I had to update this again... the whole weekend I've been working on this fic and I am just so happy with it pets Yeah... uhm... that's all.

Oh, yeah, and thank you guys so effing much for liking this fic! None of this would be possible without you guys 3

Rock n' Roll Life

By Donna

Chapter Five: Morningstar (AFI)

The soft acoustic intro sailed into their ears. Collins smirked. A small, meek voice entered, uttering, "I saw a star beneath the stairs/Glowing through the melting wall/Who will be the first to begin their fall/Or will we become one?"

"So you're a morningstar," Collins said, quietly.

"Huh?" Angel asked.

"A morningstar. A perfectly good person who tries to put up a fight against the ares and alreadys, only to be defeated by their sun and their rays." He sounded to philosophical... so wise beyond his years. Angel thought he should have been in philosophy, not being a manager for a ragtag bands.

"Yeah," Angel said, looking at her feet. "I'm... I'm a morningstar."

The voice intensified, "Am I the star beneath the stairs/Am I the ghost upon the stage? Am I your anything?"

"Me, too."

They looked at each other and gave each other small, weak smiles. Collins looked down at his watch. "Aw, dammit. We really gotta go."

Angel nodded. "So let's go."

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Mark walked into his house and saw the red light on his phone blinking for voicemails. He glided over and counted the blinks. Three times. He picked up the phone and call himself.

"There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses and one called Mark Cohen. He is not here. Please leave a message or two and if he is sane, he'll leave you a message, now have a nice day!"

He punched in the code and Maureen's voice came through:

"Pookie! It's me! Uhm... I wanna know where you are! Call me on my cell!"

Mark sighed. She called him Pookie. That was never a good sign.

Then came the polar opposite of Maureen.

"Hi, Mark! It's Angel. Uhm... I got a date with Collins tonight... and I wanted to see if you have any advice... but... I'll call Roger or something... or I'll wing it, I guess. Thank you so much, Mark! Love ya! Bye!"

Mark smiled. Collins was a great guy. Angel would have fun with him. He hoped for the best for them. Then came the last message.

"Hey, Mark... it's... it's Roger. I... I need... I dunno. Call me. Bye."

Mark bit his lip and checked the time of the call. It was only fifteen minutes ago. He called Roger.

"Hello?"

"Hi... it's... is this Mark?"

"Yeah, Roger, it's me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing really... do you got any money?"

"For?"

"I just need some money... I thought I had enough smack to hold me over for awhile... but I don't. Heh."

"Roger, I can't help you out in this one."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Fuck you! I'm gonna call Angel. She'll help me."

"Don't! Keep Angel out of this!"

"Goodbye, Cohen." He hung up the phone.

-------------------------------------------------------

Angel and Collins giggled as they walked into Angel's apartment. They wrapped their arms around each other, trying to stifle their laughter. Dinner was a success and Mimi wasn't home. They went to the couch. As Angel removed her heels, she asked, "You wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure! What d'ya got?"

"Weird stuff."

"I'll be the judge of it," Collins grumbled, crawling to the assortment of DVDs. He smiled. "I think you have every drag movie known to man." He found Sleepy Hollow. "This isn't one. He popped it in the DVD player and sat next to Angel. He leaned back, pulling Angel against him. They looked at each other and smiled.

"So," Collins said, "Do you kiss on the first date?"

"I really haven't thought about it. I... I've only had one other date."

"Are you serious! Ever! I mean... even I've had dates! You... only two?"

"Yep."

"But... you're... you're gorgeous."

"To you. But remember. My high school life was big pants, bandshirts, and inadequacies."

"Huh. So I take it you were the silent I'm-gonna-bring-a-gun-to-school-types?"

"Yeah," Angel said, leaning her elbow by Collins' head. "Especially during freshman and sophomore years. I met Mimi in junior year. She taught me a lot about... well... the world. So when we graduated and I was kicked out we decided to face the world together and, hopefully, defeat inner demons. Which... well... I haven't been very successful with... but it's only been several months... so I don't worry that much. I think."

"It explains why there's two of you."

"...What?"

