When Zekk woke up, he found himself staring at the soft off-white ceiling of a medical bay. Waking up itself was a surprise; that he was laid down in some comfortable bed while some medical instrument beeped in time with his heart was even moreso.
Most surprising of all was the voice that said, "You missed quite a show, Jedi."
He turned his head, which hurt less than he was expecting, and saw Taryn Zel sitting on a stool beside his bed, one long leg crossed over the other, a datapad in her lap. She had a tight, satisfied smile on her face.
"What kind of show?" He asked. His voice came out stronger than he'd expected.
"What's the last thing you remember?"
He thought a moment: the claustrophobic airlock, the world spinning outside, the body pinned beneath him and the Force-calls from the Jedi on the ship flying parallel with a tumbling freighter.
He said, "Saving your life."
White teeth slipped into her smile. "I suppose you don't remember my thanking you for it?"
"I can't say I do." He was pretty sure he would have.
Without prelude, Taryn leaned all the way over his bed and kissed him on the mouth. It was firm but short, and when she pulled away she settled back on her stool, almost primly.
"Um," Zekk said, "Was that like the first time?"
"More or less."
He touched his lip, like he was feeling for her warmth. "Okay. Sorry I missed it."
"Don't worry about that. It wasn't your fault."
He tried to sit upright in his bed; his neck ached and he leaned his head back against the bedframe. "How long have I been out?"
"Less than twelve hours. You're currently aboard the sick bay on Dragon Queen. Our doctors also sedated you so they could have a look inside that skull of yours."
"Was something wrong with it? My skull?"
"Minor cracks, easily mended."
"I'm glad." He paused, thought, and asked, "Dragon Queen? Tenel Ka brought her flagship here?"
"Indeed. That was before she ever knew you were alive, let alone that you were here. The Queen was very determined to stop the threat presented by the Vong bioweapon."
"Is she safe? Tenel Ka?"
"Of course. Everyone was recovered. The gunship you arrived on also survived the battle, with some minor scratches. Unfortunately, the mercenaries who attacked us escaped, save for a few starfighters without hyperdrives. Their pilots surrendered and have been quite compliant, but none of them know who hired them for the job."
"You think it's that Ducha Markessa woman?"
"I know it. I still need to prove it. Moff Westermal, alas, only knew to pick up Sinsor Khal because Jacen Solo told him too, which probably means he was the one communicating with Markessa too."
"Sounds like a dead end. What happens to the Moff?"
"It sounds as though Praelyx is looking to ransom him. I imagine he will get quite a handsome fee, probably more than we paid him."
"Huh. Lucky captain."
"Indeed. But the fact is, holding Markessa accountable for her crimes is still something that must be done." She leaned forward a little. "And you need to help me."
"I need to get back to the Jedi." For some reason his words felt hollow.
"What you need is to finish what you started. The bioweapon has been neutralized, but the Queen, your friend, is still threatened by scheming nobles."
"Isn't she always threatened by scheming nobles?"
"Exactly. That's why it would be very, very handy to have a Jedi in the Lorellian Court. Add to that, you're a male."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Most Hapan men are not as… capable as you. The Queen's enemies will doubly underestimate you, if they look at you twice at all."
"Thanks, I guess."
"And you could ensure the wellbeing of one of your oldest friends."
"Taryn, I-"
"And I, personally, would be quite happy to spend more time in your company."
He had to smile at that. "I'd sort of figured that part out."
"The other parts still stand," Taryn said seriously. "I know you need to think about this, Zekk, but I really do believe your efforts would be best spent here. I'm sure Tenel Ka would agree."
"I know," he said, and in truth the idea of spending more time on Hapes with the friend he'd seen so tragically little of- the friend who'd fallen in love with Jacen, sired his child, and lost them both, all without Zekk being the wiser- was strong, but he'd spent his whole adult life a part of the Jedi order. It was hard to simply turn away from it.
Taryn reached out and lightly stroked his forehead. "You have some time to think about it, Zekk, and you can talk to Tenel Ka about it later, but I truly think this is what's best for you."
"You do seem pretty interested in my well-being."
"You nearly died saving my life. Why shouldn't I try to return the favor?"
"I thought you already did." His lips pressed in a smirk.
She pressed a finger against them, stifling any response. "This is a fact, as my cousin would say. This is also one. Anyone can lose themselves in regrets, in things they could have done, promises they should have kept. The real challenge is learning to look to the future, even if it means you have to push aside things you once held as precious."
He moved his head to one side, out from beneath her fingertip, and said, "For the future?"
