By Sinking815
July 14th 2006
A/N:Hey everyone! I'm finally back! Here's part two that I tried to get up before I left on vacation. I know it's kind of short and kind of angsty, but trust me. The longer chapters and the Jate is coming! I promise! Once again, I am not claiming any affiliation with LOST and the wonderful people who have made me an addict, and the lyrics used in this chapter are property of Jimmy Wayne's "Stay Gone". As always, please read and review!
Chapter 11: Stay Gone"I'm not very good at good-byes."
That moment on the beach seemed so long ago, when their biggest fear was a covered hole in the ground and their greatest hope lay with a raft bolted with bamboo and stray airplane parts. Not like now. Now their biggest fear was their fate and their greatest hope seemed too distant on the horizon to name. Still those words fit in this moment too, as if she had waited those weeks to voice them for the first time, here in this hut and not back on the beach.
There was no real need to say it again; they were both reliving that moment, together. She could see it in his eyes, eyes that had looked away in quiet jealousy when she had given Sawyer a quick departing hug before she rebound and regagged him. She'd had to, secure him, not hug him. Defiance and rash bravery were suicidal when one stood on the dangerous end of a metal barrel.
So baby, baby, stay
He was on his knees, back leaning heavily against the hut's brace, the cords from the crude rope burning the agitated skin on his wrists. She had tried to tie him looser, hoping that she could spare him a little bit of mercy, but Alex had ended that effectively with a reverberating click of the safety. "I said 'secure them'," Alex had commanded, and Kate wondered as she bent, her fingers deftly reworking the rope, where the friendly girl she had talked to only a few hours before had gone.
Stay right where you are
She was seeing that intensity again, the look that tried to communicate his thoughts directly to her. It unnerved her and captivated her and she could swear she heard his voice in her head, harsh with disapproval when he was mad, faltering when he was scared, husky when he was happy, soft when he was downcast. Hurley and Charlie had given this sort of "conversation" between them a witty name, one Kate couldn't remember for the life of her as she returned the stare.
I like it this way
She tried to concentrate on anything else, focused her mind to the task of tightening his gag, her fingers fumbling when she brushed them unwittingly along the line of his jaw. She chastised herself for her carelessness, feeling her heart thudding heavily in her ribcage, audible enough that she could her the blood pounding in her ears. She hoped he wasn't aware of his effect on her. That would be a dangerous liaison with the truth.
It's good for my heart
She continued to stare, powerless to drop it, and not entirely sure if she wanted to. Somewhere, in another life, she might have been disciplined enough to be immune, could spout off some ineffectual lie about guys and make him fit conveniently into the degrading stereotype. Be able to seal off her heart as securely as if she had packed it in bubble-wrap, boxed it with Priority Mail tape and sent it to another continent.
I haven't felt like this in God knows how long
But it was his damn hazel eyes and his goddamn hero complex that made her bravado buckle like the imposter that it was. She could see it as she plummeted under his scrutiny, could feel him unravelling like she was a ball of densely coiled string, could see in his eyes that he knew he was capable of that power. That kind of raw exposure unsettled her and she was smart enough to realize that if she wanted to play it safe, Jack was never allowed to see it fully.
I know everything's gonna be okay
If there was one advantage Kate had on her side though, it was her stubbornness. She could recognize the feeling bubbling angrily inside her, but that didn't mean she had to acknowledge it. Gritting her teeth, she finally managed to secure the knot with a little more force than perhaps necessary. He blinked, wincing at her harshness, and she took this as her cue to make her escape.
Kate turned on her heel, without so much as a good-bye or apology. She swallowed gamely past the familiar burn in the backs of her eyes and knew that even a brief look back was out of the question now. Tears were the other thing he could never be fully allowed to see.
If you just stay gone