A/N - Practically An Avenger, as always we love your shouty reviews and your Corsair side eye. Please don't stop.
Chapter 57 - To Me, My X-Men
The Summers kids and their significant others, meanwhile, had broken into little groups almost as soon as Scott had left - and they'd all agreed to reach out if anyone got word from those on Genosha that something was wrong. Billy had even managed to come up with a spell that would tip them off if something drastic happened outside of the watchful view of Alex or Kitty.
But while they waited, there really was no reason to bunch up, and instead of holding their collective breath, the little group had paired off to wait. Billy and James in particular had headed out to grab a bite. Billy had hoped it would get James to take a step or two down from the honest-to-God raised hackles and super tense stance, but that alone … no dice. A few stolen kisses and a little quiet time, though … that at least had James settling down a little, but it was clear he was going to be tense until this Genosha thing was in the rearview mirror.
"I swear, I'm not trying to be a stress ball," James said when they'd gotten back to his lab at Stark's tower. "I just …so, the reason I took up therapy is that I learned some things from Dad after he busted me out on the bug on the island, and I'm a little freaked out by it, if I'm being perfectly honest."
"Okay, well, maybe I can help if you're finally going to tell me what's been on your mind," Billy offered. "You don't have to share details if you don't want to, but maybe I can… I don't know…"
James let out a heavy sigh as he dropped down onto the couch, realizing that Billy really did need to know all of it, too. Even if he was sure it would send Billy running. "Maybe. I got Dad to tell me the whole story of what happened with my parents and the X-Men."
Billy let out a low whistle. "That already sounds bad. I know you didn't know because it was bad, so, like… this is bad, right?"
"It is," James replied slowly. "But … believe it or not, I think I get it? Which is what's had me so stressed out."
"That actually doesn't make any sense, James," Billy said, leaning over to kiss his cheek.
"Yeah, because I haven't told you what I know. Like … for starters, did you know my mom killed your uncle? Because I didn't know that before Dad told me."
"Oh." Billy shrugged. "Yeah, Grampneto is still mad about it, actually."
"And did you know that Tyler's dad tortured and killed my mom in front of everyone after Logan blinded Dad? I mean … I suspected as much from the scars, but I didn't know why."
"Okay, that part I didn't know," Billy said, his eyes wide as he held his breath.
James's tone got much quieter, but it was because he didn't want to say the next part too loudly, not because he was worried about being overheard. "Sabertooth… told Logan in a very deceptive way that his son had asked for him before he died." James focused on Billy's hand as his thumb rubbed over the back of Billy's hand. "I didn't know I had a big brother - and he didn't register with Logan as a possibility. So, thinking I had died, Logan killed himself after he killed Mom's murderer."
Billy was silent for a long time before he whispered, "I don't even know where to start."
"I know. I haven't told Nate and Rach, and I've been blocking them both unless I was reaching out specifically, which I've been trying to avoid," James said. "But … after knowing how my parents were with me - and with each other? I get it."
"Okay, but now you're worrying me."
"I'm just saying … I understand it. I'm not looking to use it as a life model."
"Yeah, but, I mean, consider how it looks from my end? You're all stressed out, your dad's fighting my grandfather, and then you tell me the thing that's on your mind is murder and suicide?"
"He told me about all this our last day in Genosha. It's been on my mind ever since, and I've been trying to think of pretty much anything else." He let out a breath. "And I know Dad's right on the brink."
"But it seemed like he was having fun with the mission!"
"I think he was," James said. "But after he started telling me the story, he was slipping fast."
"It's a really bad story, James," Billy said, still speaking at a whisper.
"It is," James agreed. "And that …" He let out a heavy sigh. "So, my parents didn't know it wasn't me that Sabretooth was talking about right away, and Dad blames himself for Xavier's death … and everything else.… There were others that were killed before all that mess too... And I guess the idea that they'd kill a three year old was enough to make my Aunt Jean snap. That's what set her off. But she didn't totally lose it until she saw I wasn't dead. How's that for fun family dynamics?"
