"Congratulations, dear," Poppy beamed at her. "In approximately nine months, you and Severus will have a little baby here. Unless, of course, you wish not to have a child. Then, there are ways to abort the pregnancy. Would you like to discuss them? The most commonly used is a potion that must be specially brewed by our Potions Master, and that would be Severus. However, if you wish for him not to know, I could tell him that it is for a student who wishes to remain nameless. Would you like for me to instruct him to brew it? I could do it tomorrow, if you'd like."
"No, no, that won't be necessary, I believe. He will know, first. And I don't think I will want to abort the pregnancy."
"Oh, how exciting! You are having a baby, Professor Granger!"
"Yes, I suppose so." A grin spread across her face. "Is there a way to know if it is a boy or a girl?" she asked.
"No, I'm afraid not. It is much too early for that. However, in several months, I can find out for you, if you'd like."
"Very well. Er, do you know the policy for maternity leave here, Poppy?"
"I'm sorry?"
Remembering suddenly that this was a Muggle term, Hermione answered, "Oh, sorry. I mean Well, I am a professor, and I am pregnant. Shall I continue teaching for the next nine months, or does Professor Dumbledore-?"
"I am not entirely sure about this matter, but I believe that Albus will give you at least three to four months off of work, if you wish for it. I doubt if he will force you to either stay off work or continue teaching."
"All right. Thank you, Poppy. Thank you so much." Grinning, Hermione stood and hugged her tightly.
"That's quite all right, dear. You are so very welcome. Oh, this is so exciting! Congratulations!"
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"Of course not. Even if I wanted to, I am obligated to keep this sort of information confidential until you instruct me otherwise."
"Thank you, Poppy."
"You are welcome, Hermione. When do you think you will tell him?"
"I don't know. It's going to be a nightmare. However, I suppose I must do it rather soon."
"How soon? I'm terribly sorry; I don't mean to pry. It's only- Well, you and Severus, and a baby-"
"I understand. I will probably decide later when I will do it exactly."
"All right. I want to see you back here in no more than one month, understood? If there are any other problems, come here straight away. And Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"I suggest that you tell Severus before anyone else. After you have told him, then discuss your situation with Professor Dumbledore."
"Yes, of course. Thank you again. Honestly, I really appreciate it."
"That's what I'm here for."
After Poppy had removed the silencing charm, Hermione stepped through the curtains around the bed and out of the Hospital Wing. Just as she reached her hand out for the handle, Poppy called from behind her, "Remember, Hermione: one month from today."
"I will not forget," she replied over her shoulder, and then stepped through the doorway and out of the Hospital Wing.
"How exciting!" Poppy exclaimed, clapping her hands together and beaming joyously once the young woman had left.
"What is? What's exciting?" asked an interested first year eagerly.
"Nothing. Now hush and go back to sleep. You need your rest."
In the hallways, Hermione was making her way to her chambers, walking quickly. When she turned a corner, she collided with someone and staggered backwards.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she uttered quickly. "I-" Then she looked up and her brown eyes met a pair of dark black ones. "Severus!" she exclaimed.
"Good morning," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders to steady her.
"Thank you," she muttered, and then looked up at him again. "Hi."
"Hello. Are you all right?"
"Yes. Yes, of course. Severus, I-"
Should she tell him, or wait? He was the father; he had a right to know. He also had the right to help her work through her pregnancy, if he wished to. And he had the right to be presented with that option...
"Yes?"
"You... We... I..."
"What were you doing in the Hospital Wing?" he asked.
"I was... Poppy needs a potion from you."
"Which one?"
"Skele-Grow," she answered instantly, as it was the first thing that entered her mind. Inwardly, she sighed. She couldn't do it. Not now. Not yet.
"I see. She instructed you to inform me of this?"
"Yes."
"Very well. Thank you."
Then he sidestepped her, and stalked off, down the hall, his black robes billowing out behind him, leaving Hermione with her jaw hanging open. Did he just...? How very rude! I mean, she was carrying his child, after all! Not that he knew that of course, but still...
"Gods, you'd think it was his time of the month or something," Hermione muttered, turning around and continuing her way down to her chambers.
OoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOooo
One week had passed. For the last seven days, Hermione had been dreading telling Severus about the baby. However, they had not been together, alone, since...well, since that day in the hallway, after she had left the infirmary, so informing him impulsively had luckily never been an option for her. However, it also meant that she saw Severus much less. She knew that she had to tell him sooner or later. She preferred later.
