Disclaimer: Inuyasha… is not mine.
A/N: Wow… thank you so much for the reviews Crazy Poet, RedBrick, Taeniaea, BlackParade and Anime Lady PIMP! This chapter's going to be sad as well but things start turning a little up near the end. Don't worry, I'm definitely a fan of happy endings… I just feel that they aren't as fulfilling and rewarding without some kind of difficult journey getting there. Anyways, please enjoy!
……
Chapter Two: The Lost Child and the Unwavering Adult
……
"You!" she managed to gasp as she grit her teeth against the pain in her arm and tried to stand.
Inuyasha turned to see her standing there, barely, putting most of her weight on the tree behind her and cradling her arm to her chest.
"Kagome," he whispered in shock, his eyes wide. "Kagome!" He sheathed his sword and made to come towards her.
"Don't!" she yelled, using her left arm to draw her sword. "Get away from me." Her eyes burned with hatred and Inuyasha stopped, looking down at the sword in her hand and then back up to her eyes. He did not recognize those eyes.
"Kagome," he said uncertainly, taking a step forward. His eyes searched her face in confusion for an explanation.
He tricked you, the voice whispered to Kagome. In the fight with the youkai, you felt his aura didn't you? And it tricked you into feeling things that weakened you, made you powerless. He steals your power to make it his own. Show him that you refuse to submit to him, that he himself is the one that is weak.
Gripping her sword fiercely, Kagome let out a yell and pushed herself off the tree. She brought her sword down against Inuyasha who only just barely managed to dodge out of range.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled out, clenching his fists and glaring at her angrily.
Kagome didn't answer but merely continued to attack him. His continuously evaded her but, all the same, he did not fight back. She became desperate to land a hit, swinging her sword out as wide as possible, letting her hatred drive her and ignoring the pain in her arm.
"Kagome, stop this," Inuyasha yelled. "Kagome!"
Tears began flowing from her eyes. I'm crying, Kagome realized in horror. Why am I crying! I have power! I am not weak! I am not weak!
"I'm not weak," she managed to croak in desperation. "I am not weak!" She swung her sword one more time before falling to her knees. She could taste blood in her mouth from being thrown against that tree and the pain in her arm was near unbearable.
"Kagome," she heard Inuyasha speak as if in pain, "What happened to you?"
With that Kagome fell into darkness, relieved to let go of her hate, her pain, if only temporarily.
…
Kagome blinked as harsh light streamed into her eyes through the door of a wooden cabin. She saw familiar shelves of bottles, herbs and food lining the walls. I know this place, she thought hazily. She tried to sit up and then remembered very painfully that her arm was broken. The pain brought memories of what had happened and she tried to jump to her feet before a strong pair of hands pushed her back down again. The feeling of being trapped, weakened, only fueled her hatred for the man holding her down.
"Bastard," she snarled at him.
Inuyasha visibly blanched. Kagome continued to struggle under his hold and he frowned at her efforts to free herself.
"If you don't stop that I'm going to have to tie you up so you're better off just staying still. And don't try to escape while I'm not looking. You know I'm faster than you."
Kagome stopped struggling but only just barely managed to restrain herself. How she longed to drive a sword through him. She would show him who was faster.
Looking at her warily, Inuyasha let her go and took a step away. Kagome took advantage of the opportunity and lashed out with one of her legs to kick him in what she knew to be a sensitive area. Inuyasha caught her foot in midair to which she responded by pulling at her leg and lashing out with the other against his legs, successfully throwing him off balance and onto the ground. In his shock Inuyasha let go of her foot and Kagome managed to scramble to her feet.
As she ran towards the door Inuyasha grabbed a hold of her ankle and she felt forward, letting out a shriek as her broken arm hit the floor with a thud. She struggled and tried to squirm loose of his hold but to no avail; his iron grip was firm. With his free hand, Inuyasha knocked aside various bottles and herbs lying on the shelves around them and pulled free a length of rope. Hauling himself to his knees, he grabbed Kagome's arms and hauled her over to the other side of the hut, away from the door. Once there he began wrapping the rope around her body, tying it securely around her arms and then her legs. All the while she glared at him furiously.
