Kara closed the door behind Lena and turned around to face Diana. A flurry of mixed emotions swarmed her stomach and she suddenly wasn't sure what to do with her hands. Diana raised an eyebrow at her questioningly and Kara huffed out a timid laugh and pointed towards the kitchen. "Do you want a drink?"
Diana shook her head slowly.
"Movie then?"
Diana mimicked her earlier head motion and took a slow step forward.
"Food?" Kara breathed out in a short whisper as Diana pinned her to the back of the door.
"Later." She kissed her before moving to caress her jaw then neck. "Right now there's something I've been meaning to do to you all night, and I don't want to wait a second longer." Diana laced her fingers of one hand in between Kara's as her other held her tightly at the hip pulling her in close as her lips lightly skimmed the curve of Kara's neck, kissing her way up to where their lips met again. Kara made a small noise of approval kissing her back. Diana's hand started to wander from Kara's hip and Kara pulled back, her head hitting the door. "You sure? You don't want to talk first?"
Diana lifted her head from where her lips were attached to Kara's collar bone, noticing the look of hesitation on her face. "Is this because of the other night?"
Kara quickly wrapped her arms around Diana reassuringly, but couldn't hide the apprehensive look that suggested Diana was right. "Steve was an important part of your life and whatever triggered it, that reaction wasn't a small one, so yeah I feel like we kinda do need to at least address it."
"You are the epitome of a good person aren't you?" Diana said wondrously.
"I've been known to have my moments." Kara said smiling.
Diana caressed Kara's arms before sliding her hands down her waist, pulling her in close making Kara's breath hitch at the sudden body contact. "You sure you'd rather talk?" Diana whispered in the shell of her ear.
Kara shivered and sucked in a breath. "Not particularly, no." Kara dipped her head down and met Diana's lips, her hands coming up to her face pulling her in as she gave Diana full access and moaned when she felt the flick of Diana's tongue across her upper lip. Kara pushed forward off the door and walked Diana backwards towards the living room.
"You didn't!"
"It's not my proudest moment. I'd rather not repeat myself a second time."
"After all that talk about it not being right?"
"Don't rub it in ok I know… I just… Sam I couldn't sit there and watch Kara cling to Diana all night and go home alone, it was too much."
Sam leaned back in the chair across from Lena's desk and studied her with a look of concern on her face. She understood. Frankly she was surprised Lena hadn't done something similar sooner, but she never imagined it'd be with her. "I know this doesn't help, in any way, but I feel like it still needs to be said." Sam looked at Lena and tried her best not to be too judgmental in her tone. "You could do so much better than Veronica." Nope, it wasn't possible, and the derisive tone in her voice when she said her name was unmistakable.
Lena rolled her eyes and groaned as she dropped her head into her hands. "She's changed a lot since then." Sam eyes her warily and Lena added. "It was a spur of the moment decision."
"You could have spurred any moment with any other person listed in your contacts and have fared better than her. Just help me understand why." Sam asked gently.
"It was purely physical. No emotions attached. Simple and served its purpose. It will not be happening again."
Kara threw her head back into her pillow and sighed heavily. "That was…" She threw her arm over her head as she took a moment to process and gather her words. "I'm … and you…" she turned her head to face Diana, her body curling to the side to pull her in close, kissing her in appreciation, "I'm rendered speechless."
Diana chuckled lightly before kissing Kara on the shoulder. "I should hope so after your very strong start. I was not expecting that thing you did with your back." Her voice dropped an octave as her mind drifted back to that first orgasm. "I must say that was by far the sexiest thing I've ever seen."
"So then it was… I mean… you're…" Kara scrunched her eyes in discomfort at her lack of words.
"I'm more than satisfied, dear." Diana answered her face breaking into a wide smile at how much she enjoyed Kara's sudden lack of confidence when only moments ago she was making her utter sounds that were animalistic in nature and went beyond anything she's ever emitted out loud before.
Kara propped her head up in her hand looking down at Diana happily. "Good." She whispered, leaning down for a chaste kiss.