"Yes." Taryn leaned close once more and kissed him again. "The future is what we live for."
She left him after that, left him to lay in his bed and think about what she'd said.
-{}-
After that, the dreams went away.
Tahiri wasn't sure at first. After their rescue and flight to Dragon Queen, Tahiri had been as exhausted as everyone else, and she'd almost collapsed into the bunk she'd been hastily provided on the Hapan ship. But she'd fallen, easily and unselfconsciously, into sleep, and it wasn't until after she'd woken up that she realized she hadn't been dreaming.
That was no guarantee in itself that she was free. The trip back to Hapes was took several days; she supposed she could have gone to see Zekk, but she had no idea what to say to him, other than bland well-wishes. He knew what she'd gone through down on the worldship, maybe better than she knew herself. She knew she'd feel exposed under his gaze.
There were other people to talk to. On Tenel Ka's orders, Dragon Queen's techs reeled the battered freighter Mandala inside its main hangar for repairs. Tahiri knew she should and would talk to Zekk eventually, nervously or no, but she wouldn't have long to see Vjarna, and she knew she owed the Bimm payment and a conversation.
She found him, as expected, in the docking bay. His ears kept twitching nervously as he paced around the ship, watching the Hapan technicians patch its hull and repair its engines. The ship looked more battered than the Millennium Falcon had ever been, and the thought filled Tahiri with melancholy.
"You don't need to worry," she said as introduction. "I'm sure they'll take good care of your ship."
"I should hope so," the Bimm muttered, then forced himself to sound brighter as Tahiri stepped alongside him. "On the bright side, with that new engine work, she should run smoother than ever."
"She's yours now."
"I know. I'll need to find a co-pilot."
Vjarna didn't glance at her, thankfully. She didn't want to step foot in Muro's ship ever again. She said, "I'm sure you can find someone. Just offer to split every payment fifty-fifty."
"Just like Rahley did," Vjarna said wistfully.
"Yeah, but you might as well keep the one from this job for yourself. I just transferred it to your account, by the way."
"Tell me, Tahiri… How did she die?"
Tahiri's breath stopped in her throat. It made sense that he wouldn't have heard what happened down on the worldship; she'd even heard Trista icily informing Praelyx and his men to keep all details of the operation confidential.
When she didn't answer right away, the Bimm said, "I did the best I could up here. Got Mandala all beaten up, you can tell, but I did what I could."
"I heard you helped shoot down a gunship," Tahiri smiled, eager to change topics.
"I was doing what I could. They were going to kill us." Vjarna's ear twitched. "I know you lost some other people down there too, some of Praelyx's men."
"That's right." No change after all, no escaping it.
"So. How did she die?"
Tahiri closed her eyes, saw the woman standing in the laboratory chamber with her rifle raised and a charge ticking away on her belt, cold determination on her face but regret in her eyes.
She opened them and said, "We'd gone down deep inside the worldship, into the warrens, to find the lab with the bioweapon. There was a point where the Imperials jumped us. We ended up having to fight our way out. Muro didn't make it."
Vjarna nodded in sad acceptance. He didn't even suspect it was a lie. She envied him and felt sorry for him at the same time.
"I'll miss her," he said. "She was a good partner. A good woman."
There wasn't anything Tahiri could say to that one.
Vjarna sighed and looked back to his ship. "Maybe I should talk to Praelyx before I head out. He might have some connections for me."
"Maybe he'll even offer you a job."
"I don't know if I'd like to run with his crew. I have a feeling he might take some jobs I wouldn't like. It was better when it was just me and Rahley, doing the jobs we wanted, going anywhere we could."
It sounded like a good life to Tahiri, still, after everything. She didn't want to tell that to Vjarna, though, lest he get the wrong impression, so she said, "I'm sure you'll find another good partner, Vjarna. In my experience, beings like you are hard to come by."
She left it like that: him feeling mildly pleased and her relieved to have the conversation done. That night, though, she lay down in her bunk and wondered if the dreams would come again.
They did not, best she could tell. She woke up wondering if she'd ever dream of Myrkr or the voxyn again. It was a nice thought, that all her old anxieties and crises had burned up in the planet's atmosphere with the shattered worldship, but it was hard to believe in happy endings. The universe, she'd learned again and again, was not a merciful place.
The next day she decided to go over to Wayward Soldier. The vessel needed repairs of its own, also provided on Tenel Ka's orders, but they were far less severe. When she took the jumper shuttle over to the gunship, she was surprised to find herself greeted by the hulking Baragwin first officer.
