Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters.
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Sara sat in the locker room staring down at the floor. The last few hours had been one big nightmare playing over and over in her head. All she could hear were the voices of her past; teachers, social workers, foster parents, enemies, and friends- not to mention her own conscious. She looked around to make sure there was no one in the room and gently pulled up her sleeve; red lines, new and old ran down her arm.
It had been almost a month since she'd cut herself, but seeing the photos of the girl- Elizabeth- brought triggering thoughts and harsh memories. She thought she'd finally conquered it, instead she felt it calling her back to it. C'mon, Sara, she commanded herself, you don't need this anymore. Remember, you promised yourself, she kept telling herself; yet the feeling was still there. Sara's skin was crawling, it was aching; her head was spinning, and her heart was racing; she could almost feel the blade glide over her skin and the way it felt for the blood to be seeping out. Opening her locker, she dug into the very back and pulled out a small box which held a small razor that she kept for emergencies; this case had definitely affected her more than she thought it would.
"Hey!" called a voice. Sara jumped, quickly closing the lid of the box. Looking up, she saw Warrick standing in the doorway.
"What's up?" she asked, pulling down her sleeve.
"Are you okay?" Warrick's face was full of concern.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." He was unsure of her answer but let it go, for now- instead, he handed her a case file.
"We got him. The guy was stupid enough to be hiding down the street. Brass is bringing him in now."
"That's great," Sara said weakly.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Warrick asked again.
"I'm fine," she stated sharply.
"Okay, okay," Warrick turned to leave. "Oh, and Grissom is looking for you."
Great, Sara thought. Slamming her locker door shut, she took a deep breath and headed toward Grissom's office.
"You wanted to see me?" she asked, knocking on the open door.
"Sara-" he looked up at her. "Come on in." Sara cautiously stepped closer to his desk. "Sit," he commanded gently.
"Oh- okay," Sara lowered herself into the chair. "What's up, Griss?" she asked anxiously.
"How've you been doing lately?" Grissom sat back into his chair.
"I've been- okay… Look, Griss, I know I got a little, preoccupied back there. It- well, I had a friend, who- I'm fine," Sara stammered. She couldn't and wouldn't lie to him; instead she said nothing and got up.
"Sara, I just…" Grissom started.
"Seriously, Grissom, I'm fine," with that she hurried out the door. I can't take this, she thought angrily to herself. I can't breath. Sara raced toward the locker room. Throwing open her locker, she pulled out the small box and a small First Aid Kit, also kept for emergencies; and ran to the bathroom. Sitting in the bathroom stall, Sara felt like she was back in jr. high; she closed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest, leaning her head on the stall wall.
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"Young teenage female being brought in; critical condition, possible suicide attempt." Fourteen year old, Sara Sidle felt herself being put into the ambulance. She could hear the sirens and the voices of the paramedics, her foster parents, and her brother. Her head was spinning and she felt woozy. "I didn't- I wasn't-" she tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out; she could barely breath.
"Okay, let's go!" called a male medic as he slammed the door shut.
"Miss Sidle, can you hear me?" he asked putting an oxygen mask on her face, her eyes felt heavy and she was unresponsive; she felt herself slip away.
Beep…beep…beep...beep…beep…beep…beep... Sara's eyes flutter opened as she woke up. She was in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed. Trying to sit up, something tugged on Sara's arm. She looked over to see an I.V. stuck in her left hand.
"Sara," her brother Michael was sitting beside her bed.
"M- Michael," she tried to talk. He held a straw up to her lips which she accepted. Taking a sip, she realized how sore her throat was.
"They had to put a tube down your throat so you could breath," he explained, "so, it may be a little sore for a while." Sara nodded and took another, longer, sip.
"I wasn't- trying to off myself." Michael nodded understandingly.
"How long, Sis?"
"How long have you known?" she answered question with a question.
"Since you came to live with us."
"Since before Mom killed Dad." His lips formed a silent, "Oh."
"Mel is pretty upset. She and Bryan are in the waiting room."
"They're going to send me back, aren't they," Sara said choking back tears. Two days prior the Jameson's had announced that they wanted to adopt both Michael and Sara. They won't want me now. Sara's heart started to ache.
"They won't, Sar, they're just, worried…" he drifted off, sighing. "I'm going to go let them know you're awake."
"No, wait, Michael."
"Everything's going to be okay, Sis, I swear," Sara was left to her own thoughts. Without thinking, she pulled the I.V. out of her hand; luckily there was very little bleeding. She pulled the covers up around her chest. Even though they knew now, didn't mean she was read for them to see.
"Sara? Sweetheart?" Bryan opened the door slightly; Mel behind him. "Hey," she said walking over to the bed. Sara noticed her eyes were red and puffy. "Sara, I'm so sorry," she said gently hugging her. "I didn't know. I should've realized, but I didn't." Unwillingly Sara started crying too. Mel tried to pull down the covers but Sara wouldn't let her. "Okay, okay," she kissed Sara's head.
"It's going to be okay, Kiddo," Bryan stroked her hair; Sara saw that his eyes were also red and puffy. "We're gonna get you some help; get you well."
"I'm sorry," Sara's voice cracked as she started sobbing.
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Stuffing the items back into her locker, Sara, once again headed for Grissom's office. "We need to talk," she stated, standing in the doorway.
"Okay," he took his glasses off and looked up from his book; he nodded toward the chair, but Sara shook her head.
"Not now and definitely not here."
"Alright," it came out as more of a question.
"I know you have questions and that's understandable…"
"Sara, it's okay. We'll talk soon."
"Soon," she replied; with that, she was gone.