If there was ever a moment Lena thought she could shoot lasers out of her eyes it would be the moment Maxwell Lord blocked her path just before she could follow Alex out to the balcony.
"Lena! Such a pleasure to see you. You look well." He grabbed both her hands and outstretched them as he looked down at her appearance and she bit her tongue not to lash out at him, she was already very agitated with whatever transpired between Andrea and Diana. Plus she'd never hear the end of it from him. She did however release herself of his grasp and fold her arms to her chest leaving no room for him to reach out and grab her again.
"Max." She greeted back her eyes darting just behind him to the balcony doors just beyond her reach. "Could you please excuse me? I was right in the middle of something." She tried to make her way around him but he stepped in front of her blocking her path forward.
He smiled gently and tilted his head. "This will only take a second."
She sighed heavily and straightened stiffly in acquiescence, resigned to listen to whatever he had to say in hopes he'd be quick.
"As you know Lord Industries has a long list of subsidiary companies." Maxwell Lord started.
"Yes, Max, I'm well aware." She could tell this was already going to be much longer than a quick second like he had promised.
"AmerTek being one of such companies…" Maxwell led on slowly as if this information was either news to Lena or should help in her understanding where he was going. Lena just raised an eyebrow in a silent attempt to further the conversation along. Her patience running thinner by the second. "It's come to my attention that you have acquired one of our engineers rather recently."
"I wasn't under the impression one of AmerTek's former employees should be any of your concern." Lena said bluntly.
"It is when said employee happens to have destroyed all research and tech he had created under AmerTek. Forgive me if I thought you should know that he was blacklisted in the world of engineering for a reason." Maxwell said with an air of indignation and autonomy.
"I find it very interesting that in a matter of seconds you were saying 'one of our engineers' to then go discrediting him." Lena leveled Max with a glare. Her attention now solely fixed on him. "And not that it's any of your business how I operate mine and who I choose to employ, but I have done my fair share of research into Henry's background as well. Amertek stole his plans and inventions and sold them to intergangs throughout the city. He destroyed his research in hopes to prevent further destruction and deaths by his designs. Which you should know about extensively, based on the fact it was your decision to blacklist him when he refused to return back to Amertek." Lena paused as she watched Maxwell's face pale. "So speak candidly Max and be very careful what you say next. You very well may be held liable." Lena narrowed her eyes and watched Max's attempt at exerting whatever power he thought he had over her turn into cowardice. He wasn't as adept at masking his expressions as Lena and the snarl on his face before he schooled it with a practiced smile was not only amusing to watch but deliciously satisfying.
He combed his fingers through his perfectly coiffed hair, a few strands falling across his forehead, before he ran his hands down the lapels of his jacket in an attempt to straighten and present himself as unaffected. His next words came out slowly as he proceeded to backtrack. "It seems I've taken up too much of your time. My apologies. Give my regards to Mr. Irons."
"You can do so yourself, he's here tonight. Good evening Mr. Lord, I really must be going now." Lena said dismissively as she walked past him toward the balcony doors. She made a mental note to find Henry at some point in the night and make sure Max wasn't threatening him or otherwise being his usual menacing self.
Alex stepped into view almost as soon as Lena had approached the doors and she stopped short at the look on Alex's face. "How is she?" Lena asked in an exhale worriedly.
"She'll be fine. She just needed a minute." Alex placed her hands on her hips and looked down at the floor in contemplation and Lena wasn't sure if that signaled the end of their conversation or the beginning but she found herself rooted to the spot so she remained silent as she watched her fight some inner battle before she steeled herself and looked at Lena earnestly.
"You know, I love my sister very much." She said it as a statement, but Lena couldn't help but nod along as if answering it as a question. Alex nodded her head accepting Lena's silent acknowledgement as a sign to continue. "So what I'm about to say, I say out of love for her." She stared at Lena watching her as Lena tried to work out where this was leading. "I say it out of love for you too, Lena." Alex added, her voice sincere and Lena felt her heart leaping out of her chest with anxious energy as she willed herself to be patient and hear Alex out.
