They Didn't Know We Were Seeds

He avoids Lily. For days, he dodges her in corridors, skips classes he has with her, spends all his free time in his dorm room. Of course, others notice. Sage asks if they're rowing after he skips his second class with her. He says not exactly and refuses to elaborate. Interestingly, after that, Narcissa comes to speak to him personally. He suspects Sage of telling her about his odd behavior (the berk).

Narcissa likes him, talks to him at meals and in the corridors, but she's a seventh year preparing for her NEWTs. She doesn't have a lot of time for the petty drama of younger years. So she jumps right in and asks if he and Lily are having a lover's spat. Severus must have given something away— Tensed, maybe, at that remark, because she needles him for a good hour after that question.

"I'm right, aren't I? Did you tell Lily you fancy her? Or did you do something more forward? Like, kiss her perhaps?"

"It's nothing."

"Sweetie, it's obvious something is going on. You and Lily are attached at the hip most days."

"Look, I'm handling it on my own, alright?"

"You're a clever boy, but you are only thirteen. I know a lot more about relationships than you."

"Really now? Miss-Lucius-Malfoy-is-My-First-and-Only-True-Love?"

"Belt up you little prick. My one relationship is still one more than you have had!"

"Hmph."

"Look, I need to go study for an Astronomy exam. If you need me, however, now or later, don't hesitate to ask."

"I won't need your help, but… Thank you."

"Of course, Severus."

When he still avoids Lily and classes with her after his talk with Narcissa, Sage becomes a brooding storm cloud. If the circumstances were different, he'd find it funny. Unfortunately, Severus is too busy just trying to make it through the day and put off what he knows it going to be a very annoying, embarrassing conversation about what he did. As his first week of dodging Lily draws to a close, he begins to wonder just how much longer he can keep this up. He's not actually expected things to last this long.

Is Lily avoiding him too? He doesn't blame her if she is. He should have had better control of himself.

-o-O-o-

Severus grabs his wand from under his pillow and sits bolt up. Someone gasps and falls. Blinking through the darkness, he sees Sage on the floor beside his bed, clutching his arm.

"Shit," he says, scrambling to get out of bed. "Did I hurt you?" he asks.

The boy shakes his head. "Just bruised it hitting the floor. I ducked in time," he replies. "But I think William is going to need new curtains for his bed."

Severus looks up from Sage to Wilkes's bed across from his. He sighs when he sees the large cut in the middle of one of the curtains. With a quick repairing spell, it's as good as new. "It's fine," he tells Sage.

Shakily getting to his feet, the boy says, "Brill. We won't have to listen to William whine about it in the morning."

"Why did you wake me?"

"It's Scabior," Sage says. "I saw him leaving the dorms when I got up to use the lav."

He furrows his brows. "That's not good. That wanker has already lost our house ten points this week for getting into a fight with those second-year Hufflepuffs."

"Exactly! Let's go find him and bring him back!"

Severus can't help but find Sage's eagerness a bit suspicious. Sage really doesn't seem to care about much of anyone in their year let alone a first year he's known all of a month and a half. Even so, Severus does care about his housemates (which he connects to being a Head of House for nearly seventeen years, it's hard to stop worrying about students even after you're not a Head anymore). So, he gets up and throws on a robe and some shoes.

"Let's go," he says.

The boy nods and hurries ahead. "Maybe we can catch him if we hurry!"

-O-

After twenty minutes of fruitless searching for Scabior, Severus says, "This is hopeless. He's probably already gone back to our dorm." He hates to say it, but it's probably the truth. Scabior is a lot of trouble, but he's not a complete dunderhead. Even after only a month and a half at Hogwarts, Severus is sure he knows better than to test his luck being out after curfew for too long.

"Just one more classroom," Sage insists.

Severus sighs. "Fine."

They walk into the next open one and Severus's heart stops. "Lily," he croaks.

The girl turns her head away from Sirius, whom she's been talking to. Her expression is one of surprise. "What?" she says.

"Finally!" Sirius exclaims, moving toward him and Sage. "You two took forever to get here!"

"What is the meaning of this?" Severus demands, feeling angry at being tricked. He should have known.

Matching his glower, Sage tells him, "You weren't doing anything to fix your problem with Lily on your own, so I'm making you!"

"I'm going to murder you both!" Severus hisses, because he just knows Sage and Sirius came up with this plot together.

Sharply, Lily calls, "Severus."

He looks at her.

Face determined, she says, "We might as well talk. We were going to have to eventually."

Severus sighs. Pointing at the doorway, he tells the two, "Leave."

Looking terribly smug, the pair all but flounce from the room. Crossing his arms, Severus and Lily stare awkwardly at each other for a few moments. Severus asks, "How did Sirius get you to come here?"

