A/N - Practically An Avenger ... I love the faith you have in our Spider couple. And I love the reviews, you're quickly becoming a favorite reviewer. I hope you stick with us because in a short chapter or two ... It's going to be a whole different ballgame.

Chapter 29 - Joy And Angst

Even if America had basically given Kate the go-ahead to figure out her feelings with Nate, Kate didn't go running straight to Nate or anything. That would be undignified. And she had been raised by the Black Widow.

No, what she did was go to Westchester more often to "visit Lexi," wearing some cute clothes that she knew drew attention to all the right things about her appearance - and openly projecting the fact that she and America were on a break.

Okay, so it wasn't quite dignified either, but, well, she wasn't her mother.

Still, even with how much she was projecting, Nate didn't seen to take any hints until just before the Summers took off for Christmas, when Kate more or less threw a sprig of mistletoe at him and kissed him full on the mouth. Because if he wasn't going to make a move, she would. And if he still wasn't interested, then forget it. She had a gorgeous girlfriend she could go back to and know that Nate Summers just wasn't good enough to keep up with her.

For a long moment, Nate just stared at her, and then, he broke into a crooked grin and pulled her into a long kiss in return. "For the record - this isn't some weird rebound thing, right?"

"Oh my gosh, is that why you weren't taking my massive hints, you dork!" Kate hit him in the center of his chest. "You're lucky you're cute, because wow."

"I don't know … got a wow either way."

Kate rolled her eyes. "There is a different between 'wow, you're cute' and 'wow, you're stupid,' and you tread a fine line, mister."

Nate grinned but hadn't stepped back from her either. "Hey, for all I knew, you were projecting for Rachel, not me."

"You're an idiot." Kate shoved him in the shoulder. "But if you take me out on a real date, I'll overlook that."

Once more, Nate's grin widened. "You're on."

"Why does Angel look like he's getting ready to face down a monster?" Mia asked as she walked into her mother's office. She stopped in the doorway, her tail still behind her as she watched Warren walk away with his feathers slightly ruffled and his wings stiff behind him.

"Because he's not used to being burdened with such responsibility," Ororo replied with a warm smile. "Even though I told him it was only for two weeks."

"But … what?" Mia asked, turning to her mother with wide eyes even as Ororo approached her calmly.

"My beloved daughter, you need to go upstairs and pack your bags. We're going to take a short trip to my homelands, and to visit an old friend. Be sure to dress for warm weather."

"Wait. Hold up. Wait." Mia was grinning in spite of herself. "We're taking a vacation? Since when do we take vacation time?"

"Since I realized that you should get to see something more impressive than the dirty streets of New York," Ororo said before she kissed Mia on the forehead and walked by her. "Pack quickly. Our Maker has the jet ready to go. He's only waiting on us."

Mia was on her toes for the whole flight, half holding her breath as her leg jiggled. She was excited - so excited - to get out and to maybe even get to socialize with people that didn't know her parents and were also second gen superheroes.

When they finally started to circle around for the landing, Mia couldn't keep her excitement under control. She was grinning broadly -moreso as they circled lower and lower, and by the time they were on the ground, she was bouncing in her seat, wide-eyed and at the edge of squealing.

Ororo and Forge shared a smile - particularly since Mia was doing her best and still acting like the excited kid that she was. She so rarely got to travel and to see the world … sure, she'd gotten to see where Forge was from - and enjoyed every moment on the reservation where what was left of his family lived - but it was an entirely different kind of sweeping wind-swept plain in Montana with the Rocky Mountains looming in the distance. This … this was her mother's homeland - or close enough to it. And the African plains were something else entirely.

The colors were unbelievable, for one thing. The oranges and deep warm reds made everything else seem dull by comparison. Everything reflected the orangey glow. It was so distractingly vivid that she almost didn't realize that they were at the edge of a sprawling city that she didn't even see coming in.

"Where are we?" Mia asked in a breath. "I didn't know Africa had such big cities … I mean, I knew it had cities, I just mean …"

"We're in Wakanda," Ororo said, a sedate aura emanated around her as she closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air. Without thinking of any consequences for the first time in a very long time, Ororo gently let her arms extend at her sides as the wind around her picked up and lifted her skyward. She didn't fly high, but clearly, she had needed to fly a little bit. For her own sanity.

