They Didn't Know We Were Seeds
Sirius flounces into his and Sage's hospital room a little over an hour after his mum made her appearance. There's a look of self-satisfaction is on his face as he takes a seat beside Severus on his bed. Thankfully, his mum's gone for the time being, having left for St. Mungo's gift shop to buy him some Mr. Spindle's Lick "O" Rish Spiders and for Sage, a pound of Sugar Quills. As for Aunt Vesta, she stepped out a few minutes ago when Orion Black darkened the doorway of their room. Evidently, things with him must be coming to close since Sirius is allowed to come in.
Glancing between Sirius and the still sleeping Sage meaningfully, Severus question in no more than a whisper, "Why do you look like a kneazle that got the cream?"
"I'll be going home with you tomorrow morning! Even better, though, Regulus still gets to join us on the last day of my stay with you!" informs him joyfully.
"Your parents are not only letting you continue your stay with my family, but are still allowing Regulus to visit as well? How did you manage that? When they arrived, your father looked like it was taking all of his restraint not to pull out his wand and Avada Kedavra Aunt Vesta right there."
Sirius grins. "In front of a couple of healers, I loudly said, 'It's not like she knew the attack was going to happen. I'm sure she feels poorly enough as it already. Blaming Mrs. Montague for my getting hurt when her son and cousin also got hurt seems quite cruel." Cackling, he adds, "The healers looked at my parents like they were ghouls!"
Severus smirks a little himself. He's sure Sirius's parents were horrified to have received such looks. As much as they don't mind showing their bigotry towards anyone with "dirty" blood and Muggles, even in public, having their son call them out for speaking badly of a fellow well-to-do Pureblood from a respectable family undoubtedly upset them a great deal.
Evidently pleased with Severus's smirk, Sirius continues, "My punishment for my 'baseless accusations' is they're sending me to stay with Aunt Lucretia and Uncle Ignatius while they and Regulus go on Holiday to France at the start of August." Voice chipper, he explains, "Just because they think Uncle Ignatius is a bore doesn't mean I hate seeing them too. In fact, I like visiting them. Aunt Lucretia's hobby is baking, so it'll be almost two weeks worth of biscuits and cakes for me!"
As his mate babbles on, Severus nods appropriately and waits for him to stop describing what visits with his aunt and uncle are like. Finally, when he peters out on things to say about the couple, Severus asks, "They're related to Fabian and Gideon Prewett, aren't they?"
Sirius frowns. "Yes?"
"How well do you know them?"
The boy furrows his brows. "A bit. I didn't see too much of them before Hogwarts. They were nice enough when I was sorted into Gryffindor; told me if I needed help with anything, to just let them know. They were pretty busy with their own stuff most of the time, though. We're… friendly? Yeah, we're friendly. Not close." Sirius then narrows his eyes suspiciously and asks, "Why?"
He hesitates. Is it right to tell Sirius he thinks he saw one of his cousins fighting the wizards and witch who attacked Hogsmeade? He doubts the Prewett twins will appreciate being pestered by a fourteen-year-old boy about one of their parts in the attack. Then again… He's likely to find out when visiting his aunt and uncle later if they did have a part in it all. "I saw one of them during the attack," Severus tells the boy. "I don't know which one, but they were fighting the wizards and witch who attacked Hogsmeade."
Sirius's eyes blew wide before he whispers, "Wow. I knew they were brave – even for Gryffindors – but that's something else!"
"Don't bother them about it too much, okay? They might not want or be able to talk a lot about it yet."
He nods with a surprising amount of gravity. "Yeah, of course." His somberness is quickly wiped away when his eyes begin to shine and a grin starts at the corners of his mouth. "Buuut… You have to admit, it's pretty wicked, though, right?" he says.
Severus sighs in defeat and rolls his eyes. "Yes, bloody wicked." Quietly, however, he thinks, 'Dear Merlin, help us all. There's hero-worship in his eyes."