Billy stared at him for a long while as he held his hand. "You know it's not your fault, right?" He held up a hand between them. "I'm just checking, because… it can't be easy finding out you were a major player, and you know you were teeny, right?"
"I know. That's why I've been seeing a therapist since we got home." James looked up at Billy and forced a smile. "It's a bad story, and I didn't want to tell it to anyone, but I knew I needed professional help. But don't worry.… I wasn't a player; I was a prop. All of us were. They had Rachel wired, more or less, and were using that to make my mom do stuff. They were using all of us kids against the adults like that." He gestured widely. "Hell. The guy that was running it had me to force Logan to blind Dad."
"I'm so sorry," Billy said. "That… that just sucks. There's no way to spin it that isn't terrible."
"Yeah. I know. It is. But I can't change it." James let out a sigh. "I guess what I'm saying is, if I'd lost everyone I loved, like Logan thought he did … I get it. I understand why he did it, and I'm not mad at him anymore. But that's not a danger here. I still have the people I love. That's what's keeping me here, honestly."
Billy nodded gently and simply wrapped James in a long, tight hug, since he didn't know what else he could do, and that was all he could think of, trying to show him that it was alright, even when it didn't feel like it.
Just as James was starting to relax a little, Billy's spell went off with a shrill whistle that made both of them jump.
James stared around the room for a moment, ordering his thoughts. "I need to get there now."
Billy was wide-eyed as he nodded. "I need to grab - hold on -" he said, holding James' hand tight before he whispered his spell. First, IwantRachelandNatehere and then IwanttogotoScott over and over again until the spells took hold, and the next thing the Summers kids knew, they were in Genosha, in a room filled with monitors.
"Where is he?" James said, taking only a few moments to scan the monitors before he realized the screens weren't showing anywhere on Genosha. He took a few steps backward, closed his eyes to focus on the scents around him, and took off at a dead run following Scott's scent trail from where the fight he and Erik were in had started … and moved through the palace.
"Follow," Rachel said, pushing the two boys after James. "Fast."
James nearly skidded to a stop when he could smell the blood in the air when he got close to the fight that was still going on. Erik had a knife in his hand and his arm drawn back over Scott. Both of them were bleeding and slashed up from the fight they must have had before the kids could get there. But the part that had James off his game was all the blood around Scott's face … the fact that his eyes looked sunken in, like something was missing that would let him open his eyes when he was at such a disadvantage... All at once, as he realized what Magneto must have done, James didn't even feel the growl or notice it when he snarled - much louder and lower than any time before. He was mad enough that he didn't register that he was in motion, rushing to get in between Scott and Erik. And for a few moments, for James, everything faded out except the trouble at hand as, for the first time, he went into the red as he defended his dad.
The others didn't have a chance to step in. They didn't get the opportunity to help for as fast as James had been, so instead of worrying about helping him, the Summers kids rushed in behind James to try and get to their dad, with Billy trying to take stock of what to do.
When James blinked out of the red haze a few minutes later, it was to an almost deafening ringing in his ears, and he realized quickly that he had a lot of blood on his hands. His chest was aching deeply enough that it was hard to breathe - and every breath was more painful than the last. It took him a few moments to look down and realize that he was bleeding from the knife lodged in his chest near the center. His hands were bleeding too, and on seeing the blood dripping off his fingers, it was like the nerves in his arms and hands woke up at once and started screaming at him - which was how James realized that he'd used his claws. That in itself was shocking, since he hadn't known for sure if they'd even grown back after Tyler snapped them off. But the claws had already retracted, and on seeing and smelling so much blood, James was dizzy and a little sick to his stomach.
Nate and Rachel were already crouched down next to Scott, and James glanced around the room to get his bearings even as the world spun around him. He didn't even see Erik until he'd nearly tripped on him, and then, he slipped on the bloody floor and nearly lost his balance entirely. "Oh, no," James whispered out when he saw the slash marks and puncture wounds on Erik - perfectly spaced, three at a time. He half reached toward Erik, though that thought was abandoned when he saw how much his hands were bleeding, and he swayed on his feet.