Even so, she thought that once her stomach began to blow up like a fat balloon, he was bound to notice. Therefore, she decided that she would invite him to dinner, and tell him then. Taking out a sheet of parchment, she sat at her desk and picked up a quill.
Dear Severus, she wrote.
Would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow night? If so, please arrive at my chambers then at 6:30.
Love, Hermione
She stared at the letter for a moment before nodding and calling out, "Arelia!"
Her tawny owl came flapping down to her, hooting softly. Quickly, Hermione fed it a leftover biscuit and tied the letter around its leg. When she unlatched her office window and threw it open, the bird spread its wings and took flight without the slightest hesitation.
Within minutes, Severus heard a sharp rapping on his window and shifted in his chair from the essays he was grading, so that he was looking toward the glass. Grateful for the distraction, he stood, rubbing his tired eyes, and opened the window. The owl fluttered in and perched on his desk, sticking out its leg. He took the note and returned to his seat behind his desk.
After he had read the letter, he set it down and ran his fingers through his hair, scowling. Dinner. Tomorrow night. He would be grading tomorrow night. And the next night, and the one after that... He was less busy tonight, whereas he would be swamped with essays in untidy scrawl tomorrow.
She wants to have dinner, he thought, and could not help but wonder why, all of sudden, she had invited him to her chambers. Was she lonely, perhaps? Get over it, then, he thought, sneering, as he picked up a quill and a scrap of parchment, and began to write:
Hermione,
How about 6:30, tonight, in your chambers?
Severus
He thought, tying the letter around the bird's leg, She wants dinner? Fine, but only became I admit, I am curious as to what she might possibly be asking of me.
After he had fed the owl a bit of bread crust, he reopened the window, only to shut it again after the bird had flown away.
In less than five minutes, Arelia entered Hermione's window, which she had left open.
"There you are!" exclaimed Hermione, offering her pet another biscuit.
Then she took the note form its outstretched leg and sat down at her desk again. After reading his short note, she glanced up at the clock, biting her lip. 5:17. That left little more than an hour to prepare. Then again, if she were to decline his offer for tonight, then that would also leave her more time to back out of the date. She could wait a week or so to tell him... But she couldn't. She had to tell him, she knew, and as soon as possible. Because she didn't trust herself not to, at the last possible moment, become suddenly frightened and cancel their dinner tomorrow night, she wrote down only one word, before she could change her mind: Yes.
OoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOooo
The food that the house-elves sent up would appear as the couple progressed with their meal, so the table, covered in a green tablecloth, was bare, except for plates, glasses, silverware, and a red rose placed in a slender, crystal vase set in the center of the table. The table was positioned in place of Hermione's chairs, so that it was behind her sofa, which sat in front of her glowing fireplace, as always.
Just as she had finished with her makeup, she heard a knock at her door. Glancing at herself one last time in the mirror, she smoothed her long skirt and then hurried into her living room. She pulled open the door and smiled pleasantly at Severus, who nodded at her and entered.
"Would you like to eat first, or...?" she asked, wringing her hands.
"All right," he replied, moving swiftly to the other side of the table to pull Hermione's chair out for her.
"Thank you," she said, sliding onto her chair.
Severus then took his seat, and their first course appeared in front of them. While wine filled his glass, what appeared in Hermione's glass was simple, clear liquid.
"What is that?" Severus asked, gesturing to her drink.
"Water," she replied.
"You do not wish to drink wine?" he asked.
She paused before answering, "No, I- Not tonight."
"Hermione, I am curious: Why exactly did you ask me here tonight?"
"Excuse me?" she sputtered. "Am I no longer allowed to invite you to dinner without any other reason than to simply enjoy your company?"
"I was only inquiring," he said.
"Right, sorry."
Hermione was so nervous after that, she dropped her fork three times. After the fourth time it clattered onto her plate, Severus looked up and asked, "Are you all right?"
"I'm sorry? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"You appear rather uneasy."
"Do I? I can't imagine why."
He raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing else.
They continued with their meal in silence for a while, until finally, one of them made another attempt at conversation: "How are things going, Severus?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean, you know, er, in general. How are things going?" She mentally slapped herself.
Gods, Hermione, you could have at least thought up something a bit better than that, she thought.
"Brilliant," he muttered, knowing that was what she wanted to hear. That was what everybody always wanted to hear. It was almost not worth answering with the truth anymore. They were finished entirely with their meals by now, and were sipping their drinks.