"He said he wanted to talk about his cousin, Andromeda. He was acting like he wanted to write her, but was afraid of what would happen should Narcissa or Regulus notice her owl dropping off letters."

Severus scoffs. "They would probably join him in writing. Narcissa misses Andromeda. Regulus just wants Sirius and her to like him." He looks away, softly, he says, "They're all insufferable."

"The Blacks?"

"The Blacks, Montagues, Potter, Scabior, take your pick."

"Scabior?"

He nods. "That's how Sage got me to leave our dorm. He said he saw Scabior leaving the dorms."

"Oh."

There's more silence for a minute or two. Neither of them will look straight at the other and Severus really doesn't want to be the first to speak. Finally, Lily, ever the Gryffindor, starts bravely, "You kissed me," side-eyeing him, she adds, "on the mouth."

He winces, but, again, says nothing.

"Do you fancy me?"

Severus clenches his hands into fists at his side. "I don't know," he lies.

"It's okay if you do. I… Sometimes I fancy you too."

He frowns. "What does sometimes mean?"

Lily twists a lock of hair between her fingers. "It's really hard, you know?" She gestures around, at herself. "It's just you and me. There's no one else who would even understand a fraction of what we went through and are going through." Smiling a little at him, she continues, "And you're so good at everything most of the time. Reassuring me that things are going to turn out alright, coming up with clever plans…" Eyes soft and proud, she tells him, "It's proof that you've changed. You're the man I always knew you could be."

"Why don't you fancy me all of the time?" he asks.

She bites her lip. Turning so he can only see her profile, Lily begins to run a finger over the surface of a desk. He knows she's tracing the grooves of the wood. She used to do that when they were students the first time. Usually, it meant she was thinking very hard about an exam question. "The James I married is dead," she begins, "but there's another one here. Seeing him… It makes me miss the one I knew, reminds me how much I loved him. How much I love this one, this little boy. He's going to be my James someday and I…" she wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I loved my time with him. I loved him. I want what I lost back."

He's annoyed. It's always fucking James with her. "He's not going to be that James, though," he points out. "Circumstances are different. Things have changed so much already that he's different."

Lily droops a little. "I know," she whispers. "But I can't help but hope. I know you don't believe me when I tell you so, but James did grow up. He was a wonderful husband and father."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Lily, he was an absolute berk to me throughout our school days." In a low growl, he says, "Yet you still married him."

"Yes, I did. I never forgot what he did to you, though." She sighs. "Look, I think we both know there's nothing I can say that will make you okay with my relationship with James. So, please, can we just drop it?" Lily begs.

Severus would just love to carry on fighting about her and James, but that's not going to resolve the issue at hand. So, he grumbles, "Very well."

"Can you tell me now why you kissed me?"

He pulls his wand from his sleeve and begins to fiddle with it as he considers how best to explain. Finally, he begins, "I know I shouldn't have. I usually have better control of myself, but…" He fights down an embarrassed flush that wants to rise to his cheeks as he mumbles, "The hormones."

Lily giggles for all of a moment before she slaps a hand over her mouth. "Sorry," she says, voice muffled. "It's just, well, I know exactly what you're talking about. I've had a couple of moments like that myself."

Severus relaxes a little, feeling just a bit better knowing she understands that aspect of the kiss. "You said it would be Albus's loss if he didn't respect me after knowing all that I did for him and the cause. No one has ever said it would be someone else's loss if they didn't think well of me." Letting his hair cascade in front of his face, he mumbles, "I kissed you because it meant so much to me. Saying thank you didn't seem like enough."

"Oh, Sev," Lily sniffles.

He keeps his head down as she approaches and pushes his hair out of his face. As Lily cradles his face between the warm palms of her hands, he's made to stare right into her bright, emerald eyes. "Please tell me you're not crying for me," he whispers.

Lily's chin scrunches unbecomingly as she gives a jerky shake of her head. "N-No." She sobs, "Yes."

Severus wraps his arms around her and brings her into a tight embrace. "You shouldn't. I'm really not as good as you think I am."

"We let you down! We made you think you were worthless! If we hadn't…"

He shushes her. "Stop. We can't change our past. All we can work with is what's in front of us right now."

"I know," she whimpers. "There's nothing we can do But… But can I cry for a while? For how things could have been if I'd just known?"

He sighs quietly. He's never been able to deny her things he can give her. "Yes."

And, for a while, Severus stands there. Holding Lily as she cries enough tears for the both of them over things he's lost and long since stopped believing he'd ever have again.

What do you think about this chapter? They've made up!

Also, if any of you enjoys next-gen characters and fics, Albus Severus in particular, I've recently posted a small one-shot called Famous Last Words.

Thanks for reading :)