"James," Nate called out when he saw that his brother was coming out of whatever that snap had been. His voice sounded shaky - not just from seeing James lose it but also from seeing his dad so badly hurt. "We found your dampener bracelet thing that Dad was wearing so … so um… don't touch that knife and try not to bleed out, wouldja? Powers should be coming back on now…" He was fumbling with the device as he said it, his hands slicked with their dad's blood as he and Rachel had been trying to help him.
Rachel, for her part, was trying to stop their dad from bleeding out, but she didn't know what was the worst stuff that she needed to stop. Even though Scott had still been conscious when they arrived, he had passed out by the time James came back to himself, and Rachel didn't know if the wound in his chest or the discoloration and blood on his neck or the long cut soaking his leg with blood was the worst problem.
James blinked at his family for a moment but didn't reply, still trying to figure out what exactly he'd done and quickly slipping into shock from the situation and the loss of blood. He stumbled back a few steps, staring at Erik in horror for a long moment and trying desperately to remember what had happened as he began to inch closer to hyperventilating in a panic attack. He knew the outcome, but he couldn't remember hitting Erik at all, and he didn't know how either of them ended up stabbed. But a low, soft moan of pain from Scott drew his attention. "Is Dad …"
"He's… breathing," Rachel said, though she was pale, and there was fire at the corners of her eyes as she panicked. "He and Magneto really did a number on each other. Oh, God…"
James wandered closer to them, clearly still in a daze and shaking as he dropped to his knees to join his siblings. He had no idea where to even start. Emotionally, he was numb, but his entire body ached, and once he realized that, he was sure the knife in his chest hurt more with every heartbeat. Without thinking about the consequences, and deep down knowing better, his hand drifted up to take hold of the hilt.
"Wait," Nate said when he saw the movement from his brother, but James couldn't hear him properly, and his body seemed to be working on autopilot. A moment later, James let out an involuntary sound of pain as he pulled the blade free before Nate could get close enough to stop him. Too late, Nate shouted at him as James dropped the blade, half-heartedly clutching at the horribly bleeding wound and not processing anything around them as the blood flowed.
Billy, meanwhile, was the only one who wasn't crowding a bruised and badly bleeding Scott — he was standing off to the side and staring at Erik, holding his breath and trying to get the image of his grandfather stabbing James in the heart out of his head. Erik's shift in target was smooth, focused, and seamless, and the expression on his face when he sunk his knife into James' heart was one Billy knew was going to haunt his dreams for a while. Not to mention the raw reaction James had when he let loose all those feral instincts was jarring to say the least. Especially since it wasn't until after Erik had stabbed him that James really lost his temper and the claws came out. He saw that James had tried just pushing him away from Scott first. Even when James saw Erik was trying to kill Scott, he wasn't pushing to do the same.
When Billy heard Rachel let out a muffled almost-sob, he finally snapped out of his daze and came close to where the others were. He was quietly crying, but he put a hand on James' shoulder and another hand on Scott's arm.
Iwantustogohome. Iwantustogohome. Iwantustogohome.
In a blink, all of them were back in the Summers home, appearing in the middle of the living room - though that didn't help the immediate situation with Scott when he was unconscious and in a bad way.
Except … a different universe's Billy was in the living room too. Along with a different Logan.
"I got it wrong," the younger Billy said in a horrified voice as Logan darted forward, shoved Nate and Rachel back, and started to triage Scott, swearing up a blue streak as he did so.
"No, you didn't," James said, though he didn't get to explain further as Logan pushed him back, too. That in itself was enough to stop James cold.
"Damnit, Scooter, you're not allowed to bleed out, you pig-headed pain in my-" Logan snarled out, only to be cut off mid curse.