"I never thought I'd see another Jedi on this ship," he snorted. "Will the wonders never cease?"
"I'd like to talk to your captain," she said.
Chazdrul Harn snorted again. "Well. At least you have the courtesy to ask."
She was led up through the ship to what was apparently Praelyx's private cabin. It looked as normal as any other cabin on any other ship. Praelyx was even waiting there for her, wearing his captain's jacket and ooglith masquer, offering to share a bottle of lomin-ale.
"No thanks," she said in Yuuzhan Vong. "I just want to talk."
His face scrunched slightly in a frown. He said in the same tongue, "I haven't carried a conversation in this language in some time."
"Me neither. But you remember it, don't you?" Still in Yuuzhan Vong.
"I grew up with it. It's hard to forget."
"I know. So did I."
His eyes narrowed. "You are her, then. The Jedi-who-was-shaped."
"That's right. I didn't know if you'd heard of me."
"Oh, I have." Praelyx uncorked his bottle of ale and poured a glass half-full. He picked it up, sniffed it, and drank a mouthful. "In the beginning, I kept my ears open for all kinds of news about my…. Old kin."
"Then what happened?"
He chuckled. "I believe my new kind have a statement about… 'becoming the mask.'"
"Did you want to become it? Or did it happen gradually?"
He sighed and settled down in a chair. "Both, perhaps. Tell me, Jedi, how do you think a ship packed with dozens of warriors and one intendant can crash, and only the intendant survives?"
She frowned and took the seat opposite his. "Tell me. How?"
"You can guess." He ran his free hand over his masquered face. "We landed in a dense battle zone on the outskirts of a city. Mercenaries saw our ship go down and crowded us on all sides. The Hutts were offering extra payment, you see, for the severed head of any Yuuzhan Vong their mercenaries retrieved."
Tahiri winced, but he added, "Say what you will about them, but the Hutts know how to incentivize their employees. My spies had already picked up that tidbit, and when our ship went down I knew we'd be outnumbered, outfought and probably decapitated in a very grisly fashion."
"So you ran."
"I ran. And the warriors, being warriors, fought to the grisly end. I had a masquer onhand, you see, and that was what saved me. There were so many mercenaries, and they were all jostling for trophies, so nobody paid much attention to one human slinking away from the fray."
"Did you feel guilty for what you did?"
It was a simple question, but a hard one. Praelyx took another sip of his drink and looked down at his glass. "When I escaped I did it in the heat of panic. Later on, looking back, I thought of the warriors I'd left to die. They weren't bad sorts, for warriors." He smirked softly, maybe remembering all the old caste rivalries that had seemed so important. "But the old life was gone. The only life I had was the one I'd run into. And so I lived it, every day since."
"Do you regret running?"
"No," he said at once. "Even if I did once, this is the life I live now."
"Then why were you so intent on going down to the worldship? What did you think you would gain there?" He didn't answer right away, and she pressed, "I could tell how relieved you were when that worldship burned up. How satisfied."
"And you were not?"
"I had a lot of history in that place."
"History," he sniffed, "Is something I can do with-out."
"Then why go to the worldship? Why take the risk? We almost died down there."
He considered her carefully for a minute before he said, "Would you believe that I simply wanted to be sure?"
Sure that past was past, sure that he'd chosen the right life all those years ago.
"Yes," she said, "I believe you."
"Excellent." He took a sip of lomin-ale and asked, "Did you come all this way to talk about that?"
"Not exactly." She looked down at her hands as they clasped her kneecaps. "Captain… Would you consider taking me on as a crew member?"
Praelyx's silence seemed to go on forever. When she forced herself to look up he was leaning back in his chair, sipping the last of his lomin-ale and not looking at her at all.
"Captain?" she repeated. "Did you hear my question?"
"Of course I heard it." He was suddenly brusque. "Why the devil would I want a Jedi on my ship?"
She tried not to wince. "I can offer a lot of skills."
"I know. Most of them wouldn't make my crew very happy. A lot of them used to work for the Peace Brigade, you know. They're not the Jedi-loving type, by and large. I don't think they're your type either."
For some reason she felt relief instead of disappointment. Somehow, she'd thought that slipping onto Wayward Soldier would grant her some kind of anonymity amongst all these privateers and rough-types; amongst all these strangers she wouldn't feel the pressure of her past.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I just wanted to ask."
"Shouldn't you be going back to the Jedi Order, wherever they're hiding? They are your type, aren't they?"
