THE KEY TO VICTORY

a story written by

DELICIOUS GEARS

EPISODE 02: Just Another Manic Monday

Like a lot of people that exist in this world, Miyake Shinobu hated Mondays. Though she was never as passionate in her hatred as her boyfriend was, every Monday morning routine felt like an exceptional slog to get through. She was glad when she finally managed to get her uniform on, and head out to school.

This Monday morning was no different. Even after all of the excitement and fear that came from that whole rigmarole over aliens invading, life somehow managed to return to its usual staid course practically overnight. Even her boyfriend Moroboshi Ataru, who she had to tie up with heavy rope to keep him from trying to get to Shibuya during the Tag Game, seemed to be much more agreeable now.

Which meant that Shinobu could at least look forward to another boring, run of the mill school day. Another day spent with her boyfriend, trying to rein in his more deviant compulsions. Another week of having to learn and study, so she could get into a decent university, get herself a good career.

Shinobu tried to squelch the errant thought in the back of her mind, that popped in ever since she first saw the alien spaceships descending over Japan: that maybe her life was boring and staid, and desperately needed to be livened up by any means necessary. That was a line of thinking that would most likely end in a horrible maiming, at best.

"Heads up!" A voice called out behind her. "Make way! Make way!"

Shinobu blinked, and turned to see a craggy-faced middle-aged man lugging a flat-bed cart behind him, carrying what looked like a large bundle of stuff under a massive cloth blanket, coloured blue with roaring ocean waves around the edges. Confused, she quickly stepped aside to let him run by, lugging his cart down the street.

Shinobu watched as the cart carried on down the road. She could see what looked to be a rather handsome young man sitting back on the back of the cart, flicking through a pamphlet. A young man with a face that looked very familiar to Shinobu.

Shinobu blinked, and dashed up to the back of the cart. "Excuse me!" She called out, jogging up behind, her eyes focused on the youth.

The boy looked up from his pamphlet, which Shinobu could now see was called So You're Marrying A Princess From Outer Space: A Guide To Human/Alien Relationships, written by Derek Bacon. He nodded to Shinobu. "What d'ya want?"

Shinobu grabbed hold of the back of the cart, trying to keep pace. "You couldn't be the boy that was all over TV all of last week, are you? The boy who faced that Oni-girl in the Tag Game..."

The boy's gaze seemed to sharpen, as if he seemed to be readying himself for a fight. Shinobu blinked in surprise for a moment. "D-don't worry! I'm not looking to take advantage or anything! I just want to know what you're doing here!"

The boy stared at Shinobu for a long while, before relaxing against the cloth bundle. "Beats the hell outta me. Me and my old man, we've been carrying this cart for the past two days, give or take."

"Ryuunosuke!" The man yelled from the front. "You better be pushing the cart back there! It sure feels heavy here!"

"That's just cause you're gettin' older!" Ryuunosuke shouted back. Then he turned back to Shinobu. "So what d'ya wanna know?"

"Just what you might be doing here," Shinobu replied. "This is..."

Shinobu was suddenly cut off as the cart suddenly lurched backwards, causing Ryuunosuke to tumble off into Shinobu, followed by a whole bunch of furniture and boxes raining down on their heads. Shinobu squeaked as Ryuunosuke's face ended up being flattened against her chest.

For a moment, Shinobu couldn't believe what was happening. "G-get off me!" She squeaked. "Otherwise everyone here is going to get the wrong idea about you and me!"

Ryuunosuke's eyes bugged out as he realised where she was, and burst up out from the pile of stuff, leaving Shinobu still on the ground. He turned to face his father, face contorted with rage. "You old bastard! You tryin' to kill me or somethin'?!" Then he ducked as something flew past his head, his father's yelling distinct.

Shinobu crawled out from the wreckage as Ryuunosuke and his father started lobbing things at one another. As the fighting continued, several other students quickly sprinted on to school in order to avoid getting beaned with a stray heavy object. And as much as Shinobu was tempted to stay and watch, she knew she would probably prefer to go somewhere safer with them.

So Shinobu quickly scrambled away from the fight and sprinted to the gates of Tomobiki High School. She could already see her boyfriend waiting for her at the gates, a bored look on his face.

"Shinobu!" Ataru said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What kept you?"

"I had a bit of a run in this morning," Shinobu explained, pushing Ataru off her. "But I managed to get here, and I don't expect that they're going to be following me here..." She turned to look back towards the gates...

...where she caught sight of the old man wheeling the cart into the schoolyard.