"What the hell is even happening right now?" Nate blurted out, staring at Logan.
"Hey, hi, it's a long story," the older Billy said, gently pulling Nate and Rachel further back by the shoulders as James quietly took his Billy's hand and all of them stared at the newcomers. "We're here to help, I promise. Dimension-hopping helpers."
"Get Hank here now," Logan said. "Or whoever the hell's worth a damn for a doctor."
The older Billy looked toward Rachel, who was taking hyperventilating breaths and trying to keep the fire from spreading. "Avengers Tower?" he asked, and when she nodded, he teleported away with an Asgardian spell and then reappeared a moment later with a very confused Hank McCoy - who immediately swore when he saw the situation.
"Covered that already, Blue," Logan growled out.
"What happened?" Hank demanded. "Where did you come from?" he asked as well, though he was already diving in to get to work.
"That really the most important thing on your mind right now?" Logan challenged in a tone that spoke volumes on how upset he was watching Scott bleed.
"No, but when it's been over a decade, I'd say it's a fair question to pose!" Hank shot back, sounding just as stressed. "Get me some bandages. The magician who brought me here should have my bag, too."
"He can magic you a full flamin' ER if he gets his ass in gear," Logan barked out.
The older Billy startled. "Right," he said quickly, then snapped his fingers - and Hank had everything he needed right there in the living room, leaving the kids even more confused.
Hank didn't question it as he rushed to get Scott stable, but once Hank had everything he needed, Logan stepped back to give him room to work, though he looked anxious as he watched Hank.
"Okay," Nate said, one arm around a shaking Rachel. "But for real. What the hell."
"Different reality," Logan said as he tried to slow his breathing a little before he turned to the two of them. He narrowed his eyes and took a step forward on seeing Rachel still on the brink. "You doin' alright, darlin?" He held his hand out to her. "Let me see your wrist. This'll help."
Rachel glanced at Nate, who nodded in a silent promise to have her back, and then she held out her hand. "I'm trying to hold it back," she breathed out.
Logan took her hand gently and shifted how he was standing to get the right angle for the pressure points he was using. "Just breathe slow, close your eyes, and tell me when it lets up."
Rachel nodded, keeping her eyes closed, though neither of her brothers breathed until the fires finally faded, and then she sank into a seat on the couch with Nate still holding onto her tightly.
Logan let out a breath and then turned toward James and Billy, who were both in a heavy state of shock. "James, you need to clean up. Take Billy with you to catch your breath, and tell me about what happened when you get the blood out of your nose."
For a long moment, both of them just stood there in a daze, but when it was clear James couldn't bring himself to speak, Billy did it for him. "Is Scott going to be okay?" the younger Billy asked with a shaking voice.
"If he's not, I'm gonna have a new blue rug," Logan said - loudly enough for Hank to catch and give him a dirty look for.
"He'll pull through," the older Billy said from where he was magicking up a change of clothes along with all his younger self and James needed to clean the blood up. "Hank got here in time, and honestly, Scott did alright for starting with a framework he came up with when he wanted to die."
"What," Nate said flatly, looking up at the older Billy, who winced.
"Yeah… that's a whole discussion that I'm not the right person to go to if you want to have it," he said. "If it makes you feel better, he changed the plan so he did have backup and an exit plan, so-"
"Why the hell would that make me feel better about it?" Nate demanded - until Rachel broke out of her panic to pull Nate over and try to calm him down.
But James didn't move - still frozen to the spot and staring at Logan until Logan realized exactly how shell-shocked the kid was. Logan frowned as he watched James for a moment, and with a heavy sigh, Logan stepped toward James and reached up to rest one hand at the side of his neck and his other hand on James' shoulder, ignoring the mess there in a way the kids simply couldn't. "I promise I'll be here when you get back from cleaning up. I'll talk with you about whatever you want - answer any questions you might have as best as I can. I'm not gonna disappear on you." Logan held his gaze until James finally nodded, but it was clear he couldn't turn away from Logan, either.
