They Didn't Know We Were Seeds
Typically, Severus thinks little of showers. It's just a means to cleanse the day's grime from his body, but after so long in the infirmary, he hasn't been able to help himself from luxuriating in the warm spray of the water. When he steps out of the stall, he's calm and as relaxed as he can be these days. All of that changes, however, when he pulls back the towel he's using to dry his hair to see Sage at the bathroom's sink, mouth filled with suds.
"Oh," his brother garbles. Turning to the sink, he spits into it, clearing out his mouth. "Pomfrey released you tonight?" he asks.
Severus nods as he settles the towel in his hand around his shoulders. "Yes, right after dinner."
An awkward silence befalls them. Sage averts his gaze to the sink, fidgeting ç as Severus sighs and turns to gather his own jimjams and robe to put on. When he's dressed, he says, "I know the last I saw you things didn't end very well… Do you want to go and chat somewhere?"
Sage worries his lip a moment before he nods. "Yes," he answers. "I've thought about everything and… I think I want to know. All of it." He finally meets Severus's gaze and says, "I just want to know one thing. Do you think I will regret it?"
He finds himself voiceless. Will Sage? He's worried for his brother a very long time; he was never close to him in his first reality and can't say what exactly broke him enough to decide to die. Oh, he's made guesses and mused on it more than he cares to admit, but that only goes so far. What Severus does know with certainty is Sage is not hard-hearted enough for being a soldier of war. He is melancholic bordering on morose at times and has seen enough horror for his short life. Whatever happened during his time as a Death Eater broke him to a point of no return; could what Severus have to tell Sage about his other self and who he really is do the same?
He's afraid of what the answer might be.
Finally, he finds it in himself to ask, "Do you think you'll regret it if I never tell you?"
This question appears to surprise his brother, as his face turns strained with the consideration he puts into his reply, "I… I might." He nods. "If you died and I never got to know how you came to have that Horcrux or why… I'd regret never hearing whatever you want to tell me now."
Severus dips his chin in understanding. Even so, he takes it upon himself to offer Sage one more out. "Lily knows, as does Dirk Cresswell, and Priscilla Rookwood," he tells his brother. "If, Merlin forbid, something were to happen to me they could tell you everything just as well as I."
Sage shakes his head in denial. "No, they couldn't. They aren't you. They aren't my brother."
It's touching to know Sage places just as much value on their relationship as he does. It's also soul-crushing to realize that it may all change in the next few hours once he tells Sage all of the truth. Severus moves forward and wraps Sage in a tight embrace. His brother's stunned a moment, but returns it with the same fervor in the next. He needs this to remember Sage by… Just in case it all falls apart and he no longer has a brother when the night is over.
When he lets Sage go, he says, "Come one, I know a perfect place I can tell you everything."
-o-O-o-
"Sage? Will you at least say something?"
He ignores Severus and stares across the dark classroom at the chalkboard holding messily erased plots of Severus and his fellow time-travelers. Merlin, time-travelers. Could they even be called such? He has to wonder. They aren't like those who use time-turners. Their souls were what traveled time. Or realities, perhaps. Severus didn't seem quite sure himself. Sage stiffened at the thought. What has happened to the Severus who inhabited the body before this adult took it? Is the boy dead? Could it really be called death? After all, Severus is still Severus… Just a Severus who's already been that boy and is now (to him, anyhow) reliving boyhood.
At least it's not his fault. Not that part, anyhow. That lays at the feet of Rookwood and that woman in the other reality who sent them all back into the past and spurred this new existence into creation. Sage still isn't entirely sure what he feels, but does know he itches beneath his collar. It's a burning hotness that could very well turn into rage once his shock ebbs away. While of course Severus and the others couldn't go around telling everyone who and what they really are, it still feels so much like he's been lied to – for years.
Here he thought they knew everything about one another, or at least that they were getting there.
And the things Severus has told him. Voldemort is evil? He'll bring ruin to them all? It's his cause that likely drives him to someday follow in his father's footsteps? Sage can hardly believe it. It sounds so wrong. Boyd has told him the Death Eaters are going to usher in a new era. They're going to clean out all of the muck and make sure only the best witches and wizards remain, and, someday, the whole world will be theirs and they'll no longer have to hide like cowards from the Muggles. His older brother promised it's a good thing, children like Severus won't be born anymore, witches and wizards alike won't be brought to ruin by their evil, jealous Muggle lovers.
He doesn't know what to believe anymore and the turmoil that's driven him into insomnia feels ripe to bubble over. He wonders if maybe he should find a way to make himself sick over Christmas Hols so Boyd won't try to bring him to a Death Eater meeting like he's been hinting he wants to in his letters. It's his OWL year, perhaps he can avoid going home at all. But his mother… She's looking forward to a Christmas dinner with all of their family, Boyd's new wife, Severus and Aunt Eileen included.
How can he disappoint her when all she wants is one damn dinner?
