And then there were three chapters. The one we've all been waiting for. Not really but okay. This chapter with stretch to the end of the play so lots of words in this one! Yay for words! We love you Words!
On with the show… erm, play!
Wicked: Unplugged and Ready for the Last Run
Set in the fancy-shmancy Governor's mansion for the short Munchkin creatures
Nessa Rose: I love being in charge of all the little Munchkins things! (Boq walks in carrying a margarita for Nessa Rose. Boq just so happens to be dressed in only his Shiz University boxers… on Nessa Rose's orders of course.) Yeah, really love being in charge!
Boq: Glad SOMEBODY likes having you in charge! All the Munchkins – including myself of course – HATE having you in charge!
Nessa Rose: Quiet slave! I mean my darling little Boqy-Woqy! Um, that's the wrong color margarita, I want a pink one. (Boq sighs heavily and leaves to get Nessa Rose her preferred color of drink. As soon as he leaves Elphaba flies in) Oh my GOD! Elphaba flew here, right here into the Governor's mansion? Oh no, if anyone sees you here they'll all hate me for sure!
Elphaba: Everyone already hates you little sister, they're just too polite to tell you so to your face.
Nessa Rose: Oh… well they'll hate me MORE than they do now if they find you here! Get the hell out!
Elphaba: Fine, be that way! I'll just let myself out. (Turns to leave but stops at the door) Before I go, here's a present for you little sister. (Puts a spell on her sister's silver slippers so they turn ruby red)
Nessa Rose: What did you do to them? They're so appallingly bright and gaudy! They won't match any of my other clothes! (Nessa Rose stands up feeling irritate and walks around the room) Wait, I can walk now? Since when can I walk?
Elphaba: It's the shoes. Why else would I make the shoes that wretched color for? The red rubies are what makes it so you able to walk. Would you like me to turn them back?
Nessa Rose: Oh no, I like them like this! I love ruby! Ruby slippers are the new silver slippers, I swear.
Elphaba: Good. Oh crap, Boq's coming back! (Hides under the desk)
Boq: (Sees Nessa Rose standing on her own) What the… YES! You won't need me anymore, I'm free to go and stalk Glinda! See you later babe!
Nessa Rose: We'll just see about that! (Grabs Elphaba's spell book which just so happens to be sitting on the ground and cast one over Boq – which turns out to be particularly nasty since she can't pronounce anything)
Boq: Ah! Oh no! (keels over dead as a doornail)
Nessa Rose: Crap, dead bodies usually make the voters hate you. Oh Elphie dear, wanna help me fix him?
Elphaba: (sighs as she climbs out from under the desk) Might as well help out. (Turns Boq into a chicken) How's that?
Nessa Rose: Chicken's annoy me, the cluck too much. How about a walking talking tin can man? It's fun to say! Walking-talking-tin-can-man! La la la!
Elphaba: If it makes you stop singing, sure. (Turns Boq into a walking talking tin can man, or The Tin Man for short) Gotta fly off now, ta ta! (Does what she says she will as usual)
The Tin Man: What happened to me Nessa Rose? Did you do this?
Nessa Rose: Of course not… um it was Elphaba! Yeah, she did it!
The Tin Man: Okay, The Wicked Witch of the West did it! Time to hold a pep rally! (leaves to go arrange a pep rally with pitchforks and torches – you know, normal pep rally stuff)
Switch to The Wizard's roomy-type-thing again
Wizard: I love my little flying monkeys! (Elphaba flies in and scares the crap out of him) Ah! The Wicked Witch of the West is here to kill me, eat my liver and suck my brain out through a straw! HELP ME!
Elphaba: One, shut up already the screaming is so giving me a killer headache. And two, YUCK! Why would I suck your nonexistent brain out of a straw?
Wizard: I don't know. But it sounded cool didn't it?
Elphaba: I guess you're right there, it did sound pretty cool. Okay, back to why I came here. Set the monkey's go!
Wizard: If you work for me and become my pimp-manager. You can be in charge of all my pimps, okay?
Elphaba: Cool, I get to be a pimp-manager! (Sees Doctor Dillamond) What the… Oh I know him! Oh my God, you did this to him! Forget the pimps damn it, I'm gonna pimp-slap you – the deal is so off!
Wizard: Fine! Guards, get your fat donut-eating buts in here! (hides behind his big head machine thing as Fiyero and the donut-eating guard come in the doors)
Elphaba: (prepares for a fight but stops when she sees Fiyero standing there in front of her in his uniform looking gorgeous as usual) Hey, it's the unintelligent hottie… um I mean Fiyero!
Fiyero: It's sexy green girl… I mean Elphaba!
Donut-Eating Guard: Anybody want a donut?