"I got you," the young Billy said, slipping his fingers through James' and then giving his hand a squeeze. "Come on. We can come right back."
James followed Billy silently, though as soon as they were apart from the others, James pulled Billy to a stop, and everything bubbled up in a rush. "Billy … I'm so sorry. I didn't want to … I don't know what happened back there on the island. I just wanted to get to my dad - Scott - not … I didn't mean to… I didn't want to touch him, and I don't know ...I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted him to stop."
Billy was surprised to hear it. "How can you not know what happened?" he asked. "You pushed my grandfather off your dad, and he stabbed you! He was trying to kill you when you weren't even going for a fight!"
"I don't remember it," James said, looking half scared at the admission.
Billy wrapped his arms around James. "It's okay. I've got you, okay? We'll - it was kind of intense. Maybe you just - blacked it out or - I've got you, okay?"
He nodded and returned the hug - though as soon as he had his arms around Billy, he really didn't want to let go.
Billy rested his head on James' shoulder, and for a long time, they stood there in silence before, quietly, Billy said, "So, I think that magician might be me."
"Yeah, looked like it," James said finally, his voice still shaking even as he tried to force some levity. "You were partially right. About the hair."
"Yeah." Billy took a deep breath and looked at James fully. "Your, um, Logan… that was… unexpected…"
"No kidding."
"Sounded like a good guy to have in your corner, though. In a pinch, I mean." James nodded, at a loss for words. Billy bit his lip and gave James another moment before a very big question bubbled up that he truly needed answered. "So … I'd suggest going to your room, but I don't know where we are."
"Ah," James' head popped up as if he had just realized they were in the real Summers house. "I wanted to bring you here sooner, I swear."
"So what about Kate's building?"
"That … is our backup," James said, honestly worried that he'd screwed things up too badly to even try to salvage. "I'm the worst boyfriend in history." He dropped his gaze to their hands. "I wanted to bring you here. But I was just trying to protect my family. I knew your grandfather was watching you .. and I didn't want him going after Dad. At all."
"You should have told me he was threatening you way sooner," Billy said.
"Wouldn't have changed anything," James replied. "I didn't let him scare me off, either."
"Are you sure you didn't stick with me to keep from dying?"
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "He wasn't going to kill me. Might have wanted to, and he might have tried, but that wasn't going to happen."
"He killed all of my exes, James. Even the ones that didn't do anything wrong. He would have kept trying until he managed to kill you."
"Only if you got tired of me." James paused and glanced up at him. "It's okay if you don't want me, you know. I won't hold it against you. I screwed things up pretty epically. I murdered your grandfather. Your family is going to hate me."
Billy swallowed and shook his head. "I saw… I mean, I can see what he did to your dad, and I saw what happened when you tried to stop him from killing your dad, so, I mean, I'm not okay, but I'm not mad at you." He ran his hand through his hair. "If Grandfather hadn't - I mean, you saw, right? He… he would have killed you and your dad, and he was trying to do it in a way that hurt. I mean…" Billy shook his head, obviously still trying to process everything that had happened. Then, failing to find words, he just rested his head on James's shoulder - because he really needed James' rock steady presence just then when he thought about how much his grandfather was trying to make James and Scott suffer before he killed them.
The sound of the monitors in the makeshift living room ER shifted to a more stable rhythm, and James suddenly looked as if he just remembered something important. He took a moment and pulled his cell phone out and hit the second name on his favorites list. He was biting his lip until Tony picked up on the other end with a cheerful greeting.
"Hi, um… the news is about to get really busy," James told him. "And I promise I will tell you as much as I can, but I need you to please bring whatever you can to give Dad his sight. We're at the real house, and we can't let him wake up without his vision."
"What happened?" Tony asked, though James could hear him scrambling to gather up what was needed.
"I … Dad went after Magneto," James said. "Magneto took his eyes … it's a mess, but Beast is working on him."
"Does Cap need to launch a counter attack?"
