Chapter Yule: Smaug's Caramel Onion
Baldi beat his ruler onto that 70's statue of Michael Kelso the Hedgehog. He grinned with a sinister grin that spanned ears. His conniving smile was like the bridge of two horrifying tympanic membranes.
"What a vile scum!" said Vader as he bit into his secret zucchini. This amplified his Sith prowess by 12 parsecs.
"Woof!" barked the dog named Pal.
Jim rolled his eyes. "I am only helping because I think Kelso is really hot, especially as a Hedgehog now."
"Do what you say and say any doings, but I believe you are just hiding your true feelings, Jim," said Vader. He finished the zucchini and dusted his hands of the greenish residue. "En garde, Baldi!"
Baldi lunged forward and clashed with Vader. The violence was inbound. So much blood was scattered like the Nile floods.
Pal whined at the sight and did cute doggo things in fear of his benevolent masters.
"I've gotta hurry, yo!" said Knuckles, eagerly performing ninja hand signs in order to use forbidden techniques designed for success. Espio had teached him well…
"You can't defeat me!" laughed Baldi like an icky kid. He pinned Vader to the ground with his evil ruler. Baldi got really, really close and placed an awful palm onto the cheek of Vader's robot mask. Vader felt the madness settle in.
"You are an abhorrence to faithful brains!" roared Vader and he used a spin kick to thrust Baldi into a tree. The tree exploded into a zillion pieces and Baldi absorbed the shards into his ruler. He now had even more pure evil at his disposal.
"Do we have a gun?" asked Kelso.
"I do," said Jim and he pointed the gun at Kelso. He fired and Kelso broke free of the horrid fruit encasement.
"Arigatou gozaimasu, Jeimuzu-san!" Kelso thanked in Latin as he flexed his wholesome abs and shot anger from his core like a torpedo of defiance. The dart hit Baldi in the patella.
Baldi's patella fell off for the first time that day.
"Ow, my patella…" said Baldi, examining the collateral damage. "You will pay, slimeballs!"
"We will never pay!" said Vader. Credit cards were for squares! Vader had really cool lives to give still!
Baldi flung his deadly meter stick like a boomerang. Pal used his expert dog teeth to seize the projectile.
"Curses!" growled Baldi and he used his magic chalk dust to get the eyes hurt on Vader and the other fellows.
"I can't see my hands!" cried Knuckles with dust. "But I have to try or else all of the land is doomed!"
"I believe in you, Knuckles," said Vader. He would wink to Knuckles, but he could not for two reasons.
1. Because it was dusty and he had to keep his eyes closed and not even ajar.
2. Because why would he when his eyes weren't visible from outside his dark Sith helmet?
"Yeah, magnets!" cried Baldi as he got the science kit out.
"Dartmouth!" grunted Kelso as his eyes returned to restoration. Now Baldi was pulling out all the stops. These were some uber-deadly stops tho!
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