They Didn't Know We Were Seeds
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"Come, Ichabod!" shouts Severus out the back door of his home.
The flattie pup lifts his snout from the ground and looks at Severus for a moment. Ichabod's tongue lolls out of his mouth and then, with something akin to a grin on his face, he lopes over to Severus. When the puppy reaches him, he crouches down and gives Ichabod a good scratch around his ears. Happily, the pup leans in for more. "Good dog," Severus praises as he leads them inside, letting the back door slam shut behind them.
Walking out of the mudroom and into the kitchen, he returns to where his porridge sits on the kitchen table and starts to eat. A few moments later his mother drifts into the room, hair mused and wrapped up in her housecoat.
"Hi, Mum," he says between mouthfuls.
She blinks a set of tired, bleary eyes at him before she smiles. "Hello, darling," she returns. Ichabod, who's been begging at Severus's feet, comes out from under the table to nuzzle Severus's mother. She leans down to pet the pup. "And hello to you too, good boy." She then goes to the stove to heat the kettle. A couple of minutes later, she sits down at the table across from Severus, hands wrapped around a cup of tea.
"You're up early today," she says.
He shrugs. Severus really isn't. Usually, he just spends his first hour or so awake reading. Not that he plans to share that with her. She might start bothering him in the mornings then and he quite likes his early morning solitude. "I'm going to Diagon Alley with some mates at ten for back-to-school things," he explains.
She hums. "Which mates? Sage and Lily, I assume, but who else?"
"Lily had to cancel, actually. She's come down with something nasty. I'm going with Sage, Sirius, and his brother–"
They both glance to the window when the owl with the day's post begins to tap impatiently at the glass. "Let me get that," his mum mutters as she rises to her feet; Ichabod barking loudly at the noise.
Severus stretches around the table and shushes the pup. "Ichabod! Quiet!"
The flattie looks at him with big, guilty eyes before slinking over to Severus's feet once more. A moment later, his mother returns to the table, eyes roving over the front page of the paper. "I think you and the lads will have to reschedule your trip, Severus."
"What?" he says, confused, around a mouthful of porridge.
She sighs. "Do not talk with your mouth full," chides Mum.
He closes his mouth with an audible click.
With one last reproving look, she hands Severus the Daily Prophet to look at. He takes it with both hands. His eyes swallow every centimeter of the picture and headline.
Twinkle's Telescopes Razed, Praedico Predico, and Pettichaps Heavily Damaged.
Beneath the headline is a picture of a gaping, black mess of charred timber and cinder between two nearly unrecognizable shops that Severus knows are Praedico Predico and Pettichaps; over the top of the three floats the Death Eater's insignia. He doesn't bother to read the attached article. Doesn't need to. He remembers this from his first life. Not well, of course, it had been one shop among many utterly destroyed by Voldemort and his followers, but it is one that sticks in his memory even now.
Partly in thanks to his old colleague, Hogwart's professor of astronomy, Aurora Sinistra. On occasion, during small talk at the staff table, she'd make mention of her unhappy aunt and uncle after receiving a letter from her mother. It is her uncle, Gannon, and aunt, Emily, who own the shop. Severus thinks in his first go, it came out at some point shortly after its destruction during the first war the reason the shop was brought to its foundation was that Sinistra's aunt (a second generation witch) and uncle favored highering Muggleborns to work in their store. The couple, or, rather, Emily Sinistra, felt a sense of duty to help people like her parents who had no family reputation or influence to help them get decent jobs that could support them and their families.
It seems Emily Sinistra's early childhood had been a lean time for her family, as her father was forced to work for a number of unsavory bosses for hardly more than pittances before he had enough of a reputation as a clever, hard worker to get something more to his liking that could also support his growing family. Sinistra's aunt never forgot this time and her once indulgent husband was more than happy to help her on her little mission to do good by Muggleborns that were like his father-in-law.