"Then again," Shinobu said wearily, as the man slowly approached the front of the school, "today seems to be proving me wrong quite a bit..."

"Well, it is a Monday after all," Ataru said. "I could never quite get the hang of them, myself."

The old man pointed towards Tomobiki High School with a single finger, his eyes burning. "Look, Ryuunosuke! Here is the tumultuous ocean that we now face!" He turned to face Ryuunosuke. "I expect to see you put your all into your studies, boy!"

"Yeah," Ryuunosuke replied. "I just wanna know one thing, though. When you filled in my application, what did you put in for me?"

Ryuunosuke's father blinked, staring down at his son like he was made out of wood. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" Ryuunosuke roared. "Which did you put in for me?!"

When he heard that question, the look on the face of Ryuunosuke's father turned into something that reminded Shinobu way too much of the kind of expression that she'd see on Ataru's face whenever a really pretty girl would walk by.

And it was enough for Ryuunosuke to turn red-faced with rage. "You piece of shit!" He burst forward into a screaming charge, ready to beat the hell out of his father, as the other students watched in a mixture of amusement and confusion.

Shinobu could only gape as Ryuunosuke launched into a wild frenzy, trying to beat up his father. Vicious swinging haymakers doled out, left and right. But even as hard and as fast Ryuunosuke tried, no one hit was landed. The old man seemed to float and dance away from those blows, as light and indifferent as a leaf on the wind.

In fact, Shinobu wasn't even sure that the old man was even aware he was dodging Ryuunosuke's blows, as he still had that same ridiculous expression on his face. For all intents and purposes, he seemed to be toying with the boy.

And then, suddenly, the man leapt into the air, far above everyone's head, arcing over to land on top of the bundle of luggage on the cart. And from Somewhere-Shinobu wasn't exactly sure where-the man pulled out a blue sailor uniform, fluttering in the wind.

"See this, Ryuunosuke?!" The old man called out. "This is the uniform that you're so desperate to wear, isn't it?"

Ryuunosuke's eyes widened as he caught sight of the blue uniform. "That's a sailor uniform... Where did you get that?"

"That doesn't matter in the least, boy!" Mr. Fujinami said. "What matters is this: if you want to wear this uniform, you're going to have to defeat me for the right! As long as I can draw a breath, you're going to have to attend school like the man you are supposed to be!"

Shinobu blinked in confusion. A boy... fighting to wear a girls' uniform? Fighting with his father, at that? She turned to look at Ryuunosuke once more, hoping for an answer. But now there seemed to be a gleam in his eye that was unmistakable.

"So if I defeat you," Ryuunosuke began slowly, "then I can wear that sailor uniform to school?"

Shinobu stepped forward. "What are you even talking about?! You can't wear that! That's a girl's uniform!"

Ryuunosuke just nodded. "Yeah, I know. Ever since I was a kid, I would watch all those girls passing by in their sailor uniforms, so happy and carefree..." The boy clenched a fist so hard that his whole arm started to shake. "All I ever wished was that I would be able to wear the same thing!" His gaze hardened as he stared his father down. "Come on, then! I'll take you on."

In one fluid motion, Ryuunosuke ripped off his shirt-her shirt. Shinobu saw the large cloth bandage wrapped around her torso, binding down her breasts to make them look flat. And almost instantly, Shinobu understood exactly what was going on.

Unfortunately, Shinobu was so shocked by this discovery that she barely noticed the gasps and yells of surprise and excitement from the boys around her. And she managed to completely miss the enraptured stare of her boyfriend, the familiar lust-addled gaze that she grew to hate with all of her being, even as she mostly loved and appreciated the rest of him.

So when Ryuunosuke charged forwards, fist raised, ready to strike her father down, she didn't expect somebody to suddenly leap forwards and wrap himself around her body, weighing her down and knocking her off balance. Ataru had decided, right in the middle of this decisive battle, to try and latch himself to Ryuunosuke like a limpet. Which meant that Ryuunosuke found herself trying to fight Ataru off her body. Which also meant that Ryuunosuke didn't see her father delivering the savage kick to her face before it was way too late.

Shinobu watched in horror as Ryuunosuke flew through the air, like her father did, seeming to float in an arc before slamming back down to earth, flat on her face. She sprinted over to her side, kneeling down beside her. "Ryuunosuke-kun! Are you alright?!" She helped raise Ryuunosuke back up to her knees.

"Just as I thought, Ryuunosuke!" Her father cackled. "You're ten years too young to ever defeat me!"

Shinobu gazed at Ryuunosuke's face as her father gloated above them. It was completely slack, eyes wide, battered and bruised. She could see tears streaming down her cheeks. The sight of it broke Shinobu's heart into a million pieces.

