Chapter 5

July 20, 1861

My dear Lou,

I'm writing you this letter from home, my true home. We are camped on the very land I was born on just outside Manassas. It is hard to believe that this will be the place we will first meet the enemy. All indications are this will be tomorrow or the next day, for their Army is camped just across Bull Run Creek. Weaver and I scouted out their position tonight. Captain Phillips chose me for this Honor because I am a Manassas boy. The Union army is large, but we are expecting reinforcements any hour now.

The feeling in camp is high, and the boys are looking forward to the fight. You must not worry about us, Lou. We will make a good stand. The South will be proud of us as we defend her. I hope you will be proud of me.

I may not be able to write for a while. But do not suppose I am not thinking of you. You are in my thoughts every minute of the day, in camp and on patrol. I think about the night we spent under the stars a few months ago and I cannot wait to hold you again. The feeling is so strong sometimes I have to stop myself from turning South and riding home to you. Your picture and letters are in the pocket above my heart always, and your face is in my dreams at night.

The boys are bedding down now. I must take this letter into Town tonight in case we move out at first light. There is more I wanted to say, but I lack the words to describe the feeling in my heart. I feel so close to you at this moment and yet you are far away.

Lou, I think about the promise I made to you when we parted and I pray each day that I am able to keep it. You will be angry at me if I say it, but if this coming fight decides my Fate, never forget how much I love you. I will always love you, even in death. And I will always be with you, no matter what happens. Remember this.

Kid.

The Kid finished addressing the envelope and slipped his letter inside. He tucked some extra pieces of paper and pencil into his pocket and felt the familiar bulk of a frame nestled amongst Lou's letters. He pulled it out, needing to see her face. Kid was not prepared for how much he would miss Lou, considering he had volunteered to be parted from her in order to fight. But now, having put into words the thoughts and fears he was feeling at that moment, he had never missed her more.

He had volunteered to fight for his State, his home, because he felt it was his duty, first and foremost, and to protect the precious memories of a childhood that had been both happy and destructive. The brutality of his drunken father, the death of his mother and separation from Jed had been the worst parts of his young life, and yet he felt such a strong connection to Virginia that to fight to protect its rights and way of life was inevitable.

He didn't fear death, not having faced it so many times. He had been wounded before and recovered. These things did not concern him because he believed in his decision to fight. But it was having to leave Lou that weighed heavy on his heart. He had known it would be hard to be parted from her, but in truth he had not thought it this difficult. She was in his thoughts every moment of the day. Kid hoped she was safe and as happy as possible with his aunt, Isobel and the children on the farm.

Some days he feared he made a mistake in bringing her home to Virginia – she would have been safer in Rock Creek with Rachel. But now, having her so near even if he couldn't be with her, was some comfort. He laid a gentle finger on her cheek in the photograph, and prayed she stayed safe.

"You're gonna wear that picture out, Kid," came a muffled voice next to him.

Glancing up, Kid smiled at his friend who was looking out from under his hat, staring at him with one eye.

"Shouldn't you be gettin' some sleep?" asked Tommy, shifting on the ground, his blanket roll doing little to make sleeping outdoors comfortable.

"I wanted to get this letter written to Lou, in case we head out tomorrow," said Kid, his eyes returning to the picture of her.

"I never met anyone so lovesick as you, boy."

Thomas Weaver was several years older than Kid, but had managed to avoid being ensnared by any woman, as he described it. Since joining the same cavalry unit the two of them had become fast friends, having discovered they were born and raised not five miles from each other. Like Kid, Tommy was a natural horseman, and their elevation to the troop's lead scouts was something they both took pride in.

"You just wait, Tommy," sad Kid. "One day you'll meet some girl…"

Tommy shoved his hat back on his head as he drew up onto his elbows, staring at the flickering fire beside them. He shook his head, unconvinced. "No, thank you. Give me a good horse above a girl any day."

Kid raised an eyebrow, amused at the comment. "You know, I used to think the same thing myself."

He glanced over affectionately at Katy, who was corralled with the troop's horses a short distance away. "It's different when you're married."

"I'll take your word for it, Kid," grunted Tommy.

Kid sighed softly, his thoughts returning to how much he missed Lou. His letter would make her mad as she always refused to discuss the possibility that something would happen to him. The Kid wasn't prone to superstition, but after so many months of waiting for the real fighting of the war to begin and the likelihood that they would be engaging the Federal army soon, he had needed to tell her how he was feeling. Just in case, he thought.

"Don't you want to write your folks?" Kid asked, surprised that Tommy seemed so at ease with the threat of battle upon them.

"I sent them word a month ago." Tommy nudged a log in the fire, causing orange sparks to rise in the inky blackness above.

"But if tomorrow…"

"Whatever happens tomorrow happens, and the next day, and the next day after that," he sighed resignedly.

"That don't make a whole lotta sense, Tommy."

"Neither does starin' at a picture and writin' your wife in case you go and get yourself killed, boy," said Tommy gruffly. "Morbid's what it is."

Kid smiled ruefully, and with a last long gaze at Lou's beautiful face, he slipped the frame back into his jacket pocket.

Tommy lifted his hat off his head and lay back down, catching Kid's attention as he did so.

"Best thing you can do is get a good night's sleep and stay alert tomorrow. You be ready."

Kid nodded. "I'm just gonna take this in," he said, holding up the letter to Lou.

Tommy said no more and settled the hat over his face again. Kid sat by the fire a little longer, trying to convince himself he could follow Tommy's advice. But Kid doubted very much he would get any sleep that night.

At first light, the Confederate army was preparing itself for possible attack. The Kid and Tommy were saddling up to scout ahead to report the enemy's position. Kid was tightening Katy's girth strap when Tommy sidled up to him and nudged his arm.

"Here," he said simply, holding out a folded letter.

Kid glanced up, puzzled.

"It's a letter to my folks," said Tommy, shrugging. "Keep it, will you? Just in case."

"I thought you said whatever happens happens?"

"Maybe it does, but it ain't gonna kill you to hang onto it. If somethin' happens to me…"

Kid nodded quickly so Tommy didn't have to finish the sentence. It wasn't something to say out loud.

"Same goes for me, Tommy," Kid replied gravely. "You know where Lou's stayin'. Get word to her, tell her…"

"I know," Tommy interrupted, and brushed past Kid to his own horse. "Let's get movin', boy. We got some Yankees to send home."

Kid tucked Tommy's letter into the pocket of his gray trousers and with a determined breath he leapt into the saddle.

"Get up, girl," he geed Katy, following Tommy to the front of the troop so they could move ahead on Captain Phillips' order. "Time to go."