Title: Session Three
Fandom: General Hospital
Characters: Tracy Quartermaine
Prompt: #19 Crazy
Word Count: 3,922 words
Rating: PG
Summary: Tracy must meet with a therapist for six sessions after minor traffic stop turns ugly.
Author's Notes: Tracy in therapy. Come on--it had to be done.

Case Number: NY06432/LG/TLQ745
Client Name: Quartermaine (Spencer), Tracy Lila
Terms: NYS/DIST2JUD/6S/AM
Dx: Low self-esteem, emotional/psychological distress, unresolved grief
Treatment Plan: Combination cognitive/behavioral therapy, stressing positive reinforcement/associations, social/emotional skills training, behavior modification, anger management.
Date: 4/25/2006
Auth. Sig.: Jane Marsters, PhD/dab/transc.

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
SESSION THREE

JM: Hello, Tracy. How are you today?

TQ: Here.

JM: You're late.

TQ: I have a life.

JM: I see. Well, let's get started. We have a lot to cover, and we don't want to get behind.

TQ: If you say so.

JM: Please try to be on time for the rest of the sessions, will you?

TQ: You betcha!

Note To File: Client seems very distracted, heavy on sarcasm.

JM: Why were you late today, Tracy? Did something happen to delay you?

TQ: It was hard getting away from the office, okay?

JM: Have you told your family yet about these sessions?

TQ: HA! Uh…no.

JM: Tracy…

TQ: Look, Doctor, we've discussed this before. In fact, we've discussed this every time I've seen you. What my family doesn't know won't hurt me.

JM: Are you afraid they'll hurt you if they find out you're in therapy?

TQ: I said "won't hurt them," not me.

JM: Actually, you said, "What my family doesn't know won't hurt me." We can review the tape, if you want to be sure.

TQ: No, I do not want to review the tape. Why do we have to tape these sessions anyway? You're scribbling notes like a crazy woman. We don't need to have this recorded.

JM: We've discussed this before, Tracy. You don't need to worry about the tapes. It's for documentation purposes only. Nobody's going to hear them except me and my transcriptionist.

Note To File: Client expressed visible discomfort at the mention of a transcriptionist.

JM: Tracy, you're privacy is protected by doctor-patient privilege.

TQ: You are extremely naïve if you think it takes anything more than a thick pair of boots to walk right through doctor-patient privilege.

JM: You say this from experience?

TQ: I'm not saying anything.

Note To File: Client has set herself stiffly on the couch. Her face is calm, but she evidences nervousness in her body language--arms folded across chest, foot tapping, sitting straight up.

JM: Well, I'm sorry if you feel you can't open up with me completely. But you do know that the terms of your sentence require you to participate fully in these sessions.

TQ: I'll answer any question you ask.

JM: Truthfully?

JM: Well, Doctor, truth is a very subjective thing, isn't it? And isn't your job supposed to be determining what's true and what's BS?

JM: Touche. Tell me something, Tracy. When you left here last time, we seemed to be establishing a certain degree of trust between us. Today, however, we seem to be back at square one. What happened between then and now? Was there any significant event during that time period?

TQ: Nothing much, really. I had a birthday party.

JM: Well! Happy birthday, Tracy. Tell me about the party.

Note To File: Client seems reluctant to discuss the party.

TQ: It was just a party.

JM: What type of party? Informal? Formal? An intimate gathering of friends, or lots of people?

TQ: A surprise party, okay? My no-good husband found out it was my birthday, wrapped up a bunch of things from around the house, and blackmailed my family members into showing up.

JM: I see…

TQ: Of course, he did have a cake made.

Note To File: This is the first time client smiles while relating this event.

JM: What sort of cake?

TQ: laughs Just a cake, really. A huge birthday cake, with yellow icing flowers on top and my name written on it in icing.

JM: Sounds like somebody went to a lot of trouble to make that cake.

TQ: Not a lot of trouble to pick up a phone. laughs Luke made me put my own candles on, being as nobody but me, God, and my father knows how old I actually am.

JM: Was Edward there?

