They Didn't Know We Were Seeds
"Sev!" a delighted Hestia calls when she sees him step out into the Montagues' back garden.
Aunt Vesta, who stands shoulder to shoulder with him, jabs her elbow sharply into his ribs when he does not reply immediately to the child's greeting. Instead of glaring at the woman, or rolling his eyes, Severus steps out of reach of her elbows and hurries ahead to the Jones family.
"Hello, Hestia and Gwendolyn," he says when he's within an arm's span of the girls.
Both offer enormous grins. Then, with a speed that could rival some Quidditch chasers, Gwendolyn grabs his hand and pulls him over to the empty seat beside the chair he saw her sitting in when he first came outside. "Sit down! Your elf brought out banoffee pie when he last popped by!"
Letting himself be dragged over to the table, Severus takes a seat. He can't say he's all that surprised when Hestia promptly places herself in his lap just as he finishes settling in.
"Hestia!" the little girl's mother hisses. "It's not polite to sit on someone's lap without asking!"
Turning large, doe-eyes on him, Hestia asks, "Can I sit on your lap?"
Severus sighs. "Yes, you can sit on my lap," he agrees. Telling her no at this point will just make him look like an arse. Possibly earn him a scolding later from Aunt Vesta too. She does so hate it when he acts ill-mannered towards company.
A moment later, after Aunt Vesta joins them, Severus feels a tug on his sleeve. He looks to see Gwendolyn staring at him. "Yes?" he asks.
"Your house is very nice. It's bigger n' prettier than any other house I've ever been to," she informs quite matter of factly.
He doesn't quite know what to say. While he's slowly beginning to think of the Montague Estate as something close to a home for him, it's still more Aunt Vesta's and Sage's than it is his.
"Thank you," Aunt Vesta says for Severus, shooting a look of disapproval his way as she does so.
Gwendolyn smiles at the Montague woman before she returns her attention to Severus once more. For several minutes, she natters on about this and that, how much she likes flowers in the front of the estate, about how her grandmother's cottage has some of the same flowers, which leads into talking about a little boy that lives nearby her grandmother's and how the two of them play knights together with his dog, who acts as the dragon that they slay to save Princess Hestia.
All the while, Hestia makes a mess of herself eating banoffee pie as her parents and Aunt Vesta have an "adult" conversation. Finally, Severus takes advantage of a pause in Gwendolyn's chatter to say, "It sounds like you'll be in Gryffindor." Which is true. Some of the things she's saying about what she does at her grandmother's with the little neighbor boy makes Severus believe she's destined for a job working with some dangerous beast, like manticores, or being a Hit Witch.
"No!" Hestia exclaims. "Gwendolyn's Hufflepuff like Papa!"
Severus winces at the shrillness of the younger girl's shout in his ear. "Why's that? What about your mum? Was she Hufflepuff too?"
"Mummy didn't go to Hogwarts," Gwendolyn informs him. "She's a squib."
He blinks at the child, whose expression has turned startlingly defensive. "That's… Interesting," he finally settles on. Then, returning to the issue of houses, he tells the girls, "Just because your papa is Hufflepuff doesn't mean you have to be as well. My mate Sirius is a Gryffindor even though the rest of his family's Slytherin."
Gwendolyn looks smug as Hestia pouts. "Daddy's house the best still," the little Jones girl grumbles.
Severus snorts. "I have to say I respectfully disagree."
The clearing of a throat draws his and the girls' attention to the adults.
"Yes?" he says politely.
Mr. Jones and Mrs. Jones exchange a look. Then Mr. Jones says, "I know I said this before, but I want to thank you again for what you did on that day in Hogsmeade. Recently, while talking to a coworker that was there that day, he told me he saw you bring the girls to safety from a shop window close by. He says after you got them out of the alley, a spell hit the spot where Gwendolyn and Hestia had been crouching together. While we can't know what that spell was for certain, my coworker did say it was green." The man puts a broad hand over his heart. "I've told myself again and again that chances are it was just a nasty hex, but… On the off chance it was much worse than a hex, I wanted to reiterate how very grateful myself," he reaches for his wife's hand, giving it a strong squeeze as he does so, "and my wife are for what you did that day."
