Kazuma Sato, minimum wage worker extraordinaire and war game enthusiast. A few years ago, in high school, he'd never even heard of Warhammer, but now he practically lived to play it. It had all started when he'd gone to try and pick up a copy of a game on the day it was released, only to find them sold out. Disgruntled and with money in his pocket, he stumbled across a hobby shop running a tournament. From that moment on, he ceased to have spare cash.
Kazuma quickly became addicted to the expensive hobby, even having resorted to going back to school to get extra money from his parents. When that wasn't enough, he picked up a part time job. For a while, there was even hope he'd go to university! Then, he disappointed his family by taking the easiest full time position he could and funneling it into his hobby.
He'd gravitated towards the Ultra Marines, having realized that Games Workshop always seemed to favor their cash cow, so he'd get the fun stuff before the other chapters. He'd even done a bit of a lore dive and found one he liked the ascetics of; the Griffon Lords. They had a decent mix of iconic blue, some white for contrast, and a primary more 'realistic' color for the armor. The fact they had a Griffon as their heraldry just made it cooler.
Now twenty-one, Kazuma had even managed to get a job at that very same hobby shop, helping others get into the hobby he'd quickly grown to love himself. If he wasn't helping a customer, he largely spent his time at work painting models to sell for extra pocket change. It wasn't much, but he was happy with it.
After an exciting day of teaching new players, Kazuma couldn't help but feel proud of himself. Sure, he was still a bit of a 'loser' by most metrics, but he was happy with what he did now. It wasn't glamorous or well paying, but helping kids learn a hobby or with their model painting was more than enough for him. The highlight had been helping out one of his regulars' little brother, Koda, with painting a model while his big brother was playing a match. A few years ago? He'd have been annoyed at basically babysitting. Today? It was fun getting to just nerd out over the lore to an attentive listener, show him how to make details, and generally allow himself to enjoy the small things.
Kazuma waved the giddy six year old off, his newly painted mini Kazuma had given him in hand. Kazuma knew the piece was likely going to get lost or smudged up, but the look of joy on Koda's face made it worth it. Koda, so caught up in his excitement, didn't seem to notice that he was backing off of the curb right into the road, just as a truck was coming. Kazuma didn't even think about it, his body reacting and dashing out of the store towards the downed child. He wasn't even sure what he could do, but he tried anyway. The screeching of the tires, the blairing of the horn, and Koda's frozen in terror body were all he could see and hear. He grabbed the wrist of the child, spinning his body to throw him back up onto the curb, losing his own footing in the process. As Kazuma's body turned, he smiled as Koda tripped back onto the sidewalk, his space marine still clutched in his hand. Before pain and darkness overtook him, his final thoughts came, "Not the worst way to die, I suppose."
Then he knew nothing more.
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"Kazuma Sato. You have died" came the disinterested voice of a woman.
Looking up, Kazuma was left dumbfounded as he took in his surroundings. It was nearly a black void with stars in the distance all around them and a floor beneath them of stone. The only furniture was a simple wooden chair he sat on, the throne the woman sat on, and a small table next to her with a book upon it. "Wuh?"
"You died! Pretty spectacular way too. You saw Koda in trouble, you jumped. Good job on being the good guy, I guess. That leaves us with the problem of what to do with you now, though. See, I could send you to heaven-" she paused for a half second, before continuing on. "But I don't think you'd like that. Nothing to do but bask in the sun and talk to others for all of time. No sex, no video games, no TV, nothing."
Kazuma had been about to call her out, having more than a feeling she was lying, for some reason. It sounded like when one of the store vendors was trying to convince them to buy something they didn't need. "I take it you have an alternative in mind?"
She jumped excitedly, clasping her hands. "Two actually! We could reincarnate you as a baby, with no memories. So, effectively a restart from zero, still fairly dull. Option three, I have a world that needs some help. I send you down there with a cheat item or power, and you fight the Demon King for me. In exchange, when you're done, you even get a wish from us, the gods!" She accentuated the last bit by throwing her arms out, a divine light shining upon her from above.
Kazuma nodded his head, smiling at that idea. It sounded awesome, if he was being honest. He could be like a real life Astartes. His posture popped up, an excited smile on his face. "Are custom requests allowed?" He asked eagerly, nearly vibrating in his seat.
"Of course! We have a bunch of pre-fabs, but if we can do it, we do custom jobs all the time!" Aqua boasted, puffing out her chest.
