They Didn't Know We Were Seeds
"Not yet, Severus," a familiar voice, but with an odd, aged quality says to him. Calloused hands take him by his shoulders and turn him around in the strange, dense mist that muddles the world around him into something abstract and unidentifiable. "Off with you now, you've got Mum very worried."
Severus's eyes grow and he twists his head to look back. Through the mist, he sees a familiar pair of green eyes set in the face of an old man. Severus starts to move his mouth, trying to find something half-intelligible to utter when the man smiles and says, "Goodbye, Severus."
"Wh—" he starts, only to have the mist close around him. Soon, darkness is once again all he knows.
-o-O-o-
"Severus?"
He cracks an eye open only to find everything around him is a blurry mess of colors and shapes. Furrowing his brows, he begins to blink his eyes rapidly until the fuzzy images surrounding him become defined enough for identification. He's not surprised to see Lily's elated, yet still very worried face hanging over his own. "Li—" he starts to cough – hard – and his friend's face disappears a moment before he's being helped up by another person as Lily brings a cup of water to his lips. Usually, Severus would not stand for such fussing, but he feels as if he's been hunted day and night for a week straight by a manticore, so he relents to the treatment.
After drinking his fill, he turns his head away and allows himself to be laid back down. He takes a moment to clear his throat. "Lily?" he whispers.
Severus feels her warm fingers envelope one of his cold, numb hands. "Yes, I'm here," she tells him.
Perhaps it'd been a dream. Perhaps it hadn't. Either way, he feels compelled to say, "I saw Harry." Severus laughs, though, it sounds more like a croak in spite of the water he just drank. "He was an old man."
Lily gives a breathless giggle as she brings one of her hands up to pet his greasy, matted hair. "Do you think it was really him?" she asks.
Before Severus can answer, the mild timber of Dirk replies, "Probably. His heart did stop there for a minute."
He turns his head and sees Dirk is on the other side of his bed, behind him, he sees the back of who he's certain is Rookwood laid out on the bed next to him. Severus releases a silent, surprised breath. He never believed she would stick around to hold vigil should he, or any of them, really, get hurt. It seems he was wrong. "It did?" he mumbles instead.
"Yeah," Dirk replies, looking down on him almost kind eyes. "Dumbledore's Phoenix saved your arse."
Severus makes a face. "I suppose you've told him about us?"
Lily cringes as Dirk ducks his head. "We didn't really have a choice at that point…" Lily admits. "If we hadn't been so rattled and scared, perhaps we could have come up with a plausible story, but with how things were…" She squeezes the hand of his she's holding in her own. "I'm sorry."
He sighs. Severus knew this could be a possible outcome when he rushed them into the Chambers not half as prepared as they ought to have been. He just hopes they did a decent enough job explaining everything to Dumbledore so that Severus won't have to re-hash too much to the old man when he surely asks to speak to Severus alone. "How long was I unconscious?" he inquires.
"Nearly a week," Lily tells him.
Severus brings shaking hands up to cover his eyes. "I assume my mother was notified?"
"Yes, though, I think Albus stretched the truth a little…"
"Of course," he snorts. Why would Albus tell his mother everything? Whenever something could risk his or Hogwarts reputation the man always found a way to spin things so they came off not nearly as bad as they actually were. He lifts his hands from his eyes when he begins to see stars. "Has anyone else been by to visit me? Or has Poppy shooed them all away?"
Lily shakes her head. "No, you've had visitors. Sage has come by every day you've been here. He was pretty upset the first time and asked if this was all his fault." She meets his gaze. "I reassured him it wasn't and that as soon as you were better you'd tell him the same thing." She tightens her grip on his hand. "Don't make me a liar, okay?" she says to him with a teasing quality, though, he thinks he sees true anxiety and guilt lurking behind the light facade her face is shaped in.
He nods. "Anyone else?"
"Sirius, Regulus, the Scabiors and even their cousin once, um… Mei popped in another time with Scabior and James, Remus, and Peter all came with me one time," Lily rattles off for him on her fingers.