"Ok?" Lena fidgeted with her fingers as they hung at her sides.
Alex stepped closer to her and Lena was struck with how suddenly terrified she was of whatever Alex had to say. "She deserves happiness, Lena. She deserves it. She's endured a kind of suffering others would cripple under the weight of. Yet despite that, she chooses to fight on for those who aren't able to fight for themselves. She just has a hard time learning how to do that for herself."
Lena nodded again, still not quite sure where Alex was leading her, but guessing this had something to do with earlier she sighs. "You deserve to be happy too Lena…" Lena's eyes widened at this not expecting this confession from Alex. "You two are so similar. Giving away your own wants and desires for the sake of others." Alex sighed and shook her head as she made her way to find Sam again, but stopped just shy of passing Lena. "I hope you can both figure out a way to have all that you want, but it's a choice you both have to make. Just know that if you ever hurt her again it'll take more than a couch and Krav Maga moves to take me down."
"Are you— are you giving me a shovel talk?" Lena asked with a tone of surprise, her gut clenching in fear and suddenly feeling terrifyingly exposed.
Alex smiled and shrugged. "I don't know, I've never given one before now." She looked off distantly and smiled softly. "If so, then I must've given one to Kara too."
"Why?" Lena whispered shakily.
"Maybe I'm just feeling slightly overprotective tonight." Alex put a hand on Lena's shoulder lightly squeezing it before she walked away leaving her alone to work out what just happened. Lena made her way out onto the balcony and saw Kara sitting on the bench, her head hung low and her heart clenched at the distraught woman in front of her. She tapped lightly on the door frame to announce her presence. Kara's head darted up from its spot and she placed her hands on the bench as if ready to leap off of it like a skittish animal.
Lena raised her hands, "Sorry, it's just me."
"Lena!" She quickly wiped away a few errant tears and smiled weakly.
"Did you hear all that?" Lena pointed her thumb back behind her.
Kara looked a little lost, which confirmed she was too busy deep in her own thoughts to overhear Alex's conversation with her, which was good. She wasn't really sure what to make of that interaction anyways.
"Nevermind. I came to check on you." Lena sat by Kara and placed her hand on Kara's knee causing her to jump. Lena retracted her hand quickly. "Sorry."
"No, no I'm sorry. I'm just..." Kara quickly apologized. "It's not you." She said as she finally met Lena's eyes and her whole face softened as new unshed tears began to fill up and cloud her vision. She grabbed Lena's retracted hand with both of hers and brought it back to her lap clutching onto it tightly. Kara looked down at the mess of fingers overlapping each other and started to rub gentle circles with her thumbs over the back of Lena's hand.
Lena let her. It was a kind of gentle touch she couldn't ever remember receiving from Kara. They had intimate hugs before, shared in each other's space in that way only, but this melding of hands, the soft sweeps of thumbs. Never. She was surprised at her body's reaction to it. Everything in her begged to remember the gentleness, the look of reverence on Kara's face as she studied Lena's hand, her hand. The hand that desperately wanted to match Kara's in rhythm, but remained stoic for fear of breaking the spell.
They stayed that way for several minutes, neither offering any more words, content just to be in each other's presence after so long of an interim. It was also making Lena more anxious though. She desperately wanted to know what happened. What on earth would cause such a scene to unfold between the three of them that it would elicit such raw emotional reactions in the way that it did? She wanted to ask, but wasn't sure how to, not without causing Kara more undue stress and she would not be another cause of that tonight. Or any other night if she could help it, she thought in tandem.
"I'm sorry I ran off." Kara whispered.
"It wasn't exactly a friendly interaction." Lena conceded.
"No, but I shouldn't have left you there alone either." Kara argued.
