The Diego Diaries: HONK! HONK! (dd8 22)
=0=On the now packed bridge of Tennyson of Praxus
The sound of peds clopping along drew everyone's attention as Ratchet held up by Partition on one side and a frazzled Ironhide on the other gimbled his way toward the command group. He was looking around like a mech out on the world for the first time from his cage, basement or attic lock up, gawking at everything like it was new as he hobbled toward Prime and the now regathered command team.
Ironhide dragged him along, then pulled a chair from the command table, pushing Ratchet down, then inward to sit. He glanced around at the others, then Prime. "He sorta wanted to come here and … he's sorta nuts at the moment."
"He's so out of his processor," Partition said with a touch of awe in his voice.
Ratchet glanced at everyone with a gigantic smile, then focused on Prime. "HERCY! HOW DID YOU GET HERE!?"
Prime startled, then glanced around. "Hercy?"
Ratchet scrambled up, then threw his arms wide. "HERCY! GIVE ME A BIG OLD HUG AND KISS!" Then he tried to go around the table and failed. At that moment of fail, he put a knee up and tried to climb over it.
Ironhide gripped his aft pulling him back. "Old mech, sit down."
Ratchet turned to look at him, then smiled. "YOU'RE BACK! TAKE ME TO THE TULIPS, CAB! I NEED A DRINK!"
Prowl snorted, then glanced down as he struggled to compose himself. He then glanced at Prime who was still processing the Hercy remark. "Well, isn't this just dandy."
Ratchet walked past Ironhide ambling in no particular direction until he paused in front of one of the several pillars that held up the decks on the massive ship. He smiled, then flung his arms around it. "YOU'RE HERE! WHAT THE FRAG! YOU MADE IT!" Then he began to hump the pillar like a dog.
Everyone watching was stunned into silence, then Delphi glanced at Ironhide. "Go get him, cab," he said, then burst into howling laughter.
Ironhide who was as boggled as everyone else jolted, then hurried to Ratchet to grip him and drag him back. He stood beside Ironhide smiling at the little penguins flying around his helm, then he glanced at Ironhide. "How much do I owe ya, cab?"
"Sit down," Ironhide said. "Its a freebie."
Prowl snorted again. Loudly.
Ratchet looked around the room noting that there were a lot of very well dressed, very tall rabbits staring back at him, then he grinned. "Hercy. You're still here."
"Loon is going to the Processor Hospital until he reconnects," Prowl said.
"PROWL! HOW ARE YOU SINCE THE ACCIDENT! BOY, THE PLASTIC SURGEONS DID A GOOD JOB ON YOU!" Ratchet said with evident joy. "I tell you, Prowler. Having a stove pipe coming out of your nose isn't a good look for you."
The silent stare that Prowl gave Ratchet was one for the ages.
"What about me, Ratchet?" Delphi asked to be ornery.
Ratchet glanced at Delphi seeing him as a picture Picasso might enjoy, all cubist with every body part rearranged and painted blue. "Uh … I think I know you," he said, then leaned into the cab. "Who's that?" he asked in a loud 'whisper'.
"That's … that's Amma Delphi," Ironhide said as he tried to steer Ratchet to the table again. "You know."
Ratchet halted to stare at Delphi again, then glanced at his cab again. "Do I? Then why is their optics on their codpiece?!"
Everyone glanced at Delphi's codpiece in spite of themselves, then back at Ratchet who was leaning toward Delphi staring at his crotch.
Delphi who was beginning to regret asking stepped back unconsciously.
Ratchet grinned. "If you wink in there, little buddy, I'll try and get you out," Ratchet said to Delphi's crotch. "I have one of these," he said as he transformed a digit and a burst of flame shot out from his welder halfway across the room. Given it wasn't instantly moderated as he would have used it when he wasn't situationally insane, the volume of flame that shot out was huge.
Everyone stepped away including the cab.
Ratchet on the other hand began to swipe at Delphi who walked around the table to the other side in self defense. When he couldn't see the optics anymore, Ratchet staggered back to the pillar, hugged it, then began to rub against it as he babbled something about a movie he once saw that had a tree in it.
A huge burst of laughter drew everyone in time to see Prime bend half over as he guffawed. It broke the spell.
"Is anyone getting this on film?" Hardie asked with a guffaw of his own.