Severus isn't sure why, but he finds himself miffed that so many came to see him while he was indisposed. He spends so much time with all of these people that he really shouldn't be shocked they would come to visit him, but still, he is. It's hard to grasp that he's no longer the hated bat of the dungeons, but a rather liked mate of a handful of Hogwarts students. While he'll be happy enough to see the rest, he hopes Sage comes by for another visit soon. He hates to think how distraught his brother must be. Especially with how he left things between them before he went to destroy the diary—
He almost leaps from his bed, but is stopped by a strong hand on his shoulder. "Whoah, what's wrong?" questions Dirk.
Looking frantically around, he gasps, "The— Diary—"
Lily leans over the top of him and takes his face in both of her hands. Softly, she begins to hush him. "Shh," she whispers. "Shh, it's taken care of, I promise." She tips her head towards Rookwood's sleeping form. "While we waited for help, Priscilla handled the diary while I watched over you." Her fingers touch turns sharp a moment. "I watched her plunge your basilisk-venom coated sword into the diary."
Severus lays back down and turns boneless with relief and a new wave of exhaustion. Struggling to fight his drooping eyelids, he asks with a faint tired, slur, "And you gathered a vial of poison? For the others?"
"Yes, Priscilla filed two bottles. She gave one to me and has the other. I'm not sure what she plans to do with it, but we can worry about that later."
He sighs and gives up on fighting the pull of sleep. "Good," he replies before drifting off.
-o-O-o-
The next time Severus wakes, it's to the sound of utensils scraping on ceramic. He rolls his eyes in the direction of the noise and sees it's Sage eating what appears to be dinner on the bed to his right. Though, the more he watches, the more it looks like Sage is really just pushing it around on his plate and that his focus is elsewhere.
Unfortunately for his brother, he has more worries than most. Severus imagines right now he's fretting about him, or maybe Boyd, perhaps the diary that no longer exists. He's still tired and wants to close his eyes again and rest a little longer, but knows he shouldn't. Sage and he are going to have work through things sooner rather than later and it's best they start now.
"Sage," he says.
The teenager startles, nearly knocking his plate from the bed and spilling his dinner all over the covers. "Bugger!" he swears.
Severus cringes. "Sorry," he tells his brother. He hadn't meant to scare him so badly.
Sage looks over between cleaning charms and tells him, "No, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting you to wake up again so soon."
"So soon?"
His brother nods as he comes to sit in the empty chair next to his bed. "Yes," he replies, "You woke up this morning right before breakfast and Lily told me when she came in to eat. But she said that Poppy didn't think you'd wake up again today, so I shouldn't get my hopes up when I visited you."
He half-snorts with amusement. "Yes, well, I rarely meet expectations."
"That's true," agrees Sage with a chuckle.
After his laughter dies off, a tense silence fills the air. It's uncomfortable and even though he's nowhere near his best physically, mentally, or emotionally, Severus manages to recall that Lily asked him to reassure Sage what happened to him wasn't his fault. He has no problem imbuing sincerity in his voice when he says, "Everything… From you lifting the diary, to what happened in the Great Hall when I took it back, and my… near-death experience, are not your fault. Do you understand? None of this would have happened if I properly secured the diary in the first place." He flashes Sage a weak grin (though, he's sure it looks more like a grimace). "Even from you, the only person I've ever dared to consider a sibling."
"I'm still sorry," Sage says a moment later in a rush. "I knew I shouldn't take it, but I—" he furrows his brow. "I couldn't help myself. It was like I had to have that diary or none at all." His shoulders fall and he drops his gaze to his lap. "After it started replying to me, I decided I couldn't put it back – even if it was just to store it until later. I wanted it with me to write in whenever I felt like it."
Severus pinches the bridge of his nose after Sage finishes his babbling explanation. Merlin, is he relieved they got it away from Sage when they did. He doesn't even want to begin to imagine how much longer it would have taken the diary to gather enough of Sage's life-force to kill him and resurrect the younger version of Tom Riddle. "It's understandable," he tells Sage. "The diary did have something not too different from a compulsion charm on it."
"Oh," his brother mumbles. "I thought I was being silly when I thought it felt like there was one on it. I mean why would you have a diary with a compulsion charm on it?" his tone takes an accusatory edge at that and Severus knows he's actually questioning him and not just offering his thought process.
He groans and covers his eyes with one of his arms. This is the part he's not been looking forward too. Finally, he removes his arm and explains, "I had it for safekeeping until I could destroy it."
"Why did it need to be destroyed?"