"Something tells me you had your reasons." Lena allowed. "I didn't stick around long enough with the pair of them to find out though. I was more concerned about you." Lena offered a smile and Kara gave a tight lipped one in return. She looked down at her hand which Kara was still mindlessly drawing circles on and let out a quick chuckle at her next thought, which caused Kara to look up.
"What?" Kara asked and Lena's smile only widened at the curious look on Kara's face that also held within it a kind of hope to share in Lena's smile.
"I left Sam alone with them." Lena said her tone laced with connotations at what that could lead to. It seemed to have the intended effect. Kara's short laugh broke the tension like a bubble. It was a quick burst of brightness before her face shaded again but for that brief moment it was like no time had ever passed and they were transported to a world that was theirs only.
"Well if anyone can diffuse a situation, Sam can. She has a knack for that." Kara said.
"It's a special talent only a seasoned mother has." Lena mused. She smiled softly at Kara and watched as blue eyes drifted back down to their joined hands, a light squeeze was followed by a sigh and then the warmth was gone and Lena watched as Kara's face slowly fell again. "Kara, what happened? What's wrong?"
Lena had never seen Kara war with so many emotions in one moment. Kara's eyes welled with tears as they measured Lena's own eyes, glancing back and forth between them. She blinked several times and looked up and sighed before looking back at Lena with so much anguish and heartache that Lena felt her own fear and anxiousness flood her bloodstream making her heart race with worry.
"How can you be so good to me, Lena?" Kara asked. She clenched her fists into the silk of her dress as her emotions bubbled over. "I don't understand it. Why don't you hate me?"
"What?" Lena asked, shocked. "Why would I hate you?"
"We never really talked about that year, you know. How I was the cause of it. How I betrayed your trust. We just shoved it under a rug and pretended like it never happened." Kara looked at Lena and her face contorted with sorrow. "But it did happen, and I was the reason for it. You left, because of me." She started to sob and Lena was frozen to silence in shock. "You left because I wasn't honest with you." Kara sucked in a breath as she willed her emotions into check. "But then you came back." She whispered in wonder, her gaze soft and warm and affectionate and Lena felt her face heat up at the gentleness of it. "I thought I had lost you forever, but you came back." She wiped a hand across her face. "And that was enough for me, it had to be, because why would I ever deserve more, when all I had done was cause you immeasurable heartache and–"
"Stop." Lena said her own tears clouded her vision. "Please stop talking." Kara pulled her lips apprehensively into her mouth and nodded slowly. Lena's hand drifted to Kara's face before she even realized it. "Kara, you seem to be leaving out a very critical detail in your version of what happened." Lena stared into blue eyes, willing her to not just to hear her, but to actively listen to the meaning behind her next words. "I didn't handle that year very well either and my behavior towards you was inexcusable." Lena lifted a finger to stop Kara from protesting, dropping her head slightly as she eyed her warningly not to interrupt. Their faces now barely a breath apart. "I tortured you, Kara." Lena whispered. Her fingers curled slightly at Kara's cheek at the memory and the contrasting softness of Kara's cheek under her palm. "I did it deliberately because I wanted to cause you pain, because I–" Lena stopped herself taking in a small but audible breath, realizing what she was about to say. Kara seemed to realize it too as her eyes widened in understanding. Lena exhaled and started again, "I lost everything in that moment." She met Kara's eyes. "Everything I had ever considered worth keeping I lost with that decision. So when I knocked on your door…and you let me in." Lena's mouth felt dry as all the moisture decided to collect in her eyes. "You repaired something in me I thought would be broken forever. So don't take all the blame for that year Kara, there's plenty of it to go around."
"I'm still so very sorry though." Kara cried. "It eats away at me, the guilt I carry for it. I don't deserve your kindness." She whispered brokenly as she let out a sob.
"Then let me share it with you." Lena whispered her hand caressed Kara's cheek before trailing down to her neck as their heads came together like magnets. "Please, cause I can't carry the weight of my own guilt alone anymore either."
