The ground tumbled beneath their sleeping bodies. The Dwarves and Hobbit screamed in surprise as they were spat out upon a winding tunnel. They were slung this way and that along the rock-hewn slide until finally they were deposited once again upon a strange little makeshift bridge. Nadi cried out in pain as Bombur landed on her broken arm.

Oh, get off me, she was on the verge of saying but when she opened her eyes she forgot all about her throbbing arm.

"Goblins!" She cried in dismay. Before the Dwarves could rise to their feet, they were surrounded by a swarm of the chittering and ugly creatures. One Goblin grabbed her by her hair and another by her good arm. Two more grabbed her ankles and she was thus carried, screaming and cursing, along the bridge. They were like ants in the way that they moved, clambering and skittering around each other. Her head fell back against the wooden bridge and her world turned upside down, just in time to see Bilbo disappear among the flock.

"Huh?" she said, tilting her head. Right at that moment one of the Goblins reached its scabbed hand in the pocket bearing the green gems and she quickly looked up. "Get! Get away!" She cried and kicked the creature square in its mouth. Immediately three more descended upon her and her sight was completely obscured by the bulging bodies.

The Goblins carried the Dwarves along winding bridges. Nadi could see the firelight wriggling from the hundreds of makeshift lamps hanging about the cave. This set an idea in her head and she shoved her hand deep into her pockets, still cradling a few fragments of the gems. If a few things fell into place she could create a suitable distraction, at least for a few seconds. But her plan could put them in danger or fail miserably and embarrassingly.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?"

The Dwarves were let down upon a broad spot on the bridge. The smell preceded the Goblin king. Nadi covered her nose and looked up with her eyes watering. There, before her, stood the ugliest and largest creature that she had ever seen in her life. The very sight of him sent her dinner heaving along in her throat and she bent down to vomit.

"Spies? Thieves? Assassins?!" The Goblin King cried in his high voice.

"Dwarves, your Malevolence," a Goblin in the front offered up.

"DDDDWWWAAARRRVVVVEEESSS?" The King echoed in disgust.

"Found 'em on the front porch!"

"So don't just stand there! Search them! Every crack! Every crevice!"

The goblins descended upon them once again and began to paw and scratch at their bodies. Nadi kept her arms held tightly to her sides, hoping to keep their hands away from her coat pockets. But they were too busy searching other areas and she winced as their grimy fingers found her more sensitive places. So long as they're distracted, she thought to herself, gritting her teeth. The Goblin King inquired into the purpose of their quest. When no one responded, The Goblin King rose his mighty arms and instructed his minions to bring forth tortuous devices whose names made Nadi shiver. It was only when he threatened to start with Ori did Thorin bid him to hold. She watched her King as he stepped forward, her eyes never leaving his set face. The Goblin King seemed to be very delighted by his presence and he mockingly welcomed him by name and family line.

"I know somebody that will pay a pretty price for your head. Perhaps you know of whom I speak. An old enemy of yours...the Pale Orc. Astride a white Warg."

A shudder went through the Company, then. Could it be? Had the Pale Orc survived his wounds? Nadi glanced at Fili. They had both been present at that battle. They had seen the howling Orc dragged away, his arm missing and body bloodied.

"Azog the Defiler was slain in battle long ago," her King said. Though he spoke with confidence, his voice trembled ever so slightly.

"So you think...send word to the Pale Orc," the Goblin King told a Goblin sitting upon a swing "Tell him I have found his prize."

The Goblin King broke out in a joyous song, swinging his bulbous arms to and fro as the smaller Goblins around him hopped and skipped in joy. A Goblin behind her swung his club and hit her square in the back of the head. She fell forward with a grunt and bumped into Bofur, who in turn bumped into Kili who bumped into Nori. A gleaming sword was cast from their midst and a young Goblin picked it up. He pulled it free of its scabbard and screamed at the sight of the blade.

"I know that sword," The Goblin King cried out in alarm, backing away in fright. "The Goblin cleaver! Whip them, strike them, cut them," The Goblin King cried and the Goblins were whipped into a frenzy. Nadi hissed as she was bitten upon the arm and her hair was pulled so ferociously that she was swung off balance. She jolted and coughed as her injured arm was kicked and she was dragged back up by her hair once again. "Cut off their heads/"

"Wait!" Nadi shouted. The Goblins paused as she stood up and began to push her way towards the Goblin King. She didn't know what she was doing, but she had to stall for time until she figured out a way to put her plan into effect. "Your...Malevolence. Might I have a word?"

"Bold," The Goblin King spat and leaned forward. She forced herself to hold his phlegmonous eyes as he looked her up and down. "Make it quick, as these words will be your last."