"No, nothing like that," James replied quickly.
"I know you want to protect your boyfriend's family but Magneto isn't someone you ignore. He will counter attack."
"No, Uncle Tony, he won't," James said, losing some of his steam and all of his forced calm. "I … ah … I killed Magneto."
There was silence for an uncomfortably long moment, and James was just about to say something when Tony cut in, sounding serious but calm. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Call me if anything happens."
"Okay," James said, though he barely stopped himself from apologizing to Tony too. This wasn't the kind of thing Avengers did. That was one more area that he'd screwed up, and he didn't realize how much he didn't want to blow that until just then. He hung up the phone after Tony did, then stared at it for a long moment, half afraid to say anything at all. But the blood that was still wet and sticking to itself on his hands and body reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing. So, he swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.
"I should really ... " He gestured down at his clothes. "Yeah."
Billy swallowed and blushed deeply. "I could help. In a totally… just trying to help way. I swear."
"I'm not going to argue something like that, and I'm not going to put stipulations on what you can or can't do," James replied with a little smirk, because even now, in the middle of a disaster that had probably wrecked everything, it was easier to flirt than it was to figure out what had happened. "Especially if you're trying to take care of me."
Billy blushed a little deeper before he nodded, and the two of them disappeared into James' room to get him changed and cleaned up.
Scott has been dead before, so he recognized the sensation of peace and lightness that hit him when he reached the other side. And when he realized where he was, the first thing that registered with him was a wave of relief. He was done. He'd finally crossed the finish line.
The second thing that hit him was Jean Gray as she came rushing over to him and threw her arms around him in a tight hug. And as soon as he latched onto her just as tightly, it was like they'd never been apart. She pulled him into a passionate kiss, and he pulled her off her feet to reciprocate.
They didn't break too far apart when the kiss did break, and Scott rested his forehead against hers, drinking in her presence after so long apart. "I missed you," he whispered into her hair.
"Missed you too," she said and kissed him again. "I am so sorry. I couldn't hold it back."
"Don't apologize for the Phoenix," Scott said, shaking his head. "It wasn't your fault."
"I have to, though," she said. "I let it out. It's my fault things went so far. I knew better, and I did it anyhow. And look at everything I missed because of it." She smiled up at him and brushed his hair back from his face. "You are amazing."
Scott shook his head, still drinking her in. "And you're just as beautiful as I remember."
"Flatterer," she said before she leaned in and kissed him again.
"If there is one thing that I can always rely on, it's the fact that the two of you will forget every single thing that you ever thought was important while you are in each other's presence," Charles said in a warm tone - just to break up the reunion.
The two of them broke apart at last, though Scott kept a hand on Jean's waist as he stared at Charles. "Professor," he said softly.
Charles was smiling warmly. "Hello, Scott. I do believe you're early for this meeting, my boy."
Scott shook his head and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "You wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me."
"You did nothing wrong, Scott. The blame lies squarely on the monsters that did this to us. Not you. At all."
"I could have saved you," Scott insisted.
Charles shook his head lightly. "If you truly believe that, then do me a favor and ask the Demiurge what would have happened in that scenario when you go back."
"I don't think I've met the Demiurge yet," Scott said.
Charles let out a sigh, looking both amused and annoyed at the same time. "You met him not long ago. I believe you were introduced to him as the 'harbinger'," Charles said. "That is not his name or his title, rather a silly nickname that his Logan or K gave him." He stepped forward - walking on his own steam for the first time that Scott could remember seeing - and for a moment, he realized how odd it was to look Charles in the eyes on the same level. "But that's not nearly as pressing as the fact that you must go back, Scott."
Scott's grip around Jean's waist tightened, and his expression fell. "So this isn't a permanent visit," he said, sounding downright depressed to hear it.
"It doesn't have to be," Jean told him gently. "Hank's trying to save you right now."