-o-O-o-
As Severus is packing his trunk for both his stay with Boyd and for Hogwarts, his mother lets herself into his room. He puts down the trousers he's in the process of folding to huff at her, "Mum, you're supposed to knock."
Her lips lift in an unrepentant smile. "I'll remember that for next time," she says.
Rolling his eyes, he returns to folding. As she continues to stand there, just watching him, he asks, "Was there something you wanted, Mum?"
"Vesta says you and Sage won't be coming back to stay before the start of the school year."
He nods and moves onto picking robes out of his wardrobe. "That's right."
"Severus…"
Turning his back to his mother, he pulls out a couple of gray robes along with his ones for school. He fingers the fabric. He wonders if they'll be too short now. He's grown several centimeters this past couple of months. Perhaps he'll have to have a word with Aunt Vesta. She'll be all too happy to set up an appointment with a tailor to have new robes made for him (because helping Severus just let out his current ones would be absolutely blasphemous in her eyes).
Pulling on one of his school robes, Severus walks over to his full-length mirror and inspects himself. It's a bit short in the arms now like he expected they would be. His wrists stick out awkwardly from his sleeves. He glances at the reflection of his mum in the mirror. "What is it, Mum?"
"You'll be as tall as your father was soon," she murmurs.
He pulls off his school robe and tosses it aside. "I don't know about that," he replies. Perhaps it's thanks to a poor childhood diet, or simply that Severus takes after his paternal grandmother (who Dad once described as a tiny, fierce woman during a calm period in his youth), but he never quite reached his father's height in his first lifetime. Oh, he stopped being the looming figure Severus remembers from his childhood before Hogwarts eventually, but he never got one over his dad in that way. Severus was always just shy of his father's even six feet (and will be again, he suspects).
"You take a lot after him, I'm sure you will," his mum reassures.
This only draws a deeper frown from him. The less like his father he is the better as far as Severus is concerned.
His mum sighs. "Do you really need to stay with Boyd for the rest of the summer? It would be lovely if we could do something that's just the two of us for a long weekend. I've heard Ilfracombe is a nice place to holiday."
Reluctantly, he says, "Just a weekend?"
"Yes," she answers, shoulders relaxing. "I'd like to spend some time with you. You're growing up so quickly. I feel like I hardly know anything about you these days."
He nods. "I need to think about it a little more. Can we talk more about this when I come back on Wednesday to have tea with the Jones family?"
Mum smiles. "Yes, that's just fine," she agrees. Then, after a moment of hesitation, she stands on her toes and presses a kiss to the top of his head. "I know things have been difficult the past couple of years. Possibly downright unbearable these past few months, but you're my son, Severus. I want to be a part of your life." She pets his cheek with the back of her hand before she steps away and heads for the door. "I'll see you in the morning," she concludes before letting herself out.
After he's sure she's gone and not going to pop back in, Severus walks over to his bed and falls into it. He's not felt this much turmoil in a long time. While going on holiday with his mother feels like a wonderful idea, the fact it will be just the two of them alone sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His mum has shown a consistent improvement in behavior this last week and a half by coming out of her room for meals and making polite conversation with not only him, but Aunt Vesta, Sage, and Sirius. She showed this improvement even more significantly when she joined Severus and the boys in flying around the house for an hour. Severus had been surprised, but pleased that she chose to spend time with him (and the boys). Sirius had certainly thought she was pretty wicked when she performed a double loop in front of them. The grins he and she shared afterward as Sirius and Sage cheered had definitely made it his favorite moment of Sirius's stay with them.
Yet as amazing as this past week and a half has been with her, it's too early to tell if it's a permanent change. Her mention of Dad just a few minutes ago especially makes him wonder if she's already sliding back into her obsession with finding his murderer. What if while they are on holiday she starts talking about Dad and who his bloody murderer might be again and never stops? Mum'll drive him mental.
While she's been more discreet about it as of late, he knows she still leaves for places no one but her knows the name of. Dad's murder is on her mind and he imagines it always will be as long as it remains unsolved. Even if they go on holiday, she's not going to be able to let it all go for Severus. Probably couldn't even if she wanted to, either.