"Yes. Right. Well…" she looked back at the Dwarves who were, in turn, watching her with wide eyes. "I would first like to express my gratitude and offer my compliments for your grand capture of our Company. Furthermore, I would like to add that I am thoroughly moved by your...fantastic...girth."

The Dwarves broke out in evil curses and mutterings of disbelief over her betrayal. She rolled her eyes and sighed quietly in frustration.

"Go on…" The Goblin King said, ever so slightly intrigued by her words of praise.

"It is a custom of my people to accept their defeat with grace and compliments towards their adversary. And before you cut off our heads I'd like to offer you a gift!"

"Do we have such customs," Nori whispered loudly to Oin who shrugged and looked at Bifur. "What is she going on about?"

Nadi cleared her throat loudly over the sound of their whispers and fondled the green gemstones in her pocket.

"A song and dance! By the woman of the Company!" She proclaimed loudly and suddenly. The Goblins shuffled about and chittered at each other in amusement.

"Ah...and is there a, uh, woman amongst you?" The Goblin King asked.

Oh no, he didn't, Nadi thought darkly to herself. She knew that the journey had been hard on her appearance but she couldn't have looked that bedraggled. "I...I am a woman, oh Hostile One."

"Oh!" The Goblin King said in surprise. He leaned back in his chair and thumped his staff against the side. "Very well then. I am quite the connoisseur of song, you see. I can pick out the ripest of melodies, being a gracious singer myself." He snorted. "Let's see it!"

"Right."

Nadi hesitated. She didn't know any songs or dances fit for the occasion. Indeed, all of the Dwarven songs that she knew had to do with pride and storytelling. She'd have to make one up on the spot, something that would hold the Goblins' attention for long enough.

"The Ballad of the Bawdy Barmaid," she said, stuttering, and slowly began to move along the bridge.

"There was a maid named Ballah Sue

A sight to behold, for me and you

Her eyes were bright and water blue

And she was bored with nothing to do."

She glanced back again at her kin. Their looks of anger had been turned to looks of disbelief as she began to unbutton the top of her shirt.

"She traveled wide, past rock and tree

To an old, run-down city

To a tavern with Ale for free,

Much to the luck of you and me…"

The Goblin King was watching her, not amused by her clumsy frolicking. Her broken arm hung limply by her side, hindering her movements greatly. She winced as she moved along, rocking her hips and stumbling around the smaller Goblins. Her eyes flickered to the nearest fire lamp, directly behind Bombur. If only she could get close enough. An idea crossed her mind and she turned to face him. She batted her eyelashes at him and swayed towards him, trying to point out the fire lamp with her eyes.

"She saw a Warrior in vicious stance

And thought she'd ask him to a dance

Impressed! By his long sword and lance.

She said, 'dearest gent-" Nadi leaned in towards Bombur in mock-seduction. The fat Dwarve's eyes went wide and he leaned away, not quite understanding her intent. " 'reach in my pants.' Reach in my trousers, Bombur," she hissed so quietly that none but he heard her. He looked at her in confusion. "Reach in my pants, do it now, hurry up!"

Bombur understood then. Quickly, so as not to draw suspicion, he slunk his fat fingers in the pocket hung from her hips and withdrew a handful of the green stones. They disappeared into his own pocket as the Goblin King, positively annoyed now, said, "is that part of the song?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed and turned around. Now for the next part. She dropped her coat from her shoulders, exposing the skin above her breast and her scarred neck. "Yes! Reach in my pants, reach in my pants! She invited the Warrior to a dance!"

She began to hop and skip about the place, feeling quite foolish and embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened and she glanced back at Kili, who was watching her dancing around in her undergarments as if he had never seen such a shameful thing before. Oh, fix your faces, she said silently with her expression, you'll give away my plan.

"The Warrior did never tire

As a layman played his lyre

He was her only true desire.

But he threw her in the fire!

She glanced at Bombur pointedly. He stared back and she cleared her throat. " BUT he threw her IN THE FIRE!"

He understood.

Quicker than would have been expected from such a large Dwarve, he spun on his heel and tossed the green gemstones in a fire lamp.

"Get down!" Nadi called to the Company before sinking into a crouch. The sound of an explosion rang through the Mountain as simultaneously a flash of white exploded around them. Shards of rock and burning wood splinters went flying around them and she smiled. Her plan had worked. She had recognized the green gemstones in the cave above the Mountain and had immediately set about filling her pockets with them. They were highly explosive due to the air that tended to build up within them. And though she didn't know that she would need them so soon, she had collected a few just in case.

