Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters; I also do not own High Ground or any of its characters.
A/N: This is a CSI/High Ground crossover; kind of. Higher Ground was a show that aired on Fox Family channel, (yes, I know- a long time ago), that starred: Joe Lando, Hayden Christensen, and A.J. Cook
(The High Ground part is v. AU)
xoxoxoxoxo
Seventeen year old Sara sat staring out the window at the falling leaves. In a few hours her parents were coming to pick her up. It had been almost three years since she'd first arrived at Mt. Horizon. Being here had saved her life. It held her safe; keeping her away from everything else in her life and she wasn't sure she was ready to join the outside world again.
"Hey," said a deep voice. Sara looked up too see eighteen year old Peter Scarbrow standing in front of her. "Are you ready?"
"I guess," Sara said unconvincingly.
"You'll get used to it, being at home, I mean," Peter ran his hand through his dark brown hair. "It's weird at first; too much freedom, it's almost scary." Sara nodded but said nothing. Peter had been at Mt. Horizon for four years now. Before coming he'd been in and out of several different hospitals and rehabs, but none of them had helped. After finding him on the street passed out his parents decided to send him to a school instead of an institution. Now after being here so long, Peter was one of the senior members their group, the Cliffhangers.
"You don't belong here anymore, Sar… that's not what I mean and you know it," he answered quickly when Sara gave him a look. "Frank and Mary Ellen wouldn't let you go if you weren't ready. Just remember," he said in his best counselor voice, "It's about control. Don't let it control you; you're stronger than it." Sara nodded and sighed. "Come one, we have Group." Peter led her down the hallway and into the lounge of the main building. Most of the group had already assembled. After stoking the fire Peter called the ground to attention.
"As Frank and Mary Ellen are still in California, I'll be conducting-"
"No need," Frank said interrupting walking straight up to Sara. "We wanted to say goodbye." Sara said nothing but just nodded. "And, I need to do your exit interview." He looked at Peter who was looking back him with a look of surprise. "It's not that I don't trust you, Pete, it's just that-"
"I get it," Peter said holding his hand up.
"So, you're really leavin' us," Milo, who'd been lying upside down in the chair, sat up.
"Not by choice," she finally admitted.
"What do you mean?" asked a red head girl named Hannah.
"I… I just don't think I can do this."
"Like I said before," said Peter, "it's weird at first."
"Doesn't that make you think about what we're all going to do after we get out of here," Casey piped up.
"I don't even want to think that far," said a curly hair boy named Kyle.
"It's not a far thought for me," Sara whispered; without warning, she darted out of the lounge and toward the woodpile. Picking the axe, she started chopping fiercely.
"You're lucky you're leaving in a few hours." Sara stopped chopping, but didn't look up.
"Are you sure I'm ready for this, Frank, because I'm not."
"You're not ready or you're not sure?"
"Both."
"I don't want to send you home if you're having that much doubt, Sara."
"It's just… what if I can't do this; on my own, I mean."
"You're not on your own Sara. You have your parents, Dr. Rosing, Michael." Picking up the axe again, Sara started chopping even harder.
"I, ah, heard you got into Harvard. Congrats."
"Thanks," Sara gave a very rare smile, "early acceptance; I start in a few weeks."
"Do you know what you're going to study yet?"
"Science."
"Yeah, you always were good at science." Frank got serious again. "You have about two hours until your parents get here and I have a last assignment for you." Sara rolled her eyes. "A two hundred word essay."
"What's the topic?"
"My Strength." Sara mouthed a silent, Okay. Handing Frank the axe, she head toward her dorms. Her bags were neatly situated at the end of what she had called her bed for the past three years. All her papers, notes, pictures, and personal items had been taken down and packed away. Sara could feel her heart tighten. As much as she wanted to get back to her normal life, she was going to miss it here. Mt Horizon was more of a home to her than any other place had been, she felt her safest here; protected. Pulling a pencil and stack of paper out of her bag she seated herself at the desk.
Sara Sidle
My Strength
My strength is about to be tested. For the first time in three years I'm going to be on my own. It didn't bother me when was younger. I was practically always on my own. My parents were either working or fighting. Weakness was tolerated around my house and… I guess- hurting me was my father's way of making me tough. Even though my mom didn't tolerate weakness from me, at times, she herself was. The only time she really showed her strength was when she eventually killed my father.
I know I have strength- to battle the outside world. Maybe that's what I'm so afraid of. This isn't an external battle, but an internal battle; a battle within myself. No one can fix this but me and that scares me beyond anything else. Since I was little, I always wanted someone to save me; save me from my dad, save me from my life, save me from my foster brother, save me from myself. I was saved from my dad and my foster brother, but as for myself; only I can save me from me. Not very profound is it, but if there's one things I've learnt from being here, it's that there's only so much help I can receive- I have to do the rest; after being shown the way out; I have to be the one to get out.
I do have strength. I can win this battle. I'm not the scared little girl I once was. I'm ready to face this head on; university, life, everything. I'm ready. I've finally found my strength.
xoxoxoxoxo
"I was nine years old. My parents had been one of their infamous fights, ending with my dad storming out." Grissom was sitting on the couch in Sara's apartment for the second time in his life and this time he'd been invited. He was happy that Sara was opening up to him, no matter how much it was breaking his heart, he thought to himself, shifting on the couch; he turned to look at her; she was starring at the floor.
"I went into the living room to make sure she was okay. She was just laying there on the floor," Sara paused. "Sh- she looked up at me with this, hatred in her eyes and said, 'This is your fault.' I ran to the bathroom and sitting on the counter was her razor, still in the package," she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I wasn't intending to- I was going to rip up the towels and the wall, but then I found myself sliding the razor across my own skin. Are you sure you want to hear this?" Sara eyes were full of concern. I must have a horrified look on my face, Grissom thought.
"As much as you want to tell me," he answered with a small smile.
"I'm getting through this, Griss. I don't know if it'll ever go away, but I am dealing with it. I… just wanted you to know that."
xoxoxoxoxo
Epilogue
"You ready?" Grissom asked coming up behind Sara. Turning to look at him, she smiled. "C'mon," he said guiding her out to the car. "Let's go home." It had been a year since Sara Sidle last cut herself. Everyday she dealt with longing in the back of her mind. Over the course of the few months following the whole team had found out; at first being afraid of what they would think, but learning quickly how much they really cared. She still felt unsure about sharing her personal life with them, but Grissom had told her that this was too important to try to deal with on her own. She finally had a support system; something she felt had been missing since she left Mt. Horizon.