The Ones She left Behind

Chapter 1:

Summery: What would have happened if Addison went down the wrong path and started making bad life choices without anyone to save her from herself? Rated M for Mature. Will Addison be able to repair the relationship with her children torn apart by her dependence on drugs and alcohol? AU STORY. Inspired loosely by Shameless.

Additional Information: Rosalie is 18, Ella 14, Sawyer 4

ROSALIE's POV:

"Addison you can't be here." I state. Staring at the tall slender redheaded woman standing on the front stoop of our townhouse. She's wearing a shirt that's way too small a long sleeve flannel over and jeans with holes in them. Honestly, she looks just a little bit homeless. Cautiously I open the door a bit more, leaning on the frame, but ready to go inside and slam it shut at a moments notice.

"Like hell I can't this is my house."

"CPS finally cleared us from your last visit. Do you remember? The time you took you took Ella to buy drugs and your dealer pushed her in front of oncoming traffic? When you refused to pay the price, they were asking?"

"That was an accident."

"Nothing is ever an accident with you. What are you doing here?" Cold goosebumps overcome me as I think back to that night. She had turned up, seemingly better. I had picked up a last-minute shift and she had volunteered to watch Ella and Sawyer while I worked. I had gotten a phone call around 2am that I needed to come to the hospital immediately because Ella had been hit by a car. Thank God Addison had Sawyer in his stroller at the time. They were only 13 and 3 at the time. Still innocents. Our other involvement with CPS was a couple years prior to that, also Addison induced. Addison had put him in the bathtub and decided to do drugs while he played. She overdosed and passed out. He nearly drowned. Ella found them when she came in from her soccer lessons got him out of the water, called 911, and followed the instructions they gave to preform CPR until the paramedics arrived. Luckily, he hadn't been under that long, and quickly regained consciousness. I wasn't 18 yet when the first event happened. Addison was forced into court appointed rehab and parenting classes to keep us. She complied. The minute she was cleared she went right back to her old ways. We mean nothing to her.

"I'm sorry Rosalie. I never meant for any of this to happen." She says, so gently. I try to remember a time when she's used that tone with me in the past, and I can't. Sawyer looks up at me curiously from playing with his Lego's on the living room floor. He hands me his masterpiece of interlocking bricks.

"Dinosaur!" He says, proudly. I smile down at his creation. He looks up curiously at Addison, but realizes she is a stranger and hides shyly behind me.

"This is a wonderful Dinosaur sweetie."

"Whose that?!" He asks warily, and I turn, scooping him into my arms and snuggling him protectively.

"He doesn't remember me?" She asks, shocked. "You haven't told him about me?" She demands, reaching out to take him from me. He pulls away, pushing himself as close to me as he could get. Holding me tightly, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Why would he?" I ask her. "You've seen him what? Four or five times his entire life, and none of those were particularly pleasant experiences." I sigh when I see the look of devastation on her face, and the tears in her eyes. "Sawyer this is Addison."

"I'm your Mommy." Addison says, gently, and without even giving me a chance to take in her presence she walks closer. I can't stop her as she pulls us into a tight hug. Sawyer begins crying and squirming until she lets us go, looking at him horrified.

"you're NOT MY MOMMY!" He screams at her. "Rosalie is my mommy! IT's NOT NICE TO TELL LIES!" He plops himself down on the floor next to me, and I kneel down, giving him a gentle hug.

"This behavior is unacceptable Rosalie. He's, my son."

"You're unacceptable." I say, ignoring her for the most part and focusing on the crying toddler beside me. "Swayer baby it's OK, it's just Addison." I say her name dismissively, as if it's as common as the mail man or the neighbor.

"NO! Mama stranger danger! That scary lady is NOT MY MOMMY!" He shrieks, tears falling down his cheeks. His little chest rising and falling rapidly with each breath.

"What did you do to my sweet baby boy? You poisoned him against me!"

"Oh, you didn't need my help. You did that all on your own."

"You begged me to do the parenting classes so you could keep them, so you wouldn't be separated. I hired a nanny to look after you. I did the rehab and the parenting classes."

"Just a suggestion. The next time you hire a Nanny it shouldn't be the person you score your crystal meth with."

"She was clean and sober."

"So were you, but we all know how long that lasted. You two are the exact same. You're clean until it doesn't fit your agenda anymore. Any extra money you sent was spent on drugs. The only reason we have utilities is because they direct deposit from your account. I've had to work TWO jobs from the time I was 14 years old. I had to drop out of school as a 9th grader to care for Ella and Sawyer. EVERYTHING."

"Rosalie, I know I hurt you, I'm so sorry. I just want to make things right."

"That's the same exact thing you said when you showed up at the front door, in the final stages of labor and didn't even make it past the kitchen before you had to stop and I had to help you deliver him on the floor." She had been using and knew her drug screen would come up positive. Thank God he wasn't born addicted, or with other complications.

I look down, and before she can stop me, I pull her heavy jacket aside. Her stomach is swollen, and I must fight down the urge to vomit. "Just as I expected. You want something. You're pregnant again." I observe and her face goes pale. "Is that why you're here? God knows it's the only time you've ever stayed sober longer than a few days at a time."

"No. I want to make things right for you, for the kids."

"Whose the daddy this time? So far, we've got my dad, Derek and then there's Ella's dad, Mark and Sawyer's dad Sam."

"That's none of your business."

"We both know I'm going to be the one raising this child, just like I have the others, so yes, I deserve to know who the father is." I give Sawyer another hug, and then tell him to go play in his room. He gives Addison a last weary look before complying.

