Chapter Two: Nip Libbling

Heggo, peoples! I have yet another chappie for ya! It was 2,232 words or something, so you should be proud of me. If you're not proud of me, then you can... yeah, well, whatever.

You get the point. Be proud of me, and review to show it. Please?

Your hard-working, frantically-typing pal,

Stephanie Ridings.

Saturday 2nd August

In my room

9:00 am

I was up at the crack of dawn like a startled earwig when Vati started banging on my door. I am indeed le genius, for I had dragged my chest of drawers in front of the door. This was so that I could get some peaceful beauty sleep without Libby's cold botty creeping into my bed with Charlie Horse, Scuba Diving Barbie, Our Lord Sandra and whatever slimy vegetable that she had picked up recently.

The anti-Libby and co. plan seemed to have worked, but el Beardo did not seem to notice my geniosity, and continued his attempts to lay siege on my door.

"Open your bloody door!" he shouted.

That's some way to wake your amazing and beautiful daughter, isn't it? I told him so as I climbed out of bed and dragged my drawers out of the way.

Vati fell through my door, and almost landed heavily on his gigantic schnozzle, which he so rudely passed onto me, but he stopped himself by grabbing onto my doorframe. Bugger.

I put my hands on my hips and looked him in the most impatient way I could muster, considering my gigantic shapeless jimmy-jams. I have learnt the hard way that it is vair vair difficult to be mad at anybody when you look like a prat yourself.

But Vati seemed not to notice my look, or if he did, he ignored it completely and said, "There's somebody at the door for you. Why does he have to come so bloody early in the morning?"

"Um… I have no idea," I said, curious myself as to who it was. I ducked passed him and trotted down the stairs.

When I got to the front door, I found Mutti talking to no other than Dave the Laugh! And I was wearing my poofy Telly Tuby jimmy-jams! Again! He smiled at me and I gave a little squealed and dashed back up to my room faster than Angus could down a mouldy sausage (i.e. very fast).

When I got there I glared at Vati for not telling me who was at the door (although I suppose he couldn't have known… but whatever) and pushed him out of my room so that I could change.

I grabbed a pair of jeans and a random shirt that had not been sabotaged by Angus, Libby or Cross-Eyed Gordy, brushed my hair, did the basic make-up ritual essential for any venture outside my room (mascara, lippy, eyeliner, blusher) and dashed back downstairs.

Mutti had gone off somewhere, but Dave was leaning against my door, looking vair vair groovy in black jeans and a black shirt that said in really big white letters, "Who are you, and WHY are you reading my shirt?"

I tried not to laugh by keeping my lips firmly shut, like I read in a book by Melissa Trent. It didn't work, though. My face sort of stretched out, and then I snorted. Stupid Melissa. What does she know? And because of her, I had snorted in front of Dave the Laugh.

Dave was smiling at me. I liked his smile. It made me think of nip libbling. I could feel my red bottomosity beginning to rear its ugly head and began to panic slightly.

Dave didn't notice, though. He just said, "Shall we walk?" and held out his arm to me. Really, he held his arm out to me! I had no idea what to do. I just stared at his arm for a little while, and closed the door behind me. I heard Vati's voice shout something to do with 'Libby' and 'poo', but I had no idea what. I was to busy staring at Dave's arm.

Eventually, he dropped his arm and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the doormat and down the front path. We walked in silence for a while, but then Dave dropped my hand suddenly, which made me notice that he'd actually been holding it. I hadn't even noticed; it seemed perfectly normal to me.

Then he said, "Don't worry about what I said the other day, I know how weird you can get about stuff like that."

I looked up at him. He seemed to by back to being Dave the Laugh again, which was good. I didn't get to say anything before he started talking again.

"It was just after this whole thing with Rachel, and I was just… reaching out. Do you get what I mean?"

I blinked. I've not been very conversational lately. I think the snogging extravaganza with Masimo must have put me into shock or something.

Dave smiled again. "So we can just forget about all that, okay?" I nodded.

"So does that mean that I can tell you about Masimo?" I asked. We had reached the park now, and were just walking around it, weaving through the few huge trees and bushes that the park owners had decided to keep so that happy snoggers could hide behind.

"Of course, Sex Kitty," he said.

I told him everything. From when Masimo had put his hand on my back to guide me through the door of the restaurant, to the amazing number six on the snogging scale after dinner and the extraordinary nip libbling.

When I was finished, he looked at me and grinned, his naughty, Dave the Laugh grin. "Even if he is a bit flash, and a groveller, and – did you say nip-libbling? What's that supposed to mean?"

I could feel my face going red. Ooops, I hadn't meant to say that. Ah well, too late now.

"Um… I – I meant lip nibbling," I mumbled. I looked away from him. This was too embarrassing.

"What?" he asked, grinning that annoyingly gorgeous grin. He had stopped walking and took a step toward me.

"Lip nibbling…" I muttered, looking at my shoes. They were quite nice shoes, actually. Mutti had bought them for me the other day, from that shoe shop around the corner from –

"Lip nibbling…" Dave said. He looked up at the branches of the tree we were standing under, stroking his chin thoughtfully; as if he had a beard, which he doesn't, thank Our Lord Sandra. "You know, I may have heard of this particular fatal symptom of… erm… yeah. The terrible Yeah Disease." He glanced down at me, stepping back a little, and moving his hands as if he were holding a clip-board and pen. He really is bonkers, you know.

"So, Miss Nicolson, as to this lip nibbling… when was the first time it was performed upon you?"