Severus looks at Sage, he can see his fingers are fiddling with the hem of his robe and he's leaning in now, intensely interested in what Severus is imparting to him. He also has a feeling he's trying to find out if the diary still exists. Thankfully, it doesn't and he hopes once he tells Sage, he'll forget about it and not resent him too much. "It was a Horcrux," he explains.
His brother makes a face of confusion. "What?"
"A Horcrux, " he repeats, "is an evil object made by murdering someone and splitting your soul to put in said object. Theoretically, you can live forever if you have one."
Sage makes a horrified face – as he should. "How in the Hell did you get one?"
"You're best off not knowing," Severus says, closing that line of questioning. There are many things he's willing to speak with Sage about now, but where he got it from is not one of them.
As he expected, Sage seems a bit put off by his reply. He turns quiet a moment as he thins his lips into a thoughtful line. Finally, he asks, "How do you know about Horcruxes? Why was it you who was in charge of looking after and destroying one? And not an adult?" He looks troubled by his final question, Sage knows only the barest details right now and it's obviously painted a horrific picture in his mind where, somehow, someway, someone entrusted the job of a man to a boy.
"That is a terribly long and unpleasant story," he informs his brother. He reaches for his brother's hand, which he gives with easy trust. Severus thinks he will miss this most. Sage's deep well of trust has been refreshing these past few years and he knows once the teenager knows the whole story he is unlikely to ever believe he is telling him the whole truth about anything again.
Meeting the flinty blue eyes of Sage, he warns him, "It's a dangerous one for you to know too and I don't think you'll ever see me quite the same if I tell you it all."
Sage's face unsettles further and he begins to nervously rub the palm of his free hand on his trousers. "I don't—" he stammers, "Will you—?
"Ah, Mr. Snape. You are awake," a voice breaks in from behind them, causing the pair to jolt. They both look over to see the headmaster is standing in the doorway of the now open infirmary. Severus glowers at him, irritated to have his conversation with Sage interrupted.
Snipply, he replies, "Indeed I am. As you can see, however, I am rather busy at the moment."
The old man seems a both amused and surprised by his rudeness. "I only need but a bit of your time," he says.
Severus is about to tell him he can have that bit of time later and to bugger off until then, but Sage squeezes his hand and says, "Talk with the Headmaster. I think… I need some time. I don't know if I really want to know everything you're saying you'll tell me." He offers Severus a strained smile. "The little you've already told me is rather upsetting and I don't know if I can stomach knowing more – especially since I'm almost certain you'll swear me to secrecy when you're done."
He lets go of Severus's hand and rises to a stand. "And I'm not sure if I can handle any more secrets right now." With that, he turns heel and hurries for the open doorway.
After him, Severus calls, "Sage!" as he struggles to sit up. However, his brother is already out in the corridor and on his way to being far, far away from Severus by the time his wobbling arms are holding him up in a sitting position.
"Shall we, Mr. Snape?" Albus inquires, easing himself down in the chair his brother vacated only seconds before.
Severus can't help himself, but he bares his teeth. "It's not as if I have much of a choice, is there?" he sneers.
-o-O-o-
Albus makes himself comfortable; he crosses his legs and steeples his hand in his lap. Once finished, he turns his assessing gaze on him and asks, "Severus, how are you feeling?"
He scoffs in disbelief. This is how the man wishes to start his interrogation? With small talk? In spite of his best attempts, Severus cannot understand the workings of Albus's mind. Perhaps it's for the best. If he did, he'd likely trust him even less than he does. "Peachy," he drawls when the silence beings to draw on between them.
The headmaster nods. "I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. From your friends' accounts of the last few days before your… adventure it seems you were not at your best."
Severus purses his lips. "No, I will concede I was not," he admits with some reluctance. He can see that now. Panic and fear had driven far more than he should have let it and he is now beginning to wonder if the diary didn't addle him some too, especially during the time he kept it on his person after stealing it back from Sage. "Though, I do not believe many would be, given the situation I had found myself in."
"Too right," Albus agrees. "Even the most rational amongst us can lose sense when those closest to them are threatened."
In spite of himself, he relaxes. Albus may be many less than good things, but Severus knows no other who can put others at ease as well as he. Feeling a little more like sharing as long as it will not be about himself or his failures, he says, "Sage died prematurely once already. If I can help it, he will not again – especially not earlier than last time." He meets the old man's blue eyes directly. "That's what the diary would done; it would have killed him."
