It took hours. Severus watched as Hermione's face screwed up in pain and she whimpered, "No, I can't do it anymore! Gods, please!" It nearly killed him. He thought that his heart would simply fall out of his chest. Not to mention that he feared she would break his hand right off if she squeezed it any harder.
The entire process was breathtaking to watch. It was new life. It was magnificent.
Severus could not believe that this was Hermione Granger, giving birth to his daughter. Well, their daughter, really. It was just that he had never pictured himself with a child. Of course, he had always possessed the desire for a wife, but never a child, least of all a daughter. Before five months ago, he'd have thought that he would not have accepted a daughter, that it would have had to be a son. But when he heard from Madam Pomfrey that the baby was fine and healthy, he didn't care about anything else. Let it be a girl, boy, or a green, four-eyed alien- he would still love it more than anything else.
This much, he knew- he would love his daughter. Even so, he feared that he would be an inadequate father. He had complete faith in Hermione, and more so after watching Jane Granger, but he, Severus, had not had the best example to take from. Well, that is an understatement, Severus knew. But what if he hit his daughter one day? What if he ever hit Hermione? Though he didn't like to remember the incident, he knew that he had gotten physical with her once. Just once, and she had forgiven him, but he had still done it. What if he taunted his daughter the way that he taunted his students?
What if he was unable to provide for his family somehow? And if he made a mistake with his daughter? He now had a tiny being whom he and Hermione were responsible for, and no one else. This frightened him more than anything.
He watched as his daughter was born. The daughter that he and Hermione had made. This baby, Trina... She was their flesh and blood. She was their bodies, fitted perfectly together. They would always be a part of her. Always.
Severus stared ahead. Trina was almost completely out now. It could be a bit disgusting, but still, it was a miracle. A miracle. What else could produce this gorgeous baby girl?
And finally, she was here. The sound of a baby's cries reached his ears, and unconsciously, he breathed a sigh of relief. Poppy handed him a pair of scissors and he reached out to cut the umbilical cord, severing the last necessary physical ties from the baby to Hermione.
"Severus," Hermione said quietly, and he could already see the tears welling up in her eyes. "Look, Severus. Look at our baby."
"I see," he replied, sending her a small smile.
"Here you are," said Madam Pomfrey a little while after that as she handed Trina to Hermione. The baby was wrapped in a soft, pink blanket, and Severus watched as Hermione cradled their daughter in her arms.
"Hello," Hermione said quietly as she stared at her daughter. "I'm your Mum, and this is your Dad. Hello, Trina. Say hello, Severus."
It was suddenly very hard to breathe. Severus stared down at his daughter. "Hi."
Hermione grinned. And he thought Harry was pathetic... she thought. Then she looked down at Trina. "He doesn't talk much," she whispered.
Severus squeezed Hermione's shoulder gently and smiled. He hadn't even noticed that Poppy had left them alone.
"Would you like to hold her?" Hermione asked.
"She's so small. What if I- I mean, I have never-"
"It will be all right, Severus. Come here."
He leaned down to take his daughter from Hermione.
"Support her head, like that...yes."
Severus' lips parted as he gazed down at Trina Eileen Snape. She felt so frail in his arms, as if at any moment, with the slightest movement, she could easily break. He shifted slightly.
"What if I hurt her?" he asked, looking up at Hermione.
"You're doing just fine. You've nothing to worry about." It was silent for a few minutes. Then she spoke again, "She has your eyes. Did you see?"
"My eyes?" he asked.
Smiling, Hermione nodded. "Yes."
"Everything else she got from you. She's gorgeous," Severus murmured.
Hermione watched him, though after several minutes, he glanced back up and her eyes were closed. Well, it was no surprise. Shoving a tiny human being out of her body... She must have been exhausted.
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"My dear boy," said a voice behind him, and Severus knew instantly who it was. He turned around, his black eyes meeting a pair of twinkling blue ones.
"Good afternoon, Albus," said Severus, nodding.
"That pink matches your outfit perfectly," said Albus, smiling.
Severus raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he looked back down at his daughter.
"You know, Severus, it is thought by some that having a child means that one's life is not entirely in vain. That one was placed on this earth for a purpose, to accomplish something greater."
"Really, Albus? Who thinks that?"
"Well, no one that I know, but..." Albus chuckled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lemon drop, popping it into his mouth. "Would you like a sweet?" he asked as he offered one to Severus.
He shook his head and glanced up at Albus. "No. Why did you not come sooner?" he asked, attempting to sound as though he did not care.
"I was delayed by business," the Headmaster replied calmly, shrugging.
