I Don't Own Harry Potter

Plot Idea #7: Just what was going on with Harry throughout the years? Like... really? What was up with him?

Chapter 3: Harry, years 1-7

If ever asked, Harry would probably deny he was ever friends with Kyu. In the first few years of his in the magical world, he would have said Kyu was one of his best friends, later he would say he kind of just fell out of touch with the man, and at the end, he came about as close as possible to hating the man.

Frankly Harry didn't know how he felt about the other man now, at a respectable twenty-five years old.

The first few years he was desperate to find a way to prove to himself that he belonged there, that he actually did have magic, that he wasn't actually some freak who was evil or twisted like his family had told him, Kyu was apart of that, someone calm and collected to latch onto, who neither had distain for him or was star struck by him like others were. He was like this neutral guy who just sat around and just said what he wanted, not caring about anything or anyone.

Harry thinks he really did need that back then, someone who wasn't nosey and bossy like Hermione had been or how easy to anger and hero worshipy Ron had for those first few years. Just someone who was fine listening, saying their opinion on whatever was being talked about, but not putting any pressure on Harry to listen or accept his words or advice, but giving it anyway to let Harry chose to do what he wanted.

It was weird in a way, Kyu, to Harry, while being the same age, always in those first few years, felt almost like a guide in a way. Like a person he could just turn to and trust to know what was happening and explain it. Hermoine was like that as well, but she was always to harsh in the beginning, not quite understanding why everyone else couldn't be as brilliant as she was, and was a bit to quick to rub it in. Kyu was almost the opposite, he was quiet, letting his talent speak for itself, letting his brilliance just be there, only bringing it up when it suited him the best.

Harry asked for his help or advice plenty, because he just felt older, and as much as it felt painful to think about now, strangely enough, to Harry, Kyu was almost like what Dumbledore had been to Harry at the end, a mentor to help him, someone who let him lead to his own conclusions, who asked for help when wanted, but never pushed to hard. Almost like a parent, as weird as it was.

it was probably why Harry fell to hate so quickly later on.

He cared about Kyu, respected and trusted him, almost saw him as the hero everyone should be focusing on, not Harry. The way he just dealt with things, the way he knew just as much as Harry did, usually more. As weird as it was, Harry always had admired Kyu in those few years. As much as he had heard bad things about his friend, how he could be cruel and cold, how he was brutal, he just didn't see it.

Sometimes Harry blamed himself for not seeing the signs of just how dangerous Kyu was. About how a place like Slytherin could make those traits so much more, creating what Kyu became later on. harry blamed himself for not being able to stop his friends fall from grace as it were. But as it is, of course Harry wouldn't realize those emotions until a long time after, after he stopped being as angry.

As it was, it was around fourth year the resentment started, it was a small thing at first, they had hardly talked at all during third year, a distance growing between the two that Harry doesn't even think Kyu had noticed, while for him it was like he was losing his friend who was suddenly never free, always busy, doing things, dark things no doubt, but he didn't know at the time.

It hurt, to seemingly just be forgotten about, and then the tournament started, and Harry's life was on the line again, for the first time since first year, and he wasn't prepared at all, and suddenly the one person he could always trust and count on for helping him out with things like this was gone, busy, never there to help really, because his life was in danger to, and back then harry hadn't really thought to much about it, to busy with his own hurt and his own issues.

Long nights and dozens of close calls, letting him barely scrap by the tournament, he got hurt multiple times, almost died a few times, and he was barely managing to keep his head above water, sometimes literally. His friends helping him out, but it was still barely enough, and then there was Kyu, who treated the whole thing like a chore, like nothing about what was happening matter, who seemingly always knew what was going to happen, when it was going to happen, and how to get around it.

And sure he offered some help, minor things that madeit muhc easier on Harry in the long run, but then there was the fact that Kyu always had a plan, had multiple plans, and he never once told any of them to Harry, letting him flail about in near death situations without even blinking an eye.

And suddenly the almost removed way Kyu had gave his help, making comments, and listening to Harry talk about his problems back in first and second year turned sour in his head. Why hadn't he helped more? Why had he always just let Harry almost fail? If he was a better friend then shouldn't he have told Harry everything, helped harry when he needed it most? Why just let him stay alone and struggle by himself if he really cared?

