Lol hey, not THAT late this time!
Thank you to everyone who commented last chapter, I'm sorry I didn't reply to the majority of them. Anxiety maaan, it's weird!
Btw, edits have officially begun! I've rewritten chapter one and half of chapter two, so hopefully I'll have those updated next week (maybe tomorrow, who knows). Then I'll go through all the other chapters; fixing mistakes and continuity issues, making the formatting uniform and adding dates to make things clearer, and hopefully doing a bit of condensing. Although, I started editing wanting to condense and thus far I've added a thousand words, so that's awkward.
"I spent my existence alone." - Carlisle
September 1915, Bella.
In her previous schools, Bella had always managed to make friends. With her… unique perspective on current events, she found herself more fascinated with other people than she ever had been before. She never really stopped feeling like a tourist.
But this time she couldn't help but struggle. She was so stressed about dealing with Carlisle, and Jasper, and her unexpectedly complicated feelings about Esme, it was hard to keep up the normal act long enough to make a friend.
School was so much more boring when you had to go on your own.
She was pretending to eat in the back of the lunchroom, where hopefully no one would bother her. Mid morning, the weather had suddenly gotten oddly sunny for the time of year, so all the other girls' attention was on the fun they would have after school. Bella just hoped she wouldn't have to hide until it got cloudy again. She pulled out a book and began to read, alone.
Until, of course, she wasn't alone anymore.
She felt a familiar breeze tickle at her neck, groaned, and turned to her new companion.
Selena looked the same as she had every time before: transparent, floating, swamped in clothes too big for her, and bored out of her mind.
Bella sighed. "Oh look, it's you again. Do you think you could stop popping up at inopportune moments?"
The phantom rolled her eyes as if it were completely reasonable to just appear at random times and demand attention. The last time had been seven years earlier, while Bella was mid conversation. She didn't say anything, as per usual. She just raised her hand and pointed east.
"No no no." Bella hissed. "We're not doing that again. It was helpful the first time, but I'm not spending days just running in the direction you point again. Next time you show up, do it in a room with a map so you can actually show me where you want me to go."
Selena just glared at her and disappeared, leaving Bella with a rather rattled feeling that carried through until the end of school.
It was still sunny when the last bell rang, so Bella gallantly offered to tidy the classroom before she left. The teacher was overjoyed and ran out with barely a goodbye.
Bella was cursing the stubborn sun and ordering the pencils by length and colour, when there was a knock on the door and a delighted cry.
"Isabella! What are you still doing here?"
Esme looked beautiful, as always. Her warm caramel hair was pulled in a bun at the nape of her neck and curling around her ears in the front, her dress was baby blue and flowy. Her smile lit up the room.
She was followed in by another girl who looked about the same age, very tall and with white blonde hair.
"Er," Bella stammered into her fake accent. "I was just tidyin' up the classroom before I went home."
"How very kind of you!" Esme laughed. "We were just here to work with the little ones. Oh! This is my friend Claire Stevens. Claire, Isabella Cullen."
Bella pasted on a confident smile and shook the girl's outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Stevens."
"Please, do call me Claire. If I can call you Isabella?"
"Of course!"
"Right!" Esme exclaimed once the awkward introductions were over. "This room is spotless, Isabella. I think your task is done! Come, we'll walk you home."
"Oh!" Bella glanced out the window, the sun was behind a cloud but still dangerously bright. "That's not-"
"I insist!" Esme tucked Bella's arm in hers and pulled her to the door. "It's almost dinner time, your brothers will worry!"
Bella let out a nervous laugh and snatched her wide brimmed hat from her peg by the door. She angled it carefully so it would cast shadows over her face and thanked her lucky stars that she had a pair of gloves in her pocket.
"I burn easily in the sun," she said at Claire's quizzical look.
"I see," she laughed, "I did wonder. I met your brother a few years ago and remember thinking he was remarkably pale. Is your family Irish?"
"English." Well, Carlisle was at least.