Elphaba and Fiyero: NO! (Glinda heard the noise and burst in – uninvited as usual)
Fiyero: Hey dude, take this twenty bucks and go buy you some more donuts. And bring me a glass of water to melt the Witch when you're done. (Fat guard rushes off with the money) Elphaba, we finally found you!
Elphaba: Actually I found you but okay. Whatever. (Hugs Glinda and then hugs Fiyero even longer and tighter… and it looks so much cuter)
Fiyero: Can I run away with you please?
Glinda: Um Fiyero, you're engaged to me remember? I have a ring and a cake and a fifty foot ice sculpture of us and everything!
Fiyero: That's what refunds are for. Engagement is off, goodbye! (leaves with Elphaba for the forest of creepy spider-web-like-vines)
Glinda: Well this sucks. (Madame Big Butt walks in and the Wizard comes out from his hiding place) Go after her sister, she'll do whatever you want her to do if you kidnap her sister, believe me. I'm in a bad mood so I'll be in my dressing room with the music louder than it needs to be for the next day or so. Bye.
Switch to the forest of creepy spider-web-like-vines
(I was asked NOT to make fun of this bit by someone so… we're gonna skip part of this bit. My dear reviewer who requested I don't make fun of this – and you know who you are – this is for your sanity)
Elphaba: Gee that was fun. Let's do that again sometime, okay?
Fiyero: Heck yes we'll do that again! Hey look, a flying house!
Elphaba: I gotta go to my sister. She needs me right now!
Fiyero: Am I really that bad?
Elphaba: No, you're awesome Fiyero it's just that my sister Nessa Rose actually needs me. (Flies off only to find her sister already dead) Shoot, too late! (cries over her sister's grave; Guards come to capture her but Fiyero pops out of the cornfield to save her)
Glinda: (who once again pops up uninvited) Hold the phone for a second! Elphaba, run away right now and save yourself. Fiyero, come with me and we can get married like I always wanted. Guards, go eat some donuts. Problems all solved!
Fiyero: Better plan. Elphaba dear, run away while Glinda doesn't get what she wants and I fight these guards to the death.
Elphaba: As long as you don't die I like the second plan better. Sorry Glinda but I love him too much to see him marry you. (runs out as fast as she can while Glinda watches as Fiyero is tied up and stuck on a pole in the cornfield to die)
Glinda: Normally I'd save Fiyero at a time like this… but I don't feel like it today. Elphaba's last comment really stung me.
Switch to The Tin Man's pep rally with pitchforks and torches
The Tin Man: Okay, here's the condensed version for you: We all hate the Wicked Witch of the West therefore we are gonna go kill her with these pitchforks and torches. End of the pep rally, everyone follow me! (crowd follows all grumbling about how short the pep rally was after all the money they had to pay to get a ticket and a pitchfork or torch)
(While The Tin Man holds a pep rally that is really short Elphaba casts a spell to try and save Fiyero's life but instead it turns him into a Scarecrow. Ironic isn't it?)
Switch to Elphaba's lair-castle room
Elphaba: I hate kids. I just want to kill you and take my sister's shoes back from you. Glinda gave them to you because she wants revenge because I stole her boyfriend. Was it really that bad for me to steal her boyfriend? No, but she gives the shoes away like a jerk! (rants and raves until Glinda comes in) Oh hello Glinda my dear! Nice to see you again.
Glinda: Is Fiyero dead then? (Elphaba nods; Glinda obviously isn't reading the script I gave her last week) That sucks, he was so hot! What will the world do with such a loss as Fiyero's hotness on its conscious?
Elphaba: You know what Glinda? No, you don't, I haven't told you just yet what I'm talking about because that information is in the next line. You take over the magic biz for me. It's tiring and boring and… I have other things to do. (Elphaba is obviously thinking of the great trip to Hawaii that Fiyero planned for the two of them once they ditched Glinda)
Glinda: Can we sing about how great it is to be friends before the angry mob comes to kill you? I passed the in my pink bubble on my way up here.
Elphaba: Sure, let's sing about our friendship before the kill me. (Elphaba and Glinda sing together then Elphaba shoves Glinda behind a curtain so no one can see her and supposedly dies due to having water dumped on her head)
Glinda: She's dead… I want my hideous hat back then! (Grabs the hat and leaves)
Fiyero the Scarecrow Man: (Walks in and helps Elphie out from under the trapdoor she was hiding under) So my dear lover Elphie, Hawaii then? I got great tickets.
Elphaba: Hawaii it is!
()()()()The End()()()()
Hope you liked this spoof of Wicked and all my hideously corny jokes… which I made corny for the fun of it. I wasn't even really trying to be funny, but sometimes by not trying you can be even funnier than when you do try to be. At least I think so. Please review! Need I remind you this is the last chapter for thei story so please take this last chance to review for me.