Chapter 2

The steam from the copper bath clouded the windows of the room as Lou poured in more boiling water. She had scrubbed and scrubbed and finally Kid's skin was its normal pink color. There had been so many layers of dirt and grime on his arms and back that she had replaced the water three times already.

Julia Papen had taken it upon herself to burn the clothes Kid had arrived in, and silently handed Louise an outfit that had belonged to her son. She would not hear Lou's protests, and insisted that Kid take them. They were no use to her Edward now.

Lou laid out the freshly laundered clothes and waited as Kid finished washing. They had not spoken during the ablutions, and her mind was swimming with questions she would ask him when he was finally ready to answer them. She stood with her back to the window, her thoughts racing, and after a few minutes realized that Kid was staring at her in wait. She roused herself from her thinking and smiled at him expectantly, picking up a linen towel. When he looked away, embarrassed, it finally dawned on her that he was waiting for her to leave the room before he dried and dressed himself. The small rebuke saddened her momentarily, as she remembered the intimate nature of their relationship before the war. But she nodded instead and turned around to face the window so she was not watching him.

She heard Kid rise out of the water and could resist the temptation to look at him in the reflection of the strip of glass that peeped between the curtains. The image she saw was cloudy, but she could not miss his gaunt, naked body, sickly white with wasted muscles and bony rib cage. She wanted to burst into tears and hug his poor frame, to repair the damage that the war had ravaged upon him. But she didn't do anything, she just stood with her back to her husband and tried not to imagine what he had been through in the last four years when he was away from her.

With a small cough, Kid signaled that it was safe for her to turn around. Lou did so, and again had to swallow the painful lump in her throat when she saw how the clothes, which would have once been a perfect fit, now hung off his body. She forced herself to smile, but from the look in Kid's eyes, she could tell she wasn't doing a very good job of convincing him he looked all right.

Kid pulled at the shirt and trousers unsuccessfully. No matter what he did they were two sizes too big. Glancing away from his wife's troubled stare, he looked at himself in the dressing mirror. Kid knew he looked ridiculous in the misshapen attire, but at least he has clean now. All that remained was the shaggy brown beard and hair that fell past his shoulders. He rubbed his hand through the beard and turned to face Lou again.

"D'you think it would help if we cut this off?" he asked simply.

With glistening eyes she nodded yes.

"Would you do it for me?"

"Of course," Lou replied, blinking away the tears. "We'll have you back to normal in no time."

Kid did not point out the simplicity of such words, nor the naiveté. Instead he took a seat in the wooden chair Lou put out for him and let her set to work.

"Let's do somethin' about your hair first," Lou said with an attempt to sound cheerful, running a comb through the long curly locks.

She took her time as she combed and styled his wet hair, before reaching into her apron pocket and pulling out a small pair of scissors. She methodically snipped away at his hair, running her fingers through it all the time to make sure she was cutting evenly. Lou had cut his hair once before, when they were first married. Kid remembered how relaxing it was, remembered her delicate touch, and was lulled into such a state of contentment that he could not tell how much time had passed. He was only brought back to reality when he heard a short gasp at his ear.

Turning his head sharply, he saw Lou staring with horror at his neck. Kid was so used to the old wound that he had forgotten she would react like this. Lou stared in abject shock at the angry, puckered scar that cut an oblique swathe along his neck under his right ear. It was so deep she could lay her index finger in it. Her hand trembled as she touched the skin lightly, for fear of causing him pain. Kid glanced uncomfortably at her and wished she would stop staring at it. He hastily covered the scar with his large hand.

Lou remembered herself and stepped back from him, breaking her glazed stare. He would not meet her eyes so she swallowed the stream of questions on the tip of her tongue. He would not talk about it, not yet. With much difficulty, she finished snipping at the strands of hair above the horrific welt and brushed the remnants from his neck and back. By the time she had finished his haircut, Lou had managed to calm herself after the shocking discovery, for at least it gave her some indication why Kid had been missing for so long. She could tell it might be the only explanation for a while.

With his hair now its old length, Lou set to work on the beard — first cutting away the long clumps of hair, then applying a carefully stropped razor until Kid's face was smooth. She ran her hand over his face with a gentle touch that was more a caress, before handing him a small mirror so he could view her handiwork. Kid stared in disbelief at his reflection, and Lou was similarly moved. Despite the hollow cheeks and shadows under his eyes, he looked just as he always had. He looked just like the boy she had met in Sweetwater when they started riding for the Pony Express, at least superficially.

But Lou could not help but notice that his eyes were no longer the optimistic, exuberant blue they had once been. Back then, Kid's eyes were full of life and excitement, and love for her. Now they were remote and empty, soured by the war and his experiences of the past four years. She wished she could understand what they were. She was afraid they would never be able to get past it all and move on with their lives if she didn't. Lou knelt down before him, waiting as he still gazed at the mirror.

"Kid," she began slowly, making her tone as non-threatening as possible. "Where were you for so long? What happened to you in the war?"

Kid did not look at her, but she saw his grip on the mirror tighten. She waited patiently as he swallowed with difficulty. Gently she placed her hand over his and brought the mirror down onto his lap.

"Please tell me, I need to understand."

Kid fixed her with a soulless stare. His voice was harsh but almost a whisper. "You can't possibly understand."

"Not if you don't talk to me," Lou persisted. "What happened to your neck?"

Kid's eyes flooded with pain but he would not look at her now. He shook his head imperceptibly, staring off to the side. He couldn't bring himself to recall the events that had kept him from his wife and daughter for so long. To do that would open the floodgates on the terrifying images and details of war that he had tried so hard to bury forever. Kid believed it was the only way he'd be able to go with his life. He could never talk about any of it, even with Lou.

"Please, Kid."

He looked at her helplessly, silently pleading for her to abandon this line of questioning. She stared at him so intently, so eager to share his pain. But Kid knew he had too much pain and too many secrets to ever reveal them all to her.

Lou was not relenting, and if it had not been for Virginia bursting into the room at that moment, Kid would have been forced to leave himself. Lou sighed in frustration when Ginnie interrupted them, feeling sure Kid was about to open up to her. But she could not help but smile slightly when she saw the girl staring with wonder at her father, now he was barbered and in respectable clothing.

"Julia says supper's ready, if you're ready," she said shyly.

The scruffy soldier she had met was very different from the man who now sat before her mother. She thought him very handsome, and was proud he was her father. Ginnie held out a hand and Kid took it gratefully, thus escaping Lou's questions. He caught her eye briefly as Virginia led him from the room, but Lou just looked resigned as she followed him out. He could not avoid her for long, then she would have her answers.