Note To File: Immediate reaction from the client at the mention of her father's name. Reference Session Two, line 70-93 for background on Edward Quartermaine.

TQ: Daddy was out of town.

JM: Was he really out of town, Tracy, or did he just not attend?

TQ: Who remembers?

JM: It was less than two weeks ago.

Note To File: Client is visibly agitated by this line of questioning.

TQ: Look, he wasn't there, okay? I don't know if Luke invited him or not. I didn't ask, and he didn't tell. Like the Army, you know?

JM: Okay, let's move on from Edward. Why do you think Luke threw you that party?

TQ: Who knows why Luke does anything he does. He was bored, probably. Or maybe he just liked the idea of forcing my family to be nice to me.

JM: Were your sons there?

TQ: Reluctantly.

JM: Your brother, Alan?

TQ: Yeah, yeah. It was a regular Quartermaine Family Reunion. We had tee-shirts made. Everybody showed up.

JM: Except your father.

Note To File: Client des not respond verbally to this. Glares at me.

JM: Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party before?

TQ: No.

JM: How did it make you feel to have a party like this thrown in your honor?

Note To File: Client appears to be considering this question. She smiles and relaxes before answering.

TQ: You know, even though I knew the guests were there under duress, it felt kind of good. It was sweet of Luke to go through the trouble, no matter why he did it. And for a little while, nobody was fighting.

JM: So, are things getting better between you and Luke? Last week, you were telling me--

TQ: You can't judge Luke this week by anything I said last week. He runs hot and cold, and cycles faster than Lance Armstrong. I never know how things are between Luke and me. One day, we're hot, next day, cold. Then he disappears for a few weeks and comes back with a boatload of dram right behind him.

JM: What about the kiss you told me about last week…

TQ: The almost kiss…

JM: Back in March. You said you thought he might be developing feelings for you.

TQ: I was obviously drunk at the time.

Note To File: Client is obviously being sarcastic, but I decide to follow the thread. See Session One, lines 94-150 for background on family alcohol use.

JM: Were you drinking when you came to our last session?

TQ: Now, Doctor! Would I attend a court-mandated therapy session while under the influence of alcohol? Never. 'Course, on the other hand, with years of residual alcohol lingering in my bloodstream, who knows what's possible?

JM: Would you say you've been drinking more lately than usual?

Note To File: Client shrugs; does not answer question.

JM: Would you say you drink to excess?

TQ: I try to do everything fun to excess…

JM: Is drinking fun, Tracy?

TQ: And here comes the part where you try to convince me that I have a drinking problem. Come on, Doctor. I thought I was here because I threatened a stupid traffic cop, not for getting drunk.

JM: First of all, I didn't bring up alcohol. You did. I just followed your lead. Second, excessive alcohol use can affect your moods, even when you're not actively drinking. Behavior has its roots in chemical and physical causes, as well as psychological causes. It's our job during these sessions to identify the triggers that cause your rages, and try to find ways for you diffuse them in a healthy way.

TQ: Ha-ha! You're gonna need more than six session to diffuse all my triggers.

JM: Well, you're only obligated to attend six sessions. If you want to continue afterwards, you're welcome to stay on as a private client.

TQ: My, my, aren't we the little ambulance chaser? Great way to drum up business, Doctor, trolling for nutcases in Cell Block C.

JM: You know, aggression is often a surface expression for fear. What are you afraid of, Tracy?

TQ: I'm not afraid of anything.

JM: Not even your father?

TQ: Especially not my father.

JM: Do you drink more when Edward is home?

TQ: I believe that's called "leading the witness," Your Honor.

JM: You're not on trial here. I'm just asking questions.

TQ: You're insinuating.

JM: What am I insinuating?

TQ: That all of this, the "incident" with the cop, can be traced back to my relationship with my father.

JM: Do you believe that?

TQ: It's so trite. So simplistic. Perhaps it's arrogant of me, but I'd like to imagine that I'm more complex than just "oooh, Daddy doesn't love me."

JM: Of course you're more complex than that. We're all extremely complex individuals, each in our own way. But sometimes we can find the roots of our anxieties in our relationships with those closest to us--our parents, our offspring, our spouses and lovers…

TQ: Well, my spouse definitely doesn't help my anxiety. Luke Spencer is the bane of my existence.

