The days feel like years and he's not quite sure how he's still existing. He hasn't eaten in at least three days; the only thing he's had to drink is a few sips of water from the glass that Carly's put on the night stand. He can hear her footsteps downstairs in the kitchen, the living room. When he hears the cupboard doors slam, he knows he has maybe a half hour before Carly comes upstairs with a plate of food. He assumes that Leticia is the one making it, or at least instructing Carly, because the extent of his best friend's food preparation skills begin at scooping out ice cream and end at microwave pizza.
He can't remember the last time he spent this much time in bed, but he can't imagine getting out of it anytime soon. The fact that he can think surprises him, as does his being alive. The sharp ache in his heart burns and all he wants to do is bury himself in the ground next to her. Jason's convinced that it would free him from his pain. The severe ache in his heart and the knife sharp pain in his back were almost too much.
What he does remember, however, is the look on Max's face as he raced out of the elevator when Jason walked through the front doors of the Harborview Towers, completely unaware that something was wrong. He remembers hearing Max tell him "He's up there, I don't know how he got in, but he is. There's no way to get in." He remembers running towards the elevator, not waiting for any other explanation, and pulling out his gun as the machine climbed the floors.
He continues to stare at the ceiling blankly, still dressed in the clothes he'd put on days ago. The blanket was pulled up to his waist, even though it wasn't that cold. If he were to look at himself, he would see the shirt covered in blood. He didn't care, it was the last thing on his mind now. The only thing on his mind was Courtney. She'd been buried yesterday, but there was no funeral. He wanted it that way. He wasn't even there, he couldn't even get out of the bed to go to his wife's burial site. Jason couldn't do anything but lay there, staring up at the ceiling as he replayed finding his wife laying in their living room, lifeless, red on her chest and spilling onto the floor.
As of that moment, he couldn't think, or at least he can't remember what he was thinking. He checked her pulse, but there was none. He checked the apartment and no one was there. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, barely able to breathe from the shock of seeing her there on the floor. It sounded as if someone was on the elevator coming up. He called the police, something he rarely did. The elevator doors opened and a shot rang out, catching him off guard. It didn't matter, he felt the bite of the bullet as it hit his back and he fell to the floor.
Jason still doesn't understand what happened after that, how they found the both of them and how he was survived. Carly tried to explain it but he couldn't focus on what she was saying. It was a blur of words that he somehow couldn't care less about. He's sure she'll tell him again later, when he can comprehend it, but he's not sure when that will be.
Footsteps on the stairs breaks him out of his trance and seconds later his bedroom door is being opened. It's Carly, barely dressed herself and her eyes are red. He forgets that he isn't the only one who lost someone they loved, but right now, he's the only one that matters. A small plate is in her hand and a fresh glass of water is in the other. She sets the glass on the night stand and removes the other one, taking it into the bathroom to dump it out before sitting on the bed next to him.
"Jason, I know you don't want to eat, but you have to."
He stares at her blankly. Food isn't a priority. Very few things are.
"You need it to build up your strength. You're not going to get any better if you don't eat. Please." Her voice cracks when she says the last word and it gets through to him. He says "fine" so low that she can barely hear him. She feeds him a few bites, he doesn't even know what it is, before he shakes his head.
Carly sighs and sets the fork down. "Jason, you've got to get through this. I know it's hard, but..." She didn't want to say that life went on, because at the moment, she wasn't sure if it did. They were all just going through the motions. "Abri's awake and asking for you. She's confused and doesn't know where her...mommy and daddy are. Should I bring her in?"
Jason's eyes filled with tears. Abri. He'd forgotten about her, how horrible was that, to forget about your own daughter during something like this. He nodded his head and said "Yeah."
She was gone only a few minutes before she returned, his 18 month old daughter in her arms. "Look, Abri, daddy's here." The little girl seemed to sense that she shouldn't be loud, because all she did was reach for him. Carly set her on the bed next to before slipping out the door and she laid down, her head on the other pillow.
"Hi daddy," she whispered.
"Hey, baby. I missed you," he replied, motioning for her to come closer. He could only tilt his head to see her and she moved close to him, substituting his shoulder for the pillow. He slid his arm behind her, hugging her to him as best he could. Jason sighed deeply and wondered how he was supposed to tell her that her mommy was gone and that daddy couldn't get out of bed for a long time. He wasn't sure she would understand, especially when he didn't understand it all, either.