"I don't have a type. I don't have anyone." She looked down at her hands again. She had no type and certainly no family. Once the Solos had been that, but she'd ruined that more surely than she'd ruined her ties to the Jedi Order. Even if Anakin's mother could forgive Tahiri for turning a lightsaber on her, Tahiri knew she couldn't forgive herself.
No matter what, past wasn't past, not for Tahiri.
"What about Zonama Sekot?" Praelyx asked.
"I wouldn't be welcome there, not after what I've done." She didn't know if Praelyx was aware of all the horrible things she'd done in service of Darth Caedus. If he knew, he didn't say.
"You do have special skills, I'll give you that." Praelyx rested his empty cup on a side-table and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "It sounds like you need time to run by yourself, figure out what you really need. Bounty hunting might be up tour alley."
"Bounty hunting," she repeated. She couldn't shake the image of thugs in battered, faceless helmets.
"At the moment, Miss Veila, I believe you could be anything you want." Praelyx leaned back in his chair. "Just because you were something once doesn't mean you have to stay that thing forever. Your fate is what you choose."
He'd said it to encourage her. She could tell that from his voice, from her Vongsense, and what he'd said was undoubtedly true. After so many years of being defined by the Yuuzhan Vong, the Jedi, Anakin and Jacen most of all, she was suddenly in a place with no master and no rules other than what she decided for herself.
It was a lonely place to be, and deep down, at the center of herself, she found the angry determination that had been in her heart when she'd killed Gilad Pellaeon, and when she'd killed Rahley Muro.
And because of that, Praelyx's words gave her so little comfort.
-{}-
When Dragon Queen dropped out of hyperspace over Hapes, Tenel Ka was in her personal salon located one deck beneath the bridge, and from its broad viewport she could see the planet spread out beneath her like a blue-green jewel. Growing up she'd always dreaded spending time on Hapes, and for so long after becom-ing queen this place had come to feel like a prison, a prison so dreadful she'd needed brief escapes with Jacen to feel like her old self.
Now, though, the sight of Hapes warmed her. It was curious and inexplicable, but she thought it might have something to do with the person standing beside her.
"It really is a very pretty world," Zekk said.
"Despite its ugly underside, I believe you're right," Tenel Ka said. He didn't respond, and she didn't need the Force to tell he was pensive, undecided.
"I'm sure Taryn gave you an offer to stay on Hapes as part of my Lorellian Court."
"That's right."
"It's my offer too."
After another thoughtful pause he asked, "What is it, your Lorellian Court?"
"It is the secret security organization passed down from queen to queen. Their fealty is to her alone."
"I don't think you'd have to worry about any of your Duchas buying me off," Zekk smiled a little.
"I'm sure not, friend Zekk. And you know it would be very, very good to have you here." She hesitated, wondering if it would show too much vulnerability, before adding, "I need all the good friends I can get."
It she was showing weakness, Zekk wouldn't fault her for it. She knew that. She could sense him waver-ing, edging closer to accepting her offer but not quite there.
She knew what would convince him. She leaned in a little closer, lowered her voice, and said, "My daughter does also."
He looked at her. "But Tenel Ka, your-"
She held up a hand to silence him. "You have heard what the rest of the galaxy has heard, correct?"
He nodded.
"I will tell you something very important, something I have not even told Taryn or Trista. I'm telling you this as a show of trust."
He nodded again.
"Allana is alive. And she is with her grandparents."
His eyes widened with a suspicion, a question. She nodded once, and it a revelation.
It was shocking and it was sad, all the more because he should have been there for his friends, he should have known it all along, should have done something to keep things from turning out this way.
"Oh, Tenel Ka," he breathed, "I thought she might be…. But I didn't know. I should have known. I should have-"
He placed her finger on his lips. "It is not your fault, friend Zekk. There were… many mistakes made. But Allana is not one of them. She is with the Solos now, and safe. That is all that matters."
She took her hand away and he said no more. He looked thoughtfully at the planet below, the latest revelations whirling through his mind. Underneath his shock and confusion she felt a familiar sadness, a sadness she knew would never go away completely for anything who had known and cared about Jacen Solo.
"It is hard," she said carefully, "To let go of the past. Sometimes mistakes are made which can never be fixed, and-"
"I know," Zekk exhaled. "You just have to look to the future. Funny, I never thought it would be Taryn who'd get it through my head."
"Taryn is a wealth of surprises."
"I've noticed," he chuckled and put his hands on his belt. "You know, even if I do stay with you, I'd need to call the Jedi, let them know I'm okay."