Severus' head shot up. "What sort of business?" Indeed, what kind of business could have delayed Dumbledore for this long? When anything like this was brought up, Severus immediately feared that another Dark wizard was rising again. He could not help it.
"Nothing to worry about," said Albus quickly, waving his hand. "May I see...what is her name?"
"Trina Eileen."
"How lovely. After your mother, of course. And has she taken your name?"
"Yes," Severus replied, and Albus smiled as he heard the pride in the younger man's voice.
"May I see her?"
Severus shifted his daughter and moved the blanket slightly so that her face was visible to the Headmaster. Trina's eyelids flickered open and she stared up at her father and Dumbledore.
"She certainly has your eyes, Severus. My, she is beautiful," Dumbledore uttered, smiling down at the baby. Then he looked back up at Severus. "Trina Eileen Snape. How delightful. Will she attend Hogwarts when she grows old enough?"
"Of course," Severus answered at once.
"And what house will she be in, do you think?"
Smirking, Severus replied, "Slytherin."
Albus chuckled, and then he noticed Hermione's eyes begin to open. "Hello, Hermione. Are you quite exhausted?"
Covering her mouth as she yawned, she nodded. "Yes, as you can probably tell."
"Indeed. In that case, I suppose I ought to be leaving you alone, shouldn't I? I simply wanted to visit and wish you both the best of luck. From what I can see, your daughter will grow up to be gorgeous, so you can at least be thankful for that," Albus said, waving goodbye to them and smiling as he left.
Hermione looked up at Severus. "Can you take your eyes off of her?" she asked.
Smiling, he looked up at Hermione and walked toward her. He took in her flyaway hair, red cheeks, and the dark circles under her eyes. He smiled as he said quietly, "You are gorgeous." His daughter began to squirm in his arms, and he immediately handed her over to Hermione.
"She might be hungry," she said, taking her daughter and bringing Trina to her breast.
Severus watched as his daughter feasted on the sweet nectar that leaked out of Hermione's body. And he smiled.
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"You are free to leave," said Madam Pomfrey after she figured that both Hermione and Trina were fit to leave the infirmary and retreat to the dungeons.
On their way back to their chambers, Hermione carried the child, while Severus walked beside her. It was lunch time now, and they did not meet anyone on their way to the dungeons, as all of the students and staff were in the Great Hall. This was something for which Severus was very grateful. When they had reached the chambers, Hermione sighed in relief, delighted to be home.
Walking through the front door, she held her daughter close to her body. Gods, she never wanted to let her go. She hadn't realized before she held her daughter in her arms that it was even possible to love anything this much. She loved her mother and her father and Severus, but she loved Trina.
She had often heard of a mother's love for her child, and how it did not equal anything else in the world, but she had never really understood it until now.
For a moment, she wondered if Severus felt the same way about Trina as she did. Well, he was her father, after all. Curious, she looked up at him and asked quietly, "Severus, how much do you love us?"
"I beg your pardon?" he asked, furrowing his brow.
"Tell me how much you love us, Trina and me."
"More than anything."
"More than what?"
"More than..." He thought for a moment. "More than I love the soft simmering of a cauldron. More than I love bewitching your mind and ensnaring your senses."
Hermione laughed as she answered, "I love you, too. Do you know that?"
"I do," he nodded, leaning down to kiss her cheek.
Trina began to squirm, then, and it was not long at all before her high-pitched wails filled their chambers and echoed off of the cold, stone walls of the dungeons. First, Hermione tried to determine whether or not this outbreak had a purpose, such as the baby was hungry. Indeed, she was. Trina suckled the milk from Hermione as if she was starving.
Severus watched in amazement as Hermione provided their daughter with nourishment, keeping her tiny body healthy. He wished that he could give his daughter something, as well. And not just a toy or a bottle of milk. No; something real.
He knew that this was impossible, of course. What could a father give their child that a mother could not?
"Hungry, was she?" he asked sardonically.
"I suppose so," Hermione said, smiling softly as she gazed down at their daughter. Trina's tiny hands plucked at the fabric covering Hermione's chest while she gulped down the milk. After she had pulled away from her mother's breast, Trina nestled her head into Hermione's warm body and closed her eyes.
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In the middle of the night, piercing cries filled Severus and Hermione's ears. Severus immediately moved to stand up, but Hermione slurred sleepily, "Severus, lay back down."
"I will-"
"You don't have any milk, and even if you did, you have no idea how to prepare a bottle."
"And you do?" he asked, so drowsy that he really wasn't aware of what he was saying.
Shrugging her robes over her shoulders, Hermione rolled her eyes in the darkness. "Lay down, Severus."
Without one more word of protest, he did so.