"I don't really want to talk about it anymore. It was a gigantic mistake. A fantastic distraction all things considered but I'd much rather know how your night went.".
"My night consisted of a banged up Danvers and an overly tired teen…" Sam waved off. "We can get to the part where Alex tried to ask me out and failed miserably only for me to do it for her, after you tell me, in detail, what constitutes a 'fantastic distraction'. Because it's been too long since I've had one of those myself and I need to live vicariously through you for a moment."
Lena sighed and closed her eyes as she leaned back in her chair. "I'm going to need a scotch for this."
"On it." Sam popped out of her chair and made her way to the cabinet where Lena held her tiny assortment of liquor.
"You're getting a PG version of this story Sam, I will not be verbalizing any sort of smut for your filthy mind to fantasize over in your spare time. I can do without the trauma of picturing that."
"Spoil sport." Sam rebutted half heartedly. As she walked back with two glasses in hand, holding out one for Lena to take. "Alright, I'm listening."
"Do you think we can talk now?" Kara asked quietly, her hand running lightly over the bare skin of Diana's shoulder which was peaking out of the sheet.
Diana tucked the pillow under her head a little more to view Kara better and took in a shaky breath. "I suppose it's something I've held off long enough now."
"I'm not pressuring you to say anything you aren't ready to. If you feel you need more time…"
"No, it's not that it's just been so long since I've opened the door to the past and I'm not quite sure where to begin."
"Why don't you start with what caused you to be so upset the other night."
"It wasn't a painful memory, if that's what has you concerned." Diana paused and suddenly became interested in the pattern of Kara's sheets. "It was actually the first time we had ever…" Kara looked at her with a gentle smile, her eyes wells of understanding, encouraging her to continue at her own pace. "It was during the war, we were in a small village outside a town we had planned to raid and rid of nazis the next morning and after a night of drinking and laughter and dancing… it decided to snow." Diana smiled at the memory. "It was the first snow of the winter, and I had never seen anything quite so beautiful." Diana's fingers lightly traced the curve of Kara's face and Kara's lips curved upward at the double entendres. "He told me to stay that night as well." She whispered. "He was always so gentle with me. The opposite of everything I had been raised to believe the world of man to be."
"What happened to him?"
"He sacrificed himself for the good of many. An honorable death in the eyes of an Amazonian warrior, but a reckless one in the eyes of a lover." Diana's smile dimmed and Kara was sorry for asking. "He saved countless lives that day." She said to herself, as if speaking that truth was what kept her from falling apart completely. Kara imagined it was. Like an unwanted but necessary mantra to keep her tethered.
"She's cleaned herself up. She's a sales consultant now, has a daughter…three." At Sam's questioning look Lena added. "Guy isn't in the picture anymore." She took a slow sip of her scotch. "We talked for a bit before things shifted into the bedroom."
"You talked?"
"It's a thing people do, Sam."
"I seem to recall moments ago you saying something about it being purely physical, no emotions attached. Remember when booty calls for you were just that. No mixing of emotions. How is any of that simple?"
"I've grown as a person."
"I think Kara has been a bigger influence on your sex life than you care to admit and yet she somehow isn't even a part of it." Sam observed.
Lena glared back at her and chugged the rest of her scotch. "I think discussion time is over now."
"I think you are projecting your repressed feelings onto the first thing that breathes and you chose an ex-convict who once controlled an underground alien fighting ring to scratch an itch."
"She's a mother now, and as I said it was a one time thing." Lena reminded her.
"And she has baggage to boot."
"Is Ruby baggage?" Lena asked challengingly.
"Not to the right person. Which you clearly are not for Veronica." Sam rebuffed and Lena groaned in begrudging agreement. Sam set her glass down and leaned forward in her chair as she looked at Lena sincerely. For all her teasing she was worried about her friend and didn't want to see her get hurt. "Here's a thought. Why don't you tell Kara how you feel?"
"She's happy. You saw her with Diana. That's all I want for her. How does me telling her how I feel do anything but cause her pain? Honestly, I think it's time I started focusing more on our program. It's launching in a few months and with the fundraiser coming up in just a few short weeks…Andrea will be here shortly to talk about what sort of press release we wish to roll it out with. I really just need to find a way to be ok with it. In the meantime I should probably create some space."