"You seem rather distant, Severus, even now. I mean, I've hardly seen you for over a week. Is something the matter?"
Oh dear. This wasn't going well at all.
"No, nothing," he answered, scowling.
"Severus, tell me what's the matter."
Their eyes met and he sneered at her.
"Forgive me, Hermione; I am but a lowly Death Eater."
Her eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"
"I cannot cease to dwell on your words spoken at Christmas, despite my many great attempts," he snarled.
"My..." She stared at him questioningly, until her eyes widened as comprehension dawned. "Oh."
"Is that honestly all you can say?"
"Severus... I have apologized repeatedly. I don't understand-"
"Of course you don't. I told you that you never would."
Hermione stood, wringing her hands again, and walked to the back of the sofa, leaning against it. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again after only a moment.
"I'm-"
"Do not apologize."
"What else do you want me to say to you?" she asked.
"Nothing. I don't know."
He too stood and went to stand in front of the fireplace.
"Severus... it was two weeks ago... I mean, shouldn't you-"
"I cannot simply put it out of my mind! I am aware that I could easily use a Pensive precisely for that purpose, but I will not have perfection in our relationship due to nothing more than ignorance."
"You seemed fine the week before last. During the Hogsmeade trip...and after..."
He sneered at her. "Of course, I managed to place it in a dark corner of my mind for that short time, but it was still always there, plaguing me. Do you have any idea how sharp your words-" Abruptly, he stopped and his eyes widened, as though he suddenly realized he had said too much, and he shut his mouth with a snap.
"What were you going to say?" she asked quietly.
"Nothing."
"Severus-"
"Nothing, goddamn it! Why can you not simply understand-?"
"I understand."
"No, Hermione, you don't. You have no idea."
"Then help me-"
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
"Because it would be in vain!"
"Severus, can't you understand, I am giving my heart to you, freely and willingly!"
"I cannot give you mine."
"You already have. You told me that you loved me-"
"What do you know of love?" he snarled.
"I am not a child!"
"You are certainly acting like one, Miss Granger!"
There was silence for several seconds as Severus stood still and Hermione's eyes widened.
"What did you call me?" she whispered carefully.
He shook his head, not daring to look into her eyes.
She stalked over to him, scowling.
"Severus Snape, you are really unbearable, you know that! You really are!"
"Thank you. I am glad that you have finally noticed."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Pushing me away! I doubt if all of this is due only to the words I spoke at Christmas."
"How would you possibly know?"
"Every time I get too close, you do this! You yell at me, or put me down, or do something so that maybe I will give up on you, but you know what? I won't! Severus, I love you."
"No!"
"You...!" Through clenched teeth, she moaned in anger. Then she turned and picked up one of the four pillows from the couch. Severus' eyes widened and he took a step back, but not before Hermione could turn furiously and pitch the pillow at him. It crashed into his chest and he staggered backward.
"Hermione!" he cried, ducking down and covering his head as she flung another pillow his way.
Swiftly, he rushed forward and snatched a pillow from the couch behind her.
"You...!" he cried, tightly grasping the last pillow in her hands. "Gods, you...are...so...infuriating!" she uttered in between hitting him with the pillow. He swung his pillow back at her, but of course, he was very cautious to apply only half as much strength as she had on him.
Her eyes widened in shock as his pillow made contact with her shoulder. Although it hadn't hurt at all (which, in spite of herself, she found oddly sweet), she could not believe that he had actually swung back at her!
"How dare you hit me!" she cried, swinging her pillow hard against him.
"You're hitting me!" he roared, ducking again.
This disagreement had escalated into a full-blown pillow fight. They both knew that it was incredibly childish, but in that moment, they simply did not care. Still, Severus was very careful at all times not to strike her too hard at all with the pillow. Finally, he had managed to back Hermione up against the edge of the sofa, and she toppled over onto it. He followed her, putting his legs on either side of her and held her arms above her head after he had snatched the pillow away from her, pinning her down.
"Sev- Geroff!" she uttered, twisting her body this way and that.
Once she had calmed down, many seconds later, Severus lowered his face so that it was within inches of hers and looked into her eyes.
Out of breath, he gasped, "Do you realize...this is exactly...how we were...that first morning...we woke up together?"
A hint of a smile played on her face before she nodded. "But we were...in your chambers then."
They stayed like that for several seconds longer.
"Do you forgive me?" he asked.
She nodded again. "Do you forgive me?"
For just a couple of seconds, the expression on his face was unreadable, until slowly, he nodded.