Lena felt a gentle nod of Kara's head as it stayed pressed against her own. They both breathed out simultaneously as if unloading the burden in one long cleansing breath. Kara's own hands had found Lena's shoulders at some point as they both held each other close. They stayed that way for a while before Kara slowly released Lena from her hold, smiling shyly up at her not used to being so openly vulnerable with her emotions. "I have a feeling that isn't the main reason you escaped to this balcony." Lena prodded gently.
Kara shook her head. "Not the direct reason, but a lot stemmed from it. I'm glad for it though, if only to give us the chance to talk."
"Can you tell me what it was about then? Cause I'm going crazy with worry that it might have something to do with me." Lena said hesitantly.
Kara readjusted on the bench trying to measure her words carefully. "Andrea and I had a disagreement. Things were said that, even though they might have been said in anger, revealed some truths that I have to come to terms with. It's not something I feel comfortable sharing, because, for now, it's between me and Andrea and I wouldn't want to cause you or her any more undue stress."
Lena nodded her head understandingly, she was going to have her own chat with Andrea later as well. "Is everything alright?"
Kara gave a small, but genuine smile. "I hope, in time, it will be."
Lena smiled back, happy to see that Kara was in a better place mentally after their talk. "Would you–" Kara blushed and suddenly felt very foolish, but she didn't want Lena to go just yet. "I know you probably need to go back soon, but would you sit with me here for a little while longer? I could use the company."
Lena squeezed her hand. "You sure? You don't want me to get Diana?"
Kara looked pained like she was on the verge of being rejected this one small request. "I'd rather it be you." She said timidly, "but I'll understand if you're busy."
"No." Lena said quickly. "No, I'm not busy." She reiterated, because if she can offer up this one service to Kara, she'd take it.
"Thanks." She said grateful for the small victory. After a small beat of silence, and not wanting to end things on such a heavy note, Kara broached the one subject she'd been dying to ask Lena about since the evening began, knowing it'd break the ice. "So the band…"
Lena let out a laugh at the change of subject. "That's going to be tough to explain."
"The drummer flossed his teeth with a strand of hair…" Kara smiled remembering Sam's comment.
"It was a moment of pettiness on my end." Lena sighed.
"The lead singer hits flatter notes than a pancake." Kara continued.
"That's a weird analogy, but yes, that was the general consensus, hence why I hired him." Lena laughed.
"And the reason why a middle aged rock band from Gruene, Texas was your first choice for such an event was…?" Kara asked.
Lena bit her lip hiding her smile as she went from looking at Kara to the concrete floor of the balcony. "To deter people from dancing…" She shrugged as her heart skipped lightly at the semi confession. Kara's eyes unintentionally dropped from Lena's to her chest, having heard the fluttered response. She quickly averted them, but Lena had looked up and witnessed the whole scene. "It was stupid." She said, trying to wave it off realizing she may have said too much.
"Well, come on. You can't avoid dancing now." Kara smiled as she stood up and offered Lena her hand.
Lena looked up at her and then at her offered hand. "I don't hear any music now. They must be on break."
"At this rate you're basically paying them not to play. Come on," She waved the fingers of her offered hand at Lena beckoning her to take it. Lena obliged and Kara pulled her close, their bodies coming together in a swift motion as Kara placed her other hand on Lena's back and began to guide them slowly around the balcony as she hummed her own tune. "What are you humming?" Lena couldn't help but ask through a smile as the tune sounded far more upbeat than she was expecting. Kara blushed and twirled Lena around before bringing her in close again and laughed lightly.
"It's a song Jeremiah used to sing to Eliza." Kara smiled at the memory. "He'd always find the most inopportune times to start singing it and Eliza would get so flustered by it." She said and Lena smiled up at Kara as she listened, enjoying the intimate moment. Kara's hand at her waist seemed to have trouble keeping still, her fingers caressing the fabric of her dress or squeezing feather light around her frame. Lena had to focus hard on paying attention to the story. "She'd be outside working on the garden or doing the dishes after dinner or just reading a book and he'd come in and start singing it and she'd laugh or complain. Mostly complain." Kara remembers fondly. "Sometimes she'd even try and run away, but he'd just chase after her until he held her in his arms and made her dance."
