Chapter 2. Trick or Soup
Rufus pawed at the bag of fish. Bill was too suspicious of the slightly rancid smell, so it sat on the coffee table as he rummaged through the kitchen for something else during the commercial. As he returned to the couch, sandwich and beer in his hands, he noticed the fish and its bag on the floor, about to be devoured by a ravenous red dog.
"Oh, no you don't, boy." He put his sandwich and drink on the coffee table, and quickly gathered up the bag, the wrapped fish sandwich, and the few remaining fries, trying to escape. Again, smelling the bag, he walked to the side door and tossed the whole thing into the tin garbage bins out in the back.
As he walked back to the couch, the doorbell rang. "Already?" Bill looked around for a bowl of candy.
"Geez, Ralph, you forgot to leave out the candy!"
The doorbell rang again. And again, and again. Impatient, the visitor rang several more times in rapid succession.
"Ah, come on. Gimme a break."
As if hearing Bill's annoyance through the door, the visitor pressed on the bell and held it there.
Bill peeked through the window, and saw three white sheets standing in front of him, each with two holes cut for eyes. As the tallest continued to press his finger against the ringer, Bill decided to teach them a lesson in doorbell etiquette.
Bill pulled open the door, violently, and cried out "BOO!" Scared, they jumped several inches, screamed, and scurried away into the Halloween night. Their chaperone, a tall figure dressed in the same white costume, shook her head in disgust.
With a little laugh, Bill shut the door, then began a desperate search for bags of candy bars and lollipops. The kitchen cupboards held nothing but tins of tuna and cans of soup. In a pinch, Bill thought, that would have to do.
The doorbell rang again as Bill rummaged through the kitchen. The buzz continued, as the cupboards flew open. Giving up, he grabbed three cans of Chicken and Stars soup and headed for the door.
The door flung open. Five children stood facing him. The youngest, a girl dressed as an angel, held up a plastic pumpkin bucket, filled with candies and chocolates. Looking up to the tall man in the door, she sang out the words "Trick or Treat!"
"Ok, Ok," Bill said, in desperation, "But I've only got enough for three of you." Deciding to give his treats to the youngest three, he gently placed the red and white labeled cans in their plastic bags and pumpkin baskets. The other two children, only slightly older, looked up at Bill with tears swelling up in their eyes. Exasperated, Bill reached deep into his pockets and pulled out all his loose change, and split it between the two. Before he accepted returns on the cans of soup, he sent the confused children away, back into the dark.
As he shut the door, he mumbled a few choice words, all directed at Ralph.
The search for lollipops and candy continued, as Bill moved into the dining room. This was a mission, and nothing - not even the scarfing sounds of Rufus devouring a long forgotten sandwich - would distract the man. Rummaging through china cabinets and drawers, Bill removed his jacket and tie, and rolled up his sleeves.
The door rang again. He reached into his pocket again, and took out a few crumpled dollar bills.
Opening the door, he quickly jumped back, in shock. Bill Maxwell shouted out a few mild expletives at the small gray alien being standing alone in the doorway. Unfazed, the child began to giggle underneath the gray alien mask, molded in rubber, and appreciating what he thought was an older man playing along with him on Halloween.
"Mister, you like my costume? I'm E.T.! Like in the movie."
Bill wiped a few beads of sweat off his eyebrow, then looked up to see the child's mother and father, smiling back at him.
"Uh, yeah, kid. It's great!"
"He loved that movie," his mom added. "He just had to have this costume!"
Bill cautiously approached the child and, as if he were feeding a shark, quickly dropped the dollar bills into his pumpkin bucket.
"Thanks for playing along!" the father said, as his wife and child walked away. "Anyone ever tell you that you're a pretty good actor!"
Blinking widely, Bill closed the door behind him.
He was defeated. He'd fought off mobsters, witch doctors, kidnappers and spies only to be defeated by a parade of eight year olds dressed in witch hats and pirate costumes.