"Never thought I'd be doing this," Inuyasha muttered. Finally, he finished and took a few steps away from the girl and sat down.
"Now, Kagome," he said, "would you mind explaining yourself?"
His old companion merely glared at him with angry, hateful eyes. It disconcerted him. Kagome had never looked at anyone like this… It made her look like Kikyo, he realized. It was unsettling.
"Kagome, please," he pleaded. He needed to hear her voice. He needed to verify that this was Kagome, not some stranger. Kagome, who laughed and smiled and made everything better again. Desperation slipped into his voice. "Goddamn it, Kagome! Say something!" he yelled.
"I hate you," she whispered, staring at him fiercely.
He looked at her in shock. How could she…? How could this be…? Pain, biting and piercing, filled him and he found himself shaking as he rose to his feet. Pain… followed by anger. This betrayal… a response to his own? Guilt filled him. I have down this. I might as well have killed her.
Unable to contain himself, Inuyasha stormed out of the cabin, not bothering to look back at the pair of hating, spiteful eyes that, despite themselves, held a grief with no bounds.
"I am not weak," she whispered painfully.
I am not weak.
…
Naraku smiled. Of course. If she could not strike Inuyasha physically, Kagome certainly had the means to destroy his heart and perhaps she could shatter his guilt-stricken mind while she was at it. How foolish of the hanyou to place his heart in the hands of a simple powerless human girl. By doing so he gave her power over him, power that none other had. Yes, that's where Kagome's power came from; all of it, from Inuyasha's foolish heart.
Humans were so easily molded, their minds and hearts so easily distorted and corrupted. Naraku shook his head. Inuyasha should have learned from his experiences with Kikyo not to put his trust, let alone his heart, in the hands of others, especially humans, selfish creatures they were. It made the hanyou weak and vulnerable to those that would exploit such opportunities.
And so Naraku continued to gloat from the shadows, reveling in the hate he managed to spread and satisfying the dark needs of his tainted youkai soul and his twisted human heart.
…
Inuyasha ran for the longest time but stopped in shock as he realized he was crying. He hadn't cried in the longest time. Not even when Kagome was first taken away by Naraku, he hadn't cried, seeing it as a form of weakness. He had reasoned that he wouldn't be able to help her at all if all he did was hide himself away and cry.
Lost in his thoughts, Inuyasha did not notice the quiet footsteps of two humans walking through the forest. It was only when he caught sight of them that he realized they were there.
"Inuyasha!" Miroku yelled out, catching sight of his friend.
Sango looked up as well and Inuyasha was surprised to see that she had a certain dullness about her. The light in her eyes, her determination, shattered. Inuyasha could not help but feel shocked. Sango was one of the strongest people he knew. If she had fallen apart then how long would it be until the others did as well?
Inuyasha gazed at his friends wearily. He could tell now, looking closer, that Miroku had changed as well. There were lines on his face that had not been there before though the young monk could not be older than twenty-five.
"Inuyasha," Miroku exclaimed, "where have you been all this time? We've been looking for you for months, ever since you left without telling us."
Inuyasha shifted his eyes uncomfortably at the reminder of yet another betrayal. "I was looking for Kagome."
"We realized that," started Miroku, "but you should have waited for us. We should have stayed together, especially when we were in such a vulnerable situation. Instead, we seemed to fall apart and abandon each other," he said, sighing.
Inuyasha's eyes seemed to sharpen in realization. "Where's Shippou? And Kirara?" he demanded.
This time it was Miroku who shifted his eyes. He glanced at Sango uneasily before starting.