Until the shop was burned down, anyhow. After it was restored a year or two later, their reputation for highering Muggle-borns by the score quickly changed. They hired them in no higher quantities than any other store. Gannon Sinistra nearly lost the family business once and it seems he wasn't willing to risk it again – no matter what it did to his relationship with his wife. As Aurora Sinistra sometimes remarked during the table's idle conversation, they were quite chilly with one another after the shop's reconstruction until her aunt up and left one day in the mid-nineties to never return.
Severus hands his mother back the paper. "I suppose we will," he replies.
She brings a yellowed finger to trace the headline. "Let's not mention this headline when we have tea with your Aunt Vesta and Sage tomorrow, hm?"
He nods agreeably. Severus knows that's there's a good chance that Boyd, perhaps Adam Parkinson too, had a role in last night's arson. Aunt Vesta will realize this as well when she sees the paper. It's unlikely she'll disapprove of the news her son was involved so much as she'll disapprove of Boyd actually being at the scene of the crime and doing something so dangerous. The shop was definitely taken out with a few blasting spells and maybe a fiendfyre too.
Though, perhaps, when she sees Severus and Eileen she will be reminded of the Muggle-born girls she met only a week ago at Ichabod's introduction and feel shame knowing her son took part in something that hurt people like Severus's friends. But that's likely a pipe dream; he saw the way she said hardly more than a polite "How do you do?" to Lily and Mei both. She has no lost love for Muggle-borns, even if they are Severus's friends.
Aunt Vesta may be able to overlook his pedigree out of love for Severus's mother and a sense of family, but the same can't be said for Lily or Mei. He doubts she would ever accept a potential marriage between him and Lily. She hadn't his mother and his father's, so why would she take any better to a hypothetical marriage between him and Lily?
He's come to care for Aunt Vesta since he first met her and at times even wished his mother was more like her. It hurts to know that somewhere in his future he might lose her. But… He's not going to give up Lily for her. For anyone. He messed things up royally with Lily once already and he's not going to make that mistake again. This time, he will always pick her. Damn the consequences.
Severus will gladly lose all his family if it means he'll have his best friend at his side forever after this time.
-o-O-o-
In the end, Severus is initially pleased they had to reschedule their trip to Diagon Alley for the following week. It means Lily's recovered from her illness and that the two of them can walk around the Alley holding hands as their friends surround them, laughing and talking, as they flit in and out of the shops to buy their supplies. They bask in the good cheer and sun and it feels like it's going to be another day Severus'll get to label an idyllic summer memory when out of a shop steps William Wilkes and Lilith Crabbe.
The two know better than to say anything to anyone's face with Severus right there – they'd learned that lesson as first years – but it doesn't stop them from bending their heads so close together Wilke's russet strands mingle with Crabbe's bright blonde. "Can you believe it?" Wilkes says to Crabbe just loud enough they will be overheard, but can later deny its intentionality. "Do you think his brother knows he goes around with such… filth?"
Crabbe, lips pursed critically on her square, homely face which is already showing signs of the ugly, sour countenance it will become in nary two decades, nods. "You know what I heard? That one made a disgrace of his family by sneaking in the mongrel to his cousin's wedding!"
"How much do you want to bet his brother put him up to it?"
"I think they did it together. You've seen him and the black sheep together at school, he's been corrupted!"
Severus watches how Sage wilts where he stands right in front of him. Beside Sage, Regulus doesn't appear to be holding up much better. He's fidgeting and occasionally glancing a little over his shoulder at where Sirius walks on Severus's right. Severus only has to look out of the corner of his eye a moment to see that Sirius's face is fixed in a snarl. He stares straight ahead, however, not wanting to give Wilkes and Crabbe the pleasure of seeing they've managed to hit a nerve with him. Of course, it gives Regulus the wrong impression, who huddles closer to Sage, as if buddying up will protect him from what appears to be his brother's fury directed at him.