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Trina woke them up two more times that night, and then again, very early in the morning, as the sun was peeking through the curtains.
"Why did we decide to have her, again?" Severus moaned as he buried himself deeper underneath the quilts.
"Severus, that is a horrible thing to say," Hermione scolded him, drawing her robe tightly around her and going to their daughter.
After a while, Severus simply gave up on sleep, and stood. It was then that he noticed his daughter was no longer crying. Making his way into her room, he saw Hermione sitting in the wooden rocking chair, humming a soothing lullaby and nursing Trina. He stood, gazing at her, for several minutes before he cleared his throat quietly to announce his presence. Then he began to walk forward, into the room.
"Isn't she lovely when she is quiet?" Hermione whispered, smiling up at Severus.
He nodded. "Indeed. But then, she is always lovely." After remaining still for several minutes, his eyes fixed upon the two people he cared for most in this world, Severus said quietly that he should grade essays now, as he would probably be busy later. Hermione agreed, and, with a smile, she watched him go.
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On Sunday, Severus attended a meeting in the staff room, and it was quickly apparent to Minerva and Remus, as well as to everyone else, that he was exhausted. Well, more so than usual.
"Congratulations on your daughter," said Minerva as she took a seat beside Severus. "What did you decide on for a name?"
"Trina Eileen Snape," he replied, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"How lovely."
"How are you and Hermione handling parenthood thus far?" Remus asked, sitting down on the other side of Severus.
"I am surrounded by Gryffindors," Severus muttered before turning to the man sitting beside him. "Do you have any idea, Lupin, how often children cry? My daughter's wailing is a never-ending screech that is the first thing to reach my eardrums in the morning."
"Sounds...pleasant."
"How long will Hermione be absent from classes?" Minerva asked suddenly.
"She believes that it will be approximately two months."
"What will you do with Trina after she returns to teaching?"
"I will discuss it with the Headmaster before taking any action concerning the matter," said Severus, just as Dumbledore stood and called the meeting to order.
"As some of you already know, a new member has been added to the Hogwarts family," said Albus, his eyes twinkling as he looked in Severus' direction.
Dear Merlin. Must he begin the meeting with this? Severus thought. He was not amused.
"Hermione had her and Severus' daughter on Saturday evening. She was given the name Trina Eileen Snape."
"Thank you, Albus," Severus muttered through clenched teeth. He was relieved when the Headmaster switched topics not long after this.
After the meeting, Severus did not stand at once, as he was generally known to do. Instead, he remained seated for several long seconds, blinking and staring straight ahead, before he stood and slowly began to make his way toward the door of the staff room.
"Severus," Albus called, and he turned around to face the older man.
"Yes, Headmaster?"
"Is it correct that Hermione will not be teaching for another two months?"
"Yes, sir. Perhaps three, as I have already informed Minerva and Lupin. Is that acceptable?"
"Of course. She may take six months off, if she needs it," Albus exclaimed, smiling. "After she returns to classes, however... What are your plans for Trina?"
"I was intending to discuss that with you, Albus."
"Some of the more motherly house-elves are more than capable of taking care of her."
"Forgive me, Headmaster, but I doubt if I would feel very comfortable leaving my daughter in the care of beings that are not entirely human."
"Perhaps Hagrid..."
"No," said Severus at once. He'd likely crush her. Or accidentally feed her to some wild creature out of the forest, he added mentally.
"Very well, then," the Headmaster replied. "You might consider taking her to a babysitter, and then Apparating to collect her after your classes are done with for the day."
Severus considered this for a moment. He and Hermione could take care in choosing the person who was to care for Trina. This idea, he decided, was not so terrible. After promising Albus that he would propose the idea to Hermione and they would both seriously consider it, Severus left the staff room and returned to his chambers, where Hermione was waiting for him.
"What was covered at the meeting?" she asked the moment he entered the living room.
"Nothing of any great importance," he replied, removing his robes and placing them over the back of the sofa. "You missed nothing." After he glanced around, his eyes settled back on Hermione. "Where is she?"
"Sleeping," Hermione whispered. "If you make a bit of noise, I will have to Avada Kedavra you."
"The same goes for you, I do hope you realize," he replied, taking a seat in the sofa and closing his eyes. He opened them rather soon, though, and stared at Hermione. "You should be resting," he said quietly.
"I am resting, sitting here on the sofa."
He shook his head. "You know very well what I meant. You should be lying down in the bedroom."
