I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes

I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

"I will, Daddy and I love you too" Peyton faked another smile and watched her dad's face disappear as he signed off. She sighed heavily as she leaned back in her chair. The faint smell of burnt paper lingered in the air.

Alone Again, she thought looking at the black screen on the computer. She had known her dad would have to go back to work sometime, but she wished it wasn't so soon.

She missed her dad,

She missed Ellie,

She missed him.

She needed someone to talk to about the mess she had made. Someone to tell her it was going to be okay.

With a sigh she glanced out her window to the street below. The late afternoon sun was painting the world light orange. A stillness had settled over the streets below, only the sound of a car passing could be heard.

Just then she saw two girls rounding the corner, hand in hand they walked down the sidewalk. They were laughing and talking, seeing them brought back memories.

Her and Brooke at the mall shopping for clothes, in school her trying to pay attention and Brooke studying the anatomy of the captain of the football team, the time they went out on the boat just before Lucas came back..

Lucas. Ever since the whole mess the first time things just weren't the same. They had drifted apart, changed...

The sound of a cell phone ringing brought her out of her thoughts. Looking over to the corner of the desk, she saw it.

Brooke's cell phone. She reached out and picked it up holding it for a second. Knowing she shouldn't she flipped it open.

Seeing his name brought tears to her eyes. She quickly shut it and dropped it on the desk.

Trying to control the tears that threatened to flow, she got up from the computer and lay across her bed. She wondered what he was doing, where he was..

Quickly she shook her head. "Stop it, Peyton" she told herself.

But it wasn't that easy. "That's me inside your head" she remembered him saying those words to her once. He had been talking about a song, but how those words came back to haunt her now.

All this would not be happening, if she had just been honest about her feelings then. Why hadn't she, she thought, sitting up on the bed.

Fear.

That was why. It was the one thing that seemed to be a constant in her life. People came and went, but the fear was always there, except when she was with him.

He was always saving her, not always literally like that day at the school, but saving her little by little every day.

Before him, there had been a void. A darkness that he seemed to pull her out of, he could make her feel safe with a glance or a touch. He always seemed to say the right thing, and if he couldn't make the pain go away, he tried to make it easier to deal with.

He made her laugh, he made her remember, he made her feel.

Too long had she gone day by day without feeling. Most people didn't understand what that meant, they could not.

He was becoming a constant in her life too, how was she to be without him, now that Brooke had tried to turn him against her.

flashback

"Hey you" he said as they grew closer.

"Mmm" she half smiles

"So I have been informed to avoid you like the plague, what's up?"

"Look if Brooke doesn't want you to talk to me, it's fine" she fidgets with her hands nervous to be this close to him "I'll be okay"

He shakes his head, "Hey Peyton" he calls to her as she turns to walk off "You look nice"

end flashback

'Nice,' she thought bitterly as she got off the bed and went in to the bathroom, 'I looked Nice.'

Looking at herself in the mirror, she began to get that feeling again. Blackness. It had gotten better for a while, but it was creeping back. That dark hole was opening up again threatening to swallow her.

Why would he love her? She questioned. She was plain, nothing special about her or her appearance.

"Just face it you aren't good enough, not pretty enough" She shouted at her reflection. "You aren't her." she choked hanging her head.

She stumbled away, the tears clouding her eyes as she tried to make her way back to the bed. Trying to sit on the bed, she wound up on the floor with a heavy thud.

Half turning, she leaned back on the bed, and continued to cry. Through the tears she could see the names written on the closet door.

With a strangled sob she yelled "You can't pick who you love!" at the door, at the situation.

Quickly looking away, her gaze fell on the trash can sitting on the floor where she had left it. The burnt paper mocking her, reminding her of what she had done, she brought her hands up and buried her face in them.

She was going to loose him.

'Brooke will tell him to choose and he'll pick her.' the voice inside her head taunted her.

Broken, she raised her head to look at his name on the door again, "And he will be out of my life" she finished the thought out loud, knowing it would kill her.

She realized that just the thought of loosing him hurt her more than the reality that she had lost Brooke.

More tears came and she didn't even attempt to wipe them from her face.

"Well, well what do we have here?" a sarcastic voice asked from the doorway.

She looked up to see Brooke leaning against her doorframe. Standing up and wiping the tears away, "What are you doing here, Brooke?"

"Oh, don't worry" she said with a smirk as she walked into the room "I'm not staying, I just forgot my cell phone" Picking it up off the desk, she waved it in front of Peyton's face.

Walking back toward the door she stopped in front of Peyton. With a mocking grin,

"Okay, I have to ask. What are the tears for? Stab someone else in the back?" she scorned.

"Brooke, I told you I was sorry and I mean it. I never wanted this to happen" her voice sounded foreign to her own ears.

She was just so tired, tired of apologizing, tired of feeling guilty..

"What did you think was going to happen, Peyton? How did you think I was going to react to you trying to steal my boyfriend, AGAIN" Brooke screamed at her.

"I didn't try to steal him, I just.." she started only to be cut off.

"Just stop, I know what you did, you slut" Brooke snarled.

"Slut?" Peyton snapped "that is funny coming from you!" she advanced on Brooke backing her in to the closet door.

"Hello Pot, this is Kettle calling" she continued, pointing her finger in Brooke's face

"Who has slept with half of Tree Hill High? Hmmmm" she cocked her head and pretended to have to think about it "Oh yeah, YOU !"

"How dare you try to turn this around on me, You are the back stabber, the liar, Peyton, and you know it."

"But I didn't lie, I told you the truth. Why does that bother you so much?" Peyton questioned "Lucas doesn't know, no one else knows.. except for Jake and trust me I am not telling anyone"

"Trust You?" Brooke half yelled "yeah look where that has gotten me."

"Poor me" Peyton whined imitating Brooke "Poor, poor me.. Lucas loves you, Brooke" she sighed the words threatening to choke her.

"You have him" she continued "what difference does it make that I have feelings for him?"

"What difference does it make? I thought I could trust you, I thought we were friends" she said shaking her head "But you have kept secrets from me again"

"Because I knew you didn't want to hear the truth"

"Oh, but Lucas did right?" Brooke sneered, fishing for what she knew to be true.

"No Brooke, I told you" Peyton let out an exasperated sigh, and brought her hand up to rub her forehead "I didn't tell Lucas, I told you"

Brooke let out a cynical laugh "Whatever Peyton.."