"In time," she nodded. It was as much as an acceptance of her offer. "However, I'd very much prefer that you finish your existing business before-hand."
"You mean Ducha Markessa? Taryn seemed keen to go after her."
"She blames herself for not catching Markessa's scheme sooner," Tenel Ka said, then added, "It is all right to dwell on some regrets, so long as they're in your power to fix."
"I think this one we can wrap up," Zekk nodded. "You can tell Taryn I'll help."
"Ah," she raised an eyebrow. "Aha. I imaged you would want to tell her."
He laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess it's better if I do it myself." His expression grew more serious. "Not yet, though. I think there's someone else I need to talk to first."
-{}-
Tahiri was back in Dragon Queen's hangar bay, this time waiting for the jumper shuttle that would ferry her over to Wayward Soldier. The mercenary gunship must have made for a rare sight in Hapes' skylanes, but it hugged close to Dragon Queen, marking it as an ally instead of a threat.
She felt Zekk enter the hangar before she saw him. She felt a flush of memory, recalling the time she'd been ready to leave the Fountain Palace and Jaina Solo had caught up to her to deliver a final message that set her on the course that, eventually, had brought her back round to Hapes. She wondered if she should mention it to Zekk. She wondered if he wanted to hear about Jaina at all. As she turned to face him, she decided to keep that bit of information to herself.
Instead she dropped her back at her feet, put her hands on her hips, and said, "I kind of figured you'd come to see me off."
"Why is that?" Zekk asked honestly.
"Because we couldn't avoid each other forever. I'm glad you recovered, by the way."
"So am I. Thanks for saving me."
"Tenel Ka was the one who found you in that spinning deathtrap. I just helped."
"Still. Thank you."
Awkward silence passed between them. She looked down at her feet and said, "I'm skipping over to Wayward Soldier soon. But you probably already knew that."
"Are you joining up with Praelyx?" He asked, incredulous.
She shook her head. "He wouldn't have me. But he said he can give me a ride over to Ord Mantell and hook me up with some… associates."
"Associates," Zekk repeated.
"Bounty hunters. Praelyx recommended it but I was already thinking I might try my hand. That's what you did after your brush with the dark, wasn't it?"
"That was a long time ago. And it was more than a brush."
"I know. So was mine." She still couldn't look up, but she said, "When I triggered that detonator and blew the shuttle, I did it with anger in me. You know that."
"You also saved the mission."
"There should have been a better way. When I killed them, I found all the places in me that were bitter and angry and that was what was in me when I channeled the Force. It's the same thing I did when I killed Pellaeon and Shevu."
"You've been through a lot. We both have. That's what makes it easy to give in. There's so much fuel to the fire."
"And Jacen?" She picked her head up and looked him in the eye. "What about him? When he did all those things, those awful things, what was fueling him? Anger?"
"You'd know better than I," he said softly, without reproach.
"He could get angry, very angry, when things didn't go his way, but I don't think that was what fueled him."
"Neither do I. Jacen was always searching for things. For an answer, a question, a purpose."
"I think whatever he found convinced him he was justified in what he did."
"Then what did he find?"
Tahiri looked away. "I don't know. I just don't know."
"Then I guess we never will."
Caedus yawned between them. Tahiri didn't want them to part like this and struggled with something to say. When she couldn't come up with something he volunteered, "I'll be staying on Hapes for a little while. I have some work to do that has to stay secret, so I'd appreciate you not telling the Jedi I'm around."
She frowned. "They need to know you're alive. Jaina needs it."
"I know." He smiled sadly. "I'll make it all clear eventually, I promise. I just need to take care of a few things first."
She was pretty sure one of those things was Taryn Zel, but that was no excuse to blow off Jaina entirely. But then, Zekk needed to move beyond his regrets as much as she did.
"Do you plan to go back to the Jedi? In time?"
"I think so." He tilted his head. "Do you?"
She stared down at her boots again, unsure of what to say. She wanted to tell him yes, but deep down, in her heart, she didn't know if she could ever be worthy to call herself one again, not when so much darkness still lingered in her heart. Then she wondered if she wanted to be one at all.
She picked her head up, forced a smile, and said, "I'll let you know. I'll see you again, Zekk, I'm sure of it."
He nodded, as warmly as he could. He took a step close to her and she took a half-step away. Somehow a hug didn't seem right, not after everything. Instead she extended a hand. He took it and shook firmly.
Then, without a word, Tahiri picked up her bag, turned, and started toward the shuttle, toward Wayward Soldier and whatever future awaited. Her steps were heavy, but she walked without looking back.