Scott turned toward Jean, once more taking in every detail of her face. "Please don't ask me to go back, Jean," he said, and her eyes were shining when she heard his tone. "I just got you back."
"It's your choice, Mr. Summers," Jean said, and though she was aiming for a prim tone, it was destroyed entirely by her smile. She'd missed him, too, and being around him again, she couldn't stop smiling no matter the subject matter. "When you choose, it should be a informed decision."
Scott sighed and kissed her. "I'd rather stay here with you, Mrs. Summers."
"And I can appreciate that decision better than anyone, oh, husband of mine, but … you might want to listen to the other side of the story first. As much as I hate to admit it, there are some good points."
"Fine," he said without moving back from her. The truth was that he already knew what his decision had to be; he was just so tired, and he wanted to stay with Jean more than pretty much anything.
Jean didn't bother trying to hold back the laugh before she took his head in her hands and kissed him again. "I love it when you behave just to do it. Especially when you already think you have your mind made up."
"Love you too," he said, smiling.
"So," she said, arching one eyebrow. "Do you want to let Charles talk, or do you want to do this the fast way?"
"Oh, well, if there's an option that gives me more of your attention…"
"You and I have all the time in the universe, regardless of what you choose." She looked over her shoulder at Charles. "If it's all the same to you, I think we'll cover this part on our own. You can handle the wrap up - whichever way it goes."
"You know which way it needs to go, Jean," Charles said, but that only had her shooing him away.
"Like I said," Jean said as she turned back to Scott, "it's your life. Your decision."
"It's not really, though," he pointed out. "I know I'm needed, I just don't know how severely I'm needed..."
"You're not dead yet, but you're close to it - and when it's this close, it is your choice. So … let's go down your plusses and minuses list and see which way it works best for you."
Scott laughed outright. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," she said with a grin. "But I haven't been far from you - at all."
"I know," he said gently.
Jean curled into him so she could wrap him up and lean her head on his chest. "Good. As long as you know, let's get started. Column 'B' is to go back. Column 'A' is to stay. I'll list the B, you list the A - no matter how repetitive it gets."
"You're at the top of the list; Jean. You always are."
"Mr. Summers, be specific," Jean laughed.
"I thought I was already assigned Column A," he teased.
"Alright, that's fair. Okay … So … to go back … Rachel."
"The professor."
"Nate."
"Jubilee."
"Alex."
"K."
Jean's smile slipped. "James."
His smile dropped too. "Logan goes in yours, then. He'd never forgive me if I left James."
"Only because we already know where their heads are at," Jean told him. "I can show you."
"Do I want to know?" Scott asked, frowning.
"Which one?" Jean asked, rather than answer outright.
"That bad, huh?" He sighed. "Okay, show me."
Jean nodded, then took a moment to reach out and gently brush his mind, first and foremost - then led him through the sea of chatter to find Rachel first. She was barely holding on to herself and using every trick she knew to calm down and keep the Phoenix at bay as it whispered lies and promises to her, just like it had always done with Jean when things were hard to handle. It was everything Scott had been scared of for his daughter since the day she got her powers, and he felt all his breath leave him as he heard the Phoenix promising his baby girl that she could save her father, save everyone, if she let go of her control.
Scott hated that the Phoenix could use him against her so easily. He'd meant to give her relief, not give her another reason to listen to that firebird.
Jean let him soak it in and see where Rachel's mental state was headed before she gently redirected him to listen to Nate.
Nate, out of the three kids, had been the most outwardly calm … but on hearing his thoughts, Scott found himself shocked at how much more Nate's mind sounded like his own - tense and stretched on the edge of snapping while he put everyone else ahead of himself. Only, with Nate, the danger of letting go wasn't fire - it was psychically lobotomizing everyone for miles around him. There was no need to truly dwell on it … not when Scott was getting a clear impression of Nate's powers pulsing just under the surface and how destructive he could be if he lost his grip on his control by a hair. That was, essentially, why he'd had so much trouble keeping his powers under control. He was powerful enough that he used them without thinking about it. It just happened, so learning to stop it had been like learning to breathe in a new manner - and when he was panicking, his mind went back to the most natural setting. The one that didn't require him to restrain himself.
