Chapter Twenty Three: Understand

Secret Report: Axel IV

Well, she did it. A genuine keyblade of her own.

On paper it's a win. But it's also another complication. The only outcome now for her is either in an Organization coat, or…

Why is it so hard now? I'm an assassin, the Organization's best. So why am I hemming and hawing over possibly having to kill her in the worst case scenario? It's not unlikely she might not want to join the Organization, Marluxia and Larxene annihilated any sense of a good first impression.

But if Roxas loses her, the kid might fall apart. Even if he doesn't have a heart, she matters a lot to him.

With how stressful this whole job is, I'm either going to devour Zexion's whole ice cream stash, or barely touch it.

Roxas thought he knew what darkness was. It was the essence of the heartless he fought and the portals he walked through. A shadowy power that consumed what it could, yet could not touch nobodies. It might erode their bodies, but they could not lose themselves. But even so, Roxas feared what might happen if he was dunked into one of those portals without the coat. Even without a heart, the sight of what happened to the memory of Clayton losing himself lingered.

And when he tapped into the darkness within himself, he realized he didn't understand it at all.

At first it was exhilarating, the power taking what was boiling inside of him and giving it focus and direction. Giving him the chance to win. It was so easy.

"Even if it changes you and you lose yourself? Would your friend be happy with it?"

And with Kairi's words, he realized how easy it would be to lose himself in that power. To drown in it, to be completely consumed by it. He could change so much that his friends might not recognize him, or worse, he might not even care about losing them.

And losing Naminé terrified Roxas.

So he was thankful for the portal back. He needed time to think, to understand what was going on. Also, there was that one word Kairi used, what was it?

Love?

He'd never heard it before. Yet it resonated with him to his very core. They way she said it made it sound like a friend. But there was something more weighty behind it. Something precious and irreplaceable.

But before he could dive too deeply into any of that, he still needed to deal with Marluxia and Larxene. Right now, they had his life in their hands. As he stepped out of the portal into the white room where everyone was waiting, he asked, "So? How was that?"

Zexion looked at him with a furrowed brow and narrowed eyes. Axel was pacing, his eyes flicking between the crystal ball and Roxas. They were worried. His friends were worried about him. Somehow a thought which should have been comforting filled Roxas with dread.

Naminé was staring at him with her hands clasped to her chest. Roxas could only wonder what she was thinking. Was she afraid of the darkness? Afraid of him now? He desperately wanted to try to talk to her to try and understand what to do.

Oddly enough, it was Larxene and Marluxia that seemed anywhere close to happy with what had happened. The former crossed her arms with a smirk, while Marluxia looked at Roxas with a smile on his face. "It seems you have managed to channel darkness."

"Nobodies shouldn't be able to just channel Darkness like that. There's no heart to channel it with." Axel held up a finger as Roxas opened his mouth to interrupt, "The dark portals are different. We're more coaxing surrounding darkness to do what we need instead of making it ourselves."

Zexion looked at Roxas at Axel's reasoning with a raised eyebrow. "I have seen how his limit breaks channels a light of sorts. Perhaps this darkness is similar?"

Marluxia folded his arms behind his back as he walked toward Roxas. "His limit break is magic created by a nobody pushed to their limit. Not true light like that of the princess of heart." Marluxia's smile did not waver as he put a hand on Roxas' shoulder. "Still, the development of darkness is one that may eclipse the light which threatens us. You may consider today's demonstration successful."

"But not great." Larxene waved her hand as she joined Marluxia. "Which is why we want an encore."

"A what?"

Marluxia ignored Roxas' question as he removed his hand from his shoulder and turned to the crystal ball. "Tomorrow after training both Naminé and yourself, you will face Sora once again. We expect to see some improvement over the coliseum now that you can harness the power of darkness."

Another fight against Sora. Even though Roxas had grown stronger since then, the prospect of another match against him didn't look good. And even if he got an edge with darkness, how far would he have to go?

If Marluxia was considering any of this, he made no show of it. "Dismissed, all of you," he answered with his back still turned before calling on a dark portal to depart. Larxene followed him with a chuckle, while Roxas was left with his mind still in knots.

Handling Marluxia and Larxene tonight was easy, but it gave Roxas no peace. Because they wanted him to give into the darkness. They wanted him to lose himself to get their keyblade wielder. He didn't want to think about what else they might do to him to make it happen.

Left alone, the four of them stood in the room quietly before Axel clapped his hands together and asked, "So, time to get some dinner?"