He can't stand it. He's not going to let Crabbe and Wilkes get away with planting disquiet seeds in his friends' heads. Severus elbows Sirius, letting the teenager know they are going to confront the wankers, but as he starts to turn so he can lead them in the telling off – and maybe, after Severus and Sirius finish with that, punching one of them in the face – Lily's grip on his hand strengthens as her other comes to grab his arm and hold him in his place.
"No, Severus! Sirius!" she hisses. "Getting in a brawl won't help anything. We just need to move on right now."
He brings the three of them to a halt and glares at Lily. "Do you want to let them get away with saying shit?"
Lily frowns at him. "There are times and places for confronting someone and now, in the middle of Diagon Alley, is not it."
"What better place than a public street to call out a pair of pricks like them?" he counters.
His girlfriend gestures ahead to where Regulus and Sage wait for them; watching with varying levels of unease and worry. "They need us more!"
He growls in the back of his throat. "It will take all of a moment!"
"Do you know if they want you starting something on their behalf?" she argues.
Severus glowers at Lily. "Do you truly think we wouldn't finish it?"
She puts one hand on her hip and the other goes to rub her eyes. "This is just so typical."
"What's typical?" Severus demands, confused, but also bracing himself for an insult.
Her hand falls away from her eyes a moment, allowing him to see the hard edge of her gem-like eyes. "You can never let a thing go."
"Is that what you think?" he asks in a low, seething tone. "After everything I've done to prove the contrary to you and the whole bloody world?" Briefly, contriteness flashes across Lily's face. It dissipates quickly, however, when Severus has the bright idea to say, "You are such a bitch!"
She lets right go of him, expression stony. "Fine," she replies, tone short. "Do what you want. I don't care." She reaches around Severus to snag Sirius, however. "But not you. You're coming with me and the others."
He watches Lily drag Sirius over to the rest of their friends and feels regret curdle in his stomach like sour milk. Why does he always have to make things worse? To his left, he hears Crabbe and Wilkes snickering. He flushes with anger and embarrassment. He knows they hadn't been quiet, even though they did manage to keep themselves from shouting in the streets like a crass pair of teenagers having their first lover's tiff.
Severus swings his head around to glare at the pair. They smirk a moment, but when Severus starts to raise a fist, they quickly turn slack-face and hurry in the opposite direction of him.
'That's quite alright,' he thinks, 'I'll make you regret your words soon enough.'
After another moment, Severus goes to rejoin the group, who linger up ahead near the door of the next store they need to pay a visit. Unfortunately, Lily won't so much as spare him a glance and Sirius, who is no longer in her grasp, stays next to her out of what may be Gryffindor solidarity as much as friendship. Sage falls into place beside Severus and Regulus, who doesn't seem sure if he should stand with his brother or with Sage and Severus, his fellow Slytherins, flits between them.
They don't talk too much anymore, and what is said sounds awkward and is greatly stilted by lengthy silences between replies. Seeing as the day is now ruined, they all appear to come to the conclusion to rush through the last of their back-to-school shopping and say a round of short goodbyes before splitting off to go to their respective homes.
-o-O-o-
He sends Lily an apology letter shortly after he returns to his mother's cottage. He waits all of the evening and night, the next day too, for her to owl back. Yet she doesn't. It leaves him panicky and he can't concentrate long enough to write so much as a single line for his summer transfiguration essay. So, he takes Ichabod out to the fields and watches the pup thrash through the grass, liver-hued tail popping up now and then to let Severus know where he is amongst the vegetation.
His mum takes notice of his abrupt change of behavior around lunchtime. Over their sandwiches and tea, she asks, "Is there a reason you're staring so intently at the window? Why you insist on tapping your foot so insistently?"
Severus drops his gaze to his uneaten sandwich and doesn't reply.
She sighs and a moment later, his head's being gently lifted up by her finger crooked beneath his chin. "Come now, what's wrong? Did something happen yesterday while you were shopping with your friends? I noticed you were home quite a while earlier than you said you would be."