He's quiet for a moment, simply absorbing the fact one of these girls could be dead right now if not for him. Wracking his brain for memories of the Jones girls (and family) in his first lifetime, he comes to realize he only ever knew Hestia. And only superficially at that. He'd taught her in potions from her second or third year until she graduated. She'd not been a terribly remarkable or memorable student, but she'd done better than most in his class.
Gwendolyn is four years older than her. While she may have opted out of potions during her final years of schooling, surely Severus would have at least seen her in passing in the corridors? Or caught her snogging a boyfriend in a broom closet? Perhaps seen her playing for Gryffindor's Quidditch team? Even more likely than any of those other scenarios, overhead her younger sister mention her at some point while talking to mates in his class (he's beginning to remember the Hestia of his lifetime a bit better now. She'd been a chatty one on top of being fairly competent at potions).
As hard as he searches, Severus can find no memory of Gwendolyn. He'll ask Lily if she remembers a Gwendolyn Jones at all in a letter later, but he already suspects the worst. In their first lifetime, the older Jones girl died in that attack on Hogsmeade. Gwendolyn never got to grow up and become any of the things he's already envisioning for her future.
Meeting first Mr. Jones, then Mrs. Jones gaze, he nods. "You're very welcome," he tells them.
-o-O-o-
After saying his goodbyes to the Jones family and promising the girls to write them when possible, he goes to see his mother. Reaching the door to her room, he knocks.
"Come in," says a slightly muffled voice from inside.
Severus takes a deep breath and opens the door. It doesn't take him long to spot her sitting on the sofa by the fireplace. "'Lo, Mum," he greets.
His mother smiles at him. "How was tea?"
"Fine."
She gestures for him to come and take a seat beside him on the sofa. Reluctantly he does so. Expression one of expectation, his mother asks, "Have you given any more thought on taking a holiday?"
"I have," he answers.
His mother purses her lips. "Severus."
"Mum, I love you," he starts, giving her his best beseeching look, he goes on, "and I want to spend time with you…"
Her face flickers with confusion. "So do I," she replies with a small frown.
Stealing himself for what's to come, Severus whispers, "But I need something from you first."
"What?" she asks, leaning in, searching his face and body for any sign of what he could need from her.
Meeting her gaze head on, he tells Mum, "An apology for when you abandoned me."
She reels back as if stupefied. "What in Merlin's name are you talking about? I never abandoned you!" she argues.
"Then what would you call your giving me to Aunt Vesta like an unwanted puppy?" Severus demands, crossing his arms.
Getting to her feet, his mother cries, "She left me with no choice! It was hand you over or have you taken from me!" Leaning in, so she is nearly nose-to-nose with Severus, Mum hisses, "Did she ever tell you that? That if I didn't hand you over she'd have sent Aurors to rip you away from me?"
"I was there, you know," he snipes back, refusing to be intimidated.
"What?" she gasps. "No, you weren't! I told you to go out to see Lily."
"I didn't," he replies shortly, "I ran around back and scaled the garden wall to listen in from the yard."
His mother falls back and makes a disdainful sound. "Why am I not surprised?" she sneers. "You've always been an unruly one. Even as a toddler you wouldn't listen to me when I told you not to touch the hot stove, or to run up or down the stairs. You always had to hurt yourself to learn that I know best."
Indignation welling in his chest, Severus clenches his hands tightly into his arms and bites, "Do you really think you know best? Even now? After everything?"
She falls quiet for a moment, a look of true reflection on her face. "No, I suppose I can't," she answers. Eyebrows drooping with sorrow, she admits, "I had thought your willfulness would have your aunt return you before the summer's end. Or that you'd find your way back on your own." A half-amused smile on her face, she remarks, "Vesta has a tendency to stifle."
Unimpressed, Severus scowls. "She may be overbearing, but I've never had to question her intentions. Aunt Vesta has made it clear time and time again that all she wants is what is best for me, even if our ideas on what is "best" do not align."
"I sense you're trying to get at something here?" Mum demands.
