Max paused her journaling with a sigh and scrubbed her face with her palms.
She switched from writing down her thoughts and opted to mindlessly doodle along the sides of the pages instead, attempting to gather her herself. Little does leaped about the margin of the page as the memories of her conversation with Dana swirled in the forefront of her mind.
It had been a conversation she would never forget.
Earlier
Nervous.
She felt nervous as her thumb hovered over the call button next to Dana's contact. She felt almost as nervous as she had been when she called her parents for the first time since the storm. Except, this would be different. Max's parents hadn't faced a horrific tornado and lived to tell the tale, they had been safe and sound in a storm-less Seattle. Dana had survived the horror that swept Arcadia Bay, and that's what made the difference here. Max had no idea what to expect.
But she reminded herself that Dana had considered her a friend at Blackwell, and had always been kind and accommodating towards her. Dana had opened up to her and trusted Max when she had discovered (through her own snooping, admittedly) that she had been pregnant. She had let Max in during what no doubt was a sensitive time of her life after seeking an abortion with the money jock-bro Logan had given her, and she had shown Max and other girls around the hall friendship and care.
With this knowledge in mind, Max silently prayed for the strength to make the call, and that they would find some relief with one another. Chloe was once again by her side, reassuring and encouraging and protective, so Max slowly released the breath she realized he had been holding in and hit the green button.
The phone rang three times before the call connected.
"…Hello?"
The unmistakable voice of Max's high school classmate, Dana Ward, answered with a tone of uncertainty on the other end of line. Max's breath stalled for a second; it was the real deal.
"Uh… Hi… Dana?" Max stuttered out, her heart pounding against the walls of her chest.
"Yes? Sorry – I have a new phone, who is this?" Dana replied.
"It's me, Max," Max took pause for a short breath to steady herself, "Max Caulfield."
Silence hung in the air for only a few seconds while her statement sunk in.
"…Max!?" Dana exclaimed with disbelief, "Oh my God, Max!? Is it - is it really you?"
"Yes, Dana. It's really me," Max assured her while the corners of her eyes pricked, "It's…Jesus, it's good to hear your voice."
"Max! Max! You're alive!" Immediate joy in Dana's voice was nearly palpable even through the speaker. "Oh my God, you're alive! I can't believe it, I really- Max!" Dana tripped over her own words in her excitement. Max couldn't help the smile on her face, or the relief that washed over her, hearing the cheerleader's words.
Dana was alive and speaking.
"I – I can't believe you're okay too, Dana. I mean I'm really sorry I only just read your texts, I-"
"Hold on a second, Max," Dana interrupted quickly. Max was only startled for a moment before she could hear the girl walk past people talking in the background, the sounds of a room full of people coming through. Max heard Dana tell someone that she had to take a call, the gentle slam of a door closing, and then the background noise fading. "Max, you there? I just had to go somewhere quiet so we could speak. Oh my God, I just – oh my God."
"Are you okay, Dana? I…ah, haven't interrupted something, have I?" Max asked, "I got your texts and I just knew I had to call you. I'm so sorry I didn't reply either, I really am-"
"Max," Dana cut her off before she could continue. "You haven't interrupted anything. Nothing, nothing is more important than hearing your voice right now. I…wow. Are - are you okay?"
Max glanced towards Chloe for reassurance, and glistening and supportive blue eyes met her own as the older girl nodded her encouragement. Just that alone was enough to give her the strength to stay steady, despite feeling herself on the verge of spilling tears. She internally thanked whatever fate in the universe meant Dana was talking to her right then over the phone while Chloe had her back.
"I'm okay. I mean, as okay as I can be right now," Max answered truthfully. "And I'm safe if that's what you mean…I just don't even know what to say right now."