"Yes. However, I feel it is only fair to tell you that this will most likely happen again."
"I'm sorry?"
"Me. I cannot avoid it, the way I am always...pushing you away. I do... I mean, I don't hate you."
"I know," she whispered, looking up at him. She knew that that was his strange way of saying "I love you," and she accepted it. "Thank you. Now," she smiled, "get off before you hurt the ba-"
Instantly, her smile vanished. Her eyes also widened, just as Severus' had earlier, and she clapped one hand over her mouth, while her other hand gently pushed Severus up and off of her.
His eyes narrowed at her as she sat properly on the cushions. "What was that?"
"N- Nothing," she replied nervously, watching him.
He stood and began pacing in front of the fireplace.
She had been going to tell him tonight. But they had just had an argument. This was not how she had envisioned this night to be. It was supposed to be romantic and pleasant...and then, just when he least expected it...she would drop the bomb on him! But not like this!
"Look, I think you had better sit down," she told him, standing up herself.
"No. Hermione, what were you going to say about hurting...?"
"Nothing, Severus. Look, let's just..."
Severus' mind was working rapidly. "You'll hurt the..." Damn, what was it she said? "You'll hurt the... the... You'll hurt the ba-" His eyes flitted over her stomach.
Oh Gods, he knows! Oh Gods! Oh Merlin, what do I do now? Hermione thought, panicking.
He was still thinking. We have not seen each other in over a week, and tonight, she invites me here, suddenly requesting my presence. Then, when I ask, she refuses to tell me the reason. She had no wine with dinner... She had water...
His eyes widened as he looked at her.
"Hermione... You... Are you...?"
Her bottom lip caught under her front teeth and she closed her eyes. Slowly, she nodded.
"No," he whispered.
"Yes." She sighed. "You're going to be a father."
Shaking his head, Severus felt his legs give way beneath him.
"Chair," he croaked, his eyes wide.
Quickly, Hermione pulled him gently over to the sofa. He collapsed on it at once, his jaw hanging wide open.
"Are you all right?" Hermione asked after Severus had neither spoken nor moved for several minutes.
"F- Father," he gasped disbelievingly.
"Yes. Severus, are you all right?"
"Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant," he muttered, running his hand through his black hair. "Are... Are you sure?"
She nodded. "I am positive."
"Who else knows?"
"Only Madam Pomfrey."
"Madam...Pomfrey..." he muttered distractedly.
"I'm keeping it."
"What?"
"The baby. I'm keeping it, I think."
He only stared at her.
"You can be as involved as you want to be," she said, kneeling before him.
He looked up at her, into her eyes. "Did you honestly think that I would abandon you?"
"No, but-"
"I will help and support you, I swear."
"Really?"
"Of course." As a thought suddenly struck him, Severus' eyes grew wide once more and again, he felt as if his lungs were collapsing. "What will your parents say?"
"I doubt if they'll be too upset."
"Even when they meet me?"
"What?" Beaming, Hermione threw her arms around his neck, surprising him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You really want to meet them?"
"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"
When she pulled away, still smiling, he looked at her. "Do you honestly think that they will not be bothered in the least that you are bearing the child of a man who is twice your age?"
"I don't care; why should they?"
"Hermione, we aren't even married."
"And that's fine," she said quickly, becoming sober instantly.
"Should we get married?" he asked.
"No! Severus, don't do this."
"Do what?" he asked.
"Start panicking."
"Truly, what did you expect me to do?"
"Well, I-"
"Have you spoken to Dumbledore about this?"
"No. I wanted to tell you before anyone else."
"I see. You have decided that you are going to keep it, you say?"
"Yes. I- I think so."
"Should we tell the rest of the staff?" he asked.
"We'll have to, won't we?"
"Preferably, not until absolutely necessary."
"We can inform them at the next staff meeting, I suppose. However, I will need to speak with Dumbledore before that. Would you like to come?"
"I don't know. I am not too sure of anything at the moment."
"I know. I understand. But, er... You said that you wanted to be involved, didn't you?"
"Yes, of course. Hermione, I... I love you." He took her hands in his and stared at her. "When this child comes, I believe that somehow, I will care for it, as well."
"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. I don't think I could do this on my own."
"Even if I had refused to help you, you would not be alone. Minerva, Lupin, Albus, and Hagrid would all be more than willing to assist you, I'm sure."
"I suppose. But it would never be the same. Knowing that you will be here, with me, is more than enough."