"How interesting!" Claire said as they passed through the front doors into the dangerous sunshine. Bella lagged behind a little on Esme's arm in an attempt to keep any stray sparkles out of her eye line, but then Claire linked with her other arm as they walked down the lane. Bella crossed her fingers and hoped she could blame her accidental shining on jewelry.
"Dr Cullen treated Esme's broken leg when he was here last, you know." Claire continued, giving Bella a look that very much showed she was fishing for information.
"Yes, he told me!" Bella grinned over at Esme. "He said he was impressed by your intrepid nature."
Esme blushed. "Well at least someone was!"
"He seems like quite a kind man," Claire ventured.
"Yes, he's always been very kind. I think that's why he wanted to be a doctor. He likes helping people." Bella kept an eye on Esme's reaction, or lack of one. Of course, Esme knew he was kind. "But he's funny too! He often joins in when Jasper and I prank Peter, our other brother. He's no stiff."
"It must be nice to have such brothers," Esme smiled.
"No sisters though!" Claire smirked. "I suspect you must yearn for one of those."
Bella knew what Claire was hinting at. It wasn't so much of a hint as a neon flashing sign, but it was that word again. Sister. Pretending that Carlisle was her brother was one thing, because in private he very much wasn't. But if Esme joined the family thinking they were sisters… Bella wasn't sure she could bear it.
She cleared her throat and nodded. The other girls traded a look and carried on conversing without her input.
They were eventually met on the lane by Jasper, as they neared the Cullen house. He must have been trapped in his office like Bella was at school.
"Ladies!" He called and jovially tipped his hat with a little bow. "Good afternoon!"
Esme kindly greeted him, introduced Claire and engaged him in lively, pleasant conversation. He clearly noted Bella's pinched expression and gently brought the meeting to a close, thanking the girls for ensuring his sister did not get lost or kidnapped on her way home.
Esme laughed. "It's our pleasure, sir. We'll see you soon, Isabella?"
At Bella's nod, she linked arms with Claire and walked away.
Jasper immediately went to wrap his arm around her, but Bella rushed into the house before he could. She couldn't deal with feeling conflicted and guilty about two things at once.
The house was empty, Carlisle and Peter were still out. Jasper's whisper stood out in the silent hall.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm trying to be," Bella gasped from a safe distance away. "I don't like being a similar age to her. I really don't like being older than her, I really really don't… It was so much easier with you and Carlisle!"
"Hey, it's alright." He took a step towards her with his arms outstretched, but she darted backwards out of reach. He frowned. "Have I done somethin'?"
"No…"
"Well then what is it? There's clearly somethin' else botherin' you."
"I…" Bella sighed, there was no getting around it. "It's 1915."
"Correct."
"So, in four years…"
He gulped, his eyes went wide and his nostrils flared. "In four years you will leave me for another man. And what? You've decided to get the process started early?"
"It's so we can still be around each other afterwards!" Bella couldn't keep eye contact when he looked this betrayed. "So maybe we can tone down whatever our relationship is now to just friends!"
"Just friends?" Jasper growled. "Bella, I love you! You love me! You think we can just forget that?"
"No! I…" A part of her had hoped they could. "It sucks, okay? But it's what has to happen!"
"Because you love him more?"
Hidden under all that anger was a hint of insecurity that broke Bella's heart. She couldn't lie.
"No, I don't love him more."
"Then why?" He gasped. "Why are you tradin' our happiness for the wishes of a man who doesn't exist anymore? I don't understand!"
"You don't know all the facts yet!"
"Then tell me all the facts!"
"I can't!"
"Why the fuck not? What fucking secret is worth all of this?"
He was shouting now, Bella cringed away. This was hell, this awful position she had landed herself in.
It wasn't just about her, it hadn't been for a long time. It wasn't about Edward either. It was about Jasper and Alice. Even if Bella did leave her husband and agree to a romantic relationship with Jasper, she would still need to go get Alice. There's no way she could leave her sister behind. So when Alice turns, her first vision will be of Jasper's face, they'll fall violently in love the moment they see each other - just like last time, and then Bella will have ruined everything.