JM: He threw you a surprise party.

TQ: Too little, too late.

JM: So. Your husband is the root of your anxiety?

TQ: Root, stem, branches, and all the little bitty leaves.

JM: So why do you stay with him?

Note To File: Client takes a long time to answer this question.

TQ: I don't know.

JM: Do you have any theories?

TQ: He makes me laugh. He keeps me on my toes. My family hates him, which is always a plus.

JM: Why did you threaten that traffic cop, Tracy?

TQ: Wow. Talk about an abrupt transition.

JM: It's a simple question. According to the report, you were "verbally abusive" and threatened the officer physically.

TQ: I was having a bad day. Anyway, if this had happened in my county, well, the officer would have known better to take me seriously.

JM: Do you have "bad days" often, would you say?

Note To File: This gets laughter out of the client.

JM: What's so funny about that question, Tracy?

TQ: Well, you just asked me if I'm always a bitch. And before you start turning it around to sound politically correct, yes, I am a bitch. Most of the time. That's why this whole therapy thing is absurd. I don't need anger management therapy. I need a good stiff martini and to be left the hell alone.

JM: Are you angry, Tracy?

TQ: Hell, yes, I'm angry. Everybody's angry. Look around you, Doctor. It's an epidemic. The whole world is angry. I'm angry. You're angry.

JM: What makes you think I'm angry?

TQ: You're breathing.

JM: Do you think it's possible that some people out there are not angry?

TQ: No.

JM: But there are plenty of people who would tell you that they're not angry at all, that they're perfectly happy with their lives.

TQ: Liars or fools. Everybody is angry. Everybody is outraged. I get in trouble for it because I'm honest. I don't sugar-coat, I don't repress, and I certainly don't make nice with dumb jerk cops who pull you over for breezing through a yellow light in some podunk town on the way to Manhattan.

JM: Tell me something, Tracy. Can you visualize a world without anger? Without this all-pervasive rage you describe?

Note To File: Client considers before answering.

TQ: Nope. Not for a second.

JM: Do you think anger is integral?

TQ: To the world? Or just to human beings?

JM: Either.

TQ: Yes. To both. I think anger is crucial. Do you think man harnessed fire because he was happy? No, our ancestors learned to use fire because they were pissed off. They were tired of eating raw meat, tired of freezing to death during the night, tired of starving and dying because they couldn't survive the winter.

JM: So anger is necessary.

TQ: Did I fail the test?

JM: There's no test, Tracy. And no, you wouldn't have failed, even if it were a test. I agree with you, at least in part. Anger is a vital and important human emotion. It spurs us on, keeps us from being victimized, forces us to keep pushing against intolerable situations.

TQ: Damn. If I failed, I'd go to jail and not have to come to these sessions.

JM: You know, your family would notice if you went to jail.

TQ: So?

JM: You're telling me your family would accept your serving jail time before they would accept you going to therapy?

TQ: Sad, but true.

JM: Why do you think that's true?

TQ: Because.

JM: Because why?

TQ: Because it's a sign of weakness. Because it's self-indulgent, and weak, and pathetic in a way my family would never tolerate. Besides, laughter, I know too much. In a jail cell, I can't tell all their dirty little secrets.

JM: I see.

TQ: Next to anger, paranoia is a Quartermaine's best friend.

JM: Are you paranoid, Tracy?

TQ: Absolutely.

JM: About what?

TQ: About getting cheated out of what's mine. About my sons, bless their clueless hearts, saddling themselves with the wrong women. Basic stuff, really.

JM: How does this paranoia affect your life?

TQ: I do fine. I'm used to it.

JM: Does it ever tire you? Being so angry and paranoid?

TQ: Quartermaines don't get tired, Doctor.

JM: Let me guess. That would be considered a weakness.

TQ: Give that woman a prize.

JM: So let me see if I have this down. The accepted norm for a typical Quartermaine is to be strong, angry and paranoid.

TQ: That about sums it up.