Slowly, Shinobu rose to her feet, and turned around to face Mr. Fujinami. "What kind of father are you?" She stepped up to the old man, now glaring down at her. "What kind of man are you to make his daughter go through this?"

"What gives you the right to whine at me about how I should raise my son?" Mr Fujinami shot back. "My son should be strong enough to stand on his own two feet, to be able to withstand the stormy waves of the sea!" He prodded Shinobu on the cheek. "If a woman has to stand up for a man, that just makes him a weakling!"

Shinobu reached up and grabbed Mr. Fujinami's arm. "I'll make you regret saying that."

Mr. Fujinami scowled down at Shinobu. "Really? What'll you do?" He looked over at Ryuunosuke. "Ryuunosuke! Stop snivelling and act like a man!" Then he turned to leave...

Only for him to end up straining against Shinobu's grip. He looked back at Shinobu in confusion, before trying to walk away once more, yanking as hard as he possibly could. But he couldn't move even one step.

In fact, Shinobu only tightened her grip; tight enough that she could probably bruise his skin. She could see that his bronzed hand was already starting to turn a little red from the blood flow being restricted. "Where do you think you're going?!"

Now Mr. Fujinami was scrabbling for purchase, trying to crawl and struggle away from Shinobu's grip. His hand was probably starting to go numb by now. "Whatever black magic this is, woman, I want no part of it. Let me go, already!"

"Why?" Ataru asked, smirking as he came up behind Shinobu, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're a big strong man, aren't you? Surely you could handle one defenceless little girl!"

Shinobu turned around to glare at Ataru, in such a way that made him shrink back in terror. "What's so funny? Don't you realise that if it wasn't for you, Ryuunosuke-kun might be wearing a sailor uniform by now?!"

Ataru's eyes bugged out as he realised what was coming. He stumbled backwards, trying to get away from his girlfriend before she could do anything to him that would be painful. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't quick enough to get out of Shinobu's range.

Shinobu swung the flailing Mr. Fujinami into Ataru like a human-shaped morning-star, smashing him headlong into a tree. To her satisfaction, Ataru slid down the bark to lay in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Then Shinobu swung Mr. Fujinami around her head several times, before lobbing him into the air, flying clear over the walls of the schoolyard. As the old man flew across the sky, Shinobu took a deep breath, and exhaled out all of her spent rage. She didn't know if it was enough to make up for Ryuunosuke losing her chance to wear a sailor uniform, but it sure felt good.

Shinobu turned to look at Ryuunosuke... Or rather, the spot where Ryuunosuke was before everything went off. The spot that was now empty. Panic filled her as she looked around the schoolyard, trying to find her new friend.

But Ryuunosuke was nowhere to be found.

Slowly, Ryuunosuke faded back into consciousness, the sight of a distant face drawing her out. After a moment, Ryuunosuke realised that the face belonged to Lum, her green hair waving in the distant wind.

Ryuunosuke blinked again, and the vision of Lum turned out to be news footage projected on a wall. Footage that she could instantly tell was taken from the Tag Game the week before. As the fog in her mind slowly lifted, her eyes scanned the room to see five figures surrounding her, gazing rapt at the video of Lum dancing through the sky.

Suddenly, a light snapped on, and Ryuunosuke shut her eyes as the light stung her eyes. When she opened them again, she could see the room better; massive grinding gears seemed to suggest that she was inside the school clock tower. And now she could see the five other people in better detail.

Four of them seemed to be students, with the uniform on and everything. One looked tall and lanky, with a dark curly pompadour; another was short and stout, about three thirds wide as he was tall; and then there was the little shrimpy kid that was just about tall enough to avoid being mistaken either for a child or officially classified as a dwarf.

"Gentlemen, this is all that has been made public of Lum-chan so far," the fourth student announced to his friends. He was almost as tall as the guy with the pompadour, but not quite, with a square face covered with large square-rimmed glasses.

"The beautiful Lum-chan has most unexpectedly and inexplicably fallen for that idiotic punk, Fujinami Ryuunosuke!" The boy in glasses went on. "After what happened last week, she has returned to her home planet in order to apply for an Alien Registration Permit!"

Ryuunosuke felt a stab of rage go through her. Idiotic punk?! Who does this nerd think he is?!

"We, noble students who cannot endure our longing for Lum-chan, hereby announce the formation of the Committee to Return Lum-chan to Earth!" The glasses boy said, "To enact procedures to return our beloved back to our rightful place as soon as possible!"