It wasn't until she was well into the air though, before Mia called out to her. "Looking good, Mom! Mind taking someone with you next time?"

Ororo paused and turned her way, blushing high on her cheeks - not that anyone saw it for as high up as she was. "Of course. What was I thinking?"

"Likely, that you were glad to be back," Forge answered.

Mia looked between her parents as her parents gazed longingly at each other. The relationship was certainly on equal footing, but there was something about the way that Forge didn't even attempt to hide his open near-worship of his wife that had Mia pining for someone to look at her like that. She just didn't know how that would ever happen when she wasn't able to leave the institute … except in cases like this, of course, when her parents totally blindsided her. And she was going to soak in every single skyscraper, tower, and friendly face she came across.

For the past several months, James had noticed a marked change in how things felt at the tower. The Avengers were the same, as always, but those going in and out of the tower were a little … off. America hadn't really been around as much, and Dani had started up in a new school that meant her time at the tower was less and less. Most of the kids near his age were going to Westchester to deal with their power sets, too, so that meant less and less kids were around - which was okay. Except that when there was a break - like at Christmas or Spring Break - all the kids that should have been at the tower for some reason weren't.

Again, James wouldn't have found it too odd, except for the fact that May was among those not showing up - even when she could. And considering how much she'd always pushed for more time, the change was noticeable. When she finally appeared on the last weekday of Spring Break after not answering his texts for the past few days, James could see what was coming. And he wasn't exactly looking forward to the visit. He really likes her, and he'd spoiled her every chance he got as best he could. Still … things had been odd since the beginning of the year, but it wasn't until now that it was just … weird.

He looked up as she approached, though she was moving stiffly and didn't look like she was at ease at all as she stood across the bench from him, watching and remaining quiet. When he set his tools down, it all happened very quickly.

"I think there's a better person out there for both of us. This isn't working for me anymore," May said, though she looked half upset as she sid it. "Are you okay?"

James blinked a couple of times then chose to cope the best way he knew how - at the time. "Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks for letting me know." Though he definitely was not alright, he wasn't about to make a big deal over it. Definitely not in front of anyone.

She took a step toward him looking like she was going for a hug, but James stepped back at that. "You don't need to do that. You should finish your break with people you want to be around. I have work to finish up anyhow. I get it. It's fine, Mayday."

May looked equal parts worried and vindicated at that though. "Then I guess I'll see you around. Coffee with the group one of these days, right?"

"Sure," James replied, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she left - and then as soon as she was gone, he set his tools down and sat down himself. He had zero drive to even try and keep working now, and a glance at the clock showed him it would be a while still before it was time to go. So instead of speaking up, or trying to put it aside, he made his way over to the couch and dropped onto it to stare out the mirrored windows for a while. He was pretty well convinced that touching anything he was building would end up causing an explosion at this point, so it was best to just … not. At least he had the weekend at home ahead of him, away from the tower. It would be easy enough to isolate, anyhow.

But he didn't have nearly as long to wait as he thought. Steve showed up a little early to give him a ride home because his dad wanted to make the most of their weekend before break was over - which undoubtedly meant intensive family time. The ride home was mostly silent - save for anything that Steve said, or tried to say, and when James walked in the door, Nate and Rachel were already elbow deep in trying to make dinner for the family without burning the house down.

They were having a blast - laughing and joking both verbally and telepathically while they punched some pizza dough into submission and tossed little shreds of cheese at each other.

James watched them from the living room for a moment as he hung his keys up and took off his shoes. Of course they'd be up to something like this when he wanted to put some headphones in and take a nap.

"Katie is on her way over," Nate called out. "You should call May, we can make a night of it. Dad's hoping for equal numbers when we get to the games."

"Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. I'll just sit it out this time around," James said. "I've got … stuff to do." As soon as he'd said it, he knew it didn't sound right. He wasn't enrolled anywhere. He had no more degrees on deck at the moment to hide in. So James didn't wait around for them to poke holes in his story. And since they were properly blown off - and in good moods … and especially since the last thing he wanted to do was draw attention by being the quiet, broody one, he left his siblings to themselves. He was accused of being too quiet often enough as it was. But he didn't make it all the way to his room upstairs before Scott called out to him, halfway up the stairs as he followed.

"What happened?" he asked, a look of concern on his face, though not nearly so deeply etched in as the last time Scott had felt compelled to quiz him.

