As they reached the bottom, they found flame-filled flickering censers to either side. Two goblins, clad in bronze, stood at the end of the hall, on a sort of dais. Harry approached swiftly.
"Greetings, Human. They say you come as emissary." the goblin on the left said.
"May your gold flow as the waters," Harry Potter said crisply, bowing so deeply his ever-rumpled hair brushed the tops of his black boots. Standing up, Harry Potter continued - butting right in front of the goblins' open mouths, "Don't respond to that. That's just how they say you wish to be greeted." Behind him, Harry could almost hear Snape focusing on him. It was unnerving, turning your back to such a man. Harry reminded himself that he had enemies behind him, and potential allies ahead, and should really get on with it. "Seems a ruddy bit of nonsense to me." Harry said, crossing his arms. "You live underground, and water's a cruel and feckless foe."
The goblins nodded, "You speak with more wisdom than most."
Harry Potter continued, as if they'd said nothing. "The oldest human texts that speak of you, call you crafters, artisans, people who work with their hands." Harry Potter paused, "I grant that may have changed, cultures do sometimes - but not yours, hmm?"
The goblins merely looked back at him, before one said, "Shouldn't we just kick him out?"
"Quiet you," the other one said, elbowing the first in the gut. "If he's the sensible sort, we'll escort him out. Politely."
Snape's presence had gone quiet, almost more unnerving than him moving. Harry continued, "I've seen goblin-forged weapons. The sword of Gryffindor, in particular. Your craft may be more martial than it once was, but you are crafters still. Tell me, how should I greet you?"
"You come to us bathed in ignorance," the mean goblin said, "Why should we tell you a single secret?"
Harry Potter's mouth tilted up. "Because you already have, of course. By telling me that it is secret, you reveal both distrust, and deception."
"May your knives be just as sharp as your piss stinks." The other goblin said, "And say it without blushing."
Harry Potter took a deep breath, and made the entire room rumble, "May your knives be just as sharp as your piss stinks."
"Leathercrafters, as well as carvers," Hermione said softly. Not too softly for the goblins' ears, however.
"This one knows, but has not done." the mean goblin said.
"I would be pleased to show you my craft," Harry Potter said. The comment drew sharp glances from Ron and Hermione.
Both goblins crossed their arms, and said, "No magic."
"My craft needs none." Harry said, nodding.
"Such a thing must be seen to be believed." the nice goblin said.
Harry Potter tried to wear the mien of authority, "To the kitchens then."
"Attend," the goblins said, "Send a runner; the rest of you will accompany us."
Harry and his friends walked swiftly and somberly. Snape's entire "breathing down your neck" bearing seemed to say, Do you know what you are doing?
For once, that didn't sound hostile.
[a/n: Goblins are tricksy, tricksy things. Piss is a bleaching tool in leathercrafting.
They actually don't have a 'common greeting' - it changes by the craft of the greeter and greetee.
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(Snape's commentary throughout this chapter is hilarious, by the way, from the simple and sheer James-Arrogance of Potter's first sentence, on...)
The title also refers to Snape, who honestly hasn't spent much time listening to Potter think
(Snape: That's because he generally doesn't. Author: Details.)]