near as dramatic as Gee Gee… am I? Hmmm…

Your confused buddy,

Stephanie Ridings

Friday, 1st August

In my room

6:00 pm

My life has once again crossed into that dreaded Realm of Poo.

Despite the fact that I (meaning me, Georgia Nicolson) has gotten to number six on the snogging scale with Masimo (meaning Him, the most gorgey Sex God in the universe… actually, he's the only Sex God in the universe, but you get my gist and nub).

My well-respected Pantsmaster and Horn Master, seems to have crossed the line into total bonkerosity. It is about time, really. I don't know why I didn't see it coming.

All the Foxwood lads came to watch the MacUseless rehearsals again today. Ellen had a ditherspaz of the worst sort when Dave the Laugh walked in. She looked like somebody had stuck a hot poker up her bum-oley, which, coincidentally, somebody should do. She is sooo uncool about Dave the L.. She practically stalks him.

Jas says that I stalked Robbie, the ex-Sex God, or Guitar Plucker, as I must now call him. I disagree, of course. I would never go to that extreme. You simply cannot listen to old Mrs Jassy Knickers. She is full of lies.

Anyway, where was I, before I so rudely interrupted myself? Ummm… oh, I remember!

I wanted to tell Dave the L. about my snogging extravaganza with the Italian Stallion, but Ellen was constantly flicking her hair at him, so that I could hardly get near enough to say 'hi'.

The Pantsmaster had not dropped his act since the last MacUseless rehearsal and I thought I was going to split at the seams from laughing so much. (I don't actually have any seams, but if I did, I probably would have split at them).

RoRo was asking Miss Wilson about the ancient times when she used to go out with the Swan of Avon. Miss Wilson was getting all red and embarrassed, insisting that she didn't date old Billy Shakespeare. But we know better. You can totally tell, by the way she talks about him so much.

Then Dave came over and asked why she never dated him. "Was he too busy or something?" he asked. "The Devil makes work for idle PANTS."

Oh, how I laughed.

Miss Wilson made us stop eventually, when I said, "Macduff was from his mother's PANTS untimely ripped."

The Ace Gang were getting our stuff from the cloak room when Mabs told me that she had seen Rachel, and she looked really upset from the whole break up with Dave thing. I don't blame him for dumping her; she was SO annoying.

But I don't care. I love everybody! Nothing can stop my happinosity now that Masimo and I have got to number six! I am in Happy Valley! Lalalalalalala… anyway.

I saw Dave and Ellen standing at the gate and watched him give her a little kiss on the cheek. Her face went so red it looked like a bloody lighthouse. I felt a bit funny when I saw him kiss her. I don't know why. Dave the Laugh can go out with whomever he likes, I am happily satisfied with a Sex God as my plaything.

Today, it was just Jas and I walking home, because Rosie had gone into the woods with Sven for some 'quality time', and Mabs and Jools were off shopping.

Dave came and walked with us as we passed him. I said to him, "Pantsmaster, can I tell you about Masimo?"

He didn't seem to keen. Neither did Jas, for that matter, but she had a reason; Hunky was coming home in two hours, which didn't leave much time to do make-up. In fact, she got so frustrated at Dave and me that she ran off home, leaving me to talk to my Horn Master alone.

Dave looked after her wistfully, saying "It's nice, really, isn't it, to be that simple?"

I looked at him. What in the name of Elton John's codpiece was he on about?

"What?" I said. "You would like to be as stupid as Jas?"

"No, I mean Jas and Tom. They just like each other and that's it, no sign of the Cosmic Horn or red-bottomosity."

I could tell that Dave the Laugh was having an unlaugh moment, which was not good, because I wanted to talk about he Italian Stallion, and my snogging adventures. "Dave," I said. "I was going to ask you about Mas –"

But he didn't seem to be listening. In fact, he stopped walking suddenly and turned, so he was standing in front of me. I nearly knocked into him, nunga-nugnas first. He grabbed my elbows to steady me. "What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them?"

Oh God, he had gone all girly on me. What's the point of a boy if they're going to be girls, I ask you? No point, that's what. He was looking at me in a funny way, and there was something strange in his face that I couldn't really put my finger on. Something not Dave the Laugh-ish, if you know what I mean.

But I didn't want to talk about his love-life, I wanted to tell him about mine.

"Look, I'm sure that if you went back to Rachel she would forgive you, she is remarkably stup… er… stupendously nice."

Dave looked down at me and smiled in a sort of sad way. "You just don't get it, do you?" he said.

"Oh, you mean Ellen. She would have you back tomorrow; she has no pridenosity." It was kind of strange talking to him while standing this close. I could feel his breath on my face, and it was making my bottom flush slightly. Down, bottom, down.

"You great kittykat loonie. I am talking about you and me."

I stared at him for a second, doing my impressive imitation of a goldfish. I must say, I'm getting quite skilled at it these days.

"Don't be daft," I managed to say.

He looked at me without saying anything for a second. My red-bottom was getting difficult to control. Dave had a very nice-looking mouth. Sort of firm but soft at the same time. I could feel myself puckering-up. Good grief this was sad. I couldn't control my own lips!

Then, quite suddenly, Dave ducked his head and pressed his lips to mine. And we snogged, right there, in the middle of the street! Anybody could have seen us. But for some (possibly non-existent) reason, I didn't give a flying pigs bum who saw. I guess I must have lost my mind in the puckerosity of the moment.

We got up to number five with a hint of six when he pulled back, breathing slightly heavier. He still looked kind of sad, but I didn't know what to say to him. So I didn't say anything at all. I just stood there, mouth slightly ajar, staring at him. It wasn't very helpful, I guess, because he looked at me for a second before turning around and walking off.

Lads, what can you do? They're bonkers, the lot of them.

So now I am vair, vair confused, and also, puzzled. What was he talking about? Him and me? Losing the person meant for you? What fresh hell?

Finally! A long chapter! I never thought that I'd actually be able to do that but what do you know? I did! Whooo hooo!

There should be more coming to this story, and PLEASE review. I beg you! But don't flame, because I will laugh. I love to laugh. Really, I laugh at practically everything. It's true.

Your laughing pal,

Stephanie Ridings.