As the other students cheered, the glasses kid turned around to stare down at Ryuunosuke. "In order to do that, let me introduce you to our key component to luring Lum-chan back!" He grinned, as the other three students crowded around her.

"Lum-chan's inexplicable fiancee, who has most fortunately come here to study at our school: Fujinami Ryuunosuke!"

A spotlight clicked on, bathing Ryuunosuke in bright light. Around her, the students applauded, as if she was the guest of honour at some event. If the guest of honour had to be bound in chains to be brought in, of course.

Ryuunosuke tugged at the chains, attached to the rafters above her head. "Is this supposed to convince me to help you guys? If so, you're not doing any good!"

"Quiet!" The glasses-wearing kid said sharply. "We don't care what it takes, as long as Lum-chan returns to us!"

"And what if she totally blows you off?!" Ryuunosuke said, rising up to her feet. "Don't think you've thought of that one, have ya?!"

"I said QUIET!" The boy shouted. "If you're not planning on cooperating now, then maybe our friend from the Tomobiki High Torture Research Society will change your mind!"

As the glasses spoke, the fifth person stepped forward. He didn't look like a student at all; he looked more like a pro wrestler, or some kind of villain from a kid's superhero TV show. The fact that he was wearing a dark leotard, and a black cape with purple lining and a high neck didn't do anything to counter that.

"You seriously think you can even lay your hands on me?" Ryuunosuke asked. "You guys are even dumber than I thought!"

"That's enough!" The boy said angrily. "We'll make you see things our way! Sadoyama-kun, get her!"

The man-mountain grinned as he slowly advanced on Ryuunosuke, pulling out a leather flail from inside his cape. He didn't seem to notice as Ryuunosuke wound the chains around her arms, hidden behind her back.

But Sadoyama soon noticed Ryuunosuke leaping upwards, and catching his head tightly between her rock-hard thighs. The large man struggled and tried to pull himself away from Ryuunosuke, but she only tightened her grip. Then Ryuunosuke yanked herself backwards, lifting Sadoyama off his feet, flipping him over and pile-driving him head-first into the wooden floor.

The other four students gaped in horror as the impact shook them, and tore the chains from the rafters. As Ryuunosuke rose back onto her feet, they quickly huddled behind their bespectacled leader within seconds.

"What a joke," Ryuunosuke said, bringing up the chain in her hands. "Lum-chan was a better challenge than this guy. She could fly all over the place, and shoot lightning from her fingers. And even then, I defeated her in just over an hour!" She glared at the four schoolboys, her eyes full of fire. "I've been fighting for my life ever since I was born! My old man made me work all day, every day, even during the winter months! He would beat the crap out of me if I said one thing wrong!"

Ryuunosuke stepped forward, clenching her fists around the metal chains. "And you four losers thought you could bully me?!"

The bespectacled kid pasted on a smile. "Now now, we don't like violence! We're quite willing to negotiate with you if you bring Lum back!" He stepped forward, hands clasped together in a friendly gesture. "We can give you all the answers to the exams and help you pass with flying colours! We can save you a pot of curry for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays! We can even help introduce you to the loveliest girls at Busumetsu High School...!"

"So now you want to bribe me?!" Ryuunosuke countered. "You guys make me sick!" She tried to take another step forward, but a hand grabbed her chain and yanked her back down to the floor. Before she could even move, a foot stomped down on the back of her head and pressed hard.

"Quiet, you moronic boy!" Mr. Fujinami bellowed. "I'm not letting you reject an offer like this!" He turned to look at the four students. "Now then, what was it that you boys wanted?"

Outside, Shinobu and Ataru raced up the stairs of the school, headed straight for the clock tower. After checking almost every classroom around the school, all that was left was the very top of the clock tower, the usual haunt for some of the more unsavoury students at Tomobiki.

Shinobu shoved open the trapdoor, glancing around the room. "Definitely looks like there's been some shenanigans here!"

"Shenanigans?" Ataru asked as he peered in beside her. "These must've been some real crazy shenanigans to break the floorboards like that!"

"No time to argue!" Shinobu said as she climbed inside. "We need to save Ryuunosuke from those maniacs! There's no telling what they might be doing with a girl like her in their clutches!"

Of course, what they were doing with Ryuunosuke was hanging her from the face of the clock tower like a teruteru bouzu, her arms bound in rope. Below her, those four boys, her father, and Sadoyama were doing some kind of weird dance, hand in hand, chanting "Ventura, Ventura, Space People" in a hypnotic chant.

