The Diego Diaries: Golfin' and Goofin' (dd8 199)

=0=At the course tee(ed)ing off

Prowl stared at Ratchet with The Look™, then turned his tattered escutcheons back to the moment of deepest dread, delivering the first drive off the tee. He composed himself, went through a couple of swings, then belted the ball into the air, straight down the fairway an impressive distance before it landed to roll to a stop. He smirked at Ratchet as he handed his clubs to his caddy aka personal body servant, a subdued and wary Smokey.

Prime stepped up, stared down the fairway and drove a perfect swing to the ball which sent it flying as well. It landed just ahead but in the same lane as Prowl's. He grinned, then glanced at the Lennox father and son duo. Nearby holding their clubs, Sarah and Thelma Lennox watched with great amusement. "Your turn." He walked to one side to wait with Prowl.

Rock-paper-scissors secured Will as the next to slam one. He walked past Prime and Prowl, both of whom were just a tad taller in this configuration, a weird enough notion by itself, then took his stance. With some skill, he drove the ball down the fairway landing it surprisingly close to Prowl and Prime. Smirking, he stepped aside to allow his father to come forward.

Jonathan Lennox who loved golf and was good at it took his stance, swung and put it past the three and closer to a good path around the turn of the course. He grinned as he walked to his wife and daughter-in-law past two mechs and a son who had their smirks wiped away.

"MY TURN!?"

Everyone turned toward Ratchet who was smiling as he held a putter in his servos.

"Please do, Loon. Show everyone how you use a putter to get that far," Prowl said with a chuckle.

Ratchet glanced at his father who was grinning at him, then he swished forward to pause by a tee with the proper club. He put the ball on it, then with elaborate and unnecessary shifting and swishing, he slammed the ball into the outback of the beyond. It went upward, upward, upward, then down as fast as it flew forward. It bounced on the ground, rolled forever, then stopped at the edge of the fairway a good distance farther than anyone else and in the best position thus far.

Everyone stared at the ball, then Ratchet, each other, the ball, Ratchet who was swishing back to his caddy, Fireball, then each other, then …

=0=Sports booth

"It would appear that Commander Ratchet has some swing," a human said. "Has he played much golf before?"

Jazz glanced at Blaster, then the human sportswriter sitting in the broadcast area with the two. "I don't know. Miniature golf with the kids, maybe, but this?"

"There was some power behind that swing," another human said.

"He's a search and rescue vehicle. That's a lot of tonnage right there. Don't tell him I said so," Blaster said with a snicker.

Everyone would.

Around …

They began to tee off as each group left to play farther afield. It was a steady stream of mechs and humans that blasted the balls at regular intervals so as to pace the game through the long course ahead.

Blackjack and Ironhide waited their turn as Niall Graham and his father slammed them down the fairway. Blackjack glanced at Ironhide who was looking grim as he waited. He grinned slightly. "If you go at it as if its going to be a loss it will be."

Ironhide turned a cool gaze on his father. "Frag all of this."

"Don't feel too badly, son," Blackjack said as he took a ball from a grinning Alor and walked toward the tee. "You get to be a Cybertronian golf rule. You'll always have that."

"And frag you, too, Prime," Ironhide said softly as he took a ball from his ada to follow his father to the tee.

Glenn and James Morshower who were part of their doubles grinned at Blackjack as he made monkey motions for the kids nearby before slamming the ball halfway down the fairway. It bounced, then landed near the rough. He glanced at Ironhide. "Your turn."

Ironhide glared at his father as he held his club like a baseball bat, then set his ball on the tee. It fell off. He stared at it, then glared at his father. "Don't say a slagging word."

Moments later …

They walked down the fairway toward their balls with their caddies following. All along the way on both sides of the fairway the guests of the Resort and humans from habitats lined the way taking snaps and cheering them onward. Niall Graham had a good swing and so did his father. They were on the way to a solid strong game if all went well.

Blackjack had plowed the field putting his near the rough but in a good position to make the turn. Ironhide on the other hand had nearly landed in the rough but the judges who were Gavin Pritchard and his father had ruled him just that much in. It was hard to decide if they felt his ball was in or they felt sorry for him. Ahead of him playing like a pro, Ratchet and his dad were having a good time goofing with the spectators and gabbing about stuff.

Blackjack took a wood, then set up to swing. He did and it flew upward landing on the green just this side of the sand trap. Much admiration flowed to him as he took his bows with a smile.

Ironhide walked to his ball, did the calculations, then slammed it. It hooked, hit a boulder in the sand trap, then bounced back onto the green. It rolled toward the rough but stopped just in time.

"What did I tell you about your hook, Ironhide?" Blackjack asked. "Surely, slagger, you're going to turn your big old peds just so and ace this. Right?"