Jasper was too loyal to just change his mind and leave her. Once he committed, he was in for life. So he would be forced to love Alice from afar, and Bella would know. Even if she left him, she would be an awkward hanger on, baggage. He could never marry Alice in those circumstances. She would have to leave so they could be happy.
And then what? Both Edward and Jasper would be lost to her, she would have disregarded the wishes of everyone she loved, and she would have to spend the rest of her days alone.
Perhaps it was a bit of a dramatic conclusion to come to, but it was a thought that she couldn't shake. No, the only way to guarantee that any of them could be truly happy was to make sure any semblance of romance with Jasper was gone way ahead of time.
She just shook her head and refused to answer. Jasper snarled and turned away.
"I would never try to ruin anythin' for you." He muttered. "But I will fight you on this until the day you show up on another man's arm. Understand?"
She nodded, just wanting to be done with this conversation. He sighed and straightened.
"I'm gonna go hunt. Don't wait up."
Once his footsteps faded into the distance, she finally let out the dry sobs collecting in her chest and clattered to the floor. Crying for the relationship she never should have had.
Carlisle.
Carlisle had to walk down the highstreet to get home from work, so he decided to be extra careful and waited until evening to avoid the bright sunshine.
It had been a decent day, aside from the turn in the weather. His patient load was low, no one was dying, someone had even sent thank you flowers for his work a few days before. It had been awkward at lunch, when Mr Platt's son had arrived with an invitation for dinner that night. He had had to come up with some excuse and felt terrible about it, but he drew the line of friendliness at having to force himself to eat.
When he got home it was just Bella there, staring out the window. She quietly told him that Jasper was hunting. She seemed upset, but before he had a chance to ask Peter bounded in with blood red eyes.
Carlisle sighed. "Please tell me nowhere near here."
"Don't worry, old man." Peter grinned. "I went to the other side of Columbus. And I'll go suck down a bunch'a animal blood so it's less red."
"Stay indoors for a few days too," Carlisle said. "We're not moving again just because someone thinks you're a demon."
"Jeez, I forgot once!" He groaned, then perked up and glared in Carlisle's direction. "Oh yeah, I'm pissed at you!"
"Oh? Why's that?"
"This mornin' some lady at the market patted my arm and said it was good to see me 'out and about'. Did ya'll tell people I'm sick again?"
He couldn't help but burst out laughing, even Bella who had stayed sullenly silent was giggling in her seat by the window. Peter spluttered out some objections about how he was a killing machine and of course he had to turn to slaughtering humans if they kept destroying his ego like this, but they could barely hear him.
"Oh yes…" Carlisle wheezed. "If anyone asks, it's your birthday today."
"Well many happy returns to me," Peter drawled. "Why's it my birthday?"
"I needed an excuse to get out of dinner with the Platts."
"You what?" Bella finally spoke up, her expression unreadable.
"The Platt boy - do you know his name?"
"Alexander."
"Ah, Alexander. He came to my office to invite me to dinner, obviously I said no-"
"Why?"
"I…" Carlisle frowned. "What do you mean 'why'? I'd really rather not have to eat. And besides, it's Jasper who wants such a close friendship with these people. The invitation didn't even include him, so why should I go?"
She was angry. His daughter hid her emotions far under the surface but he knew her well enough to see that. But it didn't make any sense, why should she be angry that he didn't want to go to dinner with a bunch of humans?
"Bella, what is it?" He asked.
"I just…" She groaned and buried her head in her arms. "Fuck. I just can't today!"
"Bells…" Peter murmured, in a tone that almost sounded like a warning.
That ball of frustration in Carlisle's chest grew and grew. It wasn't just Bella hiding something from him, it was everyone.
