NOW, I'M GIVEN A CHOICE…

Okay, here's the gist of what happened so far. I know it's hard to understand. It was hard for me too. Hehehe...

The thing is... it all started with that blasted thing that was the sword -- that became a dagger after the unnamed Malfoy (Draco's ancestor in the Prologue) reduced it ('Reducio!') because he couldn't get rid of it. See, even after he tried cursing it with 'Evanesco!' for the umpteenth time, it wouldn't disappear... because it was supposed to serve as a reminder. Remember that the unnamed Malfoy came back into the manor (just when the sun was rising) with bloodstain all over him? That was what he was being tormented with... the event that happened beforehand. (What it was... well, you'll know in time.) So, then the unnamed Malfoy decided to bury it in the manor dungeons just so he could get rid of it -- well, get it out of his sight, at least.

And for centuries to come... it stayed buried underground until Draco decided to find it. Remember, Draco said that the existence of the sword had been talked about in hush within the family -- that it was buried in the dungeons. And Draco, clever boy that he is, of course found it.

Now, why Draco? Basically, as explained in the 'book' (and unexplained knowledge) of Hermione, the dagger was the Blade of Deliverance -- forgiveness / salvation / mercy / etc. And because Draco is probably the first generation of the Malfoys that actually has a heart... (that comes with a conscience)... he wanted to find the blade because his conscience was already killing him. Although he didn't kill Dumbledore, the thought of being one of the Death Eaters scared him -- that was why he wanted to salvage his soul. And the only way he knew how to do that was... to find the dagger.

So, he found it and in his recluse, he read the words carved on the blade and cut himself four times (because he wanted to cut himself four times, that is). Now, cutting himself -- he felt a bit suicidal and actually believed that he was supposed to die. Why did he think he was supposed to die? Because the first man who did it... died. (Put it through his heart... and as Draco said, it was 'pathetically stupid' but he died, nonetheless)

But instead of death, destiny gave him Hermione. That was why Hermione suddenly appeared in the manor. Draco and Hermione became bound together because Hermione became his salvation -- remember: Hermione said that Draco will save himself by saving her.

Now, salvation is a difficult thing to deal with... it's not served on a silver platter... it's worked for and most likely (because Draco really wanted to die), it will involve the ultimate sacrifice that is death. HOWEVER! However, Draco can't just die for someone with the thought that he's going to be saved -- everything has to be selfless. THAT IS WHY... after Draco and Hermione's conversations in the manor... their memories were altered and they had forgotten all about it -- like a dream that they just couldn't quite remember.

Until comes the day.

So, destiny fed them their memories back slowly... like a challenge; especially for Draco who now realised that he was supposed to kill Hermione -- his first Mudblood kill. And judging by his reactions when Voldemort sent his Death Eaters to capture Hermione... Draco wasn't all pleased, was he?

But still, he was faced with this situation -- and destiny gave him something he actually needed for salvation. After all, according to Hermione, the worst thing Draco has ever done was show prejudice, not murder.

i've grown to be a lot bitter / and nothing's going to get any better / i'll be one of many broken angels / clipping their wings and fading away -- "fallen"

~*~*~*~

CHAPTER SIX: His Restless Ghost Apart

Draco leaned over Hermione and she felt his breath rushing across her ear then fading into the night; and for a still moment that seemed to have lasted longer than it did, he showed them what they wanted to see… a kiss from one's enemy – a toast to her demise.

But his lips didn't touch her face. Yet his cheek touched hers as he leaned very close to whisper in her ear. And with a voice trembling not because of the cold wind, he spoke. "Now, I'm given a choice… There's still no preparing, Granger. But I'm willing to, nonetheless."

And as if her skin was made of acid, he pulled away, turned around, and then walked away, gripping his wand tighter in his hand like he was getting ready. Hermione wanted to run after him. This couldn't be the answer to everything. There's got to be another way. She took one step but then, he spun around again and faced her – wand pointing straight to her heart.

"No!" Hermione yelled; her surroundings completely becoming empty. Everything else vanished. All she could see now was Draco staring straight at her, and although the night was between them, his grey eyes opened to Hermione and pierced through the dark like an unbreakable connection. "Draco," she said, pleading… "this doesn't have to happen."

"Oh! And she begs!" Hermione heard the hissing voice of Voldemort that snapped her back to reality – to the presence of the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters around her. And one of them stirred in the shadows, stepping forward – uneasy and gazing at Draco meaningly. It was the same Death Eater who wished to hand her back her wand for a more fulfilling kill… It was Snape. She recognised that voice anywhere… It was Snape. She was sure of it.

"Draco, we're waiting." She heard the hissing sound of Voldemort again. She turned back at Draco and closed her eyes.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Hermione opened her eyes, returning herself to the view of the ocean from the rooftop of the Order's headquarters. She wanted to get back and remember. She wanted to get back and know what happened after that… What happened to…?

"You're awake!" a voice so welcome to her ears greeted from behind her. She spun around in a smile, seeing Harry just as glad to see her on her feet. "How are you doing? I went to see you in your room and you were… gone."

Hermione faked a smile. "I'm… not bad," she said; because inside her, a question was burning and waiting to burst. And she didn't waste another minute. "Harry… what happened?"

"What do you mean 'what happened'? You're here. You're alive. And that's all that matters now, doesn't it?"

"I mean what happened? What happened after –?"

"After Malfoy yelled the Killing Curse you mean?" Harry interrupted, his tone upset.

"Yes. I mean… yes… I mean, no, what –?" she paused. She eyed Harry waiting for some sort of answer to every question she had. But he wasn't saying anything. She closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts… and then suddenly, she remembered something. "Harry, where's Mum and Dad?" She started for the door. "Are they okay? Where are they?"