Ironhide glowered. "Frag that. I know what I'm doing." He stomped onward clutching his club like a sword.

"I might have to have help taking that club from him," Alor said as he walked along with Lois Morshower-Howell who was caddying for her dad and her husband, Thomas who was caddying for her brother, James.

Lois laughed. "I can't wait to see Blackjack take James and Dad's golf balls and throw them back to the patio."

"Traitor," Glenn said as he set up to hit his ball.

Up the course …

Prowl was setting himself to land on the green of the second hole when things went awry and his ball landed in the water. Staring at the water hole, he glanced at Prime who was trying to hide a snicker. "What's the rule again?"

"I do believe that this means I take Will and Jonathan's golf balls and throw them back to the patio."

"WHAT THE HELL KIND OF RULE IS THAT!?" Will Lennox asked as his father howled with laughter.

"The best kind," Prime said as he walked toward the ball in front of Lennox. Picking it up, he gathered Jonathan's as well. He grinned at both, sent word that there was going to be incoming, waited for the all clear, then threw them with his usual uncanny grace as far as he could toward the Resort. They disappeared immediately. "See ya."

Lennox smirked. "You do understand that this means war."

"Sniveler," Prowl said with a chuckle. "Hurry up and we'll save you a beer at the after party."

Jonathan laughed loudly as he began to walk back to the Resort with his son following. They would both get heckled and applauded all the way. They would find their balls laying inside the building where they landed when they finally had touchdown.

=0=Around the course

"I think I like this game. Lots of precision and skill," Sideswipe said as he walked toward the second green to putt.

Sunstreaker who was already there followed him. "As long as we beat everyone then this game will do." He grinned. "I think I like it anyway. The girls and Kaon love miniature golf at Play Land."

"I need video of that," Sideswipe said as he walked to his ball to putt a short distance to the cup.

Bluestreak walked to the hole, then lifted the flag out and stepped out of the way. With him was Bobby Epps and his father, Harley. Tennessee and Merlie were caddies who used hand carts to ferry the clubs. The twins were sharing clubs and their caddy.

Sideswipe did the math, then sunk the putt.

Sunstreaker would also do so and at the moment be one over par for the course.

Bobby grinned. "How much of your tech stuff is helping you do that?"

Sideswipe handed Blue the club, then glanced at him with a smirk of triumph. "All of it, slagger."

The crowd howled with laughter.

Harley would sink his putt.

Bobby would take two strokes to do it.

Meanwhile back at the cement pond …

Prowl frowned. He was stuck as fuck as the humans would say and had no real idea how to get out of the water.

"You can drop the ball at the edge of the water without penalty," Prime said.

"Is that your rule or the real kind?" Prowl replied.

"Apparently, its the rule for the game."

Prowl picked out his ball, then dropped it at the dry edge of the water trap or bunker as it was properly called. "Okay. Now what?"

"If you'd dropped it out of the bunker you'd get a penalty but you're okay so far," Glenn Morshower said. He and his son had caught up with Prowl and Prime and watched them as they waited to have their turn. "So … who throws the balls since you landed in the water?"

Optimus made a show of glancing around. "I do not see the Lennox duo anywhere. If they do show up we will allow them to do just that. Thank you for the interest, General."

Huge laughter by all was had until Prowl attempted to chip the ball onto the green. It went up too high, then rolled into the crowd. Prowl stared at it with a frown, then walked to the ball to try it again. He landed it about ten feet from the hole.

"Nice recovery," Prime replied as Prowl walked back to stand beside him.

"I have no idea what I'm doing but I wasn't going to allow the crowd to kick the ball into the meadow," Prowl said. "We're going to win this slagger."

"So you can win The Prowl?" Glenn asked as his son got ready to take his shot.

Prowl would find out that The Look™ didn't work on humans either.

=0=Ratchet and Tie Down

Tie took his putt and sank it. He grinned, then retrieved it.

Their caddies, Docker and Ravel were tremendous cheerleaders as they made their way along.

Ratchet walked to his ball, then sank the shot five feet away. He bowed and preened for the crowd who howled, then gave his club to his amma.

"You're doing so well, Sonny. This much be a bit of a good fit for you and your natural talents," Docker said proudly. She glanced at a couple of humans who were chatting with her as she waited. "That's my grandson."

They clapped and applauded. It was incredibly funny and fun.

=0=Way back there

They took a throw and a stroke penalty to get their golf balls back on the course. When they came forward to get back in the play Will Lennox had blood in his eyes and his father was having a slagging good time.

They would both be in the triple digits before this game was over.

Semper fi.

=0=TBC 06-28-2021

American slang: teed off: a state of being very angry

Teeing off: Starting the game of golf by hitting your first ball.