"There's two of you. I mean, the boy working at Hot Topic is entirely different from the girl sitting next to me."

"I... I guess..." Angel played with her skirt. "Which one am I really?"

"The real you?" Collins asked, leaning his head closer to her's. "My Angel, that's for i you /I to decide. Not me."

"I know... but... but you're smart! I don't know what to do!"

"Angel, let's get real here. I'm twenty-nine. You're eighteen. There's eleven years worth of experience I have on you. You'll learn a lot and figure out who you are..."

"But, Collins, I know who I i want /I to be. I want to be the girl. I i like /I being the girl. Being the girl is i pleasing /I to me."

"So do just that. Be the girl. Don't have those stupid barriers."

Angel laughed weakly. "If only you knew, Collins..."

"I'm sure you've gone through bullshit. I have, too. But you don't have to be afraid anymore. You've got Roger, Mark, and me. Well, okay, scratch Mark out..." Angel giggled a little. Collins continued, smiling. "But like I said, Roger loves you to death. You're like a little sister to him. And I just, well, love you. You're pretty, you're smart, you're talented, you're kind, you're what I look for in anyone. So I promise, I'll cover you and keep those assholes at bay. I love you, Angel. I really do."

Angel leaned her head on his shoulder. "I love you, too."

Colins grabbed her chin and smiled. Angel smiled back. "Angel, about the first kiss thing..."

"Yeah?"

"Uhm... can I... just..."

"Go ahead."

Their lips met and they kissed long and innocently. The phone rang. Angel parted with him and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Angel? Hey... it's Roger."

"Hi! Roger! What's wrong, honey?"

"I need some money... like i now /I . Do you got any?"

"Yeah! I got my purse right... here..."

"Thank you. Can you come over and drop it off?"

"Sure! See ya soon!"

Angel hung up and looked at Collins. "Roger needs some money and I'm going to drop it off."

"Okay. I'll drive you."

They piled into the van. They drove to Roger's and Angel got out of the car, grabbing her zebra-patterned purse. She knocked on the door of the pseudo-condo/house and saw Roger open it. He looked horrible. Angel gasped. "Roger, honey, are you okay?"

Roger nodded. "Yeah, yeah... where's the money?"

Angel pulled her purse open and handed him some twenties. "Here you go!"

Roger snatched it and mumbled thanks. He slammed the door on her. Angel backed away, running to the van. Collins opened the door for her and she fell on him, demanding him to punch it.

"He didn't call me Angie," Angel mumbled as they were driving down the street.

"Huh?" Collins asked.

"Angie," Angel said, "You know... it's kinda like a pet name he gave me. And... he didn't call me it... it was scary."

"That's Roger without his fix," Collins explained. "When he has heroin, he's okay. Take it away from him, he's a wreck. Just don't do it, okay?"

Angel nodded. "I refuse to."

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Mark laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had The Cure playing and he wrapped himself up in turquoise sheets. He felt like he was floating. He didn't call Maureen back, but he still wished he had someone next to him. He realized a while ago he was going to have to break up with her. She was evidently cheating. She called him "Pookie" whenever she got a call from an anonymous man or woman. She'd go away a lot. She had every quality of a cheater. He had every quality of a man in denial. He got up and grabbed a picture of his bandmates from his nightstand. He smiled. It was one of the first times they all hung out together and they decided to go into the shopping district. They went into some mod boutique and Angel yelled, "Let's pose by the mannequins!"

Because of it, the picture captured Roger making out with a blonde mannequin, Mark socializing with one, and Angel mocking one. He smiled. He looked up at the ceiling again and realize he was at a crossroad. He had to decide... keep on being this "Mark" that he was so used to be, or become a "rock star Mark" that everyone in the fanbase would know him as.

He looked at his feet. He was going to have to change. And he was going to have to change fast.

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Recently Played Tracks:

"Changes" by David Bowie

"You're My Best Friend" by Queen

"Come as You Are" by Nivana

"First Date" by Blink-182

"Morningstar" by AFI

Upcoming Track:

"Boys Don't Cry" by The Cure