Lena felt her heart warm up at such a happy memory wishing she had similar ones of her parents. "How did it go?"
Kara blushed and bit her lip, suddenly embarrassed. "I don't know the whole song."
"Just the parts you know then." Lena suggested, praying Kara would offer up this one thing for her. "Please?"
It was a few small steps and a lingering silence later before Lena's heart soared at the first few lyrics Kara sang softly to her. "I take the night train, I take an airplane, Cause you belong to me," Kara looked at her with a big smile lighting Lena's own smile up all the more. "I just wanna say, ain't gonna let you get away. Cause you belong to me." She lowered her voice as she pulled Lena in closer and Lena felt her breath hitch at the sudden shift in mood. "I only wanna hold you, I just wanna hold you, C'mon let me hold you, tonight." Kara finished, whispering the last of the words as they came to a stop. Lena's heart was racing as she looked up at Kara's face, her eyes twinkling with something that set Lena's insides on fire and all she longed for was for those words to be true, and for that look in Kara's eyes to mean something more than what it did. For a heart stopping moment it looked as if Kara was leaning in to kiss her. For one heart stopping moment Lena was frozen.
"I don't remember the rest." Kara smiled softly as her hands slipped away from Lena's waist and it was all Lena could do to prevent herself from taking a step forward to bring her back into her arms again.
"It was beautiful." Lena said. "Thank you." She couldn't help but read into why Kara thought of that particular song, why that memory of her adopted father had surfaced in this moment, to share with her and in such an intimate way. It felt like a secret, one she wasn't yet privy to but on the cusp of learning. She eyed Kara curiously as she let her thoughts wander into hope.
"Thank you for the dance, Lena." Kara said quietly. She took another step back towards the open hall. Tilting her head towards the vast room filled with people. "I'm sure Andrea is wondering where you are by now." Kara tried not to be too envious of how much time Andrea was now allowed to have with Lena, when she wanted more of that time for herself. It wasn't something she could pretend about anymore. It just meant she had a decision she needed to make.
"Diana will be waiting for you too." Lena said too, with the same kind of resigned understanding of their current situation.
"Walk with me?" Kara asked. Lena smiled and followed Kara back into the main hall holding onto their private moment, trying to memorize it to store in her mind along with a handful of other treasured memories that mostly consisted of her mother, Lex as a child and countless others filled with blonde hair and blue eyes.
"There you are!" Diana exclaimed worriedly as she saw Kara and Lena approaching. "I'm so sorry, my behavior was inexcusable."
Kara waved her off. "I'm fine now." She turned to Lena and they shared an affectionate look as Lena smiled back at her. "Lena came to make sure I was ok."
"I'm happy to help." Lena said and her heart clenched when Diana placed an arm around Kara's waist. Kara's eyes were still fixed on Lena's and she almost looked embarrassed by Diana's innocent gesture. "I should—" Lena cleared her throat and her eyelids fluttered involuntarily "I should go find Andrea."
"Lena-" Kara started.
"I really should make some rounds now." Lena said apologetically. "I'll catch up with the two of you later."
Kara wanted to protest, she wanted Lena to stay a little longer, but tonight wasn't about her or her wants. So she smiled understandingly, "Of course we'll see you soon."
Lena made her escape from the happy couple and started making her way around the room trying to find Andrea. After talking with Kara, she wanted to hear from Andrea her side of things, because Kara, ever the hero, refused to shed any light on what their argument was about. As she made her way around the mostly empty dance floor she spotted Sam and Alex huddled close together at one of the standing tables.