Sage flinches when Severus's hand brushes over his shoulder. "Stop," he says. "Don't touch me!"
The other backs off. "Sorry," he mumbles. "I just…" he trails off into a sigh.
He goes back to ignoring him in favor of sorting through the mess in his head. His astoundment is starting to fade and that itching beneath his collar is now almost certainly anxiety, not anger. Sage may not know if he agrees with Severus that Voldemort is no good, or if he sides with Boyd and thinks he's what their world needs to fix the problems he's noticing more and more around them, but he does know one thing for certain:
Sage does not regret getting the whole story from Severus.
What he does is that things will never be the same. They can't go back. Severus is… He'll never stop being his brother, he's certain of that much, but now he knows exactly what side Severus is on. It's clear to Sage someday soon Severus is going to throw all the care his family has shown him in their faces and side with those who oppose the Lord. Sage doesn't know if he'll ever be able to do that – even if he comes to agree with him. His mother and brother will be hurt enough with Severus's denouncement of their family (and Aunt Eileen's too, Sage has no doubts she'll agree with Severus) and he doesn't want to make it worse by following Severus's lead and lose them as well.
Perhaps this is why he killed himself in Severus's first reality. He almost wants to now. He knows whatever he does, he'll fail someone. Hurt them and burn the bridges between them. Sage's heart thumps inside the confines he calls a ribcage. He might just be a bigger disappointment than his father. Sage minutely shakes his head, he can't let that happen.
If he does follow through with the though on his errant thought and kill himself… He'll make sure not to do it outright. It'll be in an obscure way, like a "potions accident" that will let his mother and brother pretend he didn't mean to. Leave them being able to say it was purely an accident and not something he planned. It will still hurt them, of course, but far less than it will if he were to off himself like his father did. They can talk about what a tragedy it was to lose him, about all the brilliant things he'd have someday done if he lived, make a perfect version of him in their memories that is everything he's not…
He won't become another dirty secret of the Montague family like Father.
Sage blinks – hard. He has to let the idea go, at least for a few years, anyhow. If anything were to happen to him now, Severus would see right through and blame himself. That's the last thing he wants for Severus to feel is he's at fault for his choice. Severus has always taken too much of the burdens of others on himself and shared little of his own, he doesn't need to make it worse if he can help it.
Finally, Sage breathes and turns to his brother. "This is all far beyond anything I could have ever imagined," he tells him. "But… With some time to process it all, I think by the time we go home for hols next month, we'll be okay. Things won't really ever be the same or perfect, mind, but I imagine we'll be able to fool our mums and Boyd into thinking everything's the same as always."
There is doubt lurking in his brother's black eyes, but he nods. "We wouldn't want them to fret," he agrees.
He finds himself smirking. "No." Standing up, he says, "Shall we go to bed?"
Severus snorts. "I guess we should. Morning's only a few hours away now."
-o-O-o-
In spite of agreeing to his brother's suggestion, Severus does not go to bed. He simply waits for Sage to drop off and then he gets up and leaves their dorm to walk the familiar path to Lily's dorm. Letting himself in Gryffindor's common room, he stays mindful of the firstie sleeping on a sofa and sends a patronus up the stairwell to the girl dorms to get Lily.
A few minutes later, she appears; sleep ruffled, but awake and brow already furrowed with concern. "What is it, Sev?" she asks.
He leans in, breathes in the soft, warm smell of slumber off her and lays his head down on her shoulder. They aren't lovers, or siblings, nor mother and son, but they are friends. Old friends who've been more and less with what is surely a bond full of cracks and jagged tears mended roughly that glows yellow and bright like a candle in the darkness.
Sometimes, he wonders, when they've finally (finally) done it and defeated Voldemort once and for all if they'll fade out of each other's lives now that the purpose that brought them together again is gone. He's never asked, fearing what he may find, and he's done what he can to guard himself in case it does happen, but now… Now Severus can't find it in himself to care if they will one day be strangers again.
He needs Lily – the only one who's ever remotely understood him to be here and be strong for him.
Lily puts a hand on his back. "What's happened?" she whispers. Her fingers begin to creep up and slowly pick at the knots in his hair he never got a chance to comb out after his shower. Severus shudders. "I told him," he breathes.
Lily's quiet a moment. Finally, she replies, "Sage?"
He nods against her shoulder.
She continues to work the tangles from his hair. "How did it go? Did he… Did he take it well?"
"He says we'll be okay, but…" Severus trails off.
Lily pulls her hand away and twists her neck so she can look down at his face. "What?"
Severus lifts his head to meet her shimmering gaze. "I don't think he will be."
Her lip quivers and she pulls him back against her in a sheltering hug. "I'm so sorry, Severus."
How did you feel about this chapter? Sage's reaction to the news? Severus going to Lily after it was done?
In other news, since TDKWWS's last update, another story has been added to the Family Branches series! It's called Our Simple Dramas and revolves around Severus, his girls, and their want for a biscuit.
Thank you all a million for reading!
Edited: 1/9/20