Dana sighed, and it sounded as though she had been holding in her breath while awaiting Max's response. "Me… neither. It's been so fucking insane, I understand. It's also just been, like, a long time since I've heard from anyone from Arcadia Bay. I'm honestly so amazed to hear your voice right now, and you're okay!" She paused with shaky breaths, "Max, I have to admit I'm crying here, but I'm so happy."
Hot tears were spilling over silently now.
"Me too, Dana. Seriously. You're actually the first person I've contacted from Blackwell since, -since...everything. It's just been really crazy. Shit… Y-you are okay, right?" She bit her lip.
"Don't worry Max, I'm okay. Oh. What? Wow – really? I am? I know that Kate tried to get in contact with you too. We honestly thought you were dead, we had no idea!"
Guilt twanged the muscles of her stomach at the idea of either Dana or Kate mourning her when there were real tragedies to be concerned about.
"I'm so sorry. It's just been... yeah," -she sighed, and nerves rattled her voice- "I saw the texts from Kate as well. I'm going to call her soon, too. I promise."
"It's okay! Truly, you don't have anything to be sorry for. Kate's going to be so happy to hear from you as well. It's been really difficult to find out what's been going on, people are still missing…" Dana trailed off for a moment there and Max tried not to wince at the obvious pain in her words. Chloe's warm and smooth hand rubbed her arm reassuringly, listening into the conversation over her shoulder. The support was gladly welcomed.
"Where are you, Max?" Dana asked with concern, "I haven't seen anything about you on social media or anywhere. Did you make it out of Arcadia Bay okay? What happened to you?"
"Yes, actually," Max tried not to allow memories overwhelm her as she recalled, "I was safe during the storm. Chloe and I were just out of reach up… up on the hill by the lighthouse. We could see everything from up there."
She wasn't very successful at hiding the hurt in her voice.
"Chloe?" Dana queried, perking up at the name."As in, Chloe Price?"
"Yeah," Max confirmed.
"Oh my gosh! Is she okay, too?!"
"Yes, Chloe's okay. She's right here with me."
"Well, shit. This is…amazing, Max. I can't even tell you how happy I am that you guys are okay. You and Chloe-" Dana breathed out a shaky laugh, "-you can probably imagine how it feels after weeks of hearing no news and now suddenly you guys are alive!"
I can.
"We were really lucky…" Max added, not sure what else to say.
"I know that I didn't know Chloe that well, but everyone thought she was dead – her whole family, gone. I-I also heard what happened to Rachel Amber, uh… I'm so sorry. Can you let her know how sorry I am about that?"
Max felt Chloe stiffen next to her at the mention of her family and of Rachel Amber. Chloe returned the look she gave with shining, damp cheeks and reddened eyes and gave Max a small smile to let her know she was still okay.
"I will. Thanks, Dana. I know Chloe appreciates the concern. She was also glad to hear you made it out of the storm."
"Can I ask?" Dana steered the conversation back to her previous question. "How did you guys get away? Where you are now?"
Max couldn't blame Dana for being so inquisitive, not after everything they've all been through. Up until today they may as well have been ghosts.
"Yes, of course. Um, well, like I said we were at the lighthouse and it was just out of the path of the storm. Chloe and I could only watch and wait… for it to be over." A tattooed arm wrapped around her waist at the recollection of their worst memory. "We-we couldn't really stay around after that, it was too much… we just had to get out of the Bay."
It felt odd to tell someone the story of their escape. It was almost as if she should instead be recalling tales of how they rummaged through the wreckage of buildings and searching for survivors. It wasn't the truth though, and the truth wasn't pretty, but Dana was listening with an open mind and heart after and relief to hear from them, so she continued.
"We drove north after that. Well, Chloe drove us north and for a while we just had to get away from everything."
Dana hummed in understanding.
"…Eventually we found ourselves in this kind of mountain town, it's called Fork River? And, I dunno, we decided we just needed to be somewhere to kind of get our lives together and…and…"
It wasn't even half the reasons behind it all, but despite Max's stammering it was still true enough.