But Harry restrained her and said reassuringly, "They're fine, Hermione. They're inside talking to Mrs Weasley and Ginny and well, can you imagine, McGonagall making small talk?" He smiled as Hermione did so herself. He shifted his gaze, knowing for sure what Hermione was going to say next. "When… when we went out looking for them – the members of the Order that disappeared from the map; and your parents – they were scattered all over the Unplottable areas. It was a ploy. It was all part of Voldemort's plan to mislead us. And… the last place we looked… well, it was the manor… Malfoy's. Because –"

"Because after all," Hermione interrupted, "he wasn't able to kill Dumbl—"

"But he still played a part! And he could've killed you."

"But he didn't," Hermione insisted. She knew Harry would disagree – even disagree violently – but she knew something… she felt something that he probably wouldn't ever understand. "Harry… I let myself be taken by Voldemort. I let myself be summoned – Listen. I don't know how. And I don't know why. But I just knew. I knew that Draco wasn't going to kill me." She paused, waiting for Harry to react.

"But…" Harry started slowly. Somehow, there was a part of him that didn't want to discuss this. Because it was a different memory that flashed in his mind every time he heard Malfoy yell the Killing Curse in his head. "…he yelled the curse pointing straight to your heart… he did."

"I know that. It's always the last thing I see every time I try to remember. But you can't just kill somebody with that curse. You have to mean it. And… he didn't mean it. He didn't mean it, Harry, that's why I'm still here."

"But… Tonks felt you and… and… she looked at me… and you were cold… and stiff… and you weren't breathing… and… We all thought you were dead!"

"But then, no magic could've saved me. No magic can bring back the dead –" Hermione stopped and turned away. It almost felt like uttering words from another person's mouth – a person from a memory long forgotten. "I guess… I guess he cast other nonverbal spells so that it would seem that I was really dead. Voldemort wanted him to kill me, right? He's unpredictable in some ways and just in case he checks if I was really killed… Draco must've thought…" But then she realised something else. She was awake. And that meant that whatever spell Draco had put on her had worn off or – "The killing curse only rendered me unconscious – badly – but I could easily wake up from that… but the other curse… You said you all thought I was dead… so you couldn't have known how to bring me back. It couldn't have worn off just in time…" her voice faded and she turned around to look at Harry. She closed her eyes, took one deep breath and swallowed before meeting Harry's gaze again. "But that must mean… the one who cast it d-died…"

Harry remained silent. He took a step towards her but he shifted his gaze to the ocean. "I don't know what to make of it. I was desperate for an explanation, too. And now maybe I've found what I've been asking for. But… But still, it's hard to admit it – that Dumbledore's faith was right all along. And that there's definitely something more to it that I don't understand."

"What does that mean?"

"Hermione… I… I don't… want to make a deadly mistake again. I'm tired of people leaving… But this is the biggest risk I've ever taken and when everything goes wrong after this… I'm going to take Voldemort down in any way, even if I go down with him."

* * * * *

Hermione came out into the grassy lawn behind the headquarters. She came out here after pleading to Harry not to tell anyone yet that she had woken up. Because she wanted to do this first – to remember more of what happened before everyone else bombard her with the same questions to her questions.

It was weird… knowing that all the people practically living inside that building were busy eradicating the forces of Voldemort and yet, somehow, someone managed to take their time and grew a bit of a garden outside.

The clearing had a few furniture where some of the Order members probably drank their afternoon tea. But at his hour, when the sun was slowly setting over the horizon, no one was there but the person she had been meaning to talk to ever since her conversations with Harry. Because this person deserved it; and she also deserved it.

She approached the person standing hidden behind the tree… in a trance over the setting sun – hair softly dancing with the wind; hands in pockets – looking serene and almost peaceful.

As she walked slowly towards him, she imagined what he would say.

And she knew Ron would be furious with her if not extremely annoyed. She could've really been dead right now. Ron would surely tell her that it was a foolish thing to do – to trust her life on someone who had always been discriminate against Muggleborns and Halfbloods. But she knew that it was time to face the music for that blasted song wouldn't stop ringing in her ears.

She neared the figure leaning austere on the tree. His eyes were now closed seeming to be persistently trying to block off all sounds and thoughts. But she proceeded, nonetheless – determined to break the excruciation of the icy… numbing void that had clearly formed between the two of them.

"Hi," she said slowly. She waited for a reply or some sort of movement but there was no response. His eyes were fixed closed as the sun finally was able to colour his skin with its red-yellow rays. He remained still. Hermione's predictions were probably right… he wouldn't even want to hear her voice – at least not now. So she turned to leave without saying another word.

But then…

…as faint as the whisperings of the wind…

…she heard him.

"Granger," he called in that ever familiar voice. Yet, the tone was solemn – almost pained and grieving.

~*~*~*~

i wait for somebody who knew / to see me and feel me through -- "somebody"

And after all the berating between the two of them... Draco finally understood that he was given a choice -- as he whispered in Hermione's ear. Draco believed that if he chose to live, then he might as well Apparate himself into damnation. But if he chose to save Hermione, he would die -- because Voldemort would kill him. But he took his chances and devised his plan.

See, when the scars 'healed backwards', the blood washed away the Dark Mark. And because the Dark Mark couldn't be imprinted on Draco's skin, Voldemort was furious because he knew that something was wrong and the first thing he thought of was that Hermione was probably still alive (and called Draco a 'coward'). Fortunately, Voldemort had little time to examine Hermione (who was unmoving, cold, and stiff) and Disapparated from sight just when Harry and the Order of the Phoenix had penetrated their shield.

And yes, Hermione was still alive. And yes, so was Draco. After all, who else calls her 'Granger'?

Chapter Seven next week! Leave a review for now.