He sighs. "Mum, you abandoned—"
"—I didn't—" she begins to argue.
Raising his voice to a roar, he says over the top of his mother, "—Yes, abandoned! You abandoned me for Dad! Dad hurt us more times than I can count and yet you chose him over me!"
As he regains his breath, she glares at him. He stares right back. Finally, Mum says, "He was my husband."
Severus scoffs. "Yeah, well, you're my mum." Quieter, he tells his mother, "I needed you. I needed you to pick me, to stand up for me, to be there for me. But you weren't!" In little more than a whisper, he finishes, "Sometimes, it feels like you never were either!"
"Severus…" she murmurs.
Running a shaky hand through his hair, Severus says, "Look, I'm willing to put this all behind us. I just— Can't you say you're sorry? Sorry that you picked an arsehole over your own Goddamn son?"
His mother just shakes her head. "I loved your father. I love you too. You're so young now, but someday you'll understand. I vowed to stand by him. I will not apologize for keeping my promise."
The pit that he's felt growing in his gut all day unfurling into a tree that fills up his whole stomach, branches tickling his innards, and leaves clogging his throat, Severus chokes, "It's time I get going. I promised Sage and Boyd I would be back half an hour ago. Boyd is taking us to visit with the Parkinsons in a quarter of an hour."
This appears to startle his mother. "Oh," she mumbles. Then, leaning in, she plants a dry kiss to his brow. "Goodbye, Severus. Should I send you a letter when I book a room for our holiday?"
Shoulders sagging with defeat, Severus only shakes his head. "No, I don't think a holiday just the two of us is a good idea right now. I'll write you in a couple of days about setting up a date to shop for things I need this year at Hogwarts."
Stiffly, she smiles. "Of course," she says as she watches him leave the room.
-O-
"There you are! We're leaving in ten minutes!" Boyd cries upon seeing him step out of the floo.
Trudging past his cousin, Severus tells him, "I'm not going."
"What!" Boyd cries in dismay. "I promised Violet's parents I'd bring both you and Sage for them to meet!"
He scowls at his cousin. "I don't care."
As Boyd begins to turn red and bluster, Sage comes out of their shared room. "Did things not go well with your mum? he asks, eyes sad and concerned.
Severus says nothing, instead opting to avert his gaze and brush past his brother on the way into their room.
Quietly, he hears Boyd ask Sage, "What happened between him and Aunt Eileen?"
"…He wanted her to apologize for just letting Mother take him without a fight."
"Shit. Look, I'll tell the Parkinsons's you caught something from when you were at St. Mungo's last week. Stay here with Severus and help him, alright?"
"Sure."
"Firecall me if you need anything."
"Yes, Boyd. Hurry up. You don't want the Parkinsons to be upset with you if you're late."
"Bye, kid."
"See you later."
A few moments later, the sound of shuffling feet makes Severus look up from where he's laid out on the guest room's bed. "Yes?" he asks.
"Is there anything I can do?" Sage questions.
He's quiet for a moment. There really isn't. Nothing but time is going to cause the aching wound his mother left on his heart to scab over. And even then, it may never fully heal. Even so, he puts that aside in favor of making Sage feel helpful. "Just sit with me, I guess," says Severus.
Sage nods and comes over to Severus's side. Gingerly, he sits down on the bed. After a few minutes of silence, he lays a hand on Severus's back. "You probably don't want me to talk right now, but I just have one thing I need you to know. If everyone else turns their backs on you, you'll still have me. No matter what."
Severus shifts his head to look up at his brother's doleful countenance. "Is that what Boyd told you when your dad died?"
"Yes, actually," replies Sage after a blink of surprise.
He laughs a little and scoots a little closer to the other boy. "For all its banality, I believe you. I believe Boyd was sincere when he said it to you too."
Sage smirks a little. "Thank Merlin. Here I was worried I'd have to beat it through your surprisingly thick head."
Severus grins back. He's still gutted about his mother, but at least he knows he's not alone.
Quite a chapter, huh? Thoughts on the revelation about Gwendolyn? About Eileen? And what about this little scene here at the end with the Montague brothers?
Thanks a million for reading, guys :)