Two weeks later.
Kara is fine. She really, really is. She hasn't seen Lena since game night. Or heard from her. I mean is a text really that hard to respond back to? Granted she always got a response back, but it was different. Gone were the witty remarks and sligh comments. Just short, one word answer replies. If she was really lucky, maybe a whole sentence. The favorite seemed to be "Can't talk now, call you later." Only the phone call never came.
It wasn't like they didn't go stints of time without talking. Especially when Lena's job pulled her away or when Kara was working on a particularly difficult Supergirl level threat. Its just that they were talking on a regular basis now. Everyday practically, and multiple times throughout the day. They hadn't gone more than three days without something more substantial than "I'll have to reschedule" or "maybe next time." Not since they started being friends again. Even their scheduled lunches had been canceled. So after almost a year of having Lena consistently back in her life again, to go back to zilch was maddening. It did very little for her overactive imagination too. Ranging from she's just busy, or overly tired from a long day to fearing she hated her again. On one particular night a dreadful thought of her being in some sort of life threatening situation even had her seeking out her heart beat and upon finding it, keeping track of it throughout the entirety of the next day for peace of mind. Two weeks, fourteen long days and even though it seemed like a short period of time, it was starting to become problematic.
"Kara?"
Kara's head shot up from her notebook and she was met with an unamused glare. "Hmm? Oh, sorry Andrea. The uh, my source backed out, I have to start from scratch on that story." She answered quickly.
Andrea raised an eyebrow and her frown deepened. "Well that's unfortunate, but that isn't what I asked."
Kara felt her face heat up with embarrassment as she looked around the room at all the staring faces. Nia, across the room, gave her a look and whispered just under her breath "Lunch order, dufus."
Kara looked at Andrea sheepishly. "Just the sandwich and soup box please thank you."
Andrea looked at her assistant who nodded and left the conference room quickly. When the door opened Andrea seemed to get distracted by something just beyond it and a small shy grin crossed her face before it disappeared completely. "Well now that that is settled why don't we take a short break. Meet back here in half an hour." A low murmur erupted for the small group of people collected in the tiny room as they started gathering their things and making their exits.
Kara stepped towards Andrea cutting her off from making an exit and a slight look of annoyance crossed her face. "Andrea, I'm so sorry, my mind was someplace else and I—"
"It's fine Kara, but don't let it happen again, please excuse me." Andrea dismissed, barely glancing at her as she made her way towards the door.
"Absolutely." Kara nodded several times as she turned to follow Andrea out. "It won't happen ag—"
"Hey you." Andrea's voice was light and pleasant sounding like she hadn't just been dishing out reprimands and chastising the writers for the better part of an hour. Kara was left frozen as she watched Andrea lean forward placing a chaste kiss on Lena's lips. Something shattered in Kara's brain. No, gut, she definitely felt it in her gut, as the moment decided to replay itself in Kara's mind simultaneously as she watched Lena's hand caress the side of Andrea's arm affectionately.
Her chest suddenly felt heavy. What happened during these last two weeks?
"When you weren't at the restaurant I figured I would come to check on you." Lena said softly. Her eyes darted to Kara's for a brief moment and if Kara wasn't mistaken went rigid before her focus went back to Andrea.
"I'm sorry I know we promised to meet for lunch, but the meeting went long and it looks like I'm going to have to make it up to you." Andrea said sorrowfully as she placed a hand on Lena's waist. Kara's eyes were having a difficult time looking anywhere else.
Lena shrugged "Well I did try and call first."
"I left my phone in my office."
Kara finally found her legs and walked towards the couple. Her heart beating heavily in her chest. She has hardly shared a handful of words with Lena in two weeks, she was blindsided that's all, she reasoned. Lena hadn't been intentionally avoiding her this whole time had she? That thought alone had bile rising up in her throat. She plastered a smile on her face too wide and stiff to feel natural and clasped her hands in front of her trying her best to not jump to any conclusions.