Reaching over to his bedside table, Severus pulls out parchment and a self-inking quill. He needs to write to Lily. Another perspective on the matter of a holiday with his mother is just what he needs to decide. It takes a while, but when he's finished writing, he feels confident that he's explained his reservations and hopes well enough that Lily will be able to help him decide if it's a good idea to go on holiday or not.
Severus then finds a robe and leaves his room to head for the owlery behind the estate. As he rounds the corner by the stairs, he runs right into Sage. He manages to catch himself on the wall as his cousin falls on his bum.
"Sorry," he says, offering the boy a hand.
Sage grabs it and lets Severus help him up. "I shoulda been paying better attention too," he replies.
They stare at each other for a moment, both just a little suspicious about seeing one another walking around the manor so late in the evening. Finally, Severus asks, "What are you doing?"
"I was getting a snack in the kitchen," he answers. "You?"
He holds up his letter. "Sending a letter off to Lily."
"This late at night?"
Severus shrugs. "I really need a second opinion as soon as possible."
Sage cocks his head questioningly. "On what?"
"…Mum wants me to go on a weekend holiday with her before we go back to Hogwarts."
Something sparks in his cousin's gaze. "Do you think my mum knows she wants to take you away?"
"Maybe," he answers. Though, the actual answer is probably not. Likely won't until the day they leave, even.
Sage shifts uneasily. "She's been nicer lately, but…"
He claps a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "What you've seen is nothing, Sage. Even now, compared to who my dad was, she's a saint."
"That doesn't make it better," the boy says, shaking off Severus's hand. "In case you forgot, she abandoned you."
He stiffens. "No, she didn't. Your mum left her with no choice."
"She did too! Your mum could have come with." Sage frowns at him, anger and obstinance mingling together in his eyes. "Even if you don't want to call it that, that's what she did. She abandoned you like a dog that became too much work to care for!"
Upset and defensive, Severus snaps, "Shut up, Sage. You don't know what you're talking about. It's not that straightforward!"
"I know better than you what it's like not to be reason enough for a parent to stick around!" he yells back.
Severus falls quiet for a moment. "What do you mean?" he finally questions, not entirely sure he's going to like the answer he receives.
Shaking a little, Sage averts his eyes and says, "I mean I know what it's like not to be enough. My dad killed himself. He decided, even with me right there in front of him as he was dying, that he'd rather be dead than live for me. All he had to do was say, 'Sage go get help.' If he had, he might still be alive right now." Wiping at his eyes, Severus's cousin sobs, "But he didn't."
Looking at him with wet, soulful eyes, he tells Severus, "I wasn't enough to make him want to live. I've thought it was my fault for a long time that Dad's dead. I should have called for Topper when I saw there was something off about my father, but I didn't. I'm always going to regret that. But since you've become my mate, my cousin, my brother… I've realized just because I wasn't a good enough reason for my dad to stay, it doesn't mean I'm worthless or bad.
"I know that because you're not worthless or bad either. You weren't enough to make your mum want to leave your father and you're so great. If your mum could still pick someone as awful as your dad over you, that has to mean it's because there's something wrong with her. I know I'm not half as brilliant as you are, but you act like I'm worth something. So I've started to think my father was sort of like your mother. There had to be something wrong with him to pick death over me, over Mother, and over Boyd. It's not me that was the problem. It was him.
"It's the same with you, Severus. You're not the problem, she's the problem. You shouldn't even think about going on holiday with her unless she apologizes for abandoning you first. If you just go with her, she'll think it's okay and might do it again too."
Severus is too stunned to speak. Doesn't know what he'd say even if he could. So, he just tears his letter to Lily in half and drops it on the floor.
"You should go back to bed, Severus," Sage advises. "I'll tell Topper to clean that up."
He listens to his brother.
Big talk there at the end, huh? Thoughts?
Thank you all so much for reading :)