"Yeah, I understand." Dana softly interjected, allowing Max's story to come to an end before it got too hard for her. "It's okay, you don't have to get into the details of it all. I get what you mean by needing to be away from everything…away from Arcadia Bay."
Max genuinely wanted to know Dana's story now that she had opened up about theirs. It still felt oddly surreal this was a real conversation.
"Is it – Are you okay with talking about what…happened?" Max almost hesitated to ask but knew it would be best to talk about it if her friend would oblige.
Dana exhaled softly.
"Oh, Max… it was crazy. It was like that thing just came out of nowhere, right? I was in the pool helping take down all the stuff from the Vortex Club party with Juliet and Courtney. When I left the dorms in the morning the weather didn't seem so bad, just kind of cloudy you know? But around ten the rain and the wind started picking up while Jules and I were trying to get stuff to the car, but we had to stay inside and try wait it out because it was so bad."
Dana paused for a breath and Max gave her the time she needed to continue. She reached for Chloe's hand and intertwined their fingers, bracing herself for what was next. To say that it really sucked hearing how tired and pained the once-bubbly Dana Ward was now was an understatement. Dana sounded like she had aged a decade or two.
"Around eleven I got all these texts from Trevor, asking where I was and stuff. At first it didn't make sense, I thought he'd be in class. But he comes running into the pool and he's soaked and all incoherent. Starts talking about a freak storm. That's when Principle Wells' voice comes out over the speaker system, ordering all students to return to their dorms or take cover indoors… I was so confused, I asked Trevor what was going on but…I didn't get it until he took my hand and lead us out to the dorms. The wind and rain was so wild, but then I saw it. The tornado. It was massive."
Max could feel her whole body trembling at the memory of the monster that had loomed over the town that day. She could almost feel the sting of the cold rain against her skin. In her mind's eye Max knew the sight Dana would have seen from the front lawn of Blackwell Academy: a perfect view of the storm crawling towards her. She could hear the fear shaking Dana's voice.
- the ocean thrashes against the shoreline while everything around her is a cacophony of roaring wind.
" We- ah, Trevor, Juliet, Courtney and I -ran back to the dorms as soon as we could. It was chaos, Max. People were running everywhere and no one knew what to do. Everyone was so scared and I think some students were trying to make a run for it and get to their cars or something. Courtney went off looking for Taylor and Victoria, I think, and I didn't see her after that. Then I remember there was a crash and screaming when one of the trees outside had fallen through some windows. It was so fucking intense."
Max said nothing. She could imagine the scenario as if she was right there herself.
- standing in the middle of the street, sheets of rain lashing against her jacket, "Look at that monster!"
"…I remember running into the girls' dorm with Trevor and trying to find my backpack and jacket. We were thinking that…of maybe trying to get out of there, too. You could see that thing coming closer and closer every minute and it was scary as all hell. But then the power went out and there was even more screaming, and windows were shaking like crazy. There was another massive crash and the whole building just shook, and we hit the ground pretty hard."
She blinked - and a lighthouse is struck by a boat.
"Another tree had smashed through the stairwell. I could hear other things being thrown against the walls outside, too. Trevor tried to see if we could get out, but we couldn't because it was all blocked. We were stuck."
- an overturned truck lays in the middle of the road.
"We shut the doors and huddled out in the hallway and tried to stay away from the windows. Glass was getting blown in, things were flying, and it got so dark. Shit, I was so scared, Max," Dana's voice finally broke. "Trevor was my hero, he… held me close and kept me warm. Juliet, she…she was across from me, and there were a few other girls too. Courtney, Stella, Taylor and Brooke. God, we hoped everyone else was okay. We had no idea where you were, Max. Or Alyssa. I hoped you were safe."
Max knew where Alyssa was during the storm - her classmate stands at the edge of a ruined apartment building.
She recalled that it would have been afternoon by that point.