Naminé picked at her food, eating bit by bit. Even if Axel had given her a standard meal in honor of her getting a keyblade, her appetite was gone after seeing the fight. Seeing Roxas infuse himself with darkness. She had seen the memories Sora had of Riku's corruption and knew how it could take someone with good intentions to destroy what they held dear.

Did Roxas understand what he had done? Until the fight with Kairi had pushed him to the limit, he hadn't even mentioned it before. And since he returned he was quiet. Not saying a word to anyone at dinner and just staring at his meal with a fork in hand.

Having finished the allotted porridge, Axel used his spoon to gently prod Roxas in the shoulder, asking "You going to eat or what? You're going to want some strength for tomorrow's fight, darkness or—"

Roxas slammed down his fork. "I don't want to use the darkness!"

The shout made everyone freeze. Axel had stopped mid poke, spoon still in Roxas' side. Zexion was interrupted mid bite, a bit of beef sliding off the fork back into the tray. While Naminé was as stunned as everyone else, inside she felt some of the fear from earlier melt away. He wasn't gone, not yet.

Axel raised an eyebrow and gestured with his spoon as he asked,"Are you sure you want to toss away a power up like that? Marluxia seems like he's banking on it."

Roxas cringed before shaking his head. "You saw what happened to Ansem and Clayton. They were both consumed by darkness and lost themselves!"

Zexion set aside his fork and folded his hands. "It is a risk. The reward is invaluable, but the price is dire."

Dire seemed to almost undersell what darkness could do. But on the other hand, they did have one trick that might be able to keep Roxas safe. "We might not need to use darkness." Naminé stood up and tried to explain, "If we use Sora's memories to find some kind of weakness. Roxas could probably win."

Axel nodded and leaned back in his chair. "It's not a bad idea, but what kind of weakness? LIke in his fighting style, or something else?"

"I'll know it when I see it." Roxas reassured as he finally began to eat his food.

Zexion sighed in relief, as he finished the last few bites of his meal. "At the very least there is a plan. Are there any other difficult topics for tonight?"

Roxas chewed for a moment before calmly asking, "What's love?"

Naminé nearly dropped her fork at the question as she recognized what Roxas had asked. A part of her grew eager at the idea of Roxas caring enough to ask. Was he wondering if what they had together could truly be called…?

"Well, we're nobodies. So we can't love in the first place," Axel answered with a chuckle, shrugging. "So no need to worry about it, okay? Got it memorized?"

Naminé couldn't help a sigh at the answer. The inescapable fact that dogged their existence. That mocked any idea of her and him being happy together. Not just in love, but ever. Any joy was a delusion, any hope a fantasy.

But seeing as how Roxas just gave a quiet grim nod. She couldn't help but hold onto the fantasy a little longer.

LIke last time Zexion and Axel were kind enough to clean up after dinner so she and Roxas could resume watching Sora's memories. Whether it was expedience or any real mercy, Naminé was hardly going to question it.

Just like the walk to dinner, the walk to her room was quiet. Yet the tension had been lifted, and the pall that had haunted Roxas since returning from the fight seemed to have lifted. Opening the door to her room, Naminé stood by the door as she closed it and asked, "So, did you have any ideas on something to look for?" Roxas had been fighting for much longer, so he'd have a better idea of what he needed.

Roxas didn't answer the question immediately, scratching the back of his head for a moment before sighing, "I'm not sure. I've gotten better with fighting but there's something else." He closed his eyes as he put his hands on his hips. "Something that makes him and Kairi better that's more than just skill. Like…"

"Like a heart," she finished for Roxas as he slowly nodded. Naminé wasn't sure exactly how the keyblade interacted with it. Even so, she felt connected with her own on a level that was indescribable. She couldn't imagine how having a heart would affect that power. But what could Roxas and her do to compensate for that? She shook her head as she took her seat. "I'm not sure what memories we could use to help make up that difference."

Roxas began to pace for a moment before coming to a stop. "Do you think Sora knows what love is?"

"It's possible." She nodded a bit quicker. The hope that had been momentarily quashed earlier refusing to die. Still, she had to be practical about it, even if it was nice that Roxas was interested in such things, "Do you think that will really help fighting Sora? Besides, what about what Axel said?"

Roxas winced before he shook his head. "I know Axel said love doesn't matter." Roxas put a hand to his chest as he pleaded, "But there's some part of me that needs to know. A part of me that is saying it matters more than anything." He gave a lopsided smile and shrugged. "If nothing else, it'll help clear my head for the fight, right?"

