I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
The dishes done, they went back up to her room. She went and sat in the chair pulling her legs up with her as he plopped down on the bed.
He groaned and put his hand on his stomach "I ate too much" he admitted.
"You think" she giggled as he shot her a glance.
"Peyton" he started in a serious tone. She steeled herself for the words, he was going to have to go. She fought the sadness that enveloped her and looked at him.
"What happened?" he finished quietly.
Her eyes widened, and she looked down playing with her pant leg nervously. "I don't want to talk about it"
"Peyt" he started
"No Luke, I don't want to do this." She angrily looked at him. "There are some things you can't help me with." She felt as if her heart had shriveled and died in her chest.
The one person who was always saving her, could not save her from herself. She knew she could not tell him, she would just loose him too.
"Peyton, please" he got up from his spot on the bed and crossed the room to kneel in front of her. "You can talk to me" he nodded, searching her face.
She shook her head, the action causing her hair to fall down into her face. "I know, I just.." she faltered, tears coming to her eyes.
"Hey" he reached out and touched her leg "I am here for you, don't keep it all in"
She looked up at him and his heart nearly broke as he watched a single tear trickle down her cheek.
"I can't" she pushed his hand away to stand up and brush past him. "I can't" she choked.
He quickly crossed the room to stand before her "Peyt" he grabbed her by the shoulders, "I overheard what you told Brooke," he saw the worried look come to her face.
"that you didn't tell me" his blue eyes boring into hers.
She shook her head fiercely "You misunderstood" she stammered.
"No, you said it again in your sleep 'I didn't tell Lucas'" he pushed.
She cringed. She talked in her sleep. Again.
"Tell me what Peyton?"
Her mind was racing. She couldn't tell him. "That she wasn't going to stay here anymore" she lied closing her eyes. "She didn't want you to worry about us.. her"
It sounded pathetic even to her. "You're lying" she heard him say sternly. She opened her eyes "Please" she pleaded with him.
He could see the torture in her eyes as she begged "Don't make me do this." He almost gave in, but he stopped himself. He had to know, he couldn't help her if he didn't know.
He released her and strode to the desk, bending down he picked up the burnt paper and heard her small gasp. He came back to stand before her, holding the paper up to her.
"What the hell happened to this" he almost shouted seeing her bring her hand up to her heart. He knew he had hit a nerve.
The tears flowing freely now, Peyton felt trapped. He found the drawing, she thought, what am I going to do now. She couldn't think. He was standing there waiting for an answer from her and her mind had gone blank.
The lies had run out. Part of her was glad, she was so tired of lying. But the other part was afraid.
"Peyton" he pulled her out of her thoughts. Putting one hand on her waist and the other up to her cheek he gently stroked it "tell me"
Drawing in a shaky breath she whispered "I burnt it."
Well that was a start, he thought, so she had burned it, not Brooke. But "Why" he questioned out loud.
Peyton tried to pull away from him, but he held her tight. Forcing her to face him, face the truth, but she knew she would run from it again today.
"Lucas, I can't do this" she sobbed "I have already lost Brooke, I can't loose.." she choked on the tears.
He drew her to him, embracing her. Her sobs were tearing at his heart "Okay" he soothed "okay, we will talk about it later" he rubbed her back gently.
Her cries softened and she reached up to the base of his neck to tug at his hair. His whole body tightened. The embrace had started as one of comfort, but feeling her soft curves press against him sent desire coursing thru him. Willing himself to remain passive, he continued to hold her.
Peyton felt him tense and she knew he wanted to pull away, but she clung to him. She just wanted a few more minutes then she would let him go.
She memorized everything about the moment, his smell, his touch, the way he felt. She knew in the days to come she could visit this memory and it would torture her.
Drawing a shallow breath, she pulled from the embrace. Stepping back so their bodies were no longer touching. Only their hands lingered, his on her arms and hers on his chest.
"It's getting late, you better go" she told him dismally.
"I am not going any where" he shook his head and smiled at her.
"But Bbb ..Brooke" she stumbled on the name, as she brought her hand up to wipe the tears from her face.
He gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away "How many times to I have to tell you, This is not about Brooke" he smiled at her as he brought his hands up to cup her face and wipe her tears away with his thumbs
"It's about you" he pulled her head toward him and placed his forehead against hers.
Her heart fluttered in her chest as he lifted his head to solemnly look in her eyes and continued "You need a friend" his throat almost closed with the word "and I need to make sure you are okay, so that means I stay."
He smiled down at her and her already churning stomach flipped again. "Okay, but no more talks" she threatened, turning from him to sit down on the bed.
"Deal, but only for tonight" he warned, sitting down beside her.