"Shippou ran off to try and find you. Sango decided to go ahead with Kirara to find him but…" he hesitated before continuing. Then anger seemed to overtake him. "She came across a youkai, Inuyasha. One that was stronger than most. She fought until she could move no more and Kirara moved in to protect her. And she died doing that. Kirara died and Sango nearly did too because you weren't there to help them. I only just barely got there in time to save her with the Kazanaa."
For the second time that day, Inuyasha felt himself sink into a deep pool of guilt.
"If you had been there, Shippou wouldn't have gone off alone like that. Kirara wouldn't have died and Sango wouldn't have-"
"Stop," whispered the tajiya.
Miroku froze in the middle of his ranting and merely glared at Inuyasha angrily.
"I understand," said Sango softly, "why you wanted to save Kagome so badly. I understand why you didn't wait for us. It hurts but I understand. Kirara… probably understood as well. And I would have done the same." She gave the hanyou a small painful smile that hurt him even more than Miroku's words.
For the longest time the three stood there in silence, each lost in their own pain. Finally, Inuyasha spoke.
"I found her," he mumbled.
Miroku looked at him in shock and some of the dullness seemed to fade from Sango's eyes. She looked past him to where she knew the village stood, Kaede's hut on the edge of it, and set off in a sprint towards it.
Inuyasha looked at her in panic.
"Sango wait! She's changed!"
He turned to stop the tajiya but Miroku grabbed a hold of his sleeve.
"Inuyasha, I need to talk to you," he said.
Inuyasha looked at him in exasperation. "There's no time for that-"
"There is more than enough time, Inuyasha," Miroku said, looking him in the eyes. "I think it's time we spoke-"
"No!" Inuyasha yelled. "You don't understand! There is something wrong with Kagome!"
…
Sango ran as quickly as possible, not hearing Inuyasha's cries. Kagome was alive! She had nearly given up hope, hope that had just barely been there for the longest, most excruciating time, teasing her with possibilities. It seemed impossible and yet impossible was what she wished for, clung to. To know Kagome was alive… and here… it brought joy she'd thought she could never feel. Tears began to stream from her eyes as she ran, dashing through the forest and into the village.
She thought her heart would burst as Kaede's hut grew closer and closer. With youkai-like speed she sprinted into the hut and, seeing her friend seated against the wall, threw her arms around the girl's small frame.
"Kagome!" she cried, holding on to her tightly, not noticing that Kagome's body had stiffened under her arms and that her face had frozen in shock and disgust. It wouldn't be long until hatred too filled her eyes.
It was only when she drew back that the tajiya noticed the rope that bound her. Kagome purposefully lower her head, hiding her face underneath her hair where Sango could not glimpse her hateful eyes.
"Kagome," Sango's voice faltered. "Why are you tied up?"
"Inuyasha only just found me. He carried me here, running from Naraku, and hadn't had the time to undo my binds," Kagome said, trying to make her voice sound normal. Sango, lost in an ocean of emotions, did not notice the change in Kagome's voice and did not pause to question why Inuyasha would go off in the forest without untying the ropes.
It was only once the binds were free that Kagome showed her hate. She lashed out at Sango with her left arm, carefully cradling the other to her chest.
Sango, in her shock, barely registered what had happened. She fell to the floor and lay there, stunned. Kagome took advantage of the opportunity and ran for the door, knowing Inuyasha would be back soon and, if the tajiya was here, perhaps the monk as well. She needed to catch them each alone, when they were vulnerable.
She stopped in mid stride to see Inuyasha blocking the doorway. He glanced to where Sango lay sprawled across the floor. Eyes flashing in anger and confusion, he grabbed Kagome by her good arm and began pushing her back to the other side of the room. Kagome lashed out with one of her legs but his grip did not loosen. Suddenly, Miroku was there too and Sango was standing again.
"Help me hold her, Miroku!" Inuyasha yelled. "Sango, get the rope!"
Together, he and Miroku managed to push Kagome back towards the wall as she struggled violently. Once her back hit the wall she began to yell and let loose a string of profanities that even made Inuyasha pale.