"I don't understand!" He snapped, Peter and Bella stared at him like he'd grown another head. "I adhere to your instructions because you know better, but this doesn't make any sense! Why am I using my real voice when that makes our backstory complicated and unrealistic? Why did you send me here on my own four years ago and then have us come back? Why are you all insisting on this connection with the Platts?"
Bella shot to her feet and shouted. "Can't you just trust me?!"
He stared at her. Her eyes were black, her chest heaving. He had never seen her be so aggressive towards him before. But as he watched, that anger drained away into such exposed despair that all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and make everything okay.
"Of course I trust you." He whispered, holding out a hand to see if she would take it. "I just…"
She flinched away like his words could cut. Peter put his arm around her instead.
"Maybe you should take a walk…" He murmured. "Just for a couple hours. I've got her."
"I…" Carlisle sighed as his daughter's shoulders started to shake in her adoptive brother's arms. "Alright. I'll come back in the morning."
The air was brisk when he found his way outside, but he was too lost in his thoughts to concern himself about not wearing a jacket and keeping up appearances. He had always known that Bella was hiding things from him, she admitted as much when they first met. The letter from his future self said that hiding things was his idea in the first place, so they would still enjoy the little surprises in life. He supposed that made sense.
He sighed. He trusted Bella more than anyone. She travelled sixty years further back in time than she needed to to make their lives better, he had to trust her. Didn't make it easier though.
He rounded a corner and thought it through. What strange things was Bella insisting on? Him using his real voice? Well there was no explanation that he could really think of for that, other than that it meant he wasn't lying all the time. He had been grateful for it when he first met Miss Platt.
The Platts felt like a large part of this conspiracy. Jasper had never particularly liked interacting with humans before, but he was insistent on meeting with them. Bella was more social than him, but even she didn't visit humans voluntarily. Peter kept going on at him about Miss Platt the week before, and they all often looked at each other when she was mentioned. As if they knew something he didn't.
They had heavily hinted that he should start a romantic relationship with her. Heavily. Maybe that was what he didn't know? Maybe they were trying to engineer events to be similar to what happened originally?
Was that why he was sent here four years earlier? To meet her?
What would have been his original circumstances? If Bella hadn't entered his life, he was fairly sure that in 1915 he would be alone, no children to worry about. Edward was originally turned in 1918, Bella had told him that when they decided to push it forward a year. Besides that, Bella's task was to prevent horrible things from happening to her family. If Esme Platt was part of her family in the future, maybe turning her was originally necessary to save her life?
He shook his head to clear it, this was all far too complicated. The only person who knew the full truth was Bella, and she wouldn't tell him anything. There was little point in trying to predict it. So what did he think? He hadn't contemplated his own feelings about women in a long time.
Esme was lovely, and he truly meant that. He often struggled to remember his human days, but he knew full well that if he had known her then he would have tried to court her. It was strange to even consider entering into anything with a human, especially since he had a fifty year old daughter. But Esme was beautiful, kind, and funny. He enjoyed her company when he had it. She lit up any room she was in. He just didn't know her very well.
As if summoned by his thoughts, the lady in question appeared around a corner; looking rather harried with her arms stacked full of packages.
"Miss Platt," he greeted.
Her head shot up to look at him, but she stumbled in the process. One of her packages fell from the pile in her arms.
Carlisle had run forward and caught it before he could really think it through. She blinked as if confused, as he'd crossed the lane in the blink of an eye, but she had said nothing about it.
"Dr Cullen," she replied with a smile, "how good to see you."
"And you, although isn't it late to be collecting the mail?"
Esme sighed. "My mother's society group is having a raffle tomorrow and I completely forgot to pick up the prizes. I had to run before the store closed!"
"Well then please let me help," Carlisle steadied the rickety pile, "and perhaps escort you home?"
"Thank you." She beamed behind her pile of parcels and let him take the majority of them.
He walked her home; one part of his mind lingering on the things his daughter was hiding from him, the other admiring the way the setting sun glinted off Esme's hair.
Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to get to know her.