Disclaimer—I do not happen to own any of these wonderful characters. Diana Wynne Jones happens to own them all. DWJ—1 Chandra—0.

RECAP—Just so you all know, this is more for the author's sake, I think, because the author has AD-HEY LOOK A BIRD! So, in the previous installment, everyone was just chillin' and singin' and rappin' y'all. Okay, okay, I'm stopping with the bad writing-accent-thing. Down in Dalemark, they were gettin' down wit PotO (Phantom of the Opera for those of you not as obsessed as The Author is). Out in Chrestomanci's world, they were chillin' to 1, 2, Step by Ciara and Missy Elliot. And everyone else in their random world were bustin' a move with that song from Grease—"Sandra Dee." Yep. And that's the recap.

A'ight, just so that this is clear: I have included characters from Charmed Life, The Magicians of Caprona, The Dalemark Quartet, Eight Days of Luke, Dogsbody, Aunt Maira, and The Ogre Downstairs. I think. I might have missed a book or two. If I have, tell me por favor.

"We should have another karaoke night sometime soon," Janet remarked to Angelica. Angelica nodded in agreement. "Si, si, that was very fun."

"Wait, wait," Tonio said. "Back up. I thought we were dead!"

"Well, we were dead, until The Author showed her ugly face up here again and gave us life," Roger put in.

"Hey, I have the SUPREME POWER here, Roge. Watch what 'chu say," The Author said. "I have the ONE KEYBOARD TO RULE THEM ALL."

"Doesn't that belong in the LOTR section?" asked Cat.

"Oh yeah…" The Author said, a look of realization dawning on her face. "Continue, continue."

"So we really do need to do the karaoke thing," Janet said. "Maybe we could do that for our Sweet Sixteens?"

"Sweet Sixteens?"

"Yeah, you know, where a person turns sixteen, and they get to throw a huge party and stuff," Janet explained. She noticed everyone giving her a weird look. "What, you guys don't have Sweet Sixteens here?" she asked.

Everyone shook their heads. "What is wrong with you guys!" Janet said exasperatedly. "A Sweet Sixteen is, like, the highlight of a teenager's life. Whatever, no matter. We're still having one huge one."

"Since when do we do huge parties?" asked Cat.

"Since now, duh," Janet said. "Sigh I wish I could go back to my original world…just see how my parents are and how what's-her-face—Romilla—are all doing. And all of my old friends…" she stared off into the distance, a far-away look on her face. (No, really).

"Thinking about your home?" asked Tonio sympathetically.

"Not really, no," Janet answered. "Thinking about how bangin' cool a witch's Sweet Sixteen would be."

So, out in the land of Dalemark, the crew was having a fun time trying to figure out what had happened to the Spanish-speaking aliens and why they'd all suddenly been possessed to sing.

"I'm telling you, it's all Kankrendin's doing!" exclaimed Mitt.

"No, surely not, it's got to be those damn ducklings!" sighed Navis. "I told Amanda to leave them at home!" he muttered.

"Who's Amanda?" asked Maewin.

"N-no one," said Navis. He has a 'shit-did-I-just-say-that-aloud' look on his face.

Everyone gave him a look. An 'I-know-what-you-did-last-summer' look.

Navis's eyes bugged out. "You know?" he said, panicked. "No one was supposed to know! Legolas swore he wouldn't say a thing!"

"Who's Legolas?" asked Maewin. "Wait, isn't he that guy from Lord of the Rings?"

"Well—yes."

"How'd you two meet?"

"We—uh—we—well, I, uh, got him to help us keep the magic ducklings under control," Navis admitted.

"What magic ducklings?" Mitt asked suspiciously.

"Y-you know," Navis said nervously. "The ones involved with the Spanish-speaking aliens."

A look of realization dawned on everyone's faces. "OH! THOSE DUCKLINGS!" they all said in clichéd unison.

"Yep, those ducklings," a non-echoing voice said.

"That was pretty cool," said Lana. "Ya gotta admit, that was pre-t-t-y cool." She stretched the word 'pretty' out like Californians do—prounouncing every letter.

Just kidding. It's actually us New Englanders that speak too fast. To survive out here, you need to learn how to understand people talking like chipmunks on crack. It's a fascinating study, really. Called rodentoncrackology.

Just kidding, I made that up.

"Heck yes!" Kathleen said, giggling. Sirius watched her with a small smile on his face, glad that she hadn't freaked out at him, like she did in some fanfics.

All of the people there of the maculine gender gave them weird looks as the girls acted like they had just drunk a 12-pack of Pepsi each.

"So, Mig, is this your happy ending?" Chris asked, hoping to calm his sister down. It's a rather scary thing when your younger sister acts like she's on something illegal, you know. Reader nods agreeingly

"Yes, it is for now," Mig said with a laugh. Chris rolled his eyes and walked off, presumably to get the hell out of this psycho fanfic.

A cell phone rang. Everyone stopped suddenly and rummaged through their pockets, looking for the right one.

"Kathleen—" Sirius said. He held up an ugly yellow cell phone, as big as one from the 80's. "It's this one."

She nodded in realization, and said, "That one."

They flew off into the stars, with everyone watching.

"What the—" David began.

"David," Luke said, "They're luminaries. Who knows where they're headed, or if they'll even get there this century."

David nodded, then said, "So, any chance of a pizza being ordered?"

Somewhere in the middle of Yreka Zzyzx, California, five children popped out of nowhere.

And yes, Yreka Zzyzx, California is a real town.

"Ow…where are we?" Malcolm asked.

"Dunno," replied Caspar.

"Are Mom and Jack here?" Gwinny asked.

"Nope," replied Johnny.

"So we're…" began Caspar.

"All alone," finished Douglas.

"Welp, this is fun," said Malcolm. "No Dad, no Sally, no magic chemistry set."

"Don't forget stuck in the middle of nowhere," added Gwinny.

"Actually…" said Douglas, seeing the huge billboard that they all somehow missed before, "It's Yreka Zzyzx, California."

"How the hell do you pronounce that?" asked Capsar.

"Yreka Zzyzx," answered Douglas proudly.

"Yer-eka Zzzzz-i-zz-ks," tried Malcolm.

"Yray-k Zyzix," attempted Johnny.

"Yah-ray-kah Zixixy," cracked Gwinny.

"Amakfjk Iiofd," ventured Caspar. Everyone turned to look at him. "What?" he asked.

The blinked.

"Oh, I get it, you're all just jealous because I prounounced it right and the rest of you didn't!" he said.

Another round of blinking.

"What, then?"

So, I guess that's all! This, uh, year's episode was brought to you by BROCCOLI! Eat your leafy greens, peeps!

Anyways, I'm really sorry about not updating for, like, a year. Okay, more than a year. A year and almost two months. Wow. That's a long time. But my computer decided that it was going to crash and delete all of my files, and then I was lazy and didn't bother to update. But I did! Yay! Point for Chandra! And points to all of my reviewers!

Let's name them since Chandra is that cool: lupusregina, Derdeka, Morningside for Life, Adora Bell Dearheart, silversilk, and Seregwen Morthil! Thank you all!