"Lena." She breathed her name out. Even in spite of the rolling pit of bad energy currently taking residence in her bloodstream she was still happy to see her. Though her presence normally brought with it a calm and peace that seemed to quiet her active mind, right now it just made her feel confused and discombobulated. Seeing Andrea pulling her into her side just made her want to run. Like race Barry and finally see if she could enter the speed force kind of sprint just to expel the energy she felt welling up inside her. "Umm… long time, no see, huh?"
Lena frowned. "I know. I'm sorry." She looked to Andrea who smiled tenderly back at her. "I've been kind of busy lately."
"Right. Yeah I can see that. Um congratulations to you two." She said quickly. She waved her finger back and forth between the two of them. "When did this happen?"
Andrea leveled a look at her. It wasn't quite threatening but there was a warning hidden behind it somewhere. "Not that it's any of your business, but we started talking back when Mxy visited. How long ago was that again?" She asked Lena happily.
"Well it's…we weren't… that's not exactly accurate…" Lena stammered uncomfortably.
"I like to think it was my foot in the door at least." Andrea countered.
"Oh." Kara looked at Lena, whose green eyes were flitting from Andrea to the floor and generally anywhere except Kara, which stung acutely. "I see." Her voice trailing down. She thought they were doing a lot better. That they had an understanding of not keeping secrets from each other in an effort to regain that close relationship they once had. She suddenly felt foolish for having believed anything was truly different.
Lena seemed to sense her unease and looked up at her. "Let's do lunch this Friday? Catch up?"
"Seems like we are due, huh?" Kara asked, surprised at how bitter it sounded coming out of her mouth and Lena's surprised look was enough to shame her for it. She shouldn't be this upset. She was just not expecting…
Andrea interrupted her thoughts "Maybe we can all go on a double date? I'm sure Diana would —"
"Diana!" Kara's eyes snapped open and she gasped out her name as if waking up from a dream. "Diana." Kara repeated again more to herself, almost sadly her eyebrows furrowing. Her brain was feeling fuzzy and lines were being blurred and now she desperately needed to run. "I should go."
"Kara, are you ok?" Lena asked worriedly.
"No, yeah, I'm fine, just I remembered I have a—" she clicked her fingers as if that would magically give her a solid reason for leaving so abruptly. "I have to go. I'm sorry."
"I'll call you later ok?" Lena said as Kara stepped away from them. Kara turned around and shook her head offering a tight smile. After near constant rejection and failed call attempts, she felt for the first time since they had reconciled, unsure and was already preparing herself for more disappointment rather than actually keep her hopes up.
"Sure." Kara waved a quick farewell and escaped the small hallway to the back closet that was once her first base of operations when she had become Supergirl. She sunk down in the far corner and leaned her head back against the wall as she sorted through her emotions. Friends are typically happy for their friends when they enter into a relationship. Supportive. Excited. Friends don't have a mild panic attack, or hide in a closet to sort through their feelings. Friends don't seek out comfort from the other's heart beat when their absence is felt acutely. Friends don't feel this way. So why was she?
"Is everything alright?" Diana asked as she set down her take out box and turned to face Kara.
"Mmhmm, yeah. Just a long day." Kara said distractedly as she glanced at her phone again before turning the device face down promptly on the arm of the sofa with a resigned sigh.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Diana placed a gentle hand on Kara's knee. Kara felt slightly calmer and put her own hand over Diana's.
"No. I'm sorry, I think I'm just tired. You think we can just go to bed early?"
"Of course. You sure you don't want to talk about it?"
"I think I'll feel significantly better after some sleep." Kara got up and started to walk over to the bedroom as Diana trailed behind her. She stopped and turned around. "Did you hear about Lena and Andrea? That they are dating now or something?"
"I saw them together the other day as we were wrapping up a meeting. Well maybe it was a couple weeks ago now that I think about it. She had Andrea stop by to discuss the Press release of our project. I didn't realize there was anything more happening between them though." Diana smiled. "Well that's something isn't it, good for them."
"Yeah, good for them." Kara nodded and smiled, offering up her hand and pulling Diana close to her. "Let's go to bed."