Albus nods, a hand reaching up to give his beard a thoughtful stroke. "It's admirable what you did," tone turning meaningful, he adds, "and have done." He moves to touch one of Severus's hands laying on the sheets Severus rests beneath, but he pulls away before Albus can. Severus knows the old man is going to say something that will sting and the last thing he wishes to have before the slap is the deception of kindness. Undeterred by his actions, Albus tells him, "However, I do wonder if you've lost sense of the value of your own life in your quests to end Voldemort."
Severus's mouth parts, yet no words come. Finally, after a long moment to overcome his shock, he says, "I wanted vengeance, and, for a time, I had it. Then he came back and I still wanted him dead for killing one of the few I've ever cared for, but I was growing tired. When I died, I was comfortable with it. I would have liked to see Voldemort's end first, but I've never gotten what I wanted so I accepted that I would have to trust Lily's son would see his death through as you primed him to do. I will not deny my death hurt and I felt terror when I could no longer breath, but then I was gone and it was dark and I felt, no matter how briefly, true quiet and tranquility."
He turns his gaze to his thin, ungainly teenage-hands and curls them into loose fists. The brief moments of death he experienced fill his sweetest dreams. When it comes time for him to die again, he will go gladly to experience that feeling of peace once more. However, he is no fool. That time is far, far away. Lifting his chin, he says to the old man, "You are wrong. I may yearn for that peace, but I do not want to die – not now. I have much to accomplish yet."
The old man hums in a low, considerate tone. "I see. Your friends are worried, however."
"Lily reads far too much into my carelessness," he replies primly, believing with all of him it's her who brought up concerns to Albus. Even now, they rarely understand each other fully and she often misreads his intentions from his actions. "I acknowledge this is the closest we've come to death in several years and I don't blame her for thinking perhaps it was purposeful. Horcruxes do not bring out the best in anyone." He tips his head at the man. "You will not know this first-hand this time if I can help it, but you knew before. In my first reality."
Albus uses his remark as the segway Severus knows was coming eventually. "This first reality, as you and the others call it, your friends have told me quite a bit of what they experienced and know from you. However, there are questions I would like to ask to clarify—"
He shakes his head. "No." Never let it be said Severus isn't spiteful, because that's all he feels when he says the word. "Perhaps another time." He understands eventually he will have to. There is so much more that he knows than Lily, Dirk, and Priscilla, that it will become inevitable. What he can share, especially when it comes to Death Eaters as individuals, could be key to Albus's Order beating them in the near future. Yet Severus has been feeling less than giving towards the man since he scared off Sage. Slowly easing himself back down to a laying position, Severus says, "I'm rather tired."
The man's face is nonplussed before it shapes into something more neutral. "Very well," he says. "Thank you for speaking with me in spite of your fatigue as long as you have." Getting to his feet, he tells him, "My door is open to you whenever you are ready to speak of matters – or anything else."
"Yessir," Severus mumbles, turning onto his side so he will not have to look at the old man any longer.
However, the man doesn't walk more than a couple of steps before he tells Severus, "I would strongly consider not telling Mr. Montague your past when you see him next. It's quite a lot to put on a boy's shoulders and I imagine he will feel quite betrayed to find you are not who you've portrayed yourself to be to him."
He goes taut with fury, but refuses to sit up or react in any way. He waits until Albus is gone before he pulls his pillow over his face and growls deadly curses. Who does the headmaster think he is to lecture Severus in any way about truths and lies? Or about putting too much of a burden on a boy? When they next talked, Severus was going to make sure Albus knew just how little room he had to speak (Lily obviously failed!).
In spite of his foul mood and the fact he actually hadn't been all that tired, soon, Severus drifts off into rest once again.
-o-O-o-
He looks at her. For a time, Priscilla continues the ruse of not noticing, idly picking at her filthy nails as she does so. However, she doesn't last for more than a couple of minutes before she turns her gaze on him, vexed and firey as she spits, "Must you always do that?"
"What?" Severus replies with purposeful obtuseness.
Priscilla rolls her eyes. "I'm only here because Evans asked me to be. She has Quidditch practice and Cresswell had to meet with a housemate to work on their Herbology project."
He smirks. It's obvious to him the Hufflepuff is making up excuses. "Have I been worrying you?"
