Disclaimer—I do not happen to own any of these characters. Well, unless I decide to make one up. But I don't think that I will. Well, maybe I will. I'm on a caffeine high right now, actually, so there's no telling what I'll do. –Collapses into spazztic laughter-
Actually, I'm just updating this because I really don't want to do my bio homework, which involves me taking notes out of the book on the pee system. Hello, do I LOOK like I want to learn about the pee system? No. And neither do you.
REINER HEXWOOD OFFICES
Somewhere in the middle of the galaxy
"So, wait, what's going on with Earth?" Vierran asked dully.
"Not another bannus problem, right?" asked Martin.
"Thankfully, no," said Hume.
"Well, good," Mordion said.
"But we still have to all go out there," Hume said.
There was cursing in various languages as the other Reiners realized what was being asked of them.
"NOT EARTH AGAIN!"
"So…what are we doing out in Californa?" asked Gwinny.
"Having a party?" Casper answered.
"Good idea, let's," agreed Johnny. Some music started playing, and some balloons appeared.
"Whooo, California beach party!" yelled Gwinny.
"Except that this isn't California," said Malcom.
"Shut up, no one cares."
"Fine."
There was some silence, even though the music started playing on. And by silence I mean silence between the characters. Not total silence. Like I said, the music kept playing on. It was "Everytime we Touch" by Cascada, just in case you were dying to know. Then:
"This party sucks."
"So where are we going?" Kathleen asked Sirius as they whisked away through time and space.
"To some random town called…I can't even pronounce it. Y-R-E-K-A Z-Z-Y-Z-X, California."
"Why?"
"Well, some kids were in need of excitement for their dance party next to a billboard," Sirius replied sensibly.
"Oh." Kathleen blinked. "I thought it might be to rescue them or something like that."
"Now why would we do a thing like that, m'dear? They are clearly in need of more fun at their dance party."
"I don't know…" Kathleen said. They were both silent for a moment. "But shouldn't we have brought along, I don't know, Luke or David or someone? If they want more fun. We should have brought along more people."
"Nah, we're leaving that up to the Reiners."
"What?"
"The Reiners. Some other random group of people that help rule the universe. On a different level than ourselves, obviously."
"Oh, okay."
"So where exactly are we going again?" asked Vierran tiredly.
"Vie, you really should pay more attention. We're going to Yreka Zzyzx, California," Mordion answered calmly.
"But why?"
"Easy," Hume put in as a robot measured him for Earth clothing. "We need to fix up some kids' boring dance party. And maybe kidnap some random other unsuspecting victims while we're at it."
"Oh."
"And joining a couple of luminaries, if I'm correct," Hume added. "Now, everyone here knows Earthspeak, right?"
"Duh. We were all around for the Bannus," said Vierran.
"Right. So as long as we all remember that, we should all be okay." Hume looked around at people looking away awkwardly. "You mean you don't remember any Earthspeak?"
A chorus of "Uhs," "ums" and "wells" sounded from the other five Reiners.
"For gods' sakes, guys, tell someone next time!"
'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly,
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
I need you by my side
"This is a rather boring dance party…" muttered Malcom as he and his siblings/stepsiblings sat around in boring despair.
"Yeah…" Johnny agreed.
"It's 6:26 PM. Do you know where your kids are?"
"Who said that?" Gwinny asked, her head shooting up.
"Not I," replied Casper.
"Nor I," added Malcom.
"Or Douglas or I," added Johnny.
"Sorry guys, a screw-up on the author's part. Carry on!"
"Will you come join our dance party?" Gwinny shouted.
"No, I'm too busy writing this damn thing!"
"Jeeeeeez, forget I asked…" muttered Gwinny as she sat down again in boredom.
"Hey guys, what's that?"
"So now that we've all refreshed ourselves in Earthspeak," Hume began, talking in Earthspeak just to make sure that they all understood, "We're on our way to Earth now."
"To make a dance party fun?" asked Martin.
"To make a dance party fun," confirmed Hume.
"Why do we have to do it?" whined Mordion.
"What?" replied Hume.
"Why do we have to do this? Make a dance party fun, I mean," said Mordion. "Can't we do something easy, like sort out racial conflicts between two warring, impossible alien races?"
"Because it gives us a chance to break out of the norm and do something nice for people," said Vierran. "Duh."