However, it was only when Inuyasha grabbed her other arm to hold her still that she began letting out real screams, screams of pain. He realized in that horrible moment that he had jerked back her broken arm. He let go of it quickly, jumping away from Kagome and letting Sango step forward with the rope. He could see Kagome's eyes well with tears of pain but she clenched her teeth, glaring at him, and refused to let any fall.
Leaving the others to take care of Kagome, Inuyasha left the hut, his arms shaking and a strong feeling of nausea overtaking him. He couldn't believe what he had just done. Never before had he hurt Kagome in such a way. Not even when he'd first met her, when he'd tried to scare her with death threats to get her to give him the Shikon jewel. Even then he hadn't hurt her, although he'd pretended to attempt to. If her words of hate had been lies before surely they weren't now.
The landscape seemed to blur around him and soon enough he found himself in the forest, beside the well. He sat against it and, for the first time in months, asked himself, what must Kagome's family think? She had not returned to her home in over three months. And he had never thought once to go through the well to tell them what had happened. He had never thought of her family once during the last three months. He had only been thinking of himself. That's what Miroku had been trying to tell him. He was such an idiot.
"Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha looked up to see Miroku. He hadn't even sensed him coming. No wonder Kagome had been taken away so easily. He let his emotions distract him.
"It wasn't your fault," the monk said.
Inuyasha could not find it within himself to believe his friend.
"It was an accident," Miroku said softly. "You didn't mean to hurt her."
"But I did," Inuyasha said painfully. "It doesn't matter whether I meant to or not. I promised to protect her and ended up hurting her worse than anyone else… You should know of all people, Miroku. Kagome had been protected, sheltered and loved in her world. Then she fell into this world and suddenly she's being attacked by youkai, her life is being threatened on a daily basis and she goes weeks without seeing her family. I promised to shield her through all of that, to provide her with protection, shelter and… But I failed, Miroku. And not only did I manage to hurt her but I managed to hurt everyone else while I was at it."
Miroku stood silently for a few minutes before speaking.
"Inuyasha… you have to understand that despite the way Kagome is acting right now, she cares for you. Very deeply. That's part of the reason why she was so willing to put herself through all of this danger and help-"
"No!" Inuyasha yelled. "You still don't understand!" He looked at Miroku wildly. "She told me she hated me. She fucking told me she hated me." His voice trembled as he spoke.
Miroku looked at his friend in surprise. His was speechless. How did one respond to such an outburst? How could Kagome have said such a thing? It had been clear to him, from the beginning, that Kagome held rather strong feelings for Inuyasha… What could have happened to her?
"She's lying," Miroku said finally, determined to show Inuyasha the truth. "I don't believe that she could honestly hate you. I have a hard time believing she could hate anyone. She was always the purest of us all, never speaking words of hate, not even about Kikyo- although Naraku might be an exception to that, which is, of course, more than understandable. "
Inuyasha shook his head and stared at the ground. "You weren't there… you didn't see the way she looked at me… her eyes."
Miroku stared at his hanyou friend grimly.
"We'll find a way," he said, his words empty and hollow. It took more than what he had to fill them with hope.
"Let's go back," Miroku said. "Sango said she'd get supper going. And I talked to some of the villagers, asking where Kaede was. Apparently she went to a neighboring village to help with a sick child. She's expected to be back by tomorrow morning. Come on."
Miroku started heading back to the village but Inuyasha did not rise. Miroku looked over his shoulder, his curiosity plain to Inuyasha.
"I'll come in a few minutes," Inuyasha said, not looking about. "I… I'll be there before night falls."
Miroku nodded uncertainly and left his friend to sit on the edge of the old well, alone.
…
Kagome came to realize, quite reluctantly, that it was best that she wait until her arm healed before trying anymore attacks. The others, in their weakness, were obviously not going to kill her. They would have done so by now.