"Her name is Kaiya. She's healthy." She says, taking my hands and putting them on the spot where baby is moving. I pull away as if she shocked me when I feel the little feet kicking. "Rosalie I was sober when I got pregnant with her and I am still sober now. I have been all this time."

"It's hilarious that you named you unborn child a name that means 'forgiveness' when it's something you'll never get."

"This isn't her fault. I want to come home. I want to raise my children."

"You're not welcome here." I say. "I'm 18. I've had the emergency Emancipation from the time I was 14 so I could work and guardianship over the children since I was 16. They're my kids. They've always been my kids. I've always been the one to look after them."

"How is that even legal?"

"You couldn't be found. Their fathers came to court and signed the paperwork."

"You found your fathers?"

"The idiots you had listed on the birth certificates anyway. They didn't even know we existed. They happily signed the paperwork and handed over some hush money. They don't want their perfect lives ruined by adulterous love children." We all have half siblings we will never have the chance to know.

"You cannot have my children Rosalie. They are MY babies."

"You weren't worried about them being your babies when you dropped your minutes old infant in my arms to go score more drugs." I remind her. You left me with a 10-year-old and a newborn and vanished."

"I was in pain."

"I don't care. That's not what a good mother does!"

"You could handle it. You've always been very responsible and mature for your age."

"I was FOURTEEN YEARS OLD ADDISON!" She didn't even wait a full 24 hours before sawyer was born before she vanished. She left a prepaid debit card with $5,000 on the table with a note that she couldn't handle this life and left. She wouldn't even hold him and couldn't nurse him because she was on drugs. A couple weeks later a "nanny" showed up to care for us. She made it clear that she was only sleeping there so CPS wouldn't be called and would not be taking care of any of our needs. She didn't cook. Didn't clean. She didn't wake in the middle of the night to care for Sawyer, and Addison had her phone disconnected and vanished off the face of the earth. The parenting, the daily survival, that fell in my lap.

"STOP Addison-ing Me! I am your mother. You will address me with respect!"

"You are not my mother. I practically raised myself. You are not worthy of my respect. Also why is it OK for you to call grandma Bizzy, but not OK for me to call you Addison? Hypocritical much?"

"Watch your mouth!" She warns, looking like she'd love nothing more than to slap me right now. I can tell this little reunion is not going anywhere near the way she expected it to go.

"You stopped being my mother when you abandoned us. Now WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" I demand again.

"I've just missed you all so much." She says. "Being sober has given me a chance to reflect on my mistakes and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did." She looks around the apartment. "Where's Ella?" She asks, noticing for the first time she isn't here.

"She has art lessons, and then mathletes. Carpool will bring her home in about an hour. Hopefully, you'll be gone by then." Despite what happened Ella was absolutely shattered when Addison vanished after the "accident." The entire time she was in the hospital she cried for her. She hasn't yet learned how to harden her heart like I've had to. I've had to in the last year seek grief counseling services to help her cope. She just doesn't understand why our mother doesn't love us.

"I want to see my children. Rosalie please."

"You have no right to them."

"I did everything I could, things just, they just got really bad for a little while."

"You've been dealing with this addiction my entire life. I have no idea how you manage to keep a medical license and it is NOT just a little while."

"I failed a drug screening." She confesses. "I had to attend court ordered rehabilitation in order to keep my job. I found out in rehab that I was pregnant. I really am trying."

"It's about time the hospital caught on to your game and stops protecting you."

"I never went to work impaired. My job is too delicate."

"So, you cared about your patients more than your children. That's simply great."

"Please, let's not fight." She requests. "I just want my family back."

"Mama!" Sawyer calls from his room. "Mama! Time go night night my panda clock's face is red!" I had fed him dinner, put him in Pajamas, and brushed teeth before Addison turned up. I walk into his room and look at the panda clock. Seven pm. He is laying on his bed snuggling his little dog stuffed animal.

"Good night my sweet prince."

"Night night Momma." He says, as I pull the blanket over him, tucking him in all around, and kissing him gently on the forehead. He giggles. I am glad to see him smiling. He doesn't do well with change of routine. He cuddles his little doggy close, and I sit next to him, reading him his favorite story he had already selected and watch as he falls asleep. I walk out to the Hallway where Addison was standing, watching us.

"Why does he call you Mama? You're not his mother Rosalie." She informs me again.

"He can call me whatever he wants. THAT is the right he has as an innocent victim to this hell hole of a situation your addiction has brought us into." She looks like she wants to argue, but I suddenly stop her. "I suppose it's also easier to say mama than Rosalie or Rosie to start, and then it just stuck. He can say my name now, but children typically do not develop the ability to say the R sound properly until they are between four and six years old."

"It's not right."

"You leaving your children with a teenager to raise wasn't right either, but here we are."

"I know I messed up with you. That damage will likely never be able to be repaired, but they're my children Rosie, I'm their mother! With Ella, with Sawyer and this baby, there is still a chance."

"What about me? You're my mother too!"

"Rosie, baby I'm so sorry. I was sick. I had to go away to get the treatment I needed."

"So now we're calling an addiction an illness now? You chose to put that needle in your arm, just like I chose to clean up your messes and take care of my siblings. Only one of us are in the rights here though. You can't just waltz back into our lives and pretend like everything's fine. Everything's not fine. Your addiction is a choice, not a disease. We're better off without you."

Authors Note: Thank you for reading chapter 1! Please review : ) .