"I am." -everyone there
"Ironhide, grab that nutter and lets get him to the Processor Center until this new part kicks in," Hardie said.
"I WILL!" Ironhide said as he hurried over to grab Ratchet again.
"MY CAB CAME AGAIN! WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE!?" Ratchet said as he flung his arms around Ironhide.
"HELP ME GET HIM OUT OF HERE!" Ironhide bellowed.
Partition startled, then hurried over. He took an arm, then the three sort of zigzagged to the elevator while Ratchet recited limericks that his ada would slap him for, Prime or no Prime present. They disappeared into the elevator and were gone.
It was silent on the bridge but for Prime's laughter.
Prowl glanced at him, then the door. "That mech is ..."
"My personal lifetime aspiration," Arcee said with a chuckle.
"THE FRAG HE IS!" Ultra Magnus said.
Prime would take a while to compose himself.
=0=Using a medical transport override over space bridge to the Processor Hospital
They arrived in a swirl of energy, then followed an orderly and Rung to the admission's center nearby. Walking through, they came to the receiving wing where an observation room was waiting for Ratchet.
"In here," Rung said with a chuckle as he stepped inside followed by Ironhide, Partition and Ratchet who was singing about mixed drinks at the top of his voice. Rung unsubbed a glass with liquid, then unscrewed the top. "Here, Ratchet. Drink this."
"ITS A MIRACLE! RUM AND COCA COLA?!" He grabbed it, chugged it down, smiled brilliantly, then fell to the floor in a heap of arms and legs.
"What the frag just happened?" Ironhide asked as he stared at Ratchet on the floor.
"Sedation," Rung said. "Its the fastest and easiest way to allow the syncing to happen. We'll keep him until he checks out, then let him go."
Ironhide sagged with relief. "Thanks, Rung. Old mech is nuts on a good orn."
Rung grinned. "You're probably right."
They chatted a moment, then Ironhide and Partition left as the orderly finally covered Ratchet with a blanket on the berth. He was laying there with a grin on his face.
On the way to the bridge room down the hallway, Partition glanced at Ironhide. "That was nuts. We better not tell anyone. It might embarrass Ratchet."
Ironhide suppressed the biggest urge to laugh at that bit of sweet fantasy, then glanced at the earnest kid fondly. "That would be nice."
They continued onward, then back to the mission far away once more.
=0=At the site
They got themselves together and began to clear the decks for a full crew to come and stay here with a rotation of Supremes and a titan in orbit. The titan was one in the fleet at Cybertron who would bridge in and take station just in front of the planet to scan for anyone incoming from the disputed area. He would bring with him a deep space array that would be launched nearby and pointed toward Nitrate and his group. It would have a 360 degree ability to see in all directions.
When Ironhide arrived he was hooted to the desk where he pulled a chair to sit. "Slaggers."
"Where and how is he? I have the permanent intake records for committment ready to file," Prowl said with a smirk.
Ironhide grinned. "Blowing smoke rings out your stove pipe are ya, Prowler?" he asked.
Optimus guffawed, then struggled to recover without looking at Prowl who was giving him deep betrayal optics. "I think all will work out. In the meantime, we have to get this organized because Prowl and I are due on Alternative Cybertron for their Festival of Primus in 62 joors."
"Oh, that," Ironhide said as he remembered. "I'd go but they'd guillotine me."
"You'd deserve it. You burned us alive, remember?" Hardie said from Tactical nearby.
"I borrow one car and everyone loses their slag," Ironhide said with a snicker. "One car."
"Juvenile delinquent," Prowl replied with a smirk. "I never got caught."
"You stole?" Delphi asked with surprise.
Prowl's smirk faded slightly as he sat back from everyone's surprised and staring optics. "Well … no. Not exactly."
"What do you mean 'not exactly'? Did you steal candy, chew it, then put it back? Like that?" Ironhide asked with a smirk of his own.
Prowl frowned, then Delphi snickered. "Don't feel badly, Prowl. Little mech here did that once so he could say he didn't actually eat his Appa's candy."
"You stole a car, you stole candy, chewed it, then put it back chewed. TO YOUR OWN APPA!? You have the audacity to criticize me?" Prowl said much to Optimus's delight.