He contemplates telling her the whole truth verse an abridged version. Severus reckons the more honest he is with her the more likely it is his mother might offer some assurance that things are not entirely ruined between him and Lily. It can't be, can it? Severus should have never called Lily a bitch, but it's nowhere near as bad as what he once called her… But what if this time it is enough? She's made it clear she expects much more from him now than she ever did when they were truly young.
"While we were between shops, we ran into William Wilkes and Lilith Crabbe. They said some unkind things about Regulus and Sage and I… I wanted to confront them. Lily didn't. We were rowing about that and then she said something that's a little too true about me and then I called her a… a bitch."
Her hand falls away from beneath his chin. She doesn't look exactly happy, but not angry either. A little bit disappointed, perhaps, which Severus understands. It was rather immature of him to say such a thing. "That's a more than a bit not good, Severus," his mother chides. "I hope you've at least thought to apologize already."
"I did! I sent a letter the day before yesterday…" He pets Ichabod's head, where the pup rests it on his knee, looking up hopefully for a scrap of the sandwich still waiting on his plate. "She hasn't replied."
His mother begins to tap her fingers on the table in thought. "Perhaps a more personal apology is in order."
"I don't know," he replies with a small wince. "Lily might find it… pushy."
"Hmm… Why don't you try writing her again tomorrow and if nothing's changed by the weekend I'll take you to the Evans so you can see her."
It's a more reasonable plan than her last, though, Severus still worries Lily will think he's bombarding her instead of letting her calm down and forgive him on her own time. In the end, he nods. He fears if he is too hands off he will lose Lily altogether. "Yes, alright," Severus agrees.
His mother smiles at him then. "It's going to be okay, Severus. Lily and you have been friends for too long for one insult to end everything."
Severus resists the urge to tell her that just isn't so, but then he might have to explain much more and that's the last thing he wants to get into right now. So, he does his best to smile back at his mother. "Thanks, Mum."
-o-O-o-
The next day, Severus sends another letter and with it, at his mum's suggestion, he attaches a small bouquet of wildflowers from around their cottage. That afternoon he receives a letter back from Lily.
In it, she thanks him for the flowers. Then Lily reiterates she didn't like being called a bitch for just trying to look out for Severus and their friends, but she's willing to forgive him as she sees now, with reflection and time, it was something he said out of anger and not malice. The most heartening part of Lily's letter is what follows:
I'm sorry too, by the way, of accusing you of never letting things go. I know that's not true. You may have a harder time of it, but you do. You've done it so many times since we returned and I was wrong. Tomorrow my parents are having an end of the summer dinner. I was wondering if you'd like to come for it? James will be there too, so it's not like you'll be intruding on a family moment.
Love,
Lily
Severus doesn't let his mother read the letter itself, but he does relay the important parts of it to her and then asks if he can go to the dinner. Smirking, she tells him she's glad things have worked out and agrees he can go to the Evans' tomorrow.
His mum then pulls him to her side and gives him a brief hug. "See, Severus, I told you it would all be okay."
He nods happily. "You did, thank you for your help, Mum."
She takes his face in both her hands and makes him meet her dark, tremulous gaze. "Oh, darling, there's no need to thank me," his mum tells him. "Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and help you. I know I've not been a good mother to you always and it means so much to me that you trust me enough to advise you during your row with Lily."
Severus doesn't hesitate to wrap his mother up in an embrace. This is the mother he once thought her, the mother he knew she could be if given the chance. He loves her and desperately hopes this woman she is now will be the one she continues to be in his absence, the one he will return to over winter holidays, and next summer.
"Love you, Mum," he mumbles into her neck.
Her hand comes to rest on his back. "And I you, my dear boy."
Some war stuff, back-to-school stuff, and then mother-son stuff. Not too bad for the last summer chapter, huh?
Thanks for reading!