"Can you make me an Astartes?" Kazuma asked, his eyes glinting as he was so close to one of his dreams coming true.
The blue haired goddess tilted her head, blinking slowly. "What's an Astartes?"
"OH COME ON!" Rang out from around them. A door manifested off to the side of the two, another woman marching out. "How could you not have ever heard of the space marines?"
"I thought he said Astartes?" Aqua asked, even more confused as two angry nerds were staring at her now.
"They're the same thing!" Kazuma and Eris yelled at the dense goddess, clearly annoyed.
"That's stupid, why do they have two different names?" Aqua griped, pouting at how angry the two were at her.
Eris let out a pained groan, rubbing her forehead. "Think of it like how things have common names and proper names. That's not the point! I've told you about Warhammer how many times? I mean, Hephestus, Hermes, Sett, I and a few others play it when we have free time."
"Pft, it's based on that nerdy game with the little dudes you guys play?" Aqua asked, laughing at that.
"Gods play Warhammer?" Kazuma asked, tilting his head in confusion.
Eris nodded excitedly, "Yup! We even scour the different universes for the best rule sets. Your universe is on what, ninth edition? They just got rid of templates and added that stupid power level stuff, right?" Kazuma nodded, impressed she knew that much even. "Yeah, we kept blast templates, kept it point buy, and we even have rules that properly reflect hoard units in melee instead of trying to count how many are close enough to hit!"
"Oh thank fuck, somewhere found that out. It was always so annoying" Kazuma added on, the two of them clearly about to be lost in nerd speak before Aqua interrupted them.
"While that's super lame and everything, that doesn't help me really know what an Astartes is or why I should care," Aqua said, having sat back down on her throne.
Kazuma rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "Well, there are only like a hundred books talking about them and their exploits. It's not like you want me to just start reading them to you, is it-" Before he could even finish his sentence, he found himself surrounded by a collection of Black Library Omnibuses, all full of the exploits of the Imperium of Man. Aqua had seemingly teleported in front of him, wrapped up in a comfortable looking pink blanket with a teddy bear in her arms.
Her indifference had been replaced with innocent glee as she plopped down onto a beanbag chair that had not been there moments ago. "Story time!"
Eris stomped her foot, staring down at Aqua. "You can't just keep him up here to tell you stories! He has to pass on and you have souls to take care of!"
"Bleh, but I wanna take a break! I haven't had one in decades and I love story time," Aqua groaned, going boneless on her seat, clearly about to throw a tantrum.
Eris tried to be stern, but looking at Aqua's pathetic display she couldn't hold it for long. "Ugh, fine. I'll cover your duties for a while so you can have your story time. That is, if Kazuma here is fine with that?"
Kazuma shrugged, having well over thirty hours of lore dump ready to go at a moment's notice. Just like any other big warhammer nerd. "I mean, if I get to be a space marine, I'd be willing to dress in drag and do the hula."
Aqua clapped her hands before sinking back into her seat, looking at Kazuma with baited breath. "So, where should we start?"
Kazuma hummed, thinking about that himself before smiling. "Well, I suppose at the beginning, I suppose. Specifically, the start of the thirty-first millenium and the rise of the Imperium of Man. It all started when the Emperor…"
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Devoid of the need for sleep or food, Kazuma was able to keep going for hours, retelling the lore from memory, telling the childish goddess of all the deeds and adventures that the Emperor and his sons went on, their triumphs, and their failures. She'd have lost interest more than once if it wasn't for the fact that Kazuma was so animated in retelling it all that it was enough to keep her focused. By the time he was done with the lore from memory, she'd started picking out random books for him to read to her, going in no particular order beyond what she thought looked cool or pretty based on the cover, save when she wanted him to read a sequel. All told, what should have been only a few hours of story time took up almost a full month. The only reason they were allowed to keep going was because the entirety of the divine realm was collectively impressed that somebody had gotten Aqua to sit still and pay attention for quite so long. Well, that and a few gods occasionally joining to listen in too.
Kazuma stretched, cracking his neck slightly as he tried to get feeling back. He hadn't really registered the amount of passing time, having been enjoying it far too much. He really had become a hopeless nerd when it came to his passion. "Alright, I think that's pretty much all of it. Think you can set me up with the whole space marine thing now?"
"That's it?! What about Leman Russ? Or, or, Vulkan? If they're not dead or evil, where are they? I still have so many questions left!" Aqua balled, pouting at the end of her fun.