Still, she would not let them think she had weakened to the point that she had rejoined them. She would remain isolated from them, not speaking unless absolutely necessary. She would make her hatred known yet she would not act on it quite yet, at least not physically. Her words, she knew, could have great impact on their well-being. Was not Inuyasha proof of this? A hanyou warrior, who had fought against armies of youkai, had lived longer than any human could hope for, and was considered a serious threat by Naraku; this great being had been turned to tears by the words of a mere human girl. It was in her words, Kagome knew, that she had the potential to release chaos. It was words, after all, that could hold more power than any sword.
Still, Kagome remained silent for a time, satisfying her hatred by watching her old companions as they suffered. They tried to hide it of course but there was no denying the lack of light in Sango's eyes or the weariness in Miroku's stance. She would have liked to see Inuyasha dropping under the weight of his actions as well but he had yet to come back despite the fact that night had fallen.
She watched as the monk sat back against the wall of the hut, closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly. The tajiya soon followed suit, lying out on a mat against the opposite wall. Both were between Kagome and the door.
In annoyance, Kagome slowly let go of her thoughts and drifted of into a world of horror and nightmares, knowing what she would see but not having the will to care.
…
Inuyasha grimaced as the early morning sunlight shone into his eyes and looked away from the horizon. It had been another sleepless night for him, having spent the night standing guard for the others and agonizing over what had happened the day before.
But, despite his pain or perhaps because of it, determination rose within him, to right the wrongs that had been committed against Kagome, whatever they may be, to restore to her happiness, hope, her family, all she held dear, everything… He would try to work his way through that hate in her eyes or, at the very least, make her world a little less harsh, a little less cruel. Though it pained him to see her hatred for him, he did not think himself entirely undeserving of it. Many of the wrongs that had been committed against her, he knew, had been because of him. The fault lay on his shoulders and he could not possibly deny its crushing weight. Nevertheless, he would not allow himself to fall under its weight, for Kagome's sake. For her, he wouldn't give in to the spreading darkness.
…
As an old woman and a child made their way out of the forest and into the village, hidden eyes followed them and watched as they neared the cabin where awoke the tajiya, the monk and the hateful girl that tore at anything and everything that approached her. There wasn't much he could do for the poor youkai-child, Inuyasha decided. It was best that he was told upfront instead of being kept in the dark. Either way, he would be hurt.
…
Miroku watched grimly as Kaede and Shippou approached the cabin. He'd expected the arrival of the old miko but Shippou had been a surprise. On one hand, the young monk was elated to see the kit was alive and well. On the other hand, Miroku could already feel himself pitying Shippou for what he would find. Who he would find and the state she was in. Kaede, he believed, with her years of wisdom and strength, would be able to handle it. Shippou, however, was much more vulnerable.
Miroku cringed as he saw Shippou's face suddenly brighten, his eyes wild with irrepressible joy. Of course, Miroku cursed to himself, of course. Shippou would be able to sense Kagome's presence long before he set eyes on her. Arms tense, Miroku stepped in front of the entrance to the cabin.
Shippou, not to be deterred, tried to dodge past Miroku. The monk latched on to him before he could get any farther.
"Shippou, you probably shouldn't go in there yet," he said as gently as he could.
"What?" Shippou said angrily. Then his anger seemed to fade and he paled. "Kagome's okay, isn't she?" He took a cautious sniff and blanched. "She's hurt, isn't she? I can tell. There's blood. Who hurt her? Was it Naraku?"
"Shippou, she-" Miroku began and then faltered. He looked to Kaede, who frowned at him.
"It would be best to just say it straight out, whatever the matter is," she said firmly.
"Kagome… something has happened to her," he said, "and we don't really know what it is but it's changed her. She is no longer the girl that you knew once before. She harbors much anger for the world right now and lashes out at anyone that happens to be around, whether they be friend or foe. She is not without skills, you must be aware, and we've had to…" Miroku paused uncertainly. "We've had to tie her up to keep her from hurting us or herself. You have to understand-"
"You did what!" Shippou asked angrily. "How could you do that?" He began to struggle against Miroku's grasp, trying to free himself but the monk's hold was firm. "She's our friend, Miroku! I don't care what you say but she loves us! She loves me and she would never hurt me! Let me go, you stupid bastard-"
"Shippou!" scolded Kaede, "I thought I told you to stop talking like that!"