"You were too uptight to do a bad, you fake desperado. You wouldn't have a police record without Ratchet. You're such a good little girl, Prowler," Ironhide said.
Prowl frowned. "I'm a mech, thank you very much. YOU DON'T THINK I CAN GET ARRESTED BY MYSELF?! I, A COP!? THE BEST COP ON CYBERTRON, I MIGHT ADD?!"
"A goody two shoes you should say," Ironhide said. "Whatever that means."
"Car thief."
"Teacher's pet."
"Loon's bond."
"Table tipper."
Prowl stared at him. "That's a rumor much exaggerated."
Ironhide sat back in triumph. "Not slagging likely."
Prime who was watching them as if at a tennis match grinned. "I can attest to that."
Prowl frowned at him.
"I did not say that, however."
HUGE laughter and oinking noises for some reason erupted.
Prowl smirked at Prime as he crossed his arms over his shapely chassis. "You deserved that."
Prime stared at Prowl without a comment until that mech began to squirm. "Sir."
HUGE laughter and braying noises greeted that.
Everyone looked around for the barnyard enthusiast but couldn't find them, then turned back to the train wreck in progress.
"Well, now that we've wasted good time on bad, what about Paragon commanding here until the base commanders are chosen. Starscream can pick the Seeker and I can round up the grounder."
"You do that." Ironhide sat back well pleased with himself.
Prowl glanced at Ironhide with a frown, then a feral grin. "I nominate Ironhide."
"Seconded!" Delphi said almost before Prowl was done speaking.
"All in favor," Prowl said with a triumphant smirk.
"WHAT THE FRAG!" -Ironhide outmaneuvered again.
Ammas.
"Sold," Prime said. He glanced at Prowl. "I like to watch auctions on the teevee."
HUGE laughter and no barnyard animal sounds this time.
Ironhide frowned. "Old mech is in the slammer, the kids are all over the place … I can't be the commander here."
"You are," Delphi said with a chuckle. "You were voted in."
"SINCE WHEN!?" Ironhide said as he glanced at everyone.
"Since you opened your mouth. Really, Ironhide … you're never going to learn," Magnus said as Arcee nodded beside him.
"Fraggers. SEE WHAT YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS SURPRISE!" Ironhide said as he sat back in defeat. "Magnus can take care of the kids."
"THE FRAG I WILL!"
=0=Moments later
The ships came in, transport for soldiers and stores, fuel and other necessities for bases. They'd inventoried the place, dragged personal slag from quarters for storage, sent drone cleaners to dung out the barracks and apartments before moving in as the base began to be reclaimed.
Ironhide had noted the luxury that Polity had built for himself, no surprise there and had made arrangements for the kids to be taken care of while the hoo-haw was going on. The armory was being fortified, the industrials were being Jetta-fied and all was well in hand as scores of Seekers landed to take up residence.
Battle shuttles, cruisers and other heavy ships began to arrive who'd be based here as the 'USO' … United Service Organization … the family volunteer support group that made amenities at the bases and supplied them thereafter began to make the place nice. The galley was gutted and remade as the need to feed a mob was put into order. The medical and recreational aspects were boosted by mechs and femmes who knew how to bug in and bug out. It went fast and well. By the time the rest of the command crew began to leave, the place was well on its way to meeting and exceeding the standard of the Autobots.
Ironhide stood on the tarmac watching ships take off to go home. Prime and everyone else was already gone and the shuttle with his Seeker sub commander was just landing. A tall mech stepped out, met Ironhide's optics, then grinned. "Well, looks like we're stuck with each other."
"Yeah, seems like it," Ironhide said. He waited for his co-commander, then the two walked toward a state-of-the-art base built by a master builder who was a piece of slag in the Autobot's prison back home at the moment. "You eat?"
"Nope," said Thundercracker. "You?"
"Nope," Ironhide said as they continued onward toward their new and strikingly well made, well thought out command. Thus, Fort Borderlands was added to the arsenal of the Primes.
=0=TBC 11-23-2020 12-08-2020
ESL:
aspiration: (ass-per-ray-shun) Something you hope to become or receive. A nice word for dreams.
gimbled: It has a lot of meanings but in my family if you were half falling down, gawking around and out of your skull when you were walking somewhere, you were gimbling. :D