I looked up at him, crossing my arms. "You should know," I said. And he should, because the first time I had been nip-libbled was by him, way back when he was my red herring.

"Should I, Miss Nicolson?" He was giving me that naughty smile again. I could feel the frustrated snoggosity building in my chest. "How so?"

I rolled my eyes at him. What did he want me to do? Describe the kiss to him? He really was mental. I couldn't do that! "Doctor Laugh, tell me of this 'Yeah Disease'." Phew, subject changed with the skill that only I could muster. Quite an achievement, considering that I was almost dying trying not to laugh.

"The 'Yeah Disease' was founded on the second of August, 2006, by the handsome Doctor Laugh. And since that day, people the world over have been wary of its fatal symptoms and –"

Trying not to laugh was getting too hard. I snorted (for the second time) and then choked. This, needless to say, does not look good on anybody. Then I had a coughing fit. Thank you Lord Sandra. I am turning Buddhist as soon as I get home.

"Aye!" Dave shouted, stepping over to me and patting my back. "This is yet another sign of the Yeah disease! You are surely suffering from it."

"And how –" I really couldn't stop coughing now. It was starting to hurt. "- how can I fix it then?"

"Well," he said. "I find that a quick snog tends to do the trick…"

I stopped coughing then, and swallowed really loudly instead.

"Or just talking about snogging, it seems." Dave wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held his other fist to the sky, as if he had just scored a goal, or something. He really is bonkers.

"Yet another patient saved by the famous Doctor Laugh! All praises to me!" And then, he turned around and snogged me. Right there, in the park, under the tree.

He'd completely caught me by surprise. I gasped, because he'd stolen my breath (which I happen to like keeping, as it's crucial to my survival and all).

He slid his hands down to my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck. He really was a good snogger. And nip libbler.

When we came up for air, he said, "Phoar, brilliant snogging, Georgia."

I glared at him. Time to get revenge, I think. Revenge for all those times he snogged me without warning. For snogging me when I already have a boyfriend.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Not to bad yourself, Doctor Laugh," I said.

He smiled. "Of course I –"

And then I stood up and tip-toes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and snogged him. He was caught off guard, and sort of gasped between my lips. Serves him right, I thought. I am such a minx.

But he seemed to get over it really quickly, which was annoying, because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me back up against the tree. I wanted to be in control.

So I nip libbled him. Ha! That'll teach him to mess with this red-bottomed minx. He moaned. That gave me the Horn slightly. He moaned again. Shutup moaning! My read bottom was rising rapidly (ha ha, that's a tongue twister. I dare myself to say it three times, really fast. Risingrapidly risingrapidly rising – er… anyway). This was not good. I had to keep control. I must not lose this vicious battle of… erm… tongues?

I pulled back and did sticky eyes on him. Oh, I am such a naughty minx. He was breathing hard (so was I, but that's not the point). I grinned up at him, remembering to keep my nose firmly tucked in.

"Serves you right for getting me against the tree," I said. "Now if you could just –"

He had both his arms on either side of me, trapping me against the tree. This was not good. He was going to get me back for what I'd done to him. He was looking at me in that looking-at-me way. Which I hate. But when Dave does it, it also gives me the Horn. Which is bad. I tried to duck under his arm, but he moved it, and caught my wrist as I was making my brave escape from red-bottomosity.

As soon as he touched my wrist, my whole arm sort of burned and I couldn't take the frustrated snog-build up anymore. I turned around and slammed him up against the tree, snogging him as if my life depended on it. Which it probably did. I felt as though my chest was going to explode with the pressure. It really can't be healthy. Especially for Dave. But if you think about it, it's all his fault for teaching me in the ways of the Horn in the first place.

I pushed one leg between his, pressing my knee into the tree. I have no idea why I did that, it just sort of happened. Dave started that moaning thing again, which is not what you want. I wanted him to stop moaning so that I could get my revenge, and then go home. Was that too much to ask? Besides, I read that the girls are meant to do the moaning, not the lads. What am I talking about? Who cares? As long as I got my –

Dave was letting his hands 'drift' onto my bottom. It was flushing in response. Uh oh. Time to retreat!

I pulled back, sliding my lips along his bottom lip for a second (oh, I am such a naughty, naughty minx), before looking at him. There was that thing in his eyes that was there yesterday. Uh oh. This was getting dangerous. Definitely time to leave.

I stepped back from him, straitening my shirt.

"S'later," I said, pointing over my shoulder, in the rough direction of where I though my house could be. I think it was more to the left, but that is not the point. The point is that I was leaving.

Dave didn't say anything. He just got up off the tree and stared at me. Which is really annoying. You'd think he'd say "s'later" or something, wouldn't you? That's what Dave the Laugh always does. But he didn't. I wonder if that's a bad thing.

I think it served him right, that I should say "S'later," because nobody knows what it means, and it is very, very annoying. And lads tend to say it all the time.

Then I turned around really quickly and ran all the way home. Well, not all the way home, but until I was out of sight. I'm not fit enough to go all the way home. I learnt the hard way not to run too far, or you'll get a head like a beetroot. Which is not what you want.

When I got home, I went straight to my room.

Tut-tut, Georgia, you naughty minx. So, peoples, do you think Dave got what he deserved, or did I break his charactor? Tell me, I need to know. Of course, you all know how to tell me, don't you? You click on that little purple button on the bottom of the screen and REVIEW! Review, review, review! It makes me want to sing, it makes me want to smile. SO REVIEW, people!

From me,

Stephanie Ridings.