Perhaps a flimsy justification, but one Naminé could understand. "I might be able to help by showing you how Sora understands love." Roxas took a step forward eagerly at the offer, and while Naminé smiled she cautioned, "It might not be a straightforward explanation. I'm not sure Sora understands love completely himself, but he might be close."

Roxas nodded undeterred and walked over to Naminé's side. "It might be enough."

She recalled some of the most powerful memories in Sora's mind and offered her hand to Roxas. "Whenever you're ready." Slowly, Roxas reached out to place his hand in hers…

A blue sky…The ocean…An island…

Once again, he was much smaller than before. Once again, Roxas saw through Sora's eyes, did what Sora did.

And he saw how it began.

Saw how a red haired girl had appeared on the beach, lost and alone. Sora saw her and offered his hand.

Time passed, and Kairi had come to call the islands home. Sora showed her a cave of secrets and stories, and the two etched their faces in the rock. A moment they shared was immortalized.

And then years went by. Summer days went by playing on the island together. Naminé was there as well, and once again Roxas wished to join her. But despite his wish, Sora's eyes were on Kairi. They talked and played together for days upon days. Talking about their dreams, their hopes, and their wishes.

And one day there was talk of something else.

Something called a paopu fruit. When two people shared one, it would bind their destinies together forever. He saw Sora's glance at Kairi after hearing the explanation. His determination to beat Riku as he put up sharing one with her as a prize. And how one afternoon, Sora went back to the cave and chisel out him offering one to her.

Through it all, Roxas wondered. Forever was a long time to be connected to someone. Hopefully it would be with someone you liked. And from what he was seeing, Sora and Kairi seemed to like each other a lot.

Did Roxas have someone like that?

Someone he trusted, that he cared about each day? Someone who trusted him as well, who would stand by his side? Someone he'd spend the rest of his life with?

A certain blonde girl in white came to his mind, and something in Roxas felt warm.

Roxas returned to the present with a small gasp. He glanced over to Naminé as she stroked the back of his hand and asked, "What did you think?"

He slowly began to nod as a smile came to his face. "It's a lot, but I think it helped." It might not have been a perfect explanation, or even something he could put into words. But watching Sora and Kairi gave Roxas some idea of what it meant to love another. He gave Naminé's hand a gentle shake. "Thanks Naminé, I should be ready for tomorrow."

She giggled, with a hint of pink coming to her cheeks. "I'm glad I could help." Glancing over to the crystal ball, she gestured to it. In a swirl of magic, the orb displayed the time, and Naminé raised her eyebrows. "We seemed to have finished pretty early."

A few hours early, and way too early for either of them to go to bed just yet. Roxas slowly let go of her hand and asked, "Anything else you wanted to do, or talk about?"

Naminé glanced over to the pile of notepads in the corner with a pack of crayons and shrugged with a smile. "I was just going to draw."

It was a simple thing, but perhaps something peaceful would be nice for both of them after the day they had. Roxas walked over and picked one of the notepads and the crayons. Walking back he offered them to Naminé with a smile. "Could I watch?"

She nodded, and he watched her turn to one of the blank pages. Slowly Naminé began to draw two figures. Lines creating a blonde boy in black, and a blonde girl in white. The two of them stood side by side, small pastel smiles on their faces. The two of them holding keyblades of their own to face the future.

Roxas grinned as he saw the finished rendition of the two of them. "It's great."

Naminé nodded as she dusted off the crayon dust from the page. "No matter what happens. I don't want to forget this." She smiled as she admired her handiwork. "What you've given me is something I want to remember forever."

"Sora, you going to sleep or what?"

He sighed and turned over to where Donald had tucked into his sleeping bag. "Relax, I'll get enough sleep." At the duck's tired grumbling, he looked back at the charm he held in his hands. Even past the end of the world and everything this castle had thrown at him, it still held up. Kairi had really put it together well.

Sora held the wayfinder to his chest, wondering how she was doing back home. The fact that she was safe was the one comfort in his journey. Even as there was no sign of Riku and the King so far. Much less of the mysterious girl he once knew. He put the charm away and closed his eyes. He knew she was there, but had no idea about her name.

And then there was Roxas. Clad in darkness he fought with Sora's own keyblade. He wasn't as strong as Sora had become, but he was formidable. Even so, there seemed to be something more driving him then just proving his strength. And yet he hadn't shown up for a few floors.

Sora just didn't understand him.