Hermione sighed. Seven or eight months ago, she would have replied to his statement with "Care to join me?" and a raised eyebrow. Now, however, she wanted no part of sex. That was much too exhausting an activity for her to be doing just now. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that she was so worn out that she was physically incapable of it. Right now, she had only one desire: sleep, and nothing else. Trina was lovely and meant everything to her, of course, but the baby was so time- and energy-consuming. Hermione was quite certain that all children were this way, and this, perhaps, frightened her more than anything else had so far. Still, she was utterly perplexed as to how such a small thing could require so much time and attention devoted to it.
Still, she was aware that having Trina was a wonderful experience, and probably the best thing for Severus, who was also thinking quietly to himself at the moment.
As he stared at her, he was completely unable to fathom the ways of the world just then. During his life, he had committed so many horrific acts, with no mercy in his heart, against innocent victims. He had never been deserving of any companions to care for him, nor did he deserve anyone to love in return. However, in just one year, he had gone from having no one to having two people who loved him unconditionally, and whom he loved, as well. Honestly, he had no idea why or how he had gotten so lucky.
It was then that he wondered: what if Hermione Granger had never decided to travel to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Would she be alone? He would certainly be brooding down here in his room, alone. What would he be doing right now if Hermione was not with him? Most likely, he would be sitting here alone, reading or grading essays. Would he be drinking?
Perhaps.
Probably. He wondered why he had needed alcohol so often when he had been without her, but immediately dismissed the question.
Shaking his head, he walked forward and saw that Hermione's eyes were closed. Using his wand, he positioned her so that she was lying down on the couch, her head at one end and her feet at the other, and covered her with a blanket. Then, as quietly as he could, he went to his bedroom. No sooner had his head touched the pillow that his daughter began to scream for Mummy or Daddy. Well, Severus knew that it was certainly no contest; Mummy had the milk.
Regretfully, he had forgotten before now to ask Hermione how to show him to prepare a bottle for Trina. And this was definitely not something with which he would be willing to hazard a guess. No, he would wake Hermione now and ask her to show him as she did it.
He stood and staggered to the door, his steps clumsy from exhaustion, and stepped into his daughter's bedroom. Going to her bed, he gazed down at her. Her lips were formed into a deep, gummy frown as a piercing shriek erupted from her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut and then, as her eyelids opened, she caught sight of her father. He liked to think that she calmed down a bit at this. Reaching down, he took her carefully into his arms and pulled her close to him. He wondered now if she needed her nappy changed- he had not yet done this, either- and shuddered at the thought. Trina obviously calmed down quite a bit now that someone was holding her. Still, Severus had not been present much with her since she was born, which he regretted. What if she had no idea who he was? Was he just a stranger to her, here to provide her with milk when Mother was delayed?
Severus had little to no memories of his own father from his very young childhood; he did not intend to allow the same process to happen with Trina. "Sh," he said gently, cradling her to his chest. "Don't cry."
"Are you having quite a time with your father, Trina?" asked Hermione, leaning against the doorframe and rubbing her eyes tiredly.
"She is," Severus said in a quiet voice.
Hermione smiled and walked toward them. "Don't you think she has your eyes?"
He looked down at her, and found that her eyes were as dark as his. "Yes," he answered, "I do."
"We won't be able to tell until she is older, of course, but I think she's going to resemble you quite a bit."
"Let us hope not."
Shaking her head, Hermione walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "She's stopped fussing."
"Indeed."
"Still, she probably needs her nappy changed."
Looking uneasy, Severus glanced up at her. "I have not done that before, Hermione."
"Perhaps you should learn, then, Severus. Besides, you're a smart man," she said, smirking. "It's not as if you could not figure it out."
Raising an eyebrow, he looked down at Trina. "Very well," he said, carrying her to the changing table in the corner.
"What are you doing?" Hermione laughed.
"I'm going to change her nappy. Why?"
"I didn't really think you would do it."
"And once again," he replied, "I have proven you wrong."
Chuckling and shaking her head, Hermione left the room for several minutes, in which time Severus mastered the art of changing a baby's nappy. Well, perhaps not mastered- even he could admit that- but he would learn more about this child as time went on. After all, that was what fatherhood was all about, he supposed.
At that moment, he wondered what his own father had felt like when Severus was born. Was Tobias joyful? Full of regret? Severus knew that he would never know for certain; he could only guess. He wasn't even sure that his father had ever really loved him. Of course, his mother had loved Severus- of that, he was positive- but his father... He hit Severus, even when Severus was a small child. How could you love anyone whom you would inflict that kind of pain upon? In Severus' opinion, it simply did not work. Then again, some people would wonder how you could love anyone who was twice your age, and, well...