For a moment, she glares. Then, crossing her arms, she grumbles, "How can you be so clever and stupid at the same time?"
Severus snorts in amusement. Dryly, he tells her, "I'm blaming the Horcux, but I'm sure if you spoke to Lily she would tell you this not new behavior for me."
"You need to be more careful," Priscilla warns him in a scolding tone. "If you die, it will be me and the Muggle-borns and the very thought makes me sick. Neither one is half as intelligent as you."
He doesn't know how to respond to her (offensive) remark. He'd thought it Lily who was worried he was suicidal, but maybe it's Priscilla who voiced her worries to Albus. It makes far more sense, he supposes, she doesn't know him half as well as Lily. He's also rather certain she has plans for him that she has yet to share and he bets the thought of them coming to ruins even before she can so much as voice them has left her quite rattled.
"That's a lie," he says, "Dirk and Lily are both very clever."
Priscilla frowns, but otherwise doesn't argue with him. Thank Merlin. He's not sure he has the energy for a row with the Hufflepuff. After a moment, Severus clears his throat. "Thank you, by the way, for your help in the Chambers. Lily says you ended up being quite invaluable."
She blinks, apparently miffed by his gratitude. "Uh-huh," she finally replies, tone a mixture of dumbfounded and suspicious.
"From what I recall, you were very brave," Severus adds, thinking back to how she distracted the snake. "I reckon things would have taken a deadly turn without you."
The Hufflepuff seems to bolster up from this praise, finally realizing he is sincere in his thanks and compliments. "Undoubtedly," she agrees, smiling slightly. "I don't understand why you insisted on going down there if you're so terrified of giant snakes."
"It was not my best decision," he admits. "But it did work out in the end."
"Yes, and that's all that matters, isn't it?" she says, tone derisive.
Severus sighs and rolls his eyes. It seems the shock has worn off and Priscilla is her passive-aggressive self – as usual. Seeing no reason to beat around the bush, he asks, "Lily mentioned something else too, in regards to you."
Priscilla crosses her arms and leans back in her seat. "Oh?"
"You took a vial of poison for yourself," Severus continues. "I'm curious why you did."
She shifts around in her seat and looks to her lap. "It's not important," she tries.
He laughs at her. "Yes, keep a vial or extremely dangerous, restricted poison for yourself isn't significant at all."
The Hufflepuff mutters something to herself under her breath (an insult, perhaps?) and looks up. "I need it," she tells him. "I think… I know where another Horcrux is going to be. If things are still on course with the Death Eaters, just before the end of winter hols Bellatrix Lestrange will commit such an atrocity she earns the Lord's deepest respect." Eyes taking a far-off glaze she rambles, "I don't know why he picked my home, maybe because my father and uncle were friends with Rodolphus's father? And he thought it'd be unlikely anyone would think much of them visiting? Or that it was an obscure enough location no one would think he'd be there with one of his Horcruxes? I don't know and I guess it doesn't truly matter. What does is the Lord had them come to my parents' manor and I watched as he gave her Helga Hufflepuff's cup. That's one of the Horcruxes, yes? When better than to destroy it than then?"
She looks uncertain once more as she adds, "I know the timing will be a must for everything to go well and with my and my family's lives, but I've been writing down different possible ways to destroy it for ages. They're all in my diary, I thought maybe you could look at them and tell me which is the best. I've grown too nearsighted to the problem and I think my objectivity's nearly gone."
As astounded as he is by what he's hearing and Priscilla's request, Severus still has enough sense to nod his head and say, "Yes, I can help you. I will be out of the infirmary tomorrow. We can meet after classes in our classroom to look at your plots."
Priscilla flashes a grin of relief. "Brilliant," she replies. "I'll see you tomorrow." Getting to her feet, she tells him, "Sleep well, Snape."
"You too," he returns, watching her leave the healing halls.
Been a while, hasn't it? But not really. A little over a month is nothing in terms of ff. Anyway, how'd you like the convo with Albus? Priscilla?
In other news, thanks to my little break, several sequels to Black Eyes have been uploaded and a few completed! They are (in order), Reminders, Summer Skeletons, We're On Our Way, Secrets, and, tomorrow, the first chapter Always Gold will be posted!
Thank you all a ton for reading :)
Edited: 1/13/20