JM: Haven't you ever just wanted to be weak, happy and naïve? Just for a time?

TQ: People who think that way don't last long in my family.

JM: Was that the problem with your earlier husbands? Could they just not bear up under the pressure of living up to the Quartermaine standard?

TQ: Actually, at least with the first three, what they couldn't bear was the pressure of having to have sex with me when they really wanted to be having sex with someone else.

JM: And husband number four?

TQ: He couldn't bear up under the pressure of u really /u athletic sex. He died of an aneurysm while consummating our marriage.

JM: That must have been terribly traumatic for you.

TQ: Oh, it was. It was even more traumatic for the poor ex-hooker I hired to take my place.

JM: You hired a hooker to sleep with your husband?

TQ: Ex-hooker. And u I /u certainly didn't want to sleep with him. Besides, she owed me a favor. Either way, he never knew the difference. Trust me, Gino died a very happy man.

JM: So you sent a proxy to your marriage bed. Isn't that just like what you told me Luke did to you with Coleman last summer?

TQ: Wow. You really keep track of every little detail, don't you?

JM: It's my job. Do you think sending the hooker--

TQ: Ex-hooker.

JM: Sending the ex-hooker to Gino's bed might have affected the way you responded to Coleman? Do you think that maybe there was a little guilt, or sympathy, at play when you decided to stay with him?

TQ: Um, the man had a 10-inch penis and wasn't afraid to get creative with it. That's why I decided to stay with Coleman.

Note To File: I must admit, this caught me off guard. The next pause in the tape is mine.

JM: So it was the sex?

TQ: It was absolutely the sex.

JM: You chose a sexual relationship with Coleman over a non-sexual relationship with your husband?

TQ: Wouldn't you? Besides, I tried to do the right thing. I offered Luke his divorce u and /u his alimony. He refused.

JM: Why do you think he refused?

TQ: I don't know. I guess he didn't want to lose.

JM: You said the marriage was all about the money. By offering him his freedom and the money, you were letting him win.

TQ: Yeah. I know. That's what makes me crazy, Doctor. He had the chance to leave, to win, and he dug his heels in and wouldn't budge.

JM: It seems to me you both have had several opportunities to leave the marriage, but didn't.

TQ: Yeah…

JM: Is it possible you both want something more than you're admitting to? Both of you have had the chance to "win," and you've let it pass. Why do you think that is, Tracy?

TQ: Because we're both masochists? laughter I don't know, Doctor. I really don't.

JM: How does Luke bear up under the Quartermaine standard?

TQ: laughs He thrives on thumbing his nose at it. He gets off on being the most boorish, lazy, useless freeloader that ever crossed our threshold. It amuses him no end to see Daddy and Alan go all purple in the face.

JM: Do you ever wish you could do the same thing?

TQ: Well, not the u same /u thing. But I have to admit, it's refreshing to be around a man who doesn't crawl for Daddy. Who isn't even a little intimidated by him.

JM: Could that be interpreted as a kind of strength?

TQ: Yeah…Luke definitely has more spine than any of my other husbands did.

JM: How do you respond when he acts out? Are you equally scornful of his actions, or are you…

TQ: Whatever he does, I am responsible for. He's my husband, so as far as my family is concerned, all his bad behavior is my fault.

JM: Does that bother you? Or do you enjoy sharing in his notoriety?

TQ: Well….sometimes. Sometimes not.

Note To File: Client thinks a while about this before continuing.

TQ: Are you saying that I keep Luke around so that I can act out against my family vicariously through him?

JM: Does that strike a chord with you?

TQ: pause I guess. I mean, he wouldn't be the first inappropriate man I've been with.

JM: Let me ask this another way, Tracy. How do you feel when Luke acts out against your father? When he and Alan turn, as you put it, "purple in the face"?

Note To File: Long pause while client considers this. When she speaks, her voice is very soft.

TQ: Happy. I feel ridiculously happy, in the most immature way imaginable. I u love /u watching him stick it to Alan and Daddy. I love watching them get furious, being completely unable to bully him or bribe him or reason with him into conforming to their rules.

JM: Are you maybe just a little proud of him?