"Nothing too major," James said, though he glanced toward the bottom of the stairs, sure that his siblings would be coming around sooner than later. "May and I split up, and I'm not in the mood to drag everyone down, so I thought I'd just head up, listen to some music and read … or something." He held up both hands, even with the earbuds dangling from one. "I'm fine, Dad. I promise. I just don't want to talk about it and I don't want to be around the group. Not tonight."

Scott nodded slowly. "Alright. You know I'm here if you change your mind."

"I know," James agreed. "But you know I'll be here when the other two are back to school - so … have some fun with them, please. I doubt they'd be up to both of us kicking their butts up and down Bedford Avenue."

Scott smiled at that. "No, I don't think they'd handle it well either. I'll send up some pizza in a while."

"Thanks," James replied before he slipped into his room and dropped onto the bed with a weary sigh. Now that he was there, he was much more tired. But it was still early enough in the night that he could hear every little thing in the borough, so he put his earbuds in, put on something relaxing and soft, then closed his eyes as he tried to hide in the music all he way until he fell asleep.

An hour or so later, Rachel came up to check in on him and to bring him food. "Alright. What's going on?" she asked, waking him up as she dropped down next to him where he had been sleeping. Or trying to.

"Nothing overly important," James promised as he took out the earphones and all the ambient sounds around him came rushing back, breaking the little bubble of isolation James had created for himself.

"James." Rachel gave him a dry look. "You're missing out on watching Katie on cloud nine even when Nate wins a round. It's adorable. She's still tickled that they're unofficially official. Come on. If you don't want to tell me, then show me."

"Not much to tell - or show," James said, though he settled in on his side so they could talk - a sure indicator to Rachel that he was more affected by the breakup than he'd admitted to.

"Okay," Rachel said, dipping her head down to watch his expression better. Because he was blocking her from peeking or checking in, about the only indicator she had to know how he was doing was his facial expressions and body language. And he was being guarded. "Mind telling me what happened then? Because I don't understand. I thought you two had it together."

"She … she probably just got bored."

"Not even a possibility, little brother." Rachel shifted to sit cross legged on the bed to show him she had no plans to go anywhere. "So … I get not wanting to dwell on it, but … I need to know enough to make sure Dad stays back if you want him to."

"I dunno," James admitted. "Things have been off, I guess since we got back after Christmas. She's been hanging in for as long as she could. I don't blame her."

"But you haven't done anything wrong since then," Rachel said with a frown before she leaned forward slightly. "If you can't figure it out, maybe you can show me. I swear I won't tell anyone. I'll lock it up tight away from Nate. I can do that, you know."

James chewed on the inside of his lip for a long moment before he let out a breath and nodded. "Okay. Sure." He rested his head on his arm while Rachel resituated herself and reached over to rest her fingertips on his temples - and as soon as he'd opened his mind for her, she started looking for what had happened that James had missed, since clearly, he wasn't getting it.

What she wasn't expecting was the beginning of the end having been May trying to push him into being a hero. Rachel had to control her reaction since she and Nate had been low-key doing the same thing, but obviously James hadn't gotten that angry with them. And she had to wonder if he wasn't projecting some of that toward May. But … since she was seeing it through his eyes, she could see what he thought had been so obvious and she could sense the way he'd desperately wanted her to understand, even if his means of conveying his concerns and feelings weren't stellar. She could also see the moment that James quit trying to convince her of anything and simply shut down and drew a line in the sand. It was a look she and Nate hadn't seen much themselves, but the fire with which he defended his decision to avoid the hero lifestyle was strong. Which, if nothing else, gave her a little perspective on how not to approach her little brother in the future when they got closer to being heroes … or more precarious - restarted the X-Men.

Rachel kept looking, surprised at how involved James and little May Parker were when no one was around - and how keenly hurt James was at her almost nonchalant rejection. And by the time that Rachel had seen all she could without prying into more personal things, she had to take a moment to consider it herself.

James sighed heavily when he saw the expression on Rachel's face, but he didn't break her concentration.

"I'd have to double check with May just to be 100% sure and to keep you from holding on to that instance of incredible misreading, but I don't think she got tired of you, little brother. I think she was comfortable with you, from what I saw. And I could see by watching her through your eyes that you really love her. You two … you had fun from the moment you got together, didn't you?"

"More or less," James admitted.

"But … she didn't understand your concerns. And I don't think she could."