Scott wasn't sure how he could have missed that, since that had always been his problem - constantly trying to hold back a power that could destroy everything when it was always turned on. Nate had always played it down, always let James and Rachel take the brunt of his worry, because Nate wanted to be normal.
Scott wanted so badly to go back and tell Nate that he understood, that he could empathize more than Nate realized. He wanted to help.
He wasn't expecting the sharp shift when they went from the almost humming, swelling power of Nate's mind to James'. James was teetering right on the edge, convinced that everything leading up to that moment was the result of his mistakes. And he was sure that everything that he held dear was slipping away - a feeling that Scott was overly familiar with. Scott could feel the crushing guilt that James had taken onto himself, and he could see how the last year of being on the teams and everything else was starting to feel like the end that James had expected for himself since he was old enough to know how different he was from just about everyone else. James was sure his dad was dying and that his boyfriend was bound to drop him for having murdered Magneto (though Scott disagreed with that assessment entirely). Scott was surprised to find that the guilt just from Magneto was positively overwhelming for James. He truly felt horrible about killing him - regardless of circumstance. The other issues that stemmed from it were increasing in weight dangerously fast, from worrying about what the Avengers might say to half hoping that Wanda simply wiped him from existence.
The kid was on a fast track to destroying himself with all that building in his mind. And he wasn't even trying to hold back his outward distress - a fact that was only compounding as Billy tried to help him. And Scott couldn't let that happen. Not again. Not to his son.
Scott couldn't find anything to say when he and Jean came back from the peek into his kids' minds. He had known parts of what they were thinking, yes, but this was something else entirely. Seeing how close all three of them were to losing it…
He finally took a shuddering breath and covered his eyes with one hand, trying to center himself without losing his grip on his already frayed emotions after arriving in Heaven. "I'm so sorry," he managed to say at last. "I tried - I really did - to give them a better shot…"
"And you did," Jean agreed. "But they were always going to have their own challenges. That's not your fault. Blame genetics."
Scott picked his hand up to give Jean a dry look. "We never blamed genetics before."
"Yeah, well … it fits in this case," she said. "You forget, I've seen what you went through with those kids. And I've been in everyone's heads. Everyone's, Scott. I'm telling you. Genetics."
Scott shook his head, still shaken by what he'd seen and felt in his kids' minds. "You're right," he said at last. "The professor was right. They can't lose me. Not right now." At the admission, he found himself leaning into Jean, searching for support as he always did when they were together. Like they'd always done from the time they were teenagers in love, long before they got married.
"Yeah, I know," Jean said.
He sighed again and wrapped his arms gently around her, simply resting there as he tried to remember everything about her all at once, drinking all of it in and trying to burn it into his memory.
"It must be such a burden to be so loved," she said with a smile as she curled into him.
"You'd know," he said with a soft smile.
"Nothing like what you've got."
"You should have been there with me," Scott told her. "They'd love you too. They already revere your memory."
"Yeah … I did apologize for that, right? I would have loved snuggling with those three."
"I remember not accepting an apology, yeah," he said with a soft smile.
"Then I need to apologize again," she said, then popped up on her toes to kiss him again. "I will miss you… but … I don't want you to be miserable and just waiting. If you're going to live - live. Not just for the kids but for you, too."
Scott sighed as he took her face in his hands. "I guess I'll need to figure that out. I'm about to have an empty nest." He sighed again. "I don't know what I'll do then."
Jean smiled. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Scott smiled and stayed where he was for as long as he dared, at least until he started to once again feel like he wanted to stay there with her and with the family he'd lost. And once his thoughts turned that way, he straightened up, knowing he couldn't go down that road again. "Alright," he said softly. "Send me back, Jean Gray."
"Love you, Scott. I'll be here whenever you're actually done."