"So what do we do now?" she questioned wringing her hands in her lap, nervous about having a boy in her room for the first time in years. If the situation would have been any different she would have found it funny.
Knowing it was too late to go out, he thought for a moment. As if a light bulb had literally went off he beamed "Well how about I pull your dad's TV in here and we watch movies until we fall asleep" he offered.
Nodding she smiled up at him "That sounds good." She watched him as he walked out of her room to go into her father's.
Sighing heavily, she glanced back at the closet doors. Setting her jaw, she decided that she would definitely have to do something about that. She wasn't going to sit here and look at that for the rest of her life. She remembered having some..
"Got it" he grunted, straining to come in the door carrying the television, turning as not to bump it on the frame.
"Luke" she laughed "it was on a stand that had wheels, you didn't have to carry it dork"
Putting the TV down at the foot of her bed, he straightened back up with a groan "Now you tell me" as he shot back out of the room, only to return seconds later rolling the stand in the doorway.
Smirking at him, she scorned "Now you get the stand?"
Looking back at her with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth "Got to have something to sit it on" he gestured toward the TV.
Shaking her head, "You are definitely a "Put the cart before the horse" kinda guy, huh Luke?" she retorted as she walked over to stand in front of the cart.
"What are you complaining about, you got to see my muscles in action" he quipped bringing one arm up to flex it for her.
She laughed and playfully smacked him in the chest, "Okay hero, now you get to put it all together while I go make us some popcorn and drinks"
He rolled the stand over to the closet door, "How can you eat again?" he called to her retreating back.
"It's a gift" she threw over her shoulder and walked out.
As the credits rolled across the screen Lucas fought sleep. He smiled looking down a Peyton, who had her head resting on his chest. She had laid down about 30 minutes into the movie, claiming that she was just getting comfortable. He had known then that she would be out soon.
She'd had such a rough day, it was no wonder she was wore out, emotionally and physically. It seemed every time she let someone in her life, allowed herself to trust them, they let her down. And he was no exception.
He had hurt her. He knew it and he had tried so hard to make it up to her. Hoping that one day, he could erase that memory of her telling him that he hadn't been a friend to her.
flashback
"So uh…" he walks slowly into her room "I saw.. you cut out of lunch today. Just… wanted to know how you were doing." Peyton looks down and shrugs slightly "Been better"He tilts his head, seeing that she is on the verge of tears, he walks toward her. "Hey..Come here"Peyton closes the distance between them and goes willingly into his arms He gestures toward the bed. "Sit down"
They sit on the edge of her bed. Peyton sighs and looks down
"So do you know who wrote it? On your locker." She looks up at him and shakes her head "No. I don't even wanna know. I just want it to all… go away. Just… all of it."Lucas looks at her bedside table and sees the torn up picture of Jake and Jenny. Feeling regret, He picks it up.
"You miss Jake huh?"Peyton glances at him "You should go""Peyton?"Peyton struggles "No– Yo - OK. You can't just walk in here and ask me something like that!" she pauses " When is the last time we even had a conversation about something real?" Lucas is taken back "I just thought you could use a friend" he says defensively"Yeah, I could use a friend, you know but you" she points her finger at him "don't qualify as that anymore, Lucas, because a real friend would know about all the crap I've been dealing with lately." His chest tightens and a worried look comes to his face "Like what?"All the fight drains from her, he doesn't have a clue "Just go. Please"
He starts toward the door nodding "OK. I'll go" he pauses in the doorway " Whatever you think… I really do care about you, Peyton" as he walks out.
End flashback
That was why he had called him. He was what she wanted. "Jake" he murmured, the name bitter in his mouth. He liked Jake, he really did, but he hated the fact that he now held the part of her heart the he himself wanted.
Shaking his head he sighed, Why couldn't he just let go? But he knew that deep down he could never let her go.
She was a part of him. The best part, he thought with a crooked grin. She made him a better man.
Looking across the darkened room, he felt a calm spread over him.
Outside he could hear the wind blowing, bringing with it a summer storm. Just then he began to hear the rain begin to rap on the window.
Pulling her a little closer to him, he settled in with a content sigh. What was it about the black of night, the darkness, that soothed him?
Looking down at her sleeping form once again, he conceded that it was not the night that soothed, it was her. When he was with her he felt a peace that he hadn't known in a long time.
Not even when he was with Brooke. His forehead creased at the thought of the brunette. He hadn't even really thought about her, other than to wonder what was going on between the former friends.
He knew they were going to have to talk. Maybe she would finally tell him what was going on, that way he could help Peyton face it.
Why did it always come back to her? He thought with a grimace as his eyelids fluttered shut.