"Well, if Miroku would just let me go-"
"You want to go in?"
Sango had somehow appeared at Miroku's side without the other's notice. She looked down at the kitsune solemnly.
Shippou nodded frantically and looked at her desperately.
"Sango, I don't think-" began Miroku.
"He wants to see her," Sango replied distantly, her eyes staring into nothing, as she saw what the others could not. "And, in doing so, he will see her hate, the cold, heartless fire that drives her for vengeance. He would not believe your words, no, not Shippou. He is a child yet despite his words of anger and hurt. The truth will only burn its way into his heart once he sees what she has become for himself and he shall feel our pain, our guilt, for there is no avoiding it. But it is not for Shippou that I wish to let him through. It is for Kagome. Perhaps, seeing him will affect her differently than seeing us did. I know very well that she once loved the rest of us as much as she did Shippou but it is Shippou who held her love in a way different from you or me or even Inuyasha. He was, in some shape or form, her child. For years it has been Kagome who has been protected, shielded. But she had the same need to protect as we did and the easiest way to answer to that need was through Shippou. He, still a child and not yet strong enough to defend himself, was the one Kagome chose to protect as her own. Perhaps, that decision has not yet been forgotten deep within her heart. Perhaps, she will remember her love. Perhaps, she will return to herself."
The others stood silently as Shippou stared eagerly at the cabin's entrance. His eyes dark with pain and guilt, Miroku let go of Shippou and took a step out of his way. There, outside the cabin, the others waited quietly for the outcome of the monk's decision. Sango seemed jaded, staring at what was not there, and Kaede's brow was creased in worry. Miroku felt frozen to the spot, unable to take breath, simply listening to the sounds of Shippou softly approaching Kagome.
…
"Kagome?"
The girl stared at the small kitsune that stood before her. His large, green eyes were glazed over with tears unshed and his voice trembled. He looked at her in hope, in desperate happiness and in something she could not name. It was the look of a lost child who has finally caught a glimpsed of long-lost home only to hold himself back for fear that it will disappear.
Why does my hate waver at the sight of this child? she blinked in surprise. The voice whispered to her softly, he is one of them, he aided them in their destruction. Though he wears the guise of a child, he is no child; no, he is a tricky kitsune, an underhand creature who has no shame for the damage he does. He is-
A child. Kagome felt warmness fill her and it battled the cold hatred that had spread within her. I've protected this child. I've loved this child. Why did I stop? Tears sprung to her eyes. I made a promise, didn't I? Maybe not in words, but in my actions, in my love. I've betrayed this child as badly as they betrayed me.
Kagome choked back a sob and fought the tears as they threaten to flow. Why did I let go? The child was innocent.
Shippou took another step towards her, lost in confusion. Why was Kagome crying?
How indeed could you do such a thing, the voice whispered. You are despicable indeed, the voice taunted. Do you burn in your self-hatred? Are you consumed by it? Now, once it has returned, do you remember those that caused it? For the kitsune is not innocent. He only gives the illusion of it. A façade behind which he hides and behind which you hide. You hide from what must be done, from your vengeance. Why hide from the darkness? It's the only thing left for you now.
No, no, no! Kagome chanted to herself. You're wrong! There was something else before… a light, warmth… amber eyes… strong branches of a sturdy tree… strong… someone to hold on to… where did that go?
Shippou took another step towards Kagome, close enough to touch her if he wished. Close enough to hurt him if she wished. He scowled. Miroku had been wrong.
It slipped through your fingers, the voice said coldly. It wasn't real to begin with and such a thing could never last. One cannot live in such an illusion. Reality must be faced whether in death or hardship; it will make itself known. The world is in darkness, my dear, the light was merely an illusion and even now you cling to false hope. A false hope fabricated by one of the very masters of delusion.