"I've never been so scared in my life, Max," She could hear Dana's breath hitching, speaking with a whimper, "It was awful. The noise was so loud, so terrifying. Everything happened so fast, all at once. Trevor pushed me into the corner and covered me… If it wasn't for him, I'd be- I'd be…."
The cheerleader's sobs rolled through the speakers and an ache wracked through Max's chest as her own tears fell, her skin damp. All of a sudden, Max felt weak as if she didn't have an ounce of strength left in her limbs.
- the fisherman cowers in the corner in fear.
"I'm right here, Dana. I'm listening."
She wished she could be there to comfort her in person.
"He saved my life, Max. The dorms were destroyed…It was just noise, and wind, and I can barely remember when the doors blew in on top of us. I was just so scared. Trevor just stayed on top of me, holding me…Then just like that it was all over. The noise stopped. It just…disappeared. And Trevor… he was… he..."
"…He didn't make it." Max finished for Dana with a small voice.
- the view from the lighthouse as she held hands with Chloe is unbearable. Max can't stand to see the destruction she blames herself for unfold as the tornado makes landfall. She can not witness the moments all those lives will end.
It wasn't until Chloe's hand cautiously landed on her shoulder from behind that Max realizes she was no longer sitting down but instead pacing anxiously back and forth in front of the couch. She startles, and can barely comprehend what's happening as she looks between worried eyes and the phone she held in her quaking hand. Chloe hovered near her protectively, listening, watching her intently.
"No. No one in the dorm did. I… was the only one. If he didn't' hold the door back from falling on me…" Dana said.
"I'm sorry, Dana." Max whispered.
"…It's messed up, you know? I still dream about trying to shake him awake, or crawling out from under that wreckage. I can still smell the blood from my hands from trying to dig Juliet out. In the end, I just couldn't save anyone. I was entirely alone."
Flashes of pain, and rage, and sorrow ripped through her body, but she was determined to stay strong enough to continue the phone call with Dana. She was determined to do that much for her friend, despite her desperate need to run or hide or break down into a million pieces. Or all three of those things.
For someone with the ability to turn back time Max sure felt pretty damn powerless.
"W-what happened next?"
"It was kind of like I was on autopilot," Dana explained. "I hardly remember how I managed to find the edge of the wall and climb out of the building. It-it took me a while to realize that the reason why my arm wasn't working very well was because it was broke."
Fuck.
Max's sharp inhale hissed through her teeth.
"…I must have been running on adrenaline because I couldn't feel anything. I just kept walking. The next thing I remember was being carried off by some strangers who had found me on the front lawn of school. Then I passed out again, and when I woke up I was in a sort of make-shift camp on the football field with a bunch of survivors."
Oh Dana, you've been alone for so long. Thinking everyone is dead. Just like us.
She barely registered the gentle arms guiding her back down on to the couch, or the way they carefully took the phone away and held them in their own. Max must have looked as if she was going to pass out for Chloe to want to hold the device for her. Max pressed her free palms to her eyes then scrubbed at her face, trying to quell the desire to scream.
Dana had been through so much, and lost so much, and suffered… and it could very well be Max's fault entirely why the girl on the other end of the call is now boyfriend-less, best friend-less, and traumatized.
"I'm so sorry, Dana," Max cried roughly in anguish, "I'm so sorry…"
"Hey, hey…, " Dana replied soothingly "Oh, Max…"
"You didn't deserve this…no one deserved this."
"I know. It's so fucked up, I know. You guys didn't deserve to go through this either."
"I just wish… I could have done something to help."
"Max, it's alright. If I know anything, it's that you didn't owe it to anyone else but yourself to get the hell out of Arcadia Bay and somewhere safe, okay? There was nothing you could have done to help anyone at Blackwell."
Max had to suppress a weak groan.
You don't know the half of it, Dana.
"Hey hun, shhh. Don't cry." Dana's nurturing instinct was evident in her voice and somehow that made Max want to cry even harder. She was just so damn kind.