"Lena, how's Kara doing?" Sam asked, having seen her coming first. Alex turned and faced her as well and she gave her a sympathetic look knowing how upset Kara had been. "She's feeling significantly better now, I think. Though I'm pretty sure we didn't really get to the main reason she ran off the way she did. She wouldn't exactly tell me what really happened." Lena sighed, she hated not having all the information, it made her feel ill prepared and that was a rare feeling for her. "Have either of you seen Andrea?"
Alex shook her head as Sam pointed off to the other side of the room. "I saw her speaking with Maxwell and that new hire of ours, John? Henry? I forget."
"He goes by Henry now, though I think most people know him as John. After the AmerTek fiasco he started going by his middle name to lessen the amount of judgment that proceeds him these days." Lena informed, she smiled kindly at the two of them then her eyes darted off in the direction of where Sam pointed. "I'm sorry, but I really need to speak with her."
"Don't worry about us, we were just about to head out anyway." Sam said as she gave Alex a suggestive look.
"I don't need to know. Enjoy the rest of your evening ladies." Lena smiled at Sam and pointed a finger at her. "I'm serious Sam, spare me the details on Monday, I really don't need the imagery." Alex choked on her drink and blushed profusely.
Sam lightly patted her on the back and smirked proudly. She laughed at Lena and gave her a mock salute. "You got it, chief." She looked at Alex and kissed her chastely, "You ready? I can't wait to get out of this dress." Alex nodded and they both said their farewells to Lena before heading towards the exit.
After rounding the other end of the main room Lena spotted Andrea, who was still conversing with Henry and Maxwell. "So it is true then? You were the inventor of the assault rifle BG-60 that was dispersed to gangs throughout the city?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. Toastmasters, as the gangs liked to call them, were essentially energy cannons. AmerTek had me design them for the military. At least that was the story I was told." He crossed his arms and the tailored suit strained against his biceps. He was a tall and imposing figure. When Lena had first interviewed him he was lacking severely in clothing. She remembered that initial meeting and his confession that he had faked his death to prevent AmerTek from coercing him to continue his work on the project. He was still very tight lipped about his past, but the man wasn't shying away from it either. In the short time she had gotten to know him she respected him immensely. "What was unknown to me at the time was that the company I was working for was doing side deals and selling the weapons on the black market."
"You have no proof of that." Maxwell Lord interjected with a sneer. "I'd be careful if I were you Henry, only cats have nine lives, and as I recall, you just used up one of yours."
"Having a friendly chat are we?" Lena walked up to the small gathering of people Andrea was in the middle of, she looked to Andrea. "May I have a word with you please?" Andrea smiled and nodded. "Henry, it's been a pleasure, I would love to hear more about your story sometime. Maxwell I'm sorry I can't say the same." Andrea said.
Lena eyed Henry warily and he nodded his head and excused himself from the small group. "Max, it may be of interest for you to know that if you try and pull one of your little schemes with my new employee, you'll find I have an extremely low tolerance and some particularly unique friends who can help me in eviscerating you on a very public scale."
"Is that a threat, Luthor?" Max asked challengingly.
"Call it what you want, I was perfectly clear." Lena dismissed as she guided Andrea away. She wasn't in a very hospitable mood and Maxwell Lord was one more comment away from being shoved off a balcony.
"Is everything alright?" Andrea asked.
"No, Andrea, I can't say that it is." Lena said as they made their way out to a small hallway away from the crowds of people, offering them up some privacy. "I'd like an explanation. For whatever that was between you and Diana earlier."
Andrea pursed her lips and crossed her arms defensively. "She's the one who had the problem with me, if you recall, I was apologizing."
"Yes, Andrea I was there, she was rather defensive of Kara. Which I'd also like to get to, why were you apologizing to Kara, and what was said that made Diana, who's generally one of the most even tempered people I know, want to nearly bite your head off?" Lena asked pointedly.
Andrea stood stoically meeting Lena's earnest gaze and softening with each passing second. She sighed heavily as worry and trepidation started to cloud her once vacant expression. "I haven't exactly been easy on Kara lately. I may have suggested to her, in front of Diana, that she wasn't deserving of Diana's attention… or yours for that matter."