"Oh. Right," Mordion said. He made a face. "I still don't get it, though."
The other four Reiners rolled their eyes. "Dude, we just go down there in our Earth party clothes, bring some balloons, a good DJ, and some food—remember, it has to be non-alcoholic, since there will be people under the legal American drinking age there—and have fun," Martin explained for him.
"But—"
"Mordion," Vierann said eerily camly.
"What?"
"Please stop talking."
"We should be arriving in three…two…one…" Sirius muttered to himself as they neared the bland desert and billboard where the so-called 'party' was.
"Watch out for the—" Kathleen shouted a second too late.
KABLOOOIEKJSDLFKJSLDKJSLDKFJLSDKJ!
"Ouch," Kathleen muttered as she sat up in a strange man's lap. "Do I know you?"
"We should be arriving soon, sir," the worried pilot said to Hume.
"Good, thank you," Hume said. The pilot left, and so Hume said to the others, "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," muttered Vierran.
"Yep," said Martian.
"Uh-huh," said Arthur.
"Wait, I still don't know what's going on," said Mordion. Everyone else ignored him.
"We will shall be there in three…two…one…" a voice was heard over the intercom. Then:
"OH SNAP!"
They all bounced around while the ship and something else tumbled around. "Ouch, ouch, o wow owowowowowoowowowowowoowow…" someone said.
"Well, this makes the party more exciting," a young girl's voice said.
"My name's Mordion, ma'am, and I still don't know what the hell is going on," the strange man said to Kathleen as they picked themselves up.
"Well, I'm here with Sirius to help liven up some dance party," she said.
"Ah, so you're the luminary?" he asked her.
"Well, Sirius is the real luminary. I'm just the luminary-in-training."
"The L-I-T. The lit. I like that. It matches the whole luminary-idea," he said.
"Um, thanks."
They stood their awkwardly for a minute.
"Want to go find the party?" Kathleen asked.
"Good idea," Mordion replied.
Sirius picked himself up and started looking for Kathleen. "Dammit," he muttered when he realized that she'd lost herself again. "I knew that I should have taken that other route to get here…"
"Hello? Luminary?" a voice sounded from behind him. Sirius spun around. "Yes?" he replied politely.
"Ah, good, we understand each other. I'm Hume. One of the Reiners?" the man replied.
"Oh, right. You're also here to help us out with the party," Sirius said. "How do you do?" He stuck out his hand.
"I'm quite fine, thanks," said Hume, wondering what the hell the luminary wanted with his hand. Oh, good, he put it down.
"So…where's the rest of your crew? I was told that all five of you would be coming," said Sirius.
"Somewhere admist these ruins," Hume said. "Along with the DJ, the balloons, the food, and the rest of the party stuff. MARTIN! VIERRAN! MORDION! ARTHUR!" Hume called. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"
"This is, uh, quite the mess we made…" said Sirius awkwardly. He wished that he could go find Kathleen.
"OVER HERE!" a voice sounded from the far side of the rubble heap. "Good, that must be closer to where the party is," said Hume. "Come along now, luminary."
Sirius followed him, hoping that Kathleen was there, too.
They made their way over and found a group of children and a woman dragging another man out. A third man was standing nearby.
"Martin, how did you get stuck under there?" Hume asked.
"Duh, the ship crashed," the man said. The group finally got him out.
"Soooooooo…" Vierran began. "Where is Mordion?"
"Probably wandering around hoplessly in the desert somewhere," said Martin.
"Probably," agreed Vierran. "Who're you?" she asked Sirius.
"Sirius. I'm a luminary."
"Oh. Do you know where Mordion is? He was hopelessly clueless about this whole thing," she said dejectedly.
"Nope. I wish I could tell you," Sirius said.
"Aw."
Kathleen and Mordion vaporized from where they were and reappeared next to Sirius and Vierran right then. Because the author got tired of them being hopelessly clueless in the desert.
"Sirius!" Kathleen said as she ran over and hugged him. "Get this psycho man away from me, please," she hissed into his ear.
"I assume that's Mordion?" he asked Vierran.
"Yep."
There was awkward silence among the whole group. Then…
"What are we waiting for? Let's get this party started!"
Now, for a word from the author: pteronophobia.
This episode of The Answers to Life, The Universe, and Chickens was brought to you by: feathers. Thank you.