Dana's actually trying to comfort me when I should be comforting her. C'mon Max, be strong, she deserves better.
"I'm sorry I have taken so long to get in touch. You must have been so lonely. You've lost so much Dana. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…. I'm sorry."
"Max? You did the best thing you could of done for yourself and got somewhere safe with Chloe. And I'm so fucking glad for that, despite everything."
"Sorry. I guess I'm just emotional. Gah, I'm a mess, ya know?" Max laughed weakly, but it fell pretty flat. "How are you holding up now?"
"No shame, Max. It's okay. We're friends. And… I'm so grateful you've called me, you know? I'm r-really grateful we can talk. I know it's been, like, the worst fucking year of our lives. But I'm in a better place, with my family now, and they're taking good care of me. But…things are going to get better. You know why?"
"Hmm?"
"We've got each other now. You, me and Chloe. I'm here for you guys any time. This is an honest miracle that we get to be talking to each other right now. And I know we can get through this."
Max was able to conjure a small smile at her words.
Dana Ward, you are the best.
"Thanks Dana. You're so sweet. You…you don't know how much I've needed to hear your voice."
"And you're a good friend. I've really missed you." Max felt a little weight lift off of her chest as she glowed, just a little. "If you need anything, anything, let me know, okay?" Dana added.
"Same here."
"Max, am I remembering correctly that your parents are from Seattle?"
The question caught Max by surprise, she hadn't quite been expecting that. "Y-yeah? Why's that?"
"Uh, it's just that I'm with my family in Issaquah now. I know you might be up north at the moment but… if you're down here, or in the area at any time, please don't hesitate to see me. You'll always be welcome here, you and Chloe both."
"Oh," Max blinked hard a few times. "Yeah. Sure, we'd love that. It would be good to see you again. And…" she turned to Chloe again as she spoke, "I need to see my parents sometime soon. They're probably really worried about me. But they might not let me out of the house again once I do, but I'll try and make sure we get together."
Just as Max thought she would Chloe perked up to her words, intently reading and searching her for what Max assumed was confirmation that she was being genuine. She knew the older girl wanted Max to see her parents again.
"Good!" Dana sounded somewhat lighter, "That would be wonderful. All you have to do is text me or call me. I know that being home doesn't feel right, not at first, and kinda surreal… so I understand where you're coming from. But come and stay whenever you guys need a break from wherever you are."
"Thank you."
Dana released a sigh, "You're welcome. And thanks, again, for getting in touch. I really hope you won't be a stranger any longer."
"I won't. If you need to text or call me, the same goes for you. I really want us stay in touch." Max promised.
"Is there anything I can do for you right now?" Dana asks.
"Now? Oh. I don't know…" Max ponders for a moment. "I guess if you talk to Kate today, let her know I'm okay and she can text me or call me if she needs. But I'll probably be in touch with her tomorrow, if that's alright?"
"Sure! Not a problem, Max. She will… she'd do well to hear from you. I've been trying to keep my promise from back in October of being a better friend, and hearing you're alive too… well. You're kind of like her angel. It'll be the best news. I'll let you get in touch with her for the most part."
Fresh waves of emotion crashed over Max and hot tears freely all over again.
Oh, my sweet Kate. I miss you so much.
"T-thanks. Uh, I should probably go now, but we'll talk again soon."
"I understand! I'll let you go. We'll definitely be talking soon. Oh, and Max?"
"Yeah?"
"You are loved. I just want you to know that. Please, take care. Chloe also."
"…You too, Dana."
"Goodbye, Max." And with that farewell Dana hung up.
Time was lost on Max, and she didn't know if Chloe held her for minutes or for hours while she cried, curling in on herself and giving up any fight against the tidal waves of her own emotions. She found safety with the taller girl as she was cradled while Chloe whispered soothingly and peppered her with soft kisses. With Chloe she could release all her emotions.
With Chloe she was less afraid to be afraid.