"You what?" Lena asked disbelievingly. "You- How could you do that? What gives you the right?"
Andrea shrugged, her once folded arms were now wrapped around herself. "It wasn't something I set out to do. Not intentionally at first, but God Lena, every time she's around you, I cease to exist. Do you realize that? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"
Lena stood silently as she watched Andrea's face drop severely. "I didn't realize..." Lena trailed off, unsure how to continue.
"I've come to terms with it, accepted the fact that in your eyes all you really see is blonde hair and blue eyes." Andrea wiped her eyes quickly with the sweep of her hand. "I just wanted to be noticed." Andrea curled her lip in an attempt to turn the quiver into a smirk, but in the failed attempt she just huffed and shook her head. "God, it felt nice to be noticed by you. Even for just a second." She lamented. "And I got a lot of seconds at least. About a month's worth." She smiled at Lena then and nodded. "At least I'll have that."
"Andrea." Lena said softly as her heart beat painfully in sympathy. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I'm so sorry." Lena took a tentative step forward and when Andrea made no attempt to move away she wrapped her arms around her in a strong hug. "You deserve so much better than what I could have ever offered you."
"Ha, I beg to differ." Andrea said lightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. She squeezed Lena a little tighter. "Thank you for the memories."
"We are still friends Andrea, at least I sincerely hope so. We've gone through too much together for this to get in the way." Lena said as she pulled away from the embrace. Andrea wiped more tears away from her eyes and nodded with a weak smile. "Yeah. Friends."
Lena offered her hand and took a step back. "Let me take you home?"
Diana turned to Kara once they were back in Kara's apartment. "Are you sure you're ok, Dear?"
Kara looked at Diana and lifted her shoulders as she tilted her head. "Yes. I was just surprised that Andrea would bring that up tonight, in front of Lena. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable and when you –"
"I know." Diana shook her head as she berated herself inwardly. "I should have kept my mouth shut. I can tolerate a lot of things, but I don't have patience for impertinence. Andrea crossed a line and I lost my temper. I'm sorry."
"I can't say I'm overly thrilled with how that all went down, but I also understand where you were coming from and why you felt the need to defend me." Kara said.
"Kara, I love you, of course I'll defend you. There isn't a – what?" Diana asked as she saw the deer in the headlights look Kara was staring at her with.
"What did you say?" Kara asked, her heart twisting in a knot.
Diana seemed confused at first as she thought back, then she smiled gently at Kara as she realized what Kara had heard. She hadn't meant to tell her like this, not now, she had planned to wait to tell her, but it's out there now and so she might as well lean into it. "I love you, Kara." Diana took her hands and pulled them to her lips kissing them. "I never thought I'd love again, not after Steve and then I met you." Kara was stunned into silence as she listened to Diana. "You were charming, and loud, and filled with so much childish energy, it was infectious and endearing and I fell for you. Every day, I fall a little more. I love you."
Kara was overwhelmed. Panicked. She knew Diana had felt that way; almost heard the confession that one morning weeks ago, before Alex interrupted the moment. She thought back when Lena first encouraged her to go on that first date with Diana all those months ago. All the great and wonderful memories they had shared that led to this moment. Nothing would have prepared her for the reality of it. The soul crushing reality of who her heart truly belonged to. All this time she had pushed herself to find a way to be happy with Lena as an ever present part of her life yet forever just out of reach. Her heart had been given away freely and willingly only to be lost in that void of longing. She never really got it back.
"Please say something." Diana spoke softly, her layers of self preservation breaking against the waves of insecurity Kara's silence seemed to be wreaking havoc on.
The look of sorrow on Kara's face was enough for Diana to let go of Kara's hands. "Diana, I do love you, just–"
"Not in that way." Diana finished as she stepped away from Kara's sofa and walked around towards the dining room where her things were. She heard Kara follow her and she whipped around. "You know, I saw the way she looked at you tonight. They way you looked at her in return. I thought I understood, because she's so obviously in love with you, but it's more than that isn't it?"
