The show Grey's Anatomy and the characters are the sole property of Shonda Rhimes and do not belong to me.

The lyrics from the song Amazing love belongs to Luther Vandross. No copyright infringement intended

Chapter 13

Burke finished reading the letter and he had tears in his eyes, his head was pounding from a terrible headache. She ended the letter, making sure that he understood that she knew that he loved her and yet the three words that he wanted to hear the most were not there. Yet he wasn't disappointed because she said it, not in those words, but it was there and he had to smile because knowing Cristina he was lucky to have gotten the message so clearly. It made him sad to realize that for three years he had that letter and didn't know about it. Their lives would have been so different if he had only known. He can't imagine what she must have gone through believing that he knew all along, What it must have cost her to bring his child into the world without any assistance from him. She has never been more open with him than she was in that letter. And even though it was a relatively short letter it had said so much.

He unwrapped the tiny headphones from around the ipod and pressed play. The first few words of the song combined with Luther's smooth voice said it all. "Love has truly been good to me...not even one sad day or minute have I had since you've come my way." He listened to the song in its entirety, then listened to it again "It's so amazing to be loved, I'd follow you to the moon in the sky above." Who knew that his arrogant little intern would turn out to be such a romantic, but that she was. He read her letter and listened to the song over and over, there was so much he didn't know about her. He had no idea that she liked listening to Luther Vandross songs, but here she was presenting him with the ultimate Vandross love song. He must have fallen asleep because he woke up startled to the phone ringing, he said hello but no one answered, he said hello again and still no one answered. He almost hanged up the phone when a thought crossed his mind so he called her name "Cristina is that you," still no answer "Cristina I know it's you, are you okay" She answered very softly

"Yes"

"What are you doing up, it's almost two in the morning."

"I can't sleep"

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I don't know"

"Are you in any pain?"

"No"

"Is anyone there with you?" He was referring to her family but didn't say so.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No"

"Then what do you want, I can't help you unless you tell me"

"You really didn't know that I was pregnant?"

"No Cristina, I really didn't know."

She didn't make a comment and he knew that she was thinking but he wanted to keep her talking.

"I saw Christopher tonight, and I took him out for Ice cream."

"Yeah"

"He asked if I was his father" Why didn't you tell me that he knew.

"He has always known about you but I didn't know that he would figure it out so fast. All I told him was your name that you were a doctor and that he looks like you. He goes to daycare and he goes to Bailey's and he knows that other children have fathers so he wanted to know why he didn't have one. I can't lie to him Burke."

"I didn't expect you to, I can't lie to him either, so I told him the truth."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing, he fell asleep in my arms."

Cristina didn't comment, she was so happy that it was finally out, her little boy wouldn't have to feel left out anymore he has a father like all the other little kids in daycare.

"Burke, do you love him?"

"More than life itself."

"I thought you would be mad at me if you found out that I didn't terminate the pregnancy, that's why I didn't contact you after he was born."

"And why would I do that?"

"Well, we never discussed what we would do if something like that happens, even after the first one. I know that you weren't ready for a child. I know I wasn't"

"I thought we were being so careful. I didn't anticipate anything like that happening, but I am glad that he is here."

"Are you really?"

"Yes. I had a hard time taking him back to Meredith's tonight. I was tempted to bring him here with me but I didn't want to rush things. I want to make sure that he is comfortable with me first."

She was quiet again but he could hear her breathing, he wondered if she was too tired.

"Cristina, maybe you should try to get some sleep."

"Why? You don't want to talk to me."

"I could talk to you all night but I don't want to tire you out."

"All I've been doing for the past couple of weeks is lying here. I need to get out of this bed. I need to see my baby and I want to go home." She sounded frustrated, on the verge of crying. He wanted to just hang up the phone, rush to the hospital and comfort her but he knew that she didn't want him to. He decided to take her mind off the situation by asking about Christopher.

"Tell me about Christopher."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything, everything."

"Well, he was born on Christmas day, he came a little bit earlier than expected . . . Weighed seven pounds ten ounces, ...had more hair than I have ever seen on any new born, and he was the cutest baby ever born. She stopped for a while then continued. He is smart, and I'm not just saying this because he is mine, he is really very smart, and he is loving. I would get home from work tired and worn out and he would wrap his little arms around my neck and kiss my cheek and say "Mommy I love you, and it's the best feeling in the whole world."

Burke was listening intently, he knew the feeling she mentioned, it's the same feeling he had earlier when Christopher hugged him. He wanted to hear more. She continued

"When he was first born, I was so afraid that I would lose him that I wouldn't sleep. I kept remembering things I read about SIDS and so instead of sleeping when he sleeps, I would stand over his crib and watch him sleep."

"I wish that I was here to help you."

"My mom came and stayed with us for four months. She was really very good with him. It's amazing how much having a child can change one's perspective. I have a new appreciation for my mother. I don't think I could have done it without her help."

Burke was happy to hear her say that, he always believed that Cristina's strained relationship with her mother was more a result of Cristina' stubbornness than anything awful than Helen may have done. Cristina continued

"He loves books and he is learning to read,... he hates vegetables but loves carrots... He doesn't warm up to strangers easily but once he gets to know you he is fine. He loves the other interns. They're like surrogate aunts and uncles to him. He is very close to Dr. Bailey's family and he is especially close to William. He loves animals and wants a cat for his birthday. Burke smiled at that, he remembered having a cat when he was a child. He wanted to hear more and could listen all night to Cristina talking about their son. Her voice seemed to change when she talks about him, there was a sense of pride in her voice and he could tell that Cristina truly loves Christopher. For a moment he felt just a slight feeling of jealousy. Christopher had succeeded where he had failed, he made Cristina love him openly and without any fear of rejection. She was still talking. That's all you're getting for now."

"One more question"

"What?"

"Does your family know about me?"

"To a certain extent, yes."

"To a certain extent, what does that mean?"

"They all know that I was involved with someone who was a doctor here, but my mother is the only one who knows that you're Christopher's father. I ask her not to say anything."

"So I'm your deep dark secret."

"No, you're not my deep dark secret. My mother knew without me even telling her. She took one look at Christopher when he was born and said so it's that good looking doctor again. When are you two going to stop making babies and get married, is this how I raised you?"

Burke smiled, he could actually picture Cristina's mom saying those things. At least he was sure that he had an alley in Helen. "She is right you know."

"Right about what?"

"We should stop making babies... She interrupted before he could finish what he was saying.

"Don't worry Burke, I'm finished making babies with you."

"Are you sure about that?"

"You know what Burke, you know the thing that people do to make babies, we're not doing it."