Ryuunosuke couldn't help but think that the entire thing was somewhat stupid. But then again, she was the one who was hanging from the face of the clock tower.

But as she dangled from the clock tower, Ryuunosuke really did wish that Lum would come down and rescue her from this. Lum didn't really seem that bad as a person, as far as she knew. And an princess from outer space probably would help her get her old man off her back. She probably would help her out of this stupid situation, because she couldn't imagine her seeing her Darling being trussed up and used as bait!

A loud crack below Ryuunosuke derailed her thoughts, and she looked down to see Shinobu and Ataru burst out into the balcony below, the remains of the door collapsing to the ground. "Ryuunosuke-kun!"

"HOW DARE YOU, WOMAN!" Mr. Fujinami let go of the circle, and dashed over to Shinobu. "How dare you interrupt my son's reunion with his fiancee! What kind of woman are you?!"

"What's so special about Lum?!" Shinobu shouted. "Just because she's so pretty, and curvy, and is always prancing around in that skimpy bikini, doesn't mean that she is worth acting like an idiot for!"

Ataru, however, was grinning from ear to ear. "Now wait a second here, Shinobu! Let's hear this old fart out!"

Shinobu was about to whirl around and deliver a blistering rebuke to Ataru, if everything wasn't halted by an earsplitting crack of thunder.

On cue, everyone looked up towards the sky, where what was once just a mildly cloudy day suddenly seemed to change. The clouds darkened and gathered together, swirling above Tomobiki High into a massive black spiral, illuminated with flashes of lightning.

"It must be working!" Megane shouted as the cloud spiral grew. He looked down among his fellow students. "Come on, men! Put your back into it!" The boys started dancing once more, rejoined by Mr. Fujinami and Sadoyama, moving faster now, their motions more feverish. Their chant grew faster and louder, as the spiral grew in size.

Eventually, the cloud spiral seemed to bulge downwards, before a large flying saucer burst out, swooping down to loom over Tomobiki High.

"We did it!" Megane crowed triumphantly. But a moment later, the jubilation faded from his face as he actually looked at the saucer. "Wait a moment, that doesn't look anything like Lum's UFO!"

Megane was right: this saucer was shaped like Lum's, but had a dark blue top side, with a off-white underside, a large funnel engine on the back, and a triangular window on the front. As it descended lower, the saucer seemed sinister, framed by the spiral of the dark clouds.

"Wait, you didn't think that there'd be anyone else who'd hear that?!" Ataru said. "Wow, Ryuu-chan was right! You guys are dumb!"

The bottom of the flying saucer opened out, and a beam of brilliant light shone down on the clock tower. Before anyone could react, they found themselves lifted up into the air, slowly drawn inside the belly of the saucer.

Everyone was ultimately dumped in the back of a massive chamber, landing in a tangled pile of humanity on the floor. There was a moment of panic as they all tried to untangle themselves from each other, trying to sort themselves out before they could get a good look at the chamber they were trapped in.

At the other end of the chamber sat what was most likely the UFO's cockpit, where the red window looked out to the Earth beyond, above a massive console of various buttons, screens and levers. And there, sat in a massive chair that seemed to dwarf it, there was a strange diminutive blob creature, who looked like he was the same shade as a wad of minty chewing gum. And for some reason, it looked like it was wearing a bus driver's cap, a shirt collar and tie.

The blob looked over at the pile of people, and grinned widely.

The four boys, Sadoyama and Ataru quickly skittered backwards, pressing up against the back of the chamber. They quivered in far as the blob grinned at them.

"It's an alien!"

"Of course it is, genius!"

"What is it gonna do to us?!"

"It might take us to their home planet and dissect us or something!"

Ryuunosuke squirmed out from behind the cluster of fearful people, flopping down onto the floor in front of them. Shinobu toppled out beside her, trying to get her breath back. When she looked up to see the strange blob creature, she swallowed hard, and looked over at Ryuunosuke.

"Maybe he's friendly? Ryuunosuke-kun, try and talk to him!"

Ryuunosuke looked back at Shinobu, before standing up fully, looking over at the blob-creature. "So, uh, what's up?"

The blob-creature grinned at Ryuunosuke. "Where ya headed, kid?" he asked, in perfect Japanese.

Ryuunosuke blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Where ya headed? Where d'ya wanna go?"

Ryuunosuke looked at everyone else, still confused. "Is this some kind of bus service or somethin'?"

Mr. Fujinami's head burst out from amongst the group. "Wait, does that mean you can take us to Lum-chan?!"