Kara stood statuesque, afraid to move, her heart hammering in her chest. "She's not. She has Andrea." Kara said her eyes drifted down to the floor without her permission.
Diana sighed as Kara acknowledged what she had been fearing for weeks now. "She is Kara, Andrea is just a temporary distraction. The question is do you share her feelings?"
Kara was silently warring with herself on how to properly answer Diana, a deafening pause lingered between them as Diana waited while Kara fought an internal battle.
Of course she had feelings for Lena. She's lived with them for years, buried them deep below the surface because she never dreamed they'd be requited. She had lied and broke that bond and whatever chance she thought she had was gone in a puff of smoke. Then Andrea gave her hope and that hope took root and overwhelmed everything. She loved Diana, she knew she did, but it was a different kind of love. It didn't speak of the future in a way that the love she felt for Lena did. It was caring and patient and kind and warm winter mornings, but it wasn't all those things and more. She had so much more love for Lena, which she had locked away in her heart, never offering up more than friendship because she thought that was all she was allowed. Then Andrea went and busted that lock and there was no containing it any longer.
"You mean a lot to me Kara, and I think what we have is special, but I also think I stepped in between the two of you while you were both still trying to come to terms with your own feelings." Diana said resignedly, a tear making a path down her face. "I had my suspicions, there were plenty of moments that I caught that made me wonder, but you were worth the risk to me. I only wish I would've said something, asked about it sooner… maybe if I had I would've been spared this pain." Kara made a step towards her to try and console her but Diana put a hand out and took a step back, pausing Kara in her tracks. "Don't, please don't."
Kara felt wretched, like the worst person in the world. Her heart clenched at having to cause pain to someone she deeply cared about, but she couldn't justify leading either of them on any longer and with the agony of hurting Diana there was also an immeasurable peace and relief at finally knowing for sure who she truly wanted. Whether or not Lena felt the same way wasn't relevant now though, not when all she could see was the heartache she was causing the woman in front of her. "I-I'm so sorry Diana." Kara cried.
"I know." Diana said sadly another lonely tear escaping dark eyelashes. Her lip shook so minutely that had Kara been human she wouldn't have noticed it. Diana's voice cracked through the forced smile. "Give my regards to Lena." She hesitated then leaned forward and lightly kissed Kara on the cheek. Her lips lingered there for a second longer, and the warmth that usually came with it was duller, more subdued and Kara closed her eyes fighting the onrush of tears that were begging to be released. It was over so suddenly. Months filled with happiness and it was all ending in a rush, like an abrupt stop and a hard left that sent her heart careening into her chest like a brick. Diana pulled away slowly and bowed her head and escaped to the hallway outside of Kara's apartment.
An audible sob came rolling out of Kara's mouth before she had a chance to muffle it with her hand. Shrinking to the floor behind her sofa, unable to find the strength to move from her current position.
She's not sure how long she had been crying on the floor, leaning against the back of her couch, she really didn't have the strength to care. It wasn't until she heard the distant click of her front door being unlocked and the sound of Alex calling her name, that she finally lifted her head from its spot buried in her knees. Alex was by her side in an instant.
"What happened?" Alex said, already gearing up for a fight on her sister's behalf.
"Diana and I broke up." The dawning look of sorrow and understanding on Alex's face was too much and Kara looked back down into her lap and whimpered as she tried desperately to hold back more tears.
"Oh Kara." Alex sat down beside her and pulled her in close, wrapping a protective arm around her as Kara let loose a wrecked sob, burying her face into her sister's shoulder.
"I'm here. I got you." Alex soothed as she held her sister.
"She told me she loved me, and I didn't say it back. I couldn't."
"Let's get you off the floor, and into some sweats. I'll grab the ice cream and we can talk."