A/N: Thank you, thank you to those lovely souls who reviewed! You make me happy. The Horseman grins menacingly at you… wait a second. He can't do that. He doesn't have a mouth. Oh well. If he could grin menacingly at you, I'm sure he would.
Chapter 1: The Noble History of Decapitation
Since the dawn of humanity, (horse)mankind has shown a great interest in invention and the betterment of society. Of course, efficient killing has always been one of the most-loved areas of study. Throughout the ages, thousands of creative deaths have been envisioned. However, there is certainly none as historical, useful, or well-loved as decapitation.
It is thought that "the honorable murder" was first created b a Cro-Magnon whose cavemate had angered him by stealing his tiger-skin bathrobe. The inventive caveman retaliated by uttering a great grunt of "Ugga!" and hacking at the unfortunate thief's head with a dinosaur tooth. The results thrilled him. Thus, decapitation was born.
As civilization evolved, it became more and more fashionable to forcibly remove the cranial regions of one's enemies. The Celts took great pride in these prizes, often nailing them above their doors to frighten enemies and innocent passer-by. But it was not until the Middle Ages that decapitation reached its peak, the "Golden Age of Head-Hacking."
With the rising popularity of public executions, decapitation became increasingly sophisticated. The victims were carefully placed with necks exposed on a specially built head-holder, and executioners were given shiny axes and spiffy black masks. (On a side-note, it is a common misconception that those masks were used to preserve the anonymity of the executioners. This is a glaring historical inaccuracy. In fact, the black masks were worn to honor the beauty and holiness of the headless body.) But I digress.
As with all great innovations, there were some slight problems. A few nit-picky victims complained because of dull axes, (thus the importance placed today on only engaging in beheading when properly equipped with a really, really sharp blade!) executioners who couldn't manage to get the head off on the first try, etc. Nonetheless, great decapitation proponents helped advance the art. One great example is that illustrious King Henry VIII. Responsible for numerous beheadings, he was an early advocate of the really really sharp blade. Legendarily, this was displayed with his acquiescence to his estranged wife Anne Boleyn's request for decapitation by an Italian sword (with a blade of folded steel.)
Tragically, like many ancient arts, decapitation was brought down a level by that hideous French invention, the guillotine. Now beheadings became purely mechanical, with the technique, the swordsmanship, the sheer beauty all falling by the wayside. Since those backwards days of the French Revolution, decapitation has largely gone out of style. The onset of guns and bombs, while efficient, have stolen from us one of (horse)mankind's greatest skills. But there is hope. Decapitation enthusiasts such as myself (and you, dear reader!) can, with proper devotion to spreading the Headless Word, revive the ancient techniques and reinstate The Art. As some famous ruler of note once said, "Off with 'is 'ead."