Almost immediately after the name left his mouth, the blob creature suddenly found themself surrounded by a whole bunch of lust-crazed boys. "You serious? You can take us to Lum-chan?!" Megane said. "You gotta take us to her, right away!"

"Lum of the Oni?" The blob-creature asked, scratching their head under their cap. "Sure, I'll take you to her!" They turned their chair around, and grabbed the controls. "Hang on tight!"

They grabbed the gearstick and cranked into overdrive, the UFO suddenly lurching forwards as it shot out into the atmosphere. Everyone found themselves pressed against the back of the chamber once more, with crushing force.

The saucer careened out into the stars, rising upwards at incredible speeds, before the driver switched gears further and the saucer shuddered once more. Then the universe outside seemed to melt away into blinding light, stars and planets rushing past them faster and faster.

And then, all of a sudden, the saucer ground to a sudden halt, launching everyone forward to slam against the front of the chamber, Ryuunonsuke slamming into the back of the driver's cockpit chair. And then, as if to add more injury to injury, the bottom of the saucer opened once more, dumping everyone out onto a field of long pink grass.

Ryuunosuke clawed herself out from the bottom of the pile of humanity, emerging out to see a vista before her that she had never seen before: huge rolling hills of pink and pastel yellow, white trees with blue leaves, and a bright yellow sky. In the distance, Ryuunosuke could see an arrangement of domes of various sizes, stretching out into the horizon.

Ryuunosuke stared in silence, her brain unable to reconcile what she was seeing with what she had seen only a few minutes ago.

"Hey!" A voice called out behind her. "Hey kid! I need you to pay my fare!"

Ryuunosuke stared at the driver in confusion. "Fare? What d'ya mean, your fare?"

"What, you don't think I would ferry your butts from Earth to Oniboshi for free?" The blob-creature asked. "No self-respecting member of the Space Taxi Union would do that!"

Ryuunosuke just kept staring. "Space Taxi?"

The blob-creature nodded. "Usually I wouldn't be landing on a backwater planet like that, but I heard you guys calling out on the telepathic wavelength so loud, I had to come over to pick you up!" They stepped forward, her eyes narrowing. "Now are ya gonna pay or not?"

Ryuunosuke swallowed hard, looking back at the rest of the passengers, all as lost as she was. "Well, I guess we have no choice..." She looked back at the driver. "Uh, how much is it, anyway?"

The driver pulled out what looked like a pocket calculator, poking and prodding at the buttons for a moment. "Well, lessee... Accounting for taking the hyperspace express route and the amount of passengers, fuel tax..." The calculator chimed a happy tune. "Comes out to about sixty-nine MegaCredits."

There was silence for a moment.

"Uh," Ryuunosuke asked nervously. "How much is that in Earth Yen? Or Dollars?"

The driver's grin widened.

Meanwhile, just over the hill that the Space Taxi hovered over, Lum laid on her belly in bed in her family home. She flicked through her Oni-language copy of So You're Marrying A Princess From Outer Space: A Guide to Human/Alien Relationships by Derek Bacon with one hand, while occasionally popping an Atomic BonBon into her mouth. She wanted to prepare herself while her Alien Registration Permit was being processed for verification, before she could make her return to Earth, and the arms of her Darling.

In the days since the end of her very first Tag Game, Lum had found herself not only an Earth-wide sensation, but she had also managed to land herself a husband, too! Her father was walking on air ever since, quite literally. And her mother couldn't be happier, already making plans and dates for prospective weddings. Even though her new fiancée didn't come from a planet that was in the Oni Genetic Authority's Short-List for Acceptable Breeding, they all knew that Tag Champions like her could bend the rules just a little bit, especially if the person in question adequately proved themselves during the Game itself.

But that wasn't the part that concerned Lum at that moment. Instead, what she was pondering was how to entice her new fiance into accepting the engagement. After all, a good majority of the femme-attracted portion of the Earth race seemed to want to take her poor Darling's place; it probably wouldn't take much for her to convince her Darling to desire her too. But for now, she would play it safe, even though there could be some space for a little chastisement, if her Darling tried to resist.

Lum's thoughts were promptly derailed when the entire house was rocked by what sounded like the collective profane scream of a large crowd of people all at the same time, through a microphone rigged up to a set of massive speakers. She toppled over onto the floor, landing hard on her bottom.

Lum peered out of her bedroom window, towards the direction of the noise. For a moment, she thought she could hear her Darling's voice in that cacophonous chorus, but it might've been a trick of her ears. But even then...

Lum shoved open her bedroom window, and flew out into the fields outside. She wanted to know what was going on!