The comments about just how cold his once friend was to everyone came back to Harry, suddenly being able to see the faint disinterest in Kyu's body when he had to listen to others like he was above it. Harry could suddenly see it now, he wasn't like Hermione, who was bossy and needed to show off her knowledge, he was something worse, he was detached and simply didn't care about anything that wasn't directly relating to him. Didn't see the point in anything or anyone he hadn't taken interest in.

He was someone who just knew he was so much better, that he thought himself so above others he didn't really need to pay attention, whatever help he gave was just him taking pity on those he saw as stupider than him.

Harry always hated pity, and his opinion of Kyu began to really sink after that. He fought Voldemort in the graveyard then, getting tortured and hurt, barely escaping with his life, and then he learned someone who had been helping him, someone he had trusted to always be on his side, Moody, was actually someone else, someone completely different than who he thought he was, literally... Well the metaphor at the time went over Harry's head, but the emotions felt about as raw as they could be at the time.

The two, fake Moody, and Kyu getting tangled up in his mind in a way,

Then he saw Kyu burst into the room, and attack fake Moody with some kind of dark spell, looking like a wild animal... Harry never did hear at the time his once friend had also been tortured, for a hell of a lot longer than he had been. But at the time it didn't matter, he saw it then, the unhinged rage in Kyu's eyes, the vindictive rush of dark glee at causing pain on his tormentor, watching the way he roared at the adults, like they were children, dissecting what had happened with eyes so sharp and feral it was something that put themselves in Harry's nightmares.

It was like getting a sneak behind the curtains at just what Kyu was like, what his mind was like behind al the walls of forced causal blankness and boredom. he saw something dangerous, and that image was what Harry saw the first time he ever saw Kyu after that.

Those thoughts along with what happened in the graveyard haunted his summer.

And then he was attacked by Dementors, and suddenly Kyu was there, and then everything was happening, and before he knew it Kyu was saving his life. And Harry was just sure of it at the time he was stalking him, otherwise why in the world would he be there right then, even if he later learned there was suppose to be someone else, that doesn't mean Kyu wasn't there by himself, and while he hadn't made sense even then. To Harry's stressed and paranoid mind, it was another wedge.

Then Kyu came out as Lord Slytherin and nothing made sense, but apparently he got Harry out of the danger, but he was literally the Slytherin, and how was he suppose to deal with that? Harry didn't hate all slytherins, just... most of them weren't the best, and about half of all the ones he has ever met has tried to hurt hi, and that alone was enough to mess with his head.

But most of all, he felt lied to, not being told anything all summer only for Kyu come suddenly show up, save him, and suddenly he's a lord, and Harry was just left out of the loop ,wasn't told about anything, and he just... Directed all of his anger at the first place he had, Kyu was already just his mental punching bag for bad shit. But at least back then he had still saved Harry, and that counted for enough that he tried to talk to his friend, but by the time he attempted it, Kyu had vanished again, just like Dumbledore had.

It left him frustrated and stubborn, if Kyu wasn't going to talk to him, then he wasn't going to bother talking to Kyu either.

Before long that fell away of course, Umbridge had a way of working under your skin like that. Kyu of course, like nothing had happened, like he hadn't ghosted Harry for almost years at this point, gave Harry the Chamber to use for the DA, like some kind of gift or bit of advice was just suddenly going to make up for all the things they hadn't had time to talk about because Kyu was never around to talk to, and that just made it worse really. Without an outlet, the anger just festered up and up, but Harry continued to try to not be to mean about it.

And then he was basically told to fuck off when he asked for help with Umbridge, Kyu hadn't even really given Harry an excuse, just telling him that he was busy basically, and every bit of stubborn pride he had kept to not go to Dumbledore was slammed right down on Kyu as well. Suddenly Harry started to begin to hate Kyu, fully, the festering anger finally beginning to come up to the surface.

Then he was caught in the chamber, and Harry's mind convinced himself that Kyu bailed him out in a form of extortion, forcing Dumbledore to completely just give up a part of Hogwarts to Kyu to save Harry from being expelled along with all of his friends. And suddenly Harry felt used, like Kyu hadn't actually been giving him a gift, he had been setting him up, sure, nothing came of it, nothing bad for Dumbledore, Harry, the DA, or Kyu, but it still felt wrong, being used like that.

Then sixth year rolled around, and all his anger finally came to a head rushing forwards and taking him over with everything else going on in his life, with Snape prying into his mind, Dumbledore trying to teach him things, and the luck potion, that damn luck potion.