Severus sighed. "So... I'm going to be a father." Again, he ran his hand through his hair.
"Are you happy or angry, or...?"
"No. I don't know what I am at the moment. Confused."
"I'm going to talk to Dumbledore tomorrow afternoon, after lessons have ended, I've decided."
"Floo to my chambers when you are prepared to go."
"Very well."
Sighing, he stood, though his legs were still quite shaky. Hermione must have notice this, for she rushed forward at once and placed her hands on his chest.
"Sit back down, Severus." She paused to glance over at the clock and then continued, "It is only 7:30 now. Relax here. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"No, I should return to my chambers."
"Severus..."
"I'm fine, really. I just...need to think. I need to consider several things."
"I'm sorry-"
"Do not apologize; you did nothing."
"I should have waited to tell you."
"No," he said, cupping her cheek with his hand. "It is better that you told me now. It is much better that I know."
"Everything will work out, you'll see."
"Of course. I will see you later. Tomorrow, correct?"
"Yes."
He leaned down to kiss her lips quickly. "Try not to worry," he said, but refused to admit that it was more for him than for her.
She nodded and watched as he left, tears welling up in her eyes. Suddenly, he stopped in the doorway and looked back at her.
"You don't want me to brew the Aborting Potion, then?" he asked.
She shook her head, biting her lips in a meager attempt to keep her sobs restrained until he had left. He nodded and turned again to face the door. Stopping with his hand resting on the round handle, he turned his head so that Hermione could only see his profile.
"I love you, Hermione," he said quietly, "and I want to be involved with this child. Our child."
Afraid to open her mouth, Hermione only nodded, keeping her lips pressed tightly together. She was unsure whether or not he could see her, as he was already facing back to the door. He slowly turned the handle and the door creaked open. Closing it gently, he stood for a minute or so just outside of her chambers. Finally, he began making his way toward the dungeons, still in a sort of daze.
The moment Severus left her chambers, Hermione collapsed into her chair and buried her face in her hands.
"What am I going to do?" she moaned to herself. Then she sat back, wiping her eyes so that she could see the clock. It was nearing 7:55. Two hours. It had been two hours since he had arrived, expecting only dinner. Not expecting his life to change forever.
Staring at the fire, she allowed her mind to wander.
"Well, I can't marry him," she said to herself. "I mean, I could, but I won't. Unless he asks me. Oh Merlin, what if he asks me! Even then, I'd say no, of course. He'd be a fool to ask in the first place, anyway." She sighed. "I wish I had Crookshanks around again. Perhaps then I wouldn't feel so foolish for talking to myself."
Running a hand through her hair, she stood and walked to her bathroom. After splashing cool water over her face, and drying it, she redid her tight bun and straightened her clothes.
There, she thought. At least I look halfway presentable.
At that, she returned to her sofa, the wheels in her mind still turning rapidly. Absentmindedly, she let her hand rest on her stomach.
"You know, a baby might even be good for Severus. Yes. Yes, I should think so. A baby might even be good for me. It is new life. Yes. Perhaps having a baby might not be so bad after all..." Smiling, she stood and began magically clearing away the dinner table.
OoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOooo
Meanwhile, Severus was just entering his office, shutting the door carefully behind him.
He should not have left her like that just now, he knew. But she had caught him off guard, telling him all these things about a baby. Their baby.
Sitting down at his desk and taking hold of his red quill, he pulled a student's essay towards him and began marking it. He glanced at the name placed in the top, right-hand corner. Then he glanced at the other names, on the other sheets of parchment.
In a year or two, so many of these girls will be pregnant, he thought, and so many of these boys will be in my position.
Then he began to wonder about what he would want them to do. What would be the proper thing to do?
Marry her, was his first thought. Ask her to marry you. You're having a child together.
No, I couldn't. We don't have to be married to have a child. Besides, if that was the only reason for my asking her, then it would probably only complicated circumstances further. Very well, so I won't ask Hermione to marry me. However, I will be involved with the child. I want to be involved. I want to help support Hermione, as well. Besides, having a baby might not turn out to be so bad...
Before I forget: Happy Christmas to everybody (who celebrates it)! To everyone else: Happy Winter Season!
Thanks to everyone so much for reviewing! To everyone who signs their reviews, I always try to reply.
Disclaimer- (See Chapter 14)
As always: Please Review! Even if you don't like my story, tell me what you dislike about it, and I will try to work on it in the future. It only takes like 30 seconds, so please just do it. Thanks!