"This is way out of line, boogie-boy!" The driver struggled beneath the pile of rocks, sticks and other assorted geologic phenomena of Oniboshi, provided courtesy of his angry group of accidental travellers. "Just because none of you could afford the fare don't mean you could bludgeon me like this!"

"You think anybody here could afford a fare like that?!" Ryuunosuke said angrily. "I don't even have two hundred-yen coins to knock together!"

Shinobu nodded. "All I got is forty thousand yen, and I'm saving it for a date with Ataru-kun!"

"I just spent my year's saving on that Lum-chan film-reel!" Megane wailed. "I don't want to die like this, owing our home planet to some Shmoo!"

"Maybe ya should've thought of that before you decided to stone me!" The driver snarled. "When my boys hear about this, they're gonna take the planet for themselves! And we ain't gonna treat it as good as the Oni did!"

"Not if we stop you first...!" Ryuunosuke began, only for her father's hand to grab her by the collar of her shirt and toss her into a tree.

"Be quiet, boy!" Mr. Fujinami bellowed. "It's obvious you're not going anywhere with this!" He brushed off the front of his shirt. "Seems like your father has to come in and sort everything out, as usual!"

Ataru and the Lum-otaku foursome surrounded Mr. Fujinami almost instantly. "You got an angle to get us out of this?!"

Meanwhile, Shinobu went over to peel Ryuunosuke off the side of tree. "Are you alright, Ryuunosuke-kun?" She quickly moved to support Ryuunosuke with her body. "I think maybe you should let your father help right now."

Ryuunosuke blinked, raising her head slightly. "Is that really a good idea?"

Shinobu sighed deeply. "I don't know... But I think it's better than just random violence."

Mr. Fujinami grinned from ear to ear as he stepped over to the driver. "Don't worry about those other people. In fact, you can have our planet Earth, since we won't be needing it any more!"

Everyone else promptly toppled over.

"My son is getting married to a girl from here," Mr. Fujinami went on, "so we would want to stay here from now on. As for everyone else, well, you can do what you like! Consider it as payment for the fare of getting here!"

The driver blinked for a moment. "Really?"

Mr. Fujinami's face turned serious. "The word of the Fujinami family is sacred! For the sake of preserving the Fujinami line, I am prepared to sacrifice everything!"

The driver's face darkened. "That's just gonna knock nine MegaCredits from your debt, you know that?" He struggled to rise up from beneath the pile of junk. "Where are you gonna get the other sixty?

Mr. Fujinami stared at the driver in silence, obviously unable to answer the question.

Shinobu rose to her feet, and charged over to Mr. Fujinami, her face turning red and her fists clenched into shaking balls of rage. "I've just about had enough of you, you..." She squeaked as the man suddenly whirled around and grabbed her by the shoulders, before thrusting her in front of the driver.

"Here!" Mr. Fujinami shouted. "Here is this girl, as a willing partner to have at your convenience!"

Ataru, after spending several minutes trying to get to his feet again, promptly face-planted into the dirt once more.

The driver stared at Shinobu's purpling face, before glaring at Mr. Fujinami. "Something tells me that you ain't playing with a full-deck here! You better stop playin' around and cough up that fare, or otherwise you're gonna be in deep trouble!"

It was at that very moment that Lum descended down to ground, her green hair fluttering behind her. As she noticed Ryuunosuke, she immediately starting waving happily.

"Daaaahh-liiiiing!"

Before Ryuunosuke could react, Lum swooped down to her and scooped her up in her arms, hugging her tightly with an additional mild electric current. Around her, the four Lum-otaku and Ataru surrounded her, calling her name in joy and relief. Shinobu quickly squirmed out of Mr. Fujinami's grip, and dashed over to Ataru's side.

Ryuunosuke snarled and wriggled her way out of Lum's electric grip. "Stop doing that, Lum! Are you really trying to kill me with those electric shocks?!" She staggered back from the Oni-girl, still twitching as residual sparks ran through her body. "I've already been beaten and humiliated enough for today!"

Lum blinked at Ryuunosuke. "Oh Darling, nobody I know complains about my lightning..."

"That's because everyone you know is an Oni!" Shinobu replied. "We're just Earthlings, and that's something completely different!"

"It's okay," Lum said, touching down on the grass. "I'm sure that maybe we could build up your resistance over time!"

"Well that's all well and good," Ataru said quickly, "but if we don't hurry, Ryuu-chan's dad is gonna sell our home planet to pay for our cab fare!"