"Arm yourselves!" Thorin called. She barely heard him above the ringing in her eyes. Deafened, she crawled over the bodies of the shocked Goblins in search of her ax. But it was nowhere to be found. Her hand fell upon the hilt of a discarded sword and she grabbed it in a hurry.

"Arm yourselves and fight!" Thorin was roaring.

She sprung to her feet and slashed the Goblins nearest her. They fell with many a deathly scream off of the bridge. She swiped wide again and took off the heads of six Goblins in a row. Without hesitation, the Company moved as one across the bridge, dealing death and injury as they went. When they were far enough away from the throne, the Goblin King sprung up before them, barring their path.

"You thought you could escape me?" He bellowed, lashing out with his staff, "What are you going to do now?"

Ori suddenly fell forward into Thorin. The Dwarven King was pushed towards the Goblin King. Nadi gripped her sword tighter, ready to defend him with her one working arm, but Thorin was quick to sink his blade into the King's foot and slice him across the belly.

"Hm," The Goblin King said thoughtfully, clutching his wound, then, "that'll do it." He tumbled forward. The bridge shook and cracked beneath his weight. Then, with a thunderous snap it dislodged itself from its holdings and descended into the abyss below with a sickening speed.

"This is it!" Nadi cried against the whistling wind as they fell.

"It was nice knowing you, lassie!" Bofur called when suddenly the broken bridge was caught between two jutting rocks. It snagged for a moment, hanging a few feet above the ground, before sliding to a gentle stop. Assuming that the worst was over, Nadi lifted herself. But the sudden weight shift caused the bridge to collapse upon itself. The Dwarves groaned as once again they were piled in a heap.

"How many more times must I Ohde into a Dwarve sandwich with you lot?!" Dori said.

"Oh, quit your whining. I'm the one with the broken arm!" Nadi said in exasperation.

"You broke it yourself!"

"Trying to save you-"

Suddenly the body of the Goblin King smashed into the broken bridge and the Dwarves groaned and cursed at their misfortune.

"Where's Gandalf when you need him?" Dori cried.

"No time to figure that out-" Fili said, looking upwards.

"Goblins!" Kili cried.

Nadi cursed. For there, above them, descended a swarm of Goblins.

"Only one thing will save us now," Thorin said, already standing. "Daylight. Run. Now."

X

The Company made it out alive, just in time. A Goblin had nicked Ori's heel just as he left the shadows of the rocky outcrop but otherwise, they were fine. Nadi clutched her arm and exhaled in relief. She was dizzy and sick, but happy to be free of that accursed place. Her smile soon faltered and she looked around her in alarm.

"Nadi, what is it?" Thorin asked.

"Where's our Burglar?"

The Dwarves glanced about them in confusion. Indeed, it seemed as if the Hobbit was missing. The Dwarves broke out in an argument, pointing fingers and cursing each other's negligence.

"It is no one's fault but his own for getting lost," Dwalin pointed out.

"We were surrounded by Goblins," Nadi spat back incredulously, "what was he supposed to do? Grab your belt and follow along, whistling? He was probably separated from the group. I'm going back in to find him."

"Don't be stupid," Thorin said, grabbing her shoulder and hauling her back. "Your arm is broken. You barely made it out alive with that raunchy little song and dance of yours."

"But-"

"Nadi!"

"There's no need!" A small voice suddenly rang out. They all turned around to face the Hobbit, who stood there tucking something away in his pocket. The Company cried out in surprise and rushed to embrace the small creature.

"Burglar!"

"We thought you were dead!"

"How did you make it past the Goblins?"

"Ah...haha…" Bilbo laughed awkwardly as they pressed on with their questioning.

"How indeed?" Thorin said, walking up to him. The Company parted before him. Nadi detached herself from the Hobbit's shoulders and looked down in humility.

"Perhaps it does not matter," she said to the ground between her boots, "he's here, isn't he?"

"No! It matters." Thorin said, "Spare us your lovelorn blathering over the Hobbit, Nadi, we're sick of it. I want to know. Why did you come back?" He said turning back to Bilbo.

"Look I know you doubt me," he said after a moment's pause, "I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books and my armchair and my garden. That's where I belong, that's home. But that's why I came back. Because...you don't have one. And I will help you reclaim yours if I can."

A silence fell over them then, so moved were they by Bilbo's words. The silence was only broken when Nadi clutched Bifur's arm and hissed. "Lovelorn blathering? Do I really do that? Tell me, Bifur, honestly."

Bifur grunted something in Khuzdul and pounded his chest, right above his heart.