Severus shook his head. He wasn't like his father. He wasn't going to be like his father. He would care for Trina, like a father should love and care for his child, and he would most certainly protect her. He, of all people, knew what dangers lurked in this world- the evils- just waiting to suck you in and never let you out. No; his daughter would not end up like him. He would not let her. Because he would not end up like his father.
"Severus?" he heard Hermione whisper.
He turned toward her slowly, trying to ease Trina back into sleep.
"Did your first experience with a nappy go well?" she asked, grinning.
"Yes, it did. Thank you for your inquiry."
Smiling, Hermione bit her lip and watched as Severus set Trina down in her crib. However, the child began to whimper as soon as her back touched the soft fabric of her bed, and Severus reluctantly picked her back up in his arms again.
"Is she everything you hoped she would be?"
He thought for a moment. "She is much more." It was silent for several minutes. "I cannot believe that this tiny being depends solely on us for support; on me."
"She is in good hands, then."
"I suppose so. I also cannot begin to comprehend the fact that this child spent nine months inside of you."
"She is a part of you, as well," Hermione laughed.
"Yes, but... She is our flesh and blood, Hermione. She is ours, and no one else's to have. Do you realize that?" He paused, not sure if he wanted to say more. However, very quietly and with a bit of difficulty, he continued, "I would die for her. A thousand times, if need be."
Hermione smiled. "So would I."
"Who else?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Who else would you die for, without even having to consider it?"
She paused, thinking. "You, of course. Perhaps Albus Dumbledore. My mother and father. Harry or Ron, probably. And then, Trina, as I said already.
"Seven people, in the entire world."
She nodded. "Yes. Why do you sound so astonished?"
He shook his head.
Laughing, Hermione replied, "I believe you might try putting her back in her bed."
"What is the point, honestly? She will only awaken an hour from now, begging for milk."
"Nevertheless, we need sleep, as well. I've hardly slept at all for the past four days."
Nodding, he carefully lowered his daughter down to her bed, and then gently set her down into it. He froze for a moment, just waiting for her wailing to begin again. When it did not, he allowed himself a sigh of relief. He turned to see Hermione walking from the room. After he had leaned down and seen Trina's chest rising and falling with her breaths, he followed Hermione into their bedroom.
Within seconds, both of them collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. They did not even bother to remove their clothes.
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He opened his eyes and sat up in the bed slowly, so as not to waken Hermione. Carefully, he then made his way out of the bedroom and into Trina's room. Walking with the utmost concentration, so as not to make a sound, he approached her bed. Looking around, he found a chair, pulled it up, and set it so that it was facing his daughter. Then he sat down on it and stared straight ahead.
Occasionally, Trina's eyelids began to flutter, though they stopped then after several minutes. He intently watched her chest rise and fall, making certain that she was breathing. He had heard stories about many infants who simply stopped breathing while they were asleep. But no; his daughter was fine. His daughter was all right. His daughter was alive, and was breathing.
Severus could not help but feel guilty just then. He, who had done so much harm to others in his lifetime, did not deserve the life that he had now. He maintained a well-paying, stable career, kept a house, had a beautiful daughter, and he had Hermione. His heart soared when he thought of her.
Two years ago, she had only been Miss Granger, insufferable Gryffindor know-it-all. Now, she was Hermione. His Hermione. She had given him everything. She had given him Trina. Because of these two people, he was truly happy- more so than he had ever been in his entire life. Not that that was saying much, of course. Still, she made him feel wonderful.
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Hermione met him the following morning with red, tired eyes.
"Are you all right, Severus? I heard you get up last night, but I didn't hear Trina fussing at the time."
"Yes, I'm fine. I awoke and went into her bedroom."
"Why?"
"I was afraid that she was not breathing. She was, of course, but still, I sat and watched her sleep for a little while before returning to bed."
Hermione smiled. "You see? Already, you are a terrific father."
He shook his head. "I cannot believe that for the rest of my life, I must care for that tiny human in the next room. Not that I dread it, of course, but I simply fail to wrap my mind around the concept."
"Let us wait and see how you feel about that in twenty years."
"I suppose."
Just then, a high-pitched scream reached them in the living room.
Sighing, Hermione began to stand, but Severus was quicker. He held up a hand. "I will get it," he said quietly, and Hermione watched as he walked into the bedroom and held their daughter. Softly, she smiled. Maybe someday, he would even learn how to prepare a bottle.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You are amazing!
Special thanks to my beta, SwissMiss1!
Disclaimer- I don't own anything in this story. All of the characters and places and stuff are products of J.K. Rowling's incredible imagination.
Review Please! It is always greatly appreciated! Even if you don't like my story, please tell me what you dislike and I'll try to work on it in the future. Thanks!