Harry wasn't near the right headspace to learn Kyu was a dark wizard when he had learned it, under the effects of a luck potion, after seeing that damn stone with that symbol as something so clearly linked to his parent's murderer. And he had been wearing it so casually, like it didn't even mean anything. And with every single bit of pain and hurt the dark arts as brought harry throughout his life, his exploding rage at his once friend, betraying him and everyone else on the right side, by consorting with those types of evils were just the worst things he could think of.

Then everything just sort of fell apart. His mentor died, Harry was killed my Kyu, even if it didn't stick, seeing that flash of green light was something that had haunted his nightmares for years, so seeing someone he once trusted, once looked up to, aim his wand right at Harry, and shot the killing curse at him... He got a new set of nightmares after that.

And then Kyu killed Voldemort and... And Harry drifted.

The last two years he had been doing so much, everything he could to stop Voldemort, he created a group, tarined them as much as he could, spent a full year doing his best for a war he thought for sure was coming, because it was the only thing he could tihnk to do. Then he spent a year, learning everything he could about Voldemort, learning what he needed to find, being coached by a man that was another father figure in his life, that he lost for the same cause, the one Dumbledore had given Harry to finish.

And right when he thought he was ready to start... Kyu just appeared, because apparently the man had already known everything, had already done everything, and even killed Voldemort, like it was nothing, like everything Harry had gone through, had been preparing for and was ready to sacrifice everything for had meant nothing. Like the years of fear and pain that Harry gave were meaningless, like they could have mattered less.

No one noticed expect for Ron and Hermione about just how much that had shattered Harry, suddenly all his work, his near purpose to keep fighting was just gone, and sure he was happy Voldemort had been killed, he also felt empty, he felt depressed, he had no purpose, and he spiraled a bit. He lashed out at Kyu, who never fought back, not really, seeing what the man did at Dumbledore's will reading as a massive insult to the man. Like the man Harry cared so much about's life was just another thing that Kyu knew about but didn't care for, because he thought he was above it all.

Kyu was a blank husk of a man, moving with purpose and drive, but no real emotion or feelings went behind those eyes, Harry was sure of it, and damn did he feel like an idiot for being the last person to find out about it.

So when Sirius tried to repair their friendship, Harry ranted and raved, roaring about how Kyu was evil, how he was dark, about everything that should have made the man a terrible person, should have made him revolting, made him vile, and when he left that meeting from the chamber?

Harry just felt empty, his words felt meaningless now at how quickly and harshly his once friend cut into him, tearing him down, tearing everything Harry had been using to keep himself sure of his own worth down around his ears.

His friends pulled him back, of course they did, and it took a long time, but now, years later, at the age of twenty-five, with a few more years of time to adjust, to learn more outside of the pitch black and pure whiteness he had tried to view the world for so long... Harry honestly sure anymore about it all, about how well he handled Kyu, or how well Kyu had handled him.

In the end, he honestly isn't sure who ruined their once good friendship more.

He also sometimes wondered if it was to late to try and repair things, but he never thought to hard on the matter, he doubted it would ever work out, and besides, if he thought it was hard to catch Kyu back in Hogwarts, it was nothing compared to being an Auror while the man went off doing who knows what.

This isn't so much as a defense to Harry as more a defense to me, in a way, to myself. I love Harry as a character, I think he's a thought provoking and good hero in the original books. Is he my favorite character? Not in the slightest. Is he a good and well written depiction of a teenager that is stressed to all high haven, traumatized beyond belief, has the world on his shoulders for years at a time, and is fully entitled to a break down or two? Sure!

But that wasn't this Harry, this Harry is a lot more like a teenager than most Harry's out there, and it shows, he still deals with tihngs, but not nearly as much, he still has emotions and is an emotional character, who sees things not at all logically at times, and that's ok. But does that mean he's wrong? Maybe, depends on the perspective, and here, I didn't just make the last few chapters of this story bashing on Harry for no reason. I like to think I give a lot of thought nowadays to characters, and Harry's is one that I couldn't just fall around and have stay the same he's to dynamic for it, hence just how everything turned out.

I think out of all the reviews I've gotten, beyond the yells of calling me an idiot for not tagging things like Slash, which wasn't in the story at all, or yelling at me for not someone putting other things in the summary that I had zero room for, it's a chapter from other character's perspectives. I've already done Blaise, but the most requested has certainly been Harry, and here it is, finally, after so bloody long, here it is...

Hope it answers some questions.