"I know," James said. "I can't figure out how to explain it right."

Rachel was already shaking her head. "No, James, it's not up to you to show her that. It's not something she'll just get. And the fact that she dropped you like this? You'll find someone that's just as much fun, just as hard for you to say no to, just as full of light … but hopefully, next time it'll be someone who can understand your perspective without imposing their beliefs on you."

James nodded wordlessly, though he looked strained at the corners of his eyes, which Rachel took as her cue to lean over and wrap him up in a hug. The moment she got her arms around him, he returned the gesture and doubled down on the hug. Heartbroken was not a look she ever wanted to see on either of her brothers, especially when James had always been so open about showing the emotions that mattered.

He hadn't even realized how much he'd needed that contact until it had happened, and Rachel found herself getting upset on his behalf for a moment. Eventually though, he managed to get a firm grip over his emotions again. "Sorry," James said when the two of them let go of each other.

"No, no," Rachel said. "Don't do that. Don't apologize for being hurt. You might have seen in hindsight what was happening, but it was plain as day that you weren't expecting it when you came in tonight." She paused and considered her next words carefully. "You know, I don't want to upset you, but she was right about one thing, James." When he looked up to meet her gaze, it was clear he had no idea what direction Rachel was headed. "You would be amazing if you ever decided to be a hero."

Maybe," James conceded. "But a lot would have to be different before I could even think about it."

Rachel pulled over the dinner she'd brought up for him. "Then I guess I better get to work, huh?" She smiled crookedly as she decided to share with him something that even Nate didn't know yet. It seemed like the kind of thing that might cheer him up, after all. "I finally talked Dad into letting me start training to be an Avenger. There are a lot of conditions, of course-"

"Naturally."

"But when he heard how much I wanted to do this for mom and for your parents, and Grampa Charlie … he didn't shoot me down."

"That's because he knows if there was anyone that could outstubborn the world into behaving like civilized folk, it would be you," James said.

Rachel smiled widely at that and their discussion drifted into more neutral territory as she quizzed him on what he thought he should be doing with his time. There was a moment of pure pride when he admitted that he'd considered being a doctor like Dr. Blue, but it was short lived when he continued to say that there was no way he'd be able to honestly consider it with the restrictions he had to live by in order to stay out of the wrong side of laboratories. But it only had Rachel thinking more about how she could change things.

How could she make it easier for her brother to try living again instead of just surviving? He was miserable without any real distractions now and she could see it so easily. And like any good big sister, she wanted to fix it for him. Nate had an easier time of it - even if he would never believe it. And she hated that James was giving up on doing things that would be so good for him. And out of fear. It didn't fit with his personality. Cautious, sure … but things really had changed for him after the Cassie incident.

"Well, if you could do anything, what would it be?" Rachel asked. It was a discussion they'd had since they were kids, but now as they got older it was becoming a wonderful litmus test to see where his head was.

James thought for a long while, until finally, he drew in a slow breath. "I think it would be best if I could just find somewhere to go miles away from anything and just … stay there."

"Alone?" Rachel honestly wasn't sure if his answer was still coming from the fresh heartbreak or if this truly was how James felt. It was always harder to tell with him.

He looked pensive as he nodded slowly.

"That … no. We wouldn't make it without you. Just. No."

"Rachel," James said, his chin tipped down even as he looked up at her with an expression that echoed Logan more accurately than he realized. "If it's not something I can do behind the scenes for the team, what can I possibly offer to anyone that doesn't put me out there with a sign on my forehead that screams out who I am? I can't change what I am, and I can't change my face. My options are very limited."

"And you don't want to work behind the scenes at the tower," Rachel surmised.

"I'm already tired of feeling like their mascot," James admitted.

"That wasn't a problem when you were going out giving Natasha heart attacks over strange girls and coffee."

"That … was stupid and reckless of me."

"You're allowed to make mistakes, James."

Again, she was rewarded with an incredibly dry expression before he projected out to her. Rach. Of the short list of things I am allowed to do, screwing up is nowhere on the list. At all. As it stands, you know I'm going to end up talking to Rabbi Cohen while you guys are at school after all this.

Rachel smiled to herself and couldn't help but tease. That's not all bad - though he'll probably start trying to suggest good Jewish girls for you to date.

You mean good Jewish girls to court.

Same difference to him. Rachel squeezed his arm. Don't worry. He'll give you an appropriate mourning period before he starts bringing pretty girls over.