Lum turned to stare at Ataru, her eyes widening. Shinobu clung herself tightly against Ataru's arm, while Ryuunosuke just stared at Lum. For a long moment, she was completely silent, long enough for Ataru to become slightly uncomfortable.

And then she shouted, "You WHAT?!"

The outburst was loud enough that Mr. Fujinami turned around and pranced over. "Ah, Lum-chan! You've finally arrived!" He grabbed Lum's hand roughly, his grin back on his face. "It's a pleasure to meet you on this auspicious day! We've come here to arrange a wedding arrangement for you!"

"I'm already engaged, you dope!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "We don't need an arrangement!"

"Well, that's fine," Lum said shakily, "but you don't need to take a Space Taxi here to see me. I was going to go straight to Earth once I received my Alien Registration Permit!" She quickly turned to the driver. "Don't worry, we'll handle all of the fare! You don't need to buy the Earth or anything! I just want to live with my Darling in peace!"

The driver just grinned at Lum once more. "Pleasure doin' business with ya, miss!"

Ryuunosuke's jaw worked for a moment as she looked at Lum. Then she quickly dashed up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders.. "Listen, Lum! You've got this all wrong!" She took a deep breath, puffing her chest out. "I gotta level with ya! We can't get married!"

Lum blinked at Ryuunosuke. "Whatever are you talking about, Darling? Why can't we get married?"

Ryuunosuke motioned to herself. "Well, for one thing, this ain't how I would like to dress!"

Lum blinked again. "That doesn't matter!"

Ryuunosuke paused, wracking her brains for another excuse. "I don't have an honest job! How am I supposed to support you by working in a shack on the beach?!"

Lum just smiled. "Don't worry, I'm sure Daddy could help provide you with a decent career!"

"I have a criminal record!" Ryuunosuke said quickly, "my old man and me have been stealing from other shops on the beach!"

"That's a lie!" Mr. Fujinami said angrily, pointing at Ryuunosuke. "They were requisitioned from less-deserving people!"

Lum just smiled softly. "I forgive you!"

Desperation entered Ryuunosuke's voice. "I can't ever give you children!"

"I'm sure we can adopt some!" Lum replied.

"You just don't understand, Lum!" Ryuunosuke tore open her shirt, revealing her breasts bound in white cloth. "I'm A WOMAN!"

Everyone was silent as Lum stared at Ryuunosuke, and her partly exposed chest, with eyes wide open. The silence dragged out, as all eyes turned to Lum, waiting for her reaction.

After what felt like an age, Lum's expression turned happy. "Well, nobody's perfect!"

Ryuunosuke's jaw dropped, and she sank down to her knees. Lum just smiled and swooped down to wrap her arms around Ryuunosuke's shoulders, and kiss her lips with another added electric charge.

Mr. Fujinami watched Lum and Ryuunosuke kiss with twin streams of tears rolling down his cheeks. "Today is the day you've finally become a man, Ryuunosuke! You've made your father a happy man for the rest of his life!"

Seconds later, he was beaten black and blue by everyone else, and left face down on the grass of Onishuto.

"We've got two new students in our class today! Let's give 'em a warm welcome!"

Ryuunosuke stared down at the floor of the classroom in front of her. She could feel the intense stares of her new classmates on her as she stood there. Because of the machinations of the old bastard, she had to wear the standard gakuran uniform of Tomobiki High School, instead of the sailor uniform that she yearned for.

Ryuunosuke looked up, staring out into space. "How's it going?" She could hear some of the girls in the class gasp and sigh with happiness as they looked at her.

Beside her stood Lum, wearing the standard Tomobiki High sailor uniform. She had a bright and happy smile on her face, and it was obvious to Ryuunosuke that she was resisting with all her might the urge to cling to her like a teddy bear.

"Pleased to meet you!" Lum said. "I'm Lum, of the planet Oniboshi! Ah, and this is my fiancee, Fujinami Ryuunosuke! I'm hoping that we can get married in June, because so many Earthlings say it's a good month for weddings!" Her smile only grew wider. "Please take care of us!"

Ryuunosuke looked over at Lum's smiling face, as she heard the boys of the class cheer her name. She seemed so happy to be here, to have a girl like her for a fiance, to be the focus of so much attention.

Ryuunosuke knew that Lum would probably be trying everything she could to make this engagement work. Ryuunosuke now knew that Lum wouldn't quit on her, short of the sky falling in on their heads.

So now, Ryuunosuke had to figure out how to get out of this situation, or at least get through it, with her life and sanity intact…

It sure seemed like a tall order to take. But there was no order too tall for Fujinami Ryuunosuke to deliver.

to be continued