TQ: Yeah, maybe. Just a little.

JM: Do you conform to the rules, Tracy?

TQ: Not always.

JM: What happens when you don't follow the rules, Tracy?

TQ: I get banished.

JM: How many times have you been banished?

TQ: Three times.

JM: It's okay, Tracy. It's okay.

Note To File: Client has begun to cry softly.

JM: What happens when you're banished, sweetie?

TQ: I'm cut off. Emotionally, financially… The last time, even Mother wouldn't take my calls.

JM: That must have hurt you very much.

TQ: Mother u always /u took my calls. She always backed me up, just a little. But that time…

JM: It's okay, Tracy.

TQ: I always did what he taught me to do. I fought to win, I played dirty, I tried to beat him at his own game. I just never…

JM: Never what?

TQ: I never won. And losing is worse than being weak. Losing is worse than anything. When I lost, I got banished.

JM: So you were banished not only for playing dirty, but for losing?

TQ: Mostly for losing. If I had won, Daddy wouldn't have had the power to banish me.

JM: I know I'm sounding like a broken record, here. I keep asking you how you feel because I want you to be aware of your emotions, Tracy. If you can learn to recognize your emotions as they happen, learn to understand them and what's beneath them, you can gain a certain control over them. Anger is good, Tracy, when you have mastery over it. Anger can be a sword in your hand, to defend yourself against the unfairness of life.

TQ: Life is definitely not fair…

JM: How did you feel, Tracy? When your mother wouldn't take your calls? When you were banished, and expected her to back you, and she didn't?

TQ: Angry?

JM: Angry.

TQ: No…not angry.

JM: Take your time.

TQ: Alone. I felt alone. I always feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. Even when I'm making love, or sitting in on board meetings, or getting drunk at a party. But that time in New York, when I was so broke, when I was so deep in debt…Gawd, Jane, it was the most awful time of my life. If it weren't for Dillon…

JM: What?

TQ: I don't know how I wouldn't have gone on. I guess I would have just drunk myself into an early grave and be done with it.

JM: Is that true?

TQ: laughs Nah, probably not. Even without Dillon, I'm too much of a Quartermaine to get suicidal. I would have just been more ruthless, less careful trying to get back on top. Having a kid slowed me down a bit…but, it was worth it. Having Dillon there…well, for a little bit of time, I had unconditional love.

JM: Felt nice, didn't it?

TQ: Yeah.

JM: Well, I hate to do this, Tracy, but our time is just about up.

TQ: Wait--I didn't tell you how the party ended.

JM: Okay, we have a minute or two, unless you want to pick this up next time?

TQ: It won't take long.

JM: All right. You told me about the presents, and your family, and the cake. What next?

TQ: I started to cut the cake, and my niece's mobster boyfriend showed up and ruined everything.

Note To File: Client is relating this calmly, without anger or apparent distress, as if discussing a film or a grocery list.

JM: Really?

TQ: Yup. Showed up, sent Alan into a raging fit, and effectively ended the party before it began.

JM: That's awful.

TQ: To be honest? It was still one of the best birthdays I've ever had. How sad is that, huh?

JM: Not sad at all, if you felt okay about it.

TQ: The guests scattered, Alice put away the cake (we had it for dessert at supper that night), and that was about it.

JM: What did you do?

TQ: I went to my bedroom.

JM: Alone?

Note To File: Client laughed at this, shaking her head.

TQ: Yeah, alone. That part of the marriage hasn't changed.

JM: Do you want it to?

TQ: Weren't we out of time? laughter

JM: It's okay. We still have three sessions to go. We're gonna cross this bridge sooner or later, Tracy.

TQ: Later. Please. Life with my husband is already complicated enough. I don't think I'm ready yet to go there.

JM: We'll get there, Tracy. And trust me, you'll be stronger for facing it.

TQ: I hope so. Week after next?

JM: Week after next. See Carol out in the front office to set up your time. Thank you, Tracy. I really appreciate your opening up today.

TQ: Yeah. Thank you, too, Doctor.

END TRANSCRIPT

The End

Written for the 100 Situations Challenge.