Kazuma shrugged, a small smile on his face. "They never really elaborate on that stuff. They leave it open ended so they can do stuff with it later, I guess."
"That's dumb! I wanna know now!" Aqua cried, kicking her feet against the ground.
"And I think that's where we stop. Did you enjoy your break, Aqua?" Eris asked, having walked in during the tantrum.
The bad mood evaporated almost instantly, the goddess nodding eagerly. "Mhm! The game still makes no sense to me, but the world seems really cool! Lot's of heroes fighting against unfathomable evil. I don't think we'd even be able to send heroes powerful enough to make a difference to a universe like that."
"Heh, funny you should mention that. A few of the Elder Gods actually made a mock-up of it a few centuries back. They knew about the game before the creators were even conceived and thought it would be interesting to see how it plays out."
"Wait, we have a 40k world?" Aqua asked, becoming more excited by the moment.
"Yeah, they use it as a light punishment form of hell. There isn't really long term joy, but it isn't inherently non-stop suffering, so they felt it fit the bill fairly well" Eris explained, glad to see her senior so into one of her hobbies now.
"Perfect! Then we can just send Kazuma to one of their space marine initiations and get him changed properly instead of just doing it. That way he gets the training and stuff that makes a space marine such a bad-ass" Aqua said, rubbing her hands together. "Kazuma, you must promise to be my disciple for doing this for you once you are sent to Belzerg!" She demanded of the now worried boy, who was sweating in his seat.
"Uh, did you just say that it's a version of hell? And that you're planning on sending me there?" He double checked, wanting to make sure he didn't have a bit of crazy in his ears.
"That's unimportant! I can send you to the homeworld of that faction you like, set you up to be selected, and just wait for them to finish fixing you up. I don't need to understand science, you get your powers, it's a win-win!" She exclaimed, a divine ring of light already starting to take shape around Kazuma.
"Wait, wait, this is a terrible idea, initiates die all the time! And how will I get or repair my gear then?" Kazuma asked in a panic, trying to leave the circle but floating above the ground now, unable to find purchase.
"Eh, I'll take care of it, don't worry. After all, you'll be an Astartes and champion of Aqua! I'll be taking extra care of you to make me look better on Belzerg." Besider her, Eris shook her head in disbelief, not even truly surprised. "Bye Kazuma!"
"Wait, no-" And with that, he was gone, sent off to the forty-first millenium to his fate.
"Well, that was fun. How long do you think until he gets back? And can I paint some of your models? I don't like the silly rules, but I do like painting" Aqua asked, starting to walk back towards the reception area.
"Sure Aqua, you can paint the Orkz I just picked up. And I think he'll be back in maybe a week. The world runs a lot faster than most so an hour for us will be days or weeks for him. I guess it really depends on how well he does" Eris explained, going to grab her models. "Hey, you remembered to de-age him, right?"
"What? Why would I do that?" Aqua asked, digging through what appeared to be a box in mid air for her art supplies.
"Because the oldest that most people survive being turned into a space marine is fourteen!" Eris yelled, starting to panic.
It was too late as Kazuma appeared back in the center of the room, scars and stitches across his body, a dazed look on his face.
"Quick! Send him back and make his body more receptive or something! I don't understand how it works!" Aqua shouted, pushing Eris towards the completely out of it man.
"Uh, uh, I'll make him resilient and adaptable, you send him back!" Eris panicked, throwing some blessings on him as a ring appeared back around Kazuma before he disappeared in another flash of light.
The two goddesses stood panting looking at each other with concern before laughing lightly. "That should be fine, right? He's tougher now and should survive the surgeries, right?"
"Aqua, based on how quickly he came back, he died when getting his second heart. That's one of the easier surgeries to survive" Eris explained, materializing a seat for herself and plopping down in it.
"Oh… oh no" Aqua whimpered, slumping into her own throne as Kazuma's seat was once again filled back up with said man, eyes rolled back into his head. Aqua rapidly forced him back into his body, sending healing magic with him so he'd survive whatever they were doing to him. "How many surgies are there again?"
Eris sighed, scratching the side of her head in thought. "I think nineteen or so?"
Aqua whimpered again, pouting in her seat. "I wanted to spend time painting minis" she grumbled, hoping her future champion could last a bit longer this time. After all, he hadn't even made it to his new home yet!