James couldn't stop the bark of a laugh that slipped out at that. "Love you, sis."

"Love you too. Don't forget that."

"How could I?" James replied, which earned him a warmer smile from Rachel before she got up to leave him to his solitary dinner and to let him get lost in his music again. So far, Rachel had managed to beat any of her boyfriends to the punch when it came time to end things. This was just … rotten.

When she turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs, Nate and Kate were laughing hard and playing Uno, but Scott was waiting for her. "He'll be okay," Rachel told him quietly. "He's just in shock and hurt. He was in pretty deep with her."

Scott paused. "How deep?"

"It doesn't really matter now. They weren't anywhere close to old enough to be serious serious, but you know how James is. He gets attached when he starts to really care about someone," Rachel said. "He got the rug pulled out from under him, but he'll be okay. He's not doing anything wrong. He's just … trying to figure out what's next. That's all. Totally normal and not as dramatic as me when I got all upset and cut my hair super short."

"The buzz cut and rat-tail was a good look," Scott teased.

Rachel made a sound of disbelief from the back of her throat as her father chuckled. "Please just let him deal for a while before you let the Rabbi get a hold of him, please?"

"I'll give him some space," Scott promised.

The rest of the weekend was spent with Rachel playing bouncer to let James keep his peace and quiet. He barely left his room until Sunday afternoon - and that was because he knew without being told that Scott really wanted him to join the family for their now-traditional Sunday dinner together. And James wasn't about to interrupt that regardless of what he was dealing with. Especially when he knew that his siblings were going to be thrown back into their studies when they had so many other things on their minds.

But he was still quiet and barely kept engaged in the conversation. Not that there was a lot of room for him to join in when Nate was excitedly talking about how he was going to get control of his powers because he missed team sports way too much to stay out of it for another year.

It was the one time that Scott caught James smiling to himself, even if he had his chin tucked almost to his chest as he valiantly tried to hide from Nate the fact that he knew what Nate really missed.

And by the time that Rachel and Nate watched their dad and James head back down the road leaving Xaviers that evening after listening to Mia gushing about how wonderful her vacation was in Wakanda - how warm the people were there … and how it even though she'd been there for two weeks, she still felt exposed and scared walking in her own skin. After all that, Rachel had managed to have a good long time to weigh all of it out. So she was already in a mood by the time she actually stepped into the living room where there was a small group of kids with wings talking with Warren who, though he was telling them again why it was important to keep their muscles in shape, he was also highlighting how crucial it was for them to keep their heads down and limit themselves to controlled night flying.

The anxiety and misery the group of them were feeling was plain on every single face - Warren included, and as she stood in the doorway, Betsy broke into her thoughts. Someone looks particularly displeased. Did something happen at home?

Rachel turned on her heel, then crossed her arms as she headed for the kitchen with Betsy keeping pace. No. I'm just … frustrated with all of this.

Which part is bothering you most right now?

Which part isn't? Rachel countered. Mia can't socialize and she clearly needs to, James is shutting himself down on possible things he can do because he's being too careful trying to keep from getting spotted by anyone - and all the mess that goes with that. Nate just wants to be back to regular school so he can play sports and be with Katie … I mean … everyone here! Everyone! Look at Warren! I'm sick of everyone being scared to live!

You know it's not for any reason other than safety, Betsy replied, honestly concerned with how upset Rachel was.

And that's the problem! Rachel threw her hands up. "Why can't people just let us live?"

Betsy sighed. "You know it's more complex than what you're pretending it to be."

"It's really not," Rachel countered. "It's really really not. How can people be so okay with treating mutants like this? It's not okay to be a racist, but it's alright to hate us because we have powers?"

"Rachel .."

Rachel let out a growl of frustration. Nate is an amazing athlete but he can't play sports because he's a mutant. James … if James was human instead of a mutant he'd be on the cover of magazines for how insanely smart he is but instead, he's practically a prisoner in Avengers' tower.

What about you? Betsy challenged, already well aware that arguing with her wasn't going to be worth much at this point.

Rachel had her hands on her hips. What about me? I'm joining the Avengers because the X-Men are defunct. I will find a way to turn this around. My brothers deserve better. I deserve better, Warren and Mia and every kid here deserves to be treated with respect that they don't get on the basis of one mutated gene? "Screw that."