But… Kagome closed her eyes in pain. It was there I know it was. The feeling, it was there! It was real! So real I could touch it, in the strong wooden surface of Goshinboku… and the old well… the gentle palms of a small child… rough cloth against my skin… protecting me… calloused hands guiding me… or was I guiding them? I was guiding them through the darkness, all of them, but then I let go… I let go when they needed me! she remembered in anguish. Why-
They tricked you, the voice interrupted. They said they needed you, looked to you for help. So you came forth from your delusion of light, took their hands in yours and they pulled you into the darkness. Dragged you into the pain, the hurt. Where those men violated you. You remember don't you?
A small hand rested on her shoulder.
How they tore through you, broke your body-
"Stop it!" Kagome shrieked, opening her eyes wildly, and thrashing herself violently in every direction. The binds constrained her for the most part but she vaguely registered hitting something, soft and warm. But the pain would not leave her mind and the memories continued to torment her.
"Stop it, please, stop it," she cried, falling against the wall to her side. "It hurts…" she gasped, gulping for air in beaten heavy sobs. "Help me," she whispered, not quite hearing her own words.
She closed her eyes as the entrance of the cabin flung open violently and the bright light of day poured in. The dark haired monk rushed in, fear driving him forward. The old miko followed him urgently and the tajiya stumbled in, her movements slow in confusion and her face pale.
"Shippou?" shouted Miroku, rushing towards the kitsune's side.
"I'm okay," whimpered the boy. "She didn't hit me that bad and I know she didn't mean to. Her eyes were closed, she didn't see me and I startled her, that's all."
Shippou blanched when Miroku cursed upon seeing a trickle of blood slide down his young face. He'd never heard Miroku curse before. Despite his habits he was, after all, a monk.
Kaede took the kitsune from Miroku's arms. "I'll get him fixed up, don't worry about it," she said. "Shippou and I will take a walk to the river and maybe Toki will let me stay with her tonight. She owes me a favor anyways." Glancing once at Kagome's trembling form in the corner, she lowered her voice. "Be sure to make sure Kagome's taken care of. And don't go to hard on Sango; she was only trying to help her friend. We all make mistakes, Miroku. Don't go too hard on yourself either."
With that Kaede grabbed a few herbs resting on her shelves and carried Shippou out of the cabin.
For a moment, all was quiet, save for Kagome's soft whimpering. Miroku clenched his fists as he tried to hold back an explosion of guilt, hurt and anger. He didn't look at Sango, or Kagome, though the tajiya gazed in horror at Kagome's shaking form. He should make Sango look away, he knew. He should go ask Inuyasha to get them food. He should stop the bleeding that had started where Kagome had too violently struggled against her binds. But he simply stood still, fighting against a torrent of emotion and a growing sense of nausea.
The cabin's entrance opened, revealing cloudy skies and Inuyasha's face, grim and severe, the underlining panic barely visible.
"What's going on!" he thundered. "What's this racket I heard earlier?"
Miroku opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.
"What's this?" he said, eyes narrowing. "Why is Kagome hurt? She didn't try to… again?"
Face rigid, he knelt down beside Kagome and reached for her battered arm. She flinched at his touch and he froze, his face showing that which Miroku could not understand but vaguely recognized. Eyes fierce, Inuyasha rose to his feet only to witness Sango heave what had been her breakfast onto the cabin floor. Wrinkling his nose in distaste, he watched as she wobbled briefly only to fall against the wall. Miroku seemed to snap out of his stupor and leapt forward to help her stand.
"Miroku," Inuyasha snapped, "get that cleaned up and then get Kaede to come over and look at Kagome but don't undo the binds. Maybe Kaede get throw a look on Sango's… current state, as well. I'll get us some food."
Turning his rigid gaze away from Miroku, he strode out of the cabin and left the monk to deal with a very nauseas tajiya lost in a sea of guilt and a girl half-mad from the destructive power of her own indelible past.
…
"Here," Miroku said quietly, motioning Sango to sit down near the entrance of the cabin. "Stay here while I get Kaede."
Sango nodded numbly and let her body slide against the wall to the ground. Miroku still could not bear to look at her empty face and moved away quickly, heading for the door.
"I'm sorry," he heard Sango mumble softly. "It was stupid. I was stupid," she managed to croak, her voice cracking. Her throat burned when she spoke, when she swallowed, when she breathed–maybe if she simply stopped breathing it would stop burning.
Words came to Miroku, all at once, but he could not force them, could not decide which were right and which were wrong. Words, decisions; they used to be his strength. His mind and heart were weak now and all he could do was walk away; leave Sango in silence, in despair and in emotion too heavy for one heart to carry without slowly shattering into pieces.
…
Kaede worked carefully on Kagome's small cuts and bruises, making sure not to wake the sleeping girl. The others looked on as she worked; Sango's eyes half-closed in as she clung to consciousness, Miroku staring intently as if mesmerized by Kaede's movements although she doubted his mind was on her task, and Shippou, who'd insisted on coming, his face painful to look at for, as a child, he had little restraint on his own emotions and let that knowledge be sorely visible to the adults around him.
Everyone was quiet; exhausted, fearing to wake Kagome and busy trying to control their own emotions. It had been a wearying day.
It seemed of all, Kaede remained the strongest, despite her age or maybe because of it. She'd worked steadily, patching up Shippou's bruises, brewing Sango some soothing tea that would lull her into pleasant dreams and doing her best to help Kagome. The girl moved in her sleep, crying out several times. Kaede could not help but feel that Kagome's poor mind had been battered beyond what anyone should have to endure. There had been great wrongs committed against her.
"She wants us to help her," Shippou said quietly, breaking the silence. "You heard her, didn't you Miroku? She's in pain and she needs our help."
Miroku didn't speak but continued staring blankly at the young woman's sleeping form.
"Of course, she needs our help," a voice said gruffly from the entrance. "Lazy wench always needs someone's help. Can't do anything for herself."
Shippou's expression immediately turned to one of anger. "That's not-"
Kaede gestured at the kitsune for silence. He closed his mouth but continued glaring heatedly at Inuyasha.
"Though your manner is far from pleasant and your particular choice of words untrue, it is true that Kagome needs our help," Kaede said, "Unfortunately, she needs it in ways I am not sure we are capable of giving. This is beyond the hurts of the body; some darkness injures her very soul, casting it in shadow."
"Are you saying it's impossible, then? To help her? Return her to what she was before?" Inuyasha growled, the warning obvious in his eyes.
"I did not say such," Kaede said patiently, "though she will never be exactly as she was before. She will bear the scars of her experiences for the rest of her life but it is not impossible for her to let go of her hate, to live a true life again. What I'm saying is that it will be difficult, for both her and those who aid her. Such a healing of the soul will take more than I fear you or the others have to give, Inuyasha. And, I do not know, interference may cause more harm than good."
"You're wrong," muttered Inuyasha. "She would have been able to do it for us, before. She did, actually. For Miroku, for Sango, for Shippou… and for me. She healed what could not be healed. It's only fair that we do the same."
Having had enough of the conversation, Inuyasha began preparing a meal, ignoring Kaede's worried glance, Shippou's astonished expression, behind which his anger still hid, and Miroku's tired and questioning look.
Sango tried to speak, voice her understanding, her support, but sleep claimed her the second after Inuyasha spoke his words. Her last thought was that Inuyasha, somehow, was no longer simply a boy. Despite his age he had always appeared to her a child and, yet, his words showed her that circumstances had forced him to grow up, become an adult and face the truth of their situation.
………
A/N: Hmm… poor Shippou. Well poor everyone, actually. I hope you guys liked it. If some of you find it a little